My Calling…

While some people are born into a church and live their entire lives in that context, my faith journey didn’t begin until my sophomore year in high school. My family has never been extremely religious; although both of my parents grew up within the United Methodist Church they did not make it a priority within their relationship or for our family. Yet during the middle of high school we decided to start attending church. I was baptized and confirmed at a United Methodist Chruch as a junior and quickly found myself in leadership positions within the church, serving on committees and eventually even co-chairing the Youth Annual Conference.

My experiences within the church planted the seeds for my calling. One of the values instilled early in youth group was that Christianity comes in many shapes and sizes. We sang Native American hymns and looked for God in secular music; we learned that asking questions was as much a sign of faith as having answers; we traveled across the country and as far away as Peru and experienced how God was working in all parts of the world. In Peru, I experienced true forgiveness for the first time on a mission trip. After our covenant was broken one night, we came together as a group and prayed over what the “punishment” should be. Reflecting on our own sins, we realized the forgiveness freely offered to us through Christ was meant to be shared. Grace has since been the foundation of my theology.

I later attended Simpson College, where I majored in religion and speech and rhetoric communications. My experience with the Religious Life Council (RLC) put me into ministry, bringing out my gifts of listening, speaking, leading and planning, as well as giving me amazing mentors. My class work in the religion department, as well as communications cultivated a quest for more knowledge and a deeper understanding of my relationship with God. They also led me to see the importance of diversity and to value the story and experience of an individual or group. I was challenged in my beliefs, which only served to strengthen them. RLC helped me to explore discipleship in entirely new ways: covenant discipleship groups provided accountability; a retreat to a monastery opened my eyes to the liturgical hours; communion became a weekly ritual.

I was also involved with a group (the Progressive Action Coalition or PAC) that encouraged awareness and action on behalf of political, environmental, and social injustices. I went to protests and rallies, volunteered, researched various topics and was enabled to speak with and teach others. We even lived in cardboard boxes for a week in November during National Homelessness Awareness Week. Issues like poverty became real, had faces, and forced me to live out the Christian faith I had previously only thought about.

But there were also difficult times. I helped students from both the chapel and PAC create a memorial of crosses during the initial weeks of the war in Iraq, providing a space to express the emotions and feelings surrounding us, not intending to make an anti-war or pro-war statement. However, many students on campus were upset by the display. The first night, the crosses were torn down and the broken pieces used to spell out “God Bless the USA.” Realizing I stood on one side of the issue and that others held the exact opposite viewpoint, both for religious reasons, was difficult and I struggled with how to be a leader for the RLC and stand up for what I believed. Above all, it helped me realize that negotiating religious views on a political issue, whatever it may be, is never easy. We cannot avoid them; we must speak the truth to one another in love and through our communal process of discernment, move forward with what we feel is God’s will. In my later work in church ministry, these divides have come up again, specifically around the issues of homosexuality; I have gained more confidence in navigating these conflicts and helping the various parties listen to one another.

I have often related to the call of Samuel, because it took me a long time to hear my call to ministry as something authentically of God. While I had dismissed those who encouraged me into ministry, hearing the Samuel scripture read at an Exploration event opened my eyes. I can still hear the voice of the Latina woman who read that morning as I finally realized my calling was from God. My decision to go to divinity school and continue in this process has been my way of saying, “Speak Lord, for your servant is listening.”

So I went to Vanderbilt Divinity School, an institution known as the Schola Prophetarum or “School of the Prophets.” The Divinity School’s history of being a driving force in the fight against racism and segregation in the South showed me it was a place where I could learn how to speak out of my faith to the world. Yet it also has a very strong academic reputation, which was important to me.

My experience at Vanderbilt helped me tie these pieces together, particularly through field education and my United Methodist courses. Wesley’s vision of uniting “knowledge and vital piety” is fundamentally about the importance of inward and outward expressions of faith. The language of the academy helped me understand the tension I experienced at Simpson between “religious” and “activist” communities as a struggle with practice and belief and gave me the theological resources to navigate and unite the two.

It is the embodiment of our faith that demonstrates to the world that we are Christians, not simply our assent to a belief. I learned at Vanderbilt how important bodies are to theology, especially in contexts of suffering and illness, and how we need a church that is willing to address not only the spiritual, but also the mental and physical aspects of our human condition.

