change – Page 2 – Salvaged Faith

Breathe

Posted on August 10, 2014Leave a comment

Shortly after we moved into our new home, there were a number of big, scary storms. It was cool for June, so we had opened the windows to let the cool breeze blow in.

Our cats typically LOVE to sit in the open windows. They look out, smell the world, and watch the birds.

But when those storms rolled through, the curtains blew everywhere. The breeze going through the house was strong enough to move things off the table. I thought it was crisp, cool and refreshing… but the cats were not pleased.

With each gust of wind, my cat Tiki’s ears laid back and he would meowl. He was a bit overstimulated. He didn’t know where to look or what to do. You could just see chest rise and fall with each panicked breath. So, I spent about half an hour petting and reassuring him that morning. The other cat, Turbo, refused to even make an appearance.

The blowing of the wind always makes me think of the Holy Spirit. She blows where she will, she stirs things up and creates a ruckus, and we can either be comforted or agitated by her presence.

When we are ready for the Spirit to blow, it is a refreshing change of pace…. We breathe in deep and enjoy the ride.

But when we are not ready for that change, when we are not looking for the Spirit and she shows up, well, then we feel like trouble is brewing. We complain about how we’ve never done things like that before. We might try to fight back and then when it’s obvious the change is here to stay – we might just hunker down in the middle of the floor and give up.

In our scriptures today, we find two different groups of people who are in the midst of some powerful Holy Spirit changing winds.

In our first story, Elijah is dealing with the shifting winds of culture and a changing political situation. His whole world has been tossed upside down and he feels threatened and afraid. He isn’t sure what he is supposed to do in response and cries out to God for help.

In our second story, the disciples find themselves in a strange in between time. We talked last week about how their friend and colleague John the Baptist had just been executed. They are being led deeper into more dangerous territory in their faith and being encouraged by Jesus to take bigger risks than ever. Their entire understanding of who God is has radically been changing. They are completely unsure where their faith will lead them next.

And in both places, a powerful wind shows up and helps remind them that God is always with them.

As we think about these two stories, it is helpful to imagine ourselves in their shoes.

Sometimes, we run away to a place of safety like a cave. This sanctuary can feel like such a refuge, with its cavernous space and the warmth and protection it offers.

The disciples, were sheltered from the storms in their boat. A boat much like this church…

You may think I’m talking about some symbolic and imaginary boat. You might picture yourself floating down the Raccoon River or on a pontoon out on Saylorville Lake. But believe it or not, we have all, literally, gotten into a boat this morning!

The part of the sanctuary where you are sitting is officially called the “nave.” The word comes from the Latin navis, which means a boat or ship. This sanctuary is constructed, on purpose, to look like an upside down boat. The rafters are the frame and the wooden slats become the hull of the ship.

So we are all together, in the boat this morning. We are all in this boat called church doing our best to be faithful and follow Jesus.

The problem is, sometimes the winds start to blow. And when that happens… well, we can’t always be sure where we will end up!

In the gospel, the wind picks up and pulls the disciples from the shore. Their boat is battered around on the water. The winds whip around and blow the lake water into their faces. It’s not a pleasant way to spend the night.

Out there on the water, they not only sense the breeze, but also the winds of change. Their fears and hesitations and feelings of inadequacy about this journey of faith creep in. In the wee hours of the morning, they start to feel alone, lost, and afraid.

That’s how Elijah was feeling too. Alone. Afraid. The winds of change were against him and he alone was left of the prophets of God. Ahab and Jezebel, the rulers of Israel had turned against God and God’s people and Elijah had done everything he could to try to get them to follow God again. Nothing he did worked. He felt like giving up. He wanted things to go back to how it was before. He wanted the land to be full of God’s power and blessing again.

It is a common experience. Whether it was Elijah looking backwards or the disciples wanting to stay near the shoreline.

It is the tension between wanting to stay near to the shoreline, where we know Jesus has been, and allowing the winds of the Holy Spirit lead us into different waters and a new mission field.

The shoreline is where we are safe and comfortable.

The shoreline is where we have experienced Jesus.

Just close your eyes for a few moments and breathe in deep.

