officially graduated and stuff…

well, officially, I guess, I’m finished with school. Graduation at Vanderbilt was this friday, but I didn’t head back to Tennessee for the ceremony. I’m not exactly sure why not, other than it was going to be kind of expensive to go. And I knew that this week would be busy with events at the church. And then, lo and behold, I end up having two funerals to do that very same day. So it was good that I was here, but for some reason, as I look over the pictures of my friends and colleagues celebrating, I’m sad.

I’m sad that I didn’t make the effort to go down there for that once in a lifetime opportunity. I’m sad that I missed seeing all of those friends again, because part of me just realized that they are all heading to their respective homes and jobs and they won’t be in Nashville for me to go back to again. I don’t know why – but I guess part of me thought if I don’t see them now, I’ll find another time. But that’s not the case. It just doesn’t work that way.

It’s hard to have closure on graduation and all of that too when I haven’t actually recieved my diploma yet. I don’t know if it got lost in the mail or if there is something wrong, but I never got it after I finished in December. I really need to figure out what happened there (I did move after all). I just don’t feel like i have celebrated the fact that I am finished – but with birthday’s and everyone else’s graduations and mother’s day and memorial day and all of that, I’m feeling like it’s a little late and I should have done something in December…

I guess I’m throwing myself a little pity party right now. I didn’t think I would regret it at all. I thought it was fine. But now my heart is heavy.

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