Today a cold front moved through the state. And as I drove on the leading edge of the front and the wind blew my car around on the road, I realized my life itself was changing weather patterns.
As of today, I am still an elder serving a local congregation. But before I know it, I will be under a different sort of sky.
Already, there has been some push-back from people who aren’t quIte sure why I am doIng thIs job. My answer has not always been the most artIculate, but I’m learning to live into my new role still. Heck, I don’t know what even exists on the other side of October 1!
There has been the grief and turmoil of having to announce my end date to the local church. No one is happy… even as they know this is a good thing for the project and me. Watching their disappointment is almost too much to bear. Hearing my youth talk about how I am just another adult who has abandoned them cuts the deepest. There is a depth of perspective they can’t quite grasp today… I know that no matter when I left their feelings would be the same… but it still pulls at my heart. For a few days now, I have felt like everything is in a downward spiral… the barometer is falling fast… the winds are rising… and I want to run fast into yesterday and take it all back.
But today on the edge of that weather front, I was reminded that wind and turmoil and the grey clouds are necessary. It is the friction of what was and what will be coming into contact in the same time and place. It is the chaos of transition.
As much as I think my new position starts Oct 1 and my current position ends Sept 30, my life is a jumble of both. I am leaving notes and tying up loose ends at the same time that we are house hunting. I am planning worship at the same time I am filling out paperwork to get paid in the new job. I am preparing for my training, even as I am going to bed early so I can get up before dawn for a presurgery prayer.
And today, the first glimpses of that new world started to stir up the awareness that this is really happening. The cooler air blew in and the air feels different. It isn’t good and not bad, just different.
Now I’m waiting for the rain to finally hit… for the storm and the transition to pass by so that I can emerge into a new reality. Because this time on the edge of the storm is dark and tense and difficult.