As you breathe in and out, think about where that shoreline is in your life. That experience of Jesus. A Sunday school class, a worship service, a bible study….

PAUSE

The shoreline is our cherished past. It is where we KNOW God has been. So we try as hard as we can to stay near to that shoreline, or to find one just like it in another place. We don’t want to venture out into the world without Jesus by our side, so we want to hang on, right there, and wait.

If the disciples had their way, they would have stayed right by the shoreline, all night long.

That’s what many of our churches try to do. They tread water, anchored in one place, doing their best to stay afloat and keep things as they are.

But sometimes, the winds of change start to blow. The Holy Spirit starts to move us. And like the disciples, we find ourselves drifting farther and farther from where we are safe and comfortable.

Some of those winds might be cultural shifts that move news and conversations online instead of in print or in person.

Some of those winds represent the migration of people and the changing demographics of the state and this very neighborhood.

Some of those winds are changes in styles and preferences of those who would worship with us.

Sometimes those winds of change are finding pink slips in our bulletins instead of those familiar green pew pads.

It can be scary and disorienting to be led somewhere new by the Holy Spirit.

I remember I had this sense of absolute terror when I was called by my district superintendent to go to my first church. I had no idea what the future would bring. I didn’t know what the people would be like. I didn’t know whether or not I would fit in. All I knew were the churches of my past, the familiar boats I had worshipped and been taught in.

The winds of change were blowing and I had two options. I could embrace the call – take a deep breath and hope and pray that the Holy Spirit was truly working through the process. Or, I could try to hunker down and resist and probably would have been miserable. I chose to trust that no matter where the Spirit of God took me, Jesus would be there. And he was.

I think the mistake the disciples made in our scripture today is that they tried so hard to stay by the shoreline, where they knew Jesus had been… that when the winds drove them to the middle of the lake, they believed they were in a place Jesus couldn’t possibly be.

With the breeze swirling around, in that unfamiliar territory, they felt overwhelmed by the chaos of it all.

Their boat was the only thing they had left.

Without a shoreline to cling to, they took a deep breath, said a prayer, and hunkered down.

For Elijah, his mistake was constantly trying to go back to the old king and make them change. Do you remember the saying that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results? Well, that was Elijah. Trying to convert Jezebel and fight her religion instead of moving on and looking for new people to minister to.

There is a temptation, when the winds of change are blowing, to retreat into a building like this. This church can become the center of our attention. It is that place we keep returning to, the familiar boat we hold on to for safety.

And so when those winds pick up, we retreat to our cave or hunker down in the boat.

Sometimes, it’s hard to get a sense of when we are being blown by the Spirit and when we are simply being tossed and turned by the breezes of popular opinion.

So, we focus on our people and our ministries And then we get into the rut of doing the same things over and over again, and wonder why it isn’t working any more.

But the biggest danger in doing so is that we no longer recognize Jesus when he shows up out there in the wind and the waves.

All around us are churches that are perishing because they have stopped paying attention to their neighborhoods and the world around them. They are dying because they no longer recognize Jesus when he’s standing out there in the winds of change.

When Jesus came out to the disciples, rocked by the winds on the lake that night, they didn’t know who he was. They were so startled by his presence, they thought he must be a ghost – an apparition – not their Lord and Savior.

Because why on earth would Jesus be out there?

“Hey! It’s me!” Jesus calls. “Don’t be afraid.”

Peter takes a deep breath and raises the courage to respond. He shouts into the wind at this dark figure approaching.

“ Lord! Is that really you? If it’s you… well…. If it’s you, then, tell me to come to you! “

And Jesus says, “Come.”

Take a deep breath and take a step out onto the waters.

Take a deep breath and step out of the cave.

I have new places to send you.

I have a new direction for you to go in.

Take a deep breath and step outside of these doors.

God is waiting. God is patient. And God has plans for us.

When we let the winds of the Holy Spirit move us, we go where our Creator calls us, we will experience amazing and miraculous signs of God.

The winds… they aren’t going to stop blowing.

Change will keep coming.

The Holy Spirit is alive and active in this world.

So pull up the anchor, take a deep breath, and enjoy the ride.

