its not an 8-5 job…

For the past month and a half…  probably actually since before Christmas… my schedule has been chaotic.

You are told things when you start out in ministry about how pastors sometimes work 80+ hour weeks and how you are on-call 24/7 and how your life just might get sucked up into a vortex of ministry.

I didn’t believe it.

Or rather, I was committed to not letting it happen to me.

And I must say that for a full three years, I have done “okay” at keeping my boundaries firm.

I scheduled my day off for Friday so that I would have two full days off in a row.  I took time off when I worked too much the previous week.  I don’t fret about afternoon naps or mornings sleeping in when meetings are scheduled for the evening. And when the weather is warm, I have a robust desire to spend my free time on the disc golf course or in my garden rather than being cramped up in the office. I get my work done, I spend time with folks, but I make sure to take care of myself, too.

But 2011 has been absolutely nuts.

I realized this morning as I was riding in a car to yet another Saturday church-related function that I had only spent about an hour with my husband the entire week.  I realized that it is the fifth Saturday in a row that I have had something going on… between funerals and conference meetings and church retreats.  I realized that since I made two hospital visits and worked on the newsletter yesterday that I have not had a day off this week.

What on earth happened?

I think part of the slip in my boundaries has to do with a number of important things going on in the life of the church that I have chosen to prioritize and give extra time to.  I also ran into a week with four funerals and was gone for a week and therefore had catch-up work.

But there was another shift in my household that I didn’t quite take note of.  My husband started working 8-5, Monday through Friday.

Before this, B had worked with his dad and the time was flexible.  The only time I knew he would be working away from home was on Tuesdays… other than that, he would go in on-call and work a lot from home.  They fix computers and I am always amazed at the ability to take over a client’s computer and do updates and take care of issues from the comfort of our home.
All of that changed when my father-in-law had a seizure just after the new year.
We don’t know what caused it, but it happened.
And now, he is not allowed to drive, and the two of them have become an inseperable team… heading off to see clients together and working from his dad’s office.
Before this, if I had to work in the evening, I got an afternoon to spend with my husband.  Fridays almost always were free for both of us.  And even when I got home from meetings, we would stay up late watching movies because we both had the freedom to sleep a bit later.

Now, my husband gets up before me and is out the door before I have a chance to really wake up.  My evenings are just about as busy, which is why three nights out of five this week I wasn’t home before 8 or 9 or later… when he was getting ready to settle down and turn in.

It’s easier to say yes to a hospital visit or a meeting on a Friday, because I don’t have anyone at home waiting for me.
There is definately something to be said for having a stay-at-home spouse when you are in ministry.  I wonder if others of you who have spouses who work have similiar frustrations.  How do you balance out the time with your husband or wife or family when one of the traditional “weekend” days is taken up with work and ministry?  How do you find time to spend with one another when weeknight meetings are a regular part of the job?

I have always cherished the flexibility of my schedule. But I’m starting to resent it… a little bit.  I miss my husband.  I miss my days off.  And this chaos has got to get some order put to it.

Jumping Through Hoops #reverb10

I came late to this Reverb10 party, so I have been trying to do some catch-up on the prompts.  And I found myself absolutely stuck.  frozen. unable to think or move or do. I was floored by my inability to respond to some of these prompts.

December 17 – Lesson Learned What was the best thing you learned about yourself this past year? And how will you apply that lesson going forward? (Author: Tara Weaver)

The best thing I learned this year has taken me a long time to learn… all the way until this morning in fact. I was sitting here thinking about why this reflection stuff has been so incredibly difficult and I realize it is because I have not really been paying attention to my own life. I learned this morning that I have spent an entire year jumping through hoops.