On a very personal level, I have experienced how taking seriously that embodiment is necessary for ministry. My grandmother died at home after spending months under hospice care. The ability for our family to be with one another and for us to experience “dying well” was a blessing and it would not have been possible without hospice. Completing Clinical Pastoral Education in a Nashville hospital helped me to understand the power of pain, but also the power of touch and presence. Shortly afterwards, my grandfather died after months in a hospital (in many ways the opposite experience of my grandma). I was far from home, but the times I was able to be there and minister to my family and my grandfather were meaningful.

Recognizing that it is not always possible, I feel called to help create community and wholeness in the midst of illness and death and know I will have the opportunity to do so in my ministry.

Vocational decisions can never be made without impacting those we love. My husband, struggles against the beliefs of his childhood and the institutions that perpetuated them. Yet, in spite of all of his reservations about the church, he is very supportive of my decision to be in ministry and understands this is my call. Our conversations have helped us understand how we start fundamentally in the same place, with a concern for the hypocrisy of a Christian culture that wears WWJD t-shirts yet fails to support the poor and needy in our midst. The difference is that he chooses to not participate in the institution and I seek to transform it.

For the past year and a half, I have served as the pastor of a small town congregation. And I LOVE it. I love baptizing babies and holding them in my arms. I absolutely love speaking God’s grace and comfort and peace to families at funerals of their loved ones. I love standing in front of the congregation and letting God’s love flow through me as I break bread or speak God’s word. My experience in the church has been one of encouragement, learning, support, and growth. My congregation is full of grace and has been an amazing place to learn how to be a pastor.

beginning again

Spring is here in full force and that makes me want to be outside… but it also reminds me that winter has been a time of sloth.

I got up this morning and worked out with wii fit. I did yoga and strength exercises and then finished with a little bit of cardio. I know it’s not much – but if I do a little everyday, that will add up to a whole lot more than I’m currently doing.

I’m also trying to get up at 7:30 every morning. I’m going to use my mornings off to garden, spend time reading on the porch, and getting chores around the house done. I’ve just realized that when I get home from church I don’t want to do ANY of those things and so they just don’t get done. If I stick with that schedule, I’ll have three mornings a week to myself.

distracted

This morning I have spent three and a half hours in front of my computer attempting to work on my sermon. So far I have nothing but a title, but I have accomplished such other things as:

found an excellent debt reduction calculator for excel as I think about whether or not I can manage a car payment right now (since I’m not sure if I will ever see my car again and I can’t drive my dad’s forever)

explored various contextual interpretations of the NT passages on “homosexuality” including Romans 1:18-32 and 1 Cor 6:9 in response to a discussion I had with a congregation member on Thursday night.

thought about a recent challenge to eat vegan until dinnertime but then thought about how much I like eggs or cereal and milk for breakfast… still thinking about soy milk and cereal and found some interesting recipies for french toast. Wondering if eating vegetarian before dinner might work too? Or trying just one meal a day to start with?

I’m back!

It’s been a little while since I posted last.

I am mostly recovered now and my digestive tract has decided to work again =) I lost about 10 lbs in the process (eating nothing but popsicles and jello for a few days will do that to you) and now I’m trying to establish healthy eating habits and a light exercise routine to help me regain some strength and keep that little bit of extra weight off.

I do have to admit that I’m fairly disappointed with how I used my recouperation time. I had a stack of books I wanted to read and a few knitting projects and none of that was even begun. Part of the reason is because I felt so crappy for a few days there – but I also let the mind-numbing lure of television and video games take over. Which simply means that I need to find time to really put those books and those projects into my schedule of sabbath.

There have been a number of things of interest that have popped up since I started thinking with a pastor’s brain again on Monday. I’m really excited about the UMC’s new marketing vision: Rethink Church and 10 Thousand Doors… I hope to post more in the next week about this, but suffice it to say that I think that it is right on target with where my congregation is! While I was gone, our finance committee did a congregational resource assessment and from that thought about what are the gifts that we have to offer our community and what our mission priorities might look like. They were both mission related and had everything to do with being with people in need and responding to identified needs in our community. “Don’t Go to Church, BE the Church” has been the theme of our mission outreach and this new marketing effort really picks up on that same message. I also LOVE the way that our “brand promise” of Open Hearts. Open Minds. Open Doors has become a verb: “together we can open hearts, open minds, and open doors.”

I’m also trying to figure out which conferences to go to this year and will post more on that later.

recovery

I’m home from my surgery (finally) and recovering VERY slowly. It’s not so much the pain that’s getting to me – it’s the digestion. I mean, I’ve heard about taking baby steps… but this feels like micro baby steps.