Time flies when you are surrounded by cardboard

Posted on October 15, 20121 Comment

Six weeeks ago: I said yes to my Bishop and began hunting for a place to live.

Five weeks ago: I announced to my congregation that I was accepting the invitation to a new adventure in ministry.

Four weeks ago: we began to pack and say goodbye and let things go one by one.

Three weeks ago: I found myself in Nashville for training for my new position with Imagine No Malaria at UMCom.

Two weeks ago: Frantically handing over ministries and leaving instructions, I find myself down for the count with the worst sinus infection I’ve ever had and I start my new job.

One week ago: I said good-bye to my church family and began to transition to the next with new colleagues and new phone numbers and new emails and new everything.

Today: I’m sitting in our new home, directing conference calls, settling in, and starting a very different life for a short stretch of time.

I tried blogging through some of the chaos near the beginning, but then I didn’t have the time I needed to really process all of the change. I knew I needed to, but I kind of bottled it all up and have bits and pieces of thoughts saved as private posts here and there. As I get the time to look back through them, I’ll see if there is anything “salveageable” in them.

I think for today, however, the best metaphor for what my life has been in the past few weeks is to think about my kitty cats.

My cats Tiki and Turbo are shy. They are extremely loveable and very nice, but they are introverts. They don’t do well around people and would prefer to hide under the bed… at least for a few hours or until people have left.

They have traveled and spent time in other houses before. Mostly my brother-in-laws house, where they spent most of our two week vacation hiding behind a chair where they thought no one could see them.

As soon as we arrived in the new place, we put them in the laundry room where they could have some space, but wouldn’t have to see all of the people moving all of the stuff.

The problem was, they didn’t want to come out when the chaos was over. We found them hiding behind the dryer, huddled together, just hoping that no one would see them.

As my husband and I eventually dragged them out of their little cozy corner (who am I kidding, it wasn’t cozy – it was dark and dusty and a little dank, too), they were tramautized. Hearts pounding, heads bobbing back and forth, not sure of what to do or where to run and hide.

I carefully cradled one cat, Brandon the other, and we showed them the house. We took them through every room and set them lovingly on their familiar pieces of furniture. And the whole time, their heads bobbed and weaved, sniffing and smelling, trying to take it all in, overwhelmed by the differences and yet the familiarity. It was dizzying to watch them… and yet I knew how they felt.

So many things have changed in the last few weeks, and yet so many things have remained the same. It’s like the world is upside down, but it’s the same world. It’s not better… it’s definitely not worse… it’s just disorienting. I’m still craning my neck and peeking around corners and “sniffing” out what all this new life entails. I’m still unsure, and yet starting to get situated, excited, full of anticipation.

I knew the cats would be fine when Turbo hopped into bed with us last night and found “his spot” right between our pillows. And even though Tiki never made it up the stairs to our master suite the night before, he found his own way and pounced on our feet… right on schedule as the sun started to rise. They seem to be enjoying new places to run and hide, new adventures around every corner… and yet they also seem to be a little bit more cuddly and cozy – wanting to be closer than before.

Change makes you think about what is really necessary and what is really important. It brings your life into focus. It makes you want to be cozier with the ones you love and cherish the home you have. It has been a whirlwind of a month, and we are still surrounded by cardboard… but everything is finally starting to settle into place. Tiki just used all of the boxes as an opportunity to leapfrog from one pile to the next and perch a top the highest one so he could survey his new territory. I feel like even in the chaos, I’m on top of the world, enjoying the view, and ready to tackle anything.

Cold front

Posted on September 12, 20123 Comments

Today a cold front moved through the state. And as I drove on the leading edge of the front and the wind blew my car around on the road, I realized my life itself was changing weather patterns.

As of today, I am still an elder serving a local congregation. But before I know it, I will be under a different sort of sky.

Already, there has been some push-back from people who aren’t quIte sure why I am doIng thIs job. My answer has not always been the most artIculate, but I’m learning to live into my new role still. Heck, I don’t know what even exists on the other side of October 1!