That doesn’t mean that there weren’t incredibly high and incredibly low moments along the way.  It doesn’t mean that I haven’t been engaged in a number of important things.  But on a day to day basis, I have let my life go on without giving it much thought.  I haven’t taken the time to figure out what is important and so there wasn’t always time for family or friends.  I spent many days drifting along doing what I needed to do, instead of taking a hold of my life and really living it.
I did all the things I was supposed to.  I did what was asked of me. I did a few things that I wanted to. In fact, I was juggling an awful lot of hoops at various times this year.  I was often rushing from this to that with barely time to breath in between… so when I finally did stop, I crashed. In the midst of it all, I took a few chances – and those small moments glimmer in the sea of fuzzy gray that was my life this year.
How did I let this whole year slip away without learning how to play guitar?  without painting the walls in my house? without having the long and hard conversation about children with my husband? without finally taking my health seriously and losing some weight?  without reading those ten books on the shelf?
I took my life this year day by day.  I did what I had to do for the day and put those other things off to another time.  And that time never came.  I jumped through the hoop and then I turned right back around and jumped through the hoop again. Over and over and over without getting anywhere.
So next year, in 2011, no more hoop jumping.  I am taking charge of my life.  I’m not going to be afraid.  I’m not going to put something off until tomorrow.  I’m going to figure out the few things that are really important and make room for them.  I’m going to take that hoop and thrown it far ahead – challenge myself, set goals – real goals, and accomplish them.
I’m not going to let another year of my life slip through my fingers.

outline preaching

Some weeks are hard for preaching.  I usually am able to take the time to get into the texts and to prayerfully discuss them with colleagues and to stew over the gospel message as I do the things that it takes to be the church… and other things as well.

But some weeks, there is too much to do to take the time to write a manuscript.  I lose hours of sleep on Saturday evening and Sunday morning painstakingly typing out the right words to say. I have always been a manuscript preacher and it takes so much more time… on the front end at least.

This last week, I had no time to write.  I had thought and thought and thought… but there was no time to sit at my computer and write.  I sat through deep theological conversations on death and life and the new creation (which was my sermon topic)… but there was no time to sit and write.  I wrestled with what God was calling me to preach… but there was no time to sit and write. I spent time with friends I haven’t seen in a year… and there was no time to write.

Sunday morning at 6:15, I got up and took some of the jumbled thoughts that had filled my life for a full seven days and jotted them down.  I put the stories in order.  I found the natural flow of the message.  I connected the gospel to the epistle in a quick comparison and contrast.  I knew where I wanted to get and I trusted God would get it there. (or, rather, I thought I knew where God wanted us all to get and I prayed God would send the Spirit) And I let it be.

I think that Sunday morning – even with only 4 hours of sleep – was a good morning for preaching.  Thanks be to God the Spirit showed up.  Thanks be to God that I had the courage to step away from the pulpit to tell a story for only the second time since I’ve been here.  Thanks be to God that I didn’t have it all written out and that the message flowed through me.  Thanks be to God.

ordination papers and other tasks

This morning I put a sign up at the church letting people know that I would be working from home for the next two weeks.  The big reason:  Ordination Papers.

I had originally planned on just getting out of dodge for a full week and going somewhere quiet where no one would bother me.  But I can’t find a full week anywhere in my schedule.  And realistically – I would die of boredom holed up somewhere with only my laptop and some books to keep me company.  I need to work on this gradually – a few hours at a time – and then know that I can watch my favorite television shows at night and cuddle with my hubby.  Well, all of those things plus the fact that I never actually scheduled a full week off to do this and I can’t find any time in my schedule now to make it happen. 

So instead, I’m going to keep myself away from the lure of the office and hole up in my office at home.  I’m going to light some candles and wrap myself in an afghan and sit on the couch and work.  I’m going to keep Pandora going in the background and use up all of my 40 hours… and then get another 40 hours the second week with the change in the month!  I have already cleaned the house, the laundry has been caught up and so there aren’t unnecessary distractions to worry about there. I’m also planning on taking a couple of walks here and there out in the fall leaves for some spiritual renewal in the process.

The only real distractions I face are two-fold: the everyday church stuff that needs accomplished – bulletins, newsletter, advent prep and msn games.  I’m covenanting with myself not to play zuma or mah-jong tiles for the next two weeks. And I’m going to bust out the church work this afternoon – at home, in the safety of my office – so that it’s done and I won’t worry about it when I get going on something else.  I’m going to create bulletins and then on Wednesday – while my wonderful volunteers are putting together the newsletters I’m going to print out – ahead of time – all of the bulletins.  It will be done, and I will be able to spend the next week and a half focusing on what I have to do.

Keep me in your prayers as I first get some tasks accomplished and then dive head first into 40 pages of work!!!

Can you be Christian outside the church?

Can you be a Christian outside of the church?

Depending on how you hear that question, two different things might be arising to your mind.

On one hand, Can someone who doesn’t come to church be a Christian? Can you be a Christian outside of the church?

Or on the other hand, Can you and me continue to be Christians during the hours and the days of the week that we aren’t in the church? Can you be a Christian outside of the church?

