baby – Salvaged Faith

I cannot escape pregnancy these days.

As blogger Traci Bianchi reminds us: The Christmas story is dripping with estrogen.

And not only that… but the Advent story as well. As we wait for the coming of Christ once again, we are pregnant with hope and anticipation… we hear rumors of wars and feel the earth shaking and everything in turmoil and yet we are reminded in Mark 13:8 that all of these troubles are but the birth pangs of the new creation.

Pregnant, waiting, in pain, fleshy, joyful, anxious.

In our Wednesday evening Advent services we have been using a number of materials from The Work of the People. The first two video reflections have both reminded us of just how incarnate God became. As we heard the announcement to Mary of the child in her womb… we watched a woman in delivery, having contractions. We watched her heavy breathing and her labored movements. We saw the pained look on her face as the angel’s words came through… “Do not be afraid, Mary.” “I am your servant” was her response .

http://www.youtube.com/get_player

I have seen sonogram images of friends who are newly expecting. I received with immense joy the news that I would get to be an aunt again next summer. As the holiday season has progressed I have held babies and changed diapers and comforted those who were crying.

And inside of me is stirred up a deep, deep longing. The longing to be a mother, myself.

Sometimes Advent and Christmas come and go and we don’t feel any different, but I have found this year that my experience of the season has been deep and holy this year. I have found that this longing to be a mother parallels my waiting for the coming Christ.

Maybe it brings the season into a sharper view, because I feel it so intensely. So personally. We’ve been waiting forever for the Messiah to come again and sometimes we let it slip into the background. We get busy with our day to day lives and figure it will come when it comes.

But when another longing takes hold… we are reminded of what it feels like to truly wait. To desire something so much. We are reminded that there are some things that we seek so much that it does consume our thoughts… it takes over those day to day activities. It changes how we see the world.

I see babies everywhere these days. I cannot help it. My entire perspective has shifted. I notice the glow on an expecting mothers face. I watched those images of the woman in labor and heard the words of the angel speaking to Mary and I began to tear up.

But in the midst of my very personal, very selfish, biological clock going haywire… I also have looked around with eyes that see the pain in this world. The hurt that so many experience. And my inward longing has turned outward as I want so much for this whole creation to be set right, to be restored, to be made new.

On Twitter, the hashtag #waiting2010 has helped me to share those longings. I join others in prayer as we waiting for the day when violence will end and disease will be no more. We wait for the day when understanding will be the norm and when the Prince of Peace will rule.

My husband is not yet ready for kids. He may never be. And if I am honest with myself, perhaps I’m not yet ready for the dramatic ways my life will be different when/if we bring someone into this world. The simple fact is: for us, right now, the answer to the children question is, “no.” That answer brings me great sadness.

And yet, in this season of longing and emptiness, in this season of waiting… I am turning towards those things that I can say yes to. I can say yes to hope. I can say yes to peace. I can say yes to joy. I can say yes to love. I can reach out to others with my life and my actions and give all I have to them.

Maybe God has something in store for us. Maybe being childless will help me minister in different ways. Maybe my hopes and longings will be fulfilled. All I know is that I wait. And I trust that God will be with me. I am not afraid.

This week’s Friday Five from RevGals almost has me down in the dumps. You see, my husband and I are undecided about whether or not to have kids. Or rather, we are each decided, just in different directions. And it seems like EVERYONE I know is having a baby or has just had a baby and it’s making me a little bit crazy. I see pregnant people everywhere and I keep having dreams about pregnancy and babies and I’m not quite sure what to do about it, except to sit back and wait.

So, while I’m waiting, I’m going to do the Friday Five…

I hope you’ll participate in telling about your likes and dislikes about baby showers for you and for others.

1. What were baby showers like for you and your friends in the past?

None of my best friends have had babies yet! Which is kind of interesting. All six of us graduated high school in 2000 and none of us have kids. Although many of us want them and are secretly dying inside. I have however been to many baby showers for family members. They usually consist of cute little games, cute little things to eat, lots of pastel colors everywhere, and gifts – lots of gifts.

2. Did you play games? What kinds?

Most of them consist of guessing the date and time of birth, guessing the weight, giving advice to moms, etc. I have thrown a baby shower – and we played this awesome game where we melted candy bars inside of diapers and then you had to go around and taste each one and guess what kind of treat it was. It was really gross – and a lot of fun. We had a co-ed party for that one and the guys kind of liked the game.

We also played a version of “apples to apples” where we used only the adjective cards. We wrote down things you have around babies, like cribs, spit-up, diapers, crying and then everyone had to put in an adjective card. The new mom got to pick the best one each time. Which worked really well – except you might want to sort through your adjectives first… some of them are NOT appropriate when thinking about healthy little bundles of joy.

3. In your job, especially if you are a pastor, do you get invited to a lot of baby showers? What do you do about them?

Haven’t been invited to any yet =( I think that is a hard thing to say yes to, because often they are on weekends – which is sabbath and family time for me. I might send a card or something.

4. Are baby showers different for our daughters (or younger friends) than they were for us?

Not quite there yet… I think something that has changed a little bit, however, is that showers get thrown for second and third kids now, too. My sister-in-law just had her third and we threw her a big party. In part, it was because for her first two kids, they were far away and so we just didn’t do anything from the family. There was also a bit of a gap between her other kids and this one and there are so many new and exciting products out there now. They needed some new things that they just hadn’t kept from the first round of kids. I heard that for the first baby, you can throw a “shower” and that for the other ones you can have a “sprinkle” – but we just had fun and went all out.

5. Do you like hosting baby showers or do you avoid that responsibility?

I think that it is a lot of fun to host baby showers. We did a frog theme for the last shower I hosted and it was kind of cute and fun. I can’t wait for my siblings and my friends to start having kids =)

Bonus: Any silliness about baby showers you wish to contribute.

What? The dirty diaper game wasn’t enough? =)

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