There has been the grief and turmoil of having to announce my end date to the local church. No one is happy… even as they know this is a good thing for the project and me. Watching their disappointment is almost too much to bear. Hearing my youth talk about how I am just another adult who has abandoned them cuts the deepest. There is a depth of perspective they can’t quite grasp today… I know that no matter when I left their feelings would be the same… but it still pulls at my heart. For a few days now, I have felt like everything is in a downward spiral… the barometer is falling fast… the winds are rising… and I want to run fast into yesterday and take it all back.

But today on the edge of that weather front, I was reminded that wind and turmoil and the grey clouds are necessary. It is the friction of what was and what will be coming into contact in the same time and place. It is the chaos of transition.

As much as I think my new position starts Oct 1 and my current position ends Sept 30, my life is a jumble of both. I am leaving notes and tying up loose ends at the same time that we are house hunting. I am planning worship at the same time I am filling out paperwork to get paid in the new job. I am preparing for my training, even as I am going to bed early so I can get up before dawn for a presurgery prayer.

And today, the first glimpses of that new world started to stir up the awareness that this is really happening. The cooler air blew in and the air feels different. It isn’t good and not bad, just different.

Now I’m waiting for the rain to finally hit… for the storm and the transition to pass by so that I can emerge into a new reality. Because this time on the edge of the storm is dark and tense and difficult.

A Mighty Wind

Posted on September 6, 2010Leave a comment

This morning it is windy. And that is an understatement.

Because of the cool weather we have had our windows open and the cats love to sit on the sill, with just the screen between them and the great outdoors. It’s a good view, they can smell everything and their ability to hear the birds is increased ten-fold.

But this morning, the curtains are going everywhere with each gust of wind. The breeze throughout the house moves things off the tables… and I love it. It’s refreshing and cool and crisp and just a perfect morning to sit with some coffee and blog.

My cats are not pleased.

I think I spent about half an hour petting Tiki and reassuring him this morning. We were sitting there in the living room and with every gust of wind, his ears would perk back and he would meow and I think he was a bit overstimulated for a lazy holiday morning. He didn’t know where to look, or what to do, as this is not a typical occurance inside of our home. I’ve noticed that since I left his side, he sits in the middle of the room, far away from the windows on both side. Our other cat… Turbo… the one who likes to sit in the windows the best, has still not made an appearance.

Wind turbines like these have become common over the skies
in Iowa. You can look out and see hundreds turning and know
that the wind is moving… where you would have forgotten it
was moving before.

The blowing of the wind always leads me to ponder the Holy Spirit. She blows where she will, she stirs things up and creates a ruckus, and we are either comforted or agitated by her presence.

When we are ready and receptive to her promptings, it is a refreshing change of pace. I was recently at a training event with some of my leaders and we were exasperated by the lack of movement we had seen with a process we were implementing at church. We felt stuck and yet we were surrounded by people in prayer and song who had been hearing the Spirit’s beckoning. And so got through the morning and sat down for lunch together and over food and breaking of bread, the Holy Spirit showed up. In half an hour, we had completely reinvisioned how we might lead our church through this process and felt energized and moved to go wherever the Spirit sent us. It was mighty.

But when we are not ready for that change, when we are not looking for the Spirit and she shows up… trouble is brewing. We tend to isolate ourselves and run away. We make noises and complaints about how we have never done things that way before. We run around like chickens with our heads cut off and then when its obvious that the changes are here to stay – that the spirit is moving and there is nothing we can do about it, we plop down and give up. We get in the way. We refuse to budge. That is how I responded (for the most part) to my calling. I tried to ignore it. I told myself and others it was never going to happen. I headed off to do something else all together with my life.

But the Spirit will keep blowing. And even when you sit down and cross your arms and your legs and refuse to budge the Spirit will gently nudge you to look around and somehow you’ll realize that you are where the Spirit wanted you to be all along. And maybe at that time you’re just more receptive to seeing it. And you stand up, and she fills you to the brim. And you realize, it was a mighty ride.

seasons of change

Posted on September 28, 2009Leave a comment

Photo by Fred KuipersIt’s only sixty degrees outside – the coldest day of September so far. There is a bite to the air. The wind whips between the trees and the leaves that have started to turn are ripped off of their branches. Fall may have officially begun a week ago – but today is the first day it actually feels like autumn.