Both of these are very important questions. And we think that the answers are fairly simple.

Let’s take the first one. As people who show up every Sunday morning, it frustrates us that there are people who claim to be Christian but never darken the door of the sanctuary. I think a big part of us really wants to answer NO to that first question. The church is such an important part of our faith journeys. It is where we worship God. It is where we learn about our faith. And yet we could all probably name people in our lives who do not go to church and yet are good people – people who even claim to believe in God.

As I thought about people I know who fit that description, I thought about my mom whose work schedule varies with the wind and who is either working or sleeping on Sunday mornings. And about the young couple I married this summer who can’t find a church home because the bride is a nurse who works the weekend option. Yes, they could have different jobs – but they don’t. They are where they are, whether by choice or by chance.

In many ways that’s actually the same story that we find in the book of Esther. Esther was a young, beautiful Jewish woman who found herself in difficult times. Her people had been conquered by the Persians and because of her beauty and virginity she was brought into the King’s court.

Her uncle wanted to protect her and ensure that she had a good future and so he ordered his niece to deny her family and her racial background. And after twelve months of purification this young, insignificant woman from Israel suddenly found herself as a queen of Persia. There in the King’s court, she was no longer allowed to practice her religion. She had given up her traditions and her upbringing. In fact – as an interesting note – the name of God is not mentioned at all in the entire book of Esther!

She was in a position of power, of success, and yet was completely outside of her religious heritage and upbringing. She left it all behind.

While this might not seem like the best role model for our children, we keep the story of Esther in our scriptures because of her faithfulness even outside of what is “ acceptable religious behavior.” Throughout the story there is an idea that she is where she is, doing what she is doing, for a reason…. “for such a time as this” as her uncle Mordecai puts it.

Because when the fate of her people is in danger, she puts her own life on the line to approach the king and to rat out his most trusted advisor. She speaks the truth in a time when it would have been expected of her to keep silent and still today, the Jewish tradition celebrates the feast of Purim in remembrance of her act of courage and faithfulness.

As a pastor, I absolutely want everyone to find a home here in this congregation or in another congregation. I want to make sure that as the church, we make every opportunity to encourage our brothers and sisters to be a part of a congregational life. Let me be clear… I’m NOT encouraging you to go home and tell your family, “Pastor Katie said it was okay for me to skip out on church.”

What we should do, however, is not jump to conclusions about why someone might be outside of the congregational life. In this story from Esther you don’t see the local rabbi knocking on the palace door wondering why Esther isn’t at synagogue. What you do see is her uncle Mordecai, quietly watching her, encouraging her, praying for her. He encourages her to use her time and her position to do good. He shows her that she can make a difference because of where she is.

And we too can do this. We can encourage our family and friends in their work and their play. We can point out and celebrate the ways that they experience God’s kingdom in their daily lives. That nurse who works on the weekends is bringing God’s love and healing to people who are in their darkest moments… that is a noble task and as her friend, I can remind her of that. And I can pray for circumstances to change so that she is able to join us. Those parents who are carting their kids off to soccer games and football games on Sundays need to know that we love them and care about them and that we hold them in our prayers as they work to raise their children in the world today.

There are absolutely things that we miss out on if we try to live our faith as a Christian outside of the congregation. We don’t get to share in the public worship of God – which centers our hearts and minds as much as it praises the one who made us. We don’t find opportunities for learning about the faith very readily outside of the congregation or have as many people to talk about the scriptures with. But just like Esther was still able to follow God in the midst of her circumstances…. our brothers and sisters in Christ are not cut off from God just because they are not here in church with us this morning. In fact, if we understand the church to be the people of God, rather than this building – perhaps they aren’t outside of the church at all. We can carry the church to them – through our actions of love and encouragement.

In it’s weekly feature: Pastor, Talk to Me, a website I frequent (Lectionary Homiletics) has a feature where church people are invited to ask questions about the weekly sermon texts. In many ways – it’s what we try to do with the Round Table Pulpit.

One particular story from a parishioner struck me. She talked about how she needed to support and serve the others in the world who God uses and shares that last Sunday a beloved member of the church was injured and could not attend worship. She describes her congregation as a small church with limited technical abilities, but then goes on to tell how she held up a cordless phone throughout the worship service, so that the member who was home could participate and interact with the rest of the congregation through hymn singing, prayer concerns, and passing the peace. Just because she wasn’t in the church building, didn’t mean the church was very far from her.