When my gall bladder was removed laproscopically, they also discovered some stones in my bile duct, so I had another procedure later that day endoscopically to remove them. I have felt really good for the most part, with the exception of occasionally being sick to my stomach. I’m realizing that I just have to really take it slow introducing food back into my system and that I overdid it yesterday. So today, I’m focusing on clear foods, well spaced out, and we’ll see if everything does what it’s supposed to!

I’m PRAYING that within a few weeks, everything will be back to normal. I’m quite jealous of all of the people who told me they could eat cheeseburgers that afternoon after surgery. But with the second procedure, my whole system is rebelling and needs some time to heal. I just have to be patient!

butterflies

tomorrow is the big day. I’ll be getting up at 4:30 to shower and then head to the hospital for my surgery. and while I am very ready for this to happen, I also started to get butterflies in my tummy today.

want to know something silly about me? My stomach is very sensitive when I am nervous. As a little girl, I always was sick to my stomach when I spent the night at a friends house. The first night of any camping trip that my family took, I had to be by the flap of the tent for when (not if) I inevitably had to rush outside and harf. Thunderstorms would get me too.

For the most part, I’ve grown out of that feeling. I’m not all topsy turvy when I spend the night in a new place like I used to be. And I am a HUGE fan of thunderstorms. Camping isn’t so bad either. But when I got up this morning, just thinking about all of the things I had to do today to make sure the church was in good hands and that I had passed off every one of the details for the coming two weeks, my head got a little light and my tummy got queasy.

At this point, it’s all out of my hands. I completely trust my surgical team. I know the presence of God will be with me – however all of this goes. I know my husband is going to be around and be supportive. I know all of these things in my head and my heart – but my tummy just hasn’t caught up with the rest of me! =)

accountable.

So. I’m going back and forth over whether or not to post what my lenten discipline will be. I was all for it, and then I got to thinking about the whole “do it in secret” call of Matthew’s gospel… the appointed reading for Ash Wednesday.

At the same time however, discipline needs accountability. With no one else to check in on me, or watch over my shoulder and gently nudge… “hey katie…” will I keep with it?

Also… I’m only like 75% about what my actual lenten discipline will be. I like to abstain from one thing and take on one thing – and I can’t figure out what I’m going to take on. (which is kind of important, since, um, Lent started today)

So. I need the push to make a decision and having to post it and then follow through before heading to bed for the evening is important.

1) I will be abstaining from meat for Lent. This is something that I have done in the past, and now is a good time for my body to also be abstaining from the extra fats due to my upcoming surgery. Meat is a really tough thing for me because my families are such big meat eaters. Even in meals at home with Brandon, meat is always center stage. So having to think about other cooking options for myself, or eating less at a meal really is not a natural step for me. Everytime that I eat, I will be recalling this commitment to God I have made. And I love to eat. Meals now become this prayerful time of communion, rather than a hurry up and cook up some boring chicken and rice-a-roni. Not to mention the benefits on the planet (which God calls us to take care of) that a vegetarian diet entails.

2) My prayer life has been suffering lately. I’m just going to be honest. I have really struggled with what I need to boost that prayer life. Do I need to keep a prayer journal before bedtime? Maybe use art as an expression of prayer (like Jan Richardson) to try something new? I have a beautiful handmade paper journal that I haven’t used yet (thanks Jill!) and I’m going to bust it out this Lenten season. I’ll have it beside my bed with some colored pencils and chalk… and then maybe I can do both!

senseful worship

I am a strong believer in using all of our minds, bodies and souls in worship. And one of the primary ways that I try to encourage people to reach that place is by thinking of all of our five senses and the worship experience. What are the things we hear? What kinds of smells do the scriptures bring to mind? What does grace taste like? What does the gospel feel like? How can we use color and images to see God?

Now – all of that is much easier said than done. It takes so much work to craft worship experiences and to be honest, for the most part I stick to a basic liturgy and try to throw one of the senses we neglect in worship (taste, touch, smell) in every now and then.

I have been thinking a lot about wanting to pick this practice back up again for Lent – even if I focus on just one sense each week. The scriptures for Lent 1B include the promise of God to Noah in the rainbow, and two years ago, we used that scripture in our emerging worship service in Nashville to literally paint a rainbow among the congregation. We had six canvases set up around the worship space and people were invited to travel among them and write/paint images, words, colors that expressed their understanding of promise and covenant.

I would LOVE to do that with my congregation. It would incorporate touch, color, movement, engage our minds etc.

I’m having more troubles thinking of what to do with the next week and the Lent 2B scriptures. Our theme is “Challenge” and the focus is on taking the leap of faith to trust in God’s promises – using Romans 4:20-22 and Mark 8:34-35