I can feel the cold in my fingers. I grabbed my wool cardigan off the back of my office chair where it has been draped since last March. The sleeves are pulled all the way down to my fingertips, like mittens with finger holes cut out of them.

There has been a drastic difference in the landscape in the past week. The greens of the fields turned a brilliant yellow, but that has faded into the customary brown of beans and corn waiting in the fields for harvest.

And once again we are reminded that our lives are fragile, that we grow and flourish and age and wilt. Although we are promised life by our God, we still must move through and experience death. One of the community hospice agencies called me this afternoon with news of a member. We are playing phone-tag, but I’m already preparing in my heart for a funeral.

clearing away brush… planting new seeds

Posted on May 20, 20081 Comment

there are so many things happening in the church and in our lives! And I really should have been here sharing all of it!

I’m making a list and maybe I’ll get back and update sometime today.

Church
1) Be the Church Sunday
2) Garage Sale Success
3) So many funerals
4) 5 baptisms in one sunday!
5) art project – genesis reading

Home
1) Birthdays and more birthdays
2) finally getting the lawn mowed
3) starting my garden!!! (and clearing out the weeds)
4) got the grill, got the outdoor furniture, ready to bbq!
5) tasks that have been put off for a while finally getting done (insurance, wedding pictures, hanging pictures on the wall)
6) finally reading for pleasure again! (Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night, Water for Elephants)

Things are really falling into place right now and everything feels good. now if I just had more time in the day!

… … … … …

Finally back around to update a few things.

1) Be the Church Sunday: Our church organized an afternoon of community service and outreach to our homebound and nursing home residents. We used the quote “don’t go to church, be the church” to kick off our event and even made t-shirts that have come in handy for other service projects as well. It was a great success – we helped quite a few people, brought the church to many who haven’t been able to come for a while, and I think really came together as a church as well.

2) Garage Sale Success: The city wide garage sale was the last week in April, and we joined in. We made quite a bit of money with the items that were donated, but we also went through the church and did some spring cleaning. The biggest surprise: we found fourteen old greyhound bus travel posters in a storage room, and found out they were worth quite a lot! We ended up selling them to an art dealer in California for $100 a piece! We are using the money to jumpstart our building fund – an emergency repair and upkeep fund so that we aren’t always taking money from our ministries to pay for the building.

3) So many funerals – I had 3 funerals in two weeks! And they were very very different, including my first funeral for a child – an infant really who was born with heart problems. It was extremely moving and quite a powerful experience.

4) 5 baptisms in one sunday! – Memorial Day weekend we baptized 5 great-grandbabies of congregation members! I was kind of torn because all but one of them were not members of the congregation, not even Methodist, and probably would never be. But this church is important for their families… its the space where they have celebrated important moments and together experience God. And as a former pastor said, we Methodists are the ones who “hatch, match, and dispatch” – ie: baptize, marry and bury when no one else will… or for those who don’t have a faith home. I talked a lot throughout the service about the importance of making promises and nurturing these children, and how as a congregation, we are making those promises too. I think the message got across, and I look forward to keeping up with these families.

5) art project – genesis reading – this was something that was done at my last church. as we read the passage from Genesis 1, there was an artist who made a mural painting of what was happening verse by verse. So when the text came up again this year, I went for it. I got a very large piece of black foamboard and as the liturgist read the passage, I painted it. People really enjoyed it and I’m hoping to do more art with them (more interactive stuff for them to participate in) in the future. I think it will be one of those ways I can start to edge into more emerging practices.

A Different Light

Posted on January 27, 2008Leave a comment

A Different Light…

There is a strange paradox in the church these days. While we often use words like repentence and transformation – all words for radical change in our lives, the truth is, the church is often the LAST place that change occurs. A friend of mine often reminds me that people come to church in order to escape from the rapid change happening in the world – it’s the one stable place they can turn to. Or as any pastor could share when they have tried to make changes in their churches, the refrain is often heard: “we’ve never done it that way before.”

But change and transformation are exactly what lie ahead of us on the journey of Christian faith. As one of my favorite bumper stickers reads: God loves you just the way you are… and loves you too much to let you stay that way. We might ask – how much is going to be asked of me? Or -what will be required?