Which leads me to that second side of the question.

Can WE be Christians outside of the church?

I know that there are days we are so concerned about who is in and who is out, so prideful that we are here, that WE forget to take our faith with us outside of the congregation.

In fact, I think something that many of us practice is “two hats theology.” We wear one hat when we pray, when we come to church, when we are around our Christian friends, but when we go to work, or go home, or turn on the football game, we put on our other hat.

I was talking with a friend last night during the Iowa game… during the part of the game when things weren’t going so well for our beloved Hawkeyes. And this friend of mine who is a new father said that he had already gotten in trouble for cursing in front of the new baby. It was hard for him to censor himself because he had his football hat on!

This two hats theology makes its way into our lives whenever our business practices lead us to take advantage of another person, or our political choices lead to less equality and less justice.

Two hats theology makes its way into our lives whenever we push back on the urgings of the Holy Spirit because we are too busy to respond.

In fact – we are so busy with the other things in our lives that we push church back into the “discretionary time” of our lives.

What is discretionary time?

This doesn’t work so well in a congregation in which we have a lot of retired persons, but lets say that the average person is working 40 hours per week – and let’s say that you probably need another 50-60 hours each week to maintain your home, family, health, school, etc. You eat, you watch your kids and grandkids play sports, you shower and clean. Add in another 50-56 for sleeping. That takes up 156 of the 168 hours available to any human person during the week.

So, typically the church tries to take those 12-15 hours of “discretionary time” – “free time” if you will – that you have available in the week and we say: let us have that.

We ask you to give up 2-4 hours on a Sunday morning. We try to get you to join small groups and to serve through the church. But at the same time, other volunteer groups are also vying for your time. When all is said and done, you might only put your “church hat” on for 5 hours a week.

But what if we tried to think about what it meant to be a Christian in all of those other hours of our day? What if the main thing about being Christian isn’t how much time we give to the church, but how we seek God in the other 160 hours of our week?

Here is where we find help from the words of Jesus. Because the disciples are struggling with this exact thing. In our gospel reading from today, John notices another person casting out demons in Christ’s name and the disciples tried to stop him because he wasn’t one of them, because he wasn’t healing people on sanctioned “Jesus time”

They are so concerned with the fact that they are the “in-group” that they stopped believing anything good or holy could happen outside of their little band of followers. But Jesus urges them not to stop these good actions. “For no one who does a deed of power in my name will soon be able to speak evil of me.”

And then comes the line that turns our modern sensibilities upside down. Whoever is not against us is for us.

We tend to think about that in the opposite way. If you aren’t for us – if you aren’t actively supporting what we are doing, then you must be against us. You must be the enemy. It’s how we respond to foreign policy decisions, it’s how we respond to competing business interests. It’s how we think of our time.

If we aren’t in the church, if we aren’t doing something for the church – then we must be doing something against the church. We must have to put our other hat on – the worldly hat – until the time comes when we can get back into that sacred building again.

But that’s not what Jesus says. Jesus says if you aren’t against us, you are for us.

Jesus doesn’t care about what time church is or how many hours you spend in this building any more than Jesus cares about who is included in his little band of disciples. His goal isn’t to build the congregation – it’s to transform the entire world!

And so he’s a lot more interested in the things we are doing with those other 160 hours of our time during the week.

How are you demonstrating your faith during the core time of your life? How can you wear your church hat in those areas? How can we demonstrate our faith in the other spheres of our lives – in our families? In our work? In our schools?

The disciples are troubled because they see people acting outside “the church” – outside of what they believe to be the prescribed boundaries of their community. And Jesus’ response? Go and do likewise… I don’t care if you are in or if you are out… if you follow me, you’ll follow me wherever you are.

Go out into the world and serve me. Serve me as you cook supper for your family. Serve me as you prepare expense reports for your business. Serve me as you take mail to the post office. Serve me as you knit a blanket for a friend. Serve me…. And then come back to this place each week – to this congregation – and find rest and comfort and strength, so that you can go back out there and serve me again.