The real question we need to ask as we begin to walk in the light of Christ is – how will it change the way that we see ourselves?

If you will remember from last week, Andrew was a disciple of John the Baptist who decided to follow Jesus and then brought his brother Simon Peter along for the journey. Matthew’s gospel this morning paints a different picture about how these two met Christ and why they decided to follow him. Without making judgments as to which account is “right” or “wrong” let us look at why Matthew chose to tell the tale this way. What does his version of the call of these two brothers tell us about what it means to follow the light of Christ? Once that small spark of faith from last week grows inside of us, what dark corners within our own lives will have light shed upon them? And once we begin to see in this new light, how will we respond?

As Jesus began his public ministry, the first words that cross his lips are: “Repent, for the kingdom of heaven has come near.”

Repent, for a great light has come into your lives!

Repent, because morning has dawned in your midst!

I’m beginning to establish some routines in my life as I begin my ministry in this place. One of those morning routines is to sit at our dining room table at home with a cup of hot tea and my laptop computer. I get a daily news summary through my email and as I slowly drink my tea and wake myself up, I try to orient my day around what is happening in the rest of the world. As I do so, there is also a realization that our little part of the world is waking up as well. Usually about that time of day I can sit at the table and look out our front window – past the trees, past the courthouse tower, and watch the sun rise. At first there is a dull glow to the sky and then everything begins to transform into shades of pink and then orange until the sun peeks over the horizon. Everything takes on a new radiance and gives a whole new meaning to Matthew’s gospel this morning. The people who sat in darkness – on them light has shined! Repent!

The Greek word that we translate into repent is metanoia… it is a reorientation or a fundamental transformation in the way that we see… and not just seeing with our eyes. When we experience this metanoia we don’t just see the world differently – it changes the way that we see ourselves, others, it even implies a change in the way that we see God. Metanoia can be described as having a greater understanding of the reality we experience – to see things in their true light. Often, we think of the act of repenting as owning up to past sins – yet true repentence is seeing ourselves fully – the good and the bad – seeing ourselves through the light of Christ. Of course this entails that the dark and more insidious parts of our lives will be revealed – but it also can reveal gifts and strengths that have lain dormant or hidden. Maybe a better way of understanding repentance is not through feelings of guilt, but as a new awareness of who we are and who we are called to be.

So as Jesus moved to Capernaum, the light of Christ dawned in Galilee. And people began to see things in a different light.

People like Simon Peter and Andrew. People like James and John. These two sets of brothers were fishermen on the Sea of Galilee. I used to think of fishing as a sort of leisure activity – lounging in the sun by a lake, waiting for a fish to come by and nibble. That was until the Discovery Channel began to air their series: Deadliest Catch. If you haven’t seen it, it is a show that follows fishing crews in the Bering Sea as they attempt to bring in the most king crabs during the winter season. And it’s not easy work. The worst storms occur during crab-fishing season and the waves can be as large as 30 or 40 feet tall! Add that to the frigid 38 degree water and there is plenty of danger. In fact, more than 80 percent of the fatalities Alaskan fishermen suffer on the job are due to drowning — either from falling overboard or as a result of a boat accident.

While the Sea of Galilee might not be quite as cold – the temperature averages from 60-90 degrees throughout the year – fishing was just as dangerous… especially considering that it was done without all of the safety equipment of today! The Sea of Galilee is known for having violent storms caused by wind funneling down into the valley the lake is located in. I read about a storm 15 years ago that sent ten feet high waves crashing into towns on the western shore. Try to imagine those kinds of waves on the Lily Pond or the Coralville Reservoir and you get the picture.

Besides being dangerous because of the waters, fishing was also extremely labor intensive. Nets were tossed into waters by the shore or dropped from boats and then drug to round up the fist. Those nets had to continually be washed and boats kept in repair. Newly caught fish must be sold immediately or smoked or salted for storage. Suffice it to say – Simon Peter, Andrew, James and John were not lazy young men. They were hard workers whose families depended upon their labor.

But then the light of Christ dawned in Galilee… “Repent, for the kingdom of heaven has come near.” And people began to see things in a different light. Jesus called out to