Can you be a Christian outside of the church? I pray that we all might take up the challenge.

love list

Kristin T. over on Halfway to Normal has been talking a lot about love lists lately.
a list that you make over time detailing the things you love most in life—the things that make you feel most content in the world, and most like you.
She goes on to say that while this is very personal sort of thing, that there could be accountability built around sharing our lists with one another. So she lists four “steps”:

  1.  start making your love list! I love the part about how we shouldn’t just sit down and brainstorm, but we really should pay attention to whenever we feel complete and good and whole after we have done something – and THEN add it to the list.
  2. Ask why that thing is on the list… what is behind it?
  3. Share on twitter #lovelist
  4. share progress on Halfway to Normal on Friday’s.

I’m going to do this!!!  Mostly because I really need something to help me focus my life right now. Some days I feel like I’m just floating waiting for the next thing to come. Some days I feel like I’ve wasted so much time that I can’t enjoy the things I really care about. I feel like I’m making so many poor decisions (not major decisions – but little ones like how I spend the first 15 minutes when I get home) because I don’t have any criteria in place. I haven’t thought enough about my day to really consider what is the most important and what brings me the most joy.

This also makes me think about the fact that I haven’t yet done the Time Management audit my friend Jessica Miller Kelley suggests we all do. It helps us figure out our true priorities in our day so that we can figure out if we need things to change.

For me, this isn’t just some creative way to schedule.  It really is a spiritual exercise.  If the Holy Spirit is the agent of life and joy in our lives – than am I ignoring the Spirit on a day to day basis?  How can I pay more attention to the gentle nudges?  How can I better align my will with God’s will?  Where do I need to adjust some things in my life and possibly even let go of somet hings, so that I can more fully experience the gifts and the blessings God has surrounded me with? 
In three weeks, I’ll be joining other young adult clergy at a retreat and one of our “sessions” will be on time and scheduling. But I think in many ways this whole idea of priorities and what we love needs to be a part of that conversation. I can’t guarantee I’ll have a handle on anything by then, but if I make a start, maybe I’ll have something to offer to the conversation.

Friday Five

Here are five things to ponder about dates.

1) Datebooks–how do you keep track of your appointments? Electronically? On paper? Month at a glance? Week at a glance?

oh goodness. I am terrible about this. I used to do it through outlook on my computer – but then never had it with me. Then I bought one of those fancy franklin covey planners and it is beautiful, but I don’t really use it like I should and it’s too big to stick in my purse on the go. Right now, I’m using the scheduler in my cell phone. Which at least lets me know when i have something coming up due to the great alarm feature.

2) When was the last time you forgot an important date?

I kind of missed out on my dad’s 50th birthday and my parent’s 25th anniversary. The last few years have been crazy and I wasn’t home that summer and so while I as the eldest daughter should have thrown a HUGE party for both occasions – I totally missed out. I don’t think I even realized it was my dad’s 50th until months later. Bad Katie, Bad.

3) When was the last time you went OUT on a date?

I actually went on a strange sort of triple date a few weeks ago, except, one of the other girls couldn’t end up making it because they had to move. As far as just me and my hubby… It would be sometime in Nashville… I can’t even remember. We have done things like going out with friends to dinner and then a thing (a movie, or to see the Whirling Dervishes!), but I honestly can’t remember the last time just the two of us went out. That’s kind of sad!

4) Name one accessory or item of clothing you love even though it is dated.

I have a bunch of my grandmother’s scarves. Silky ones that would be tied around the neck under a blouse, but is totally out of style. I wore some of them in my hair in a more hippy dippy faze of mine, but now they are just in the closet. My favorite is white with orange images and writing – all spices and herbs!

5) Dates–the fruit–can’t live with ’em? Or can’t live without ’em?

I actually really like dates. At our Maundy Thursday service I recreated a sort of last supper with types of food that might have been around at the time. So we had dates and figs, unleavened bread, olives, etc. And then when we took communion, we did sort of a love feast with it and everyone passed around the food and it was a really moving experience for a lot of people. We moved from that to hand washing (which i thought would be a bit less scary than foot washing since they hadn’t done it.)

long time, no post…

lots has been happening in my life and my church/family life lately – but my main excuse for not blogging is that I haven’t been feeling well. Stupid colds.

So far, I have been able to establish a sort of strange routine and get my sermons at least written by Wednesday afternoons. Starting in February, I’m meeting with a group from the church on Monday afternoons for a bit of “roundtable pulpit” action – will explain later.

Last weeekend, my brothers, dad and sister-in-law went to the Packers/Giants game up in Green Bay – and probably froze their butts off.

Will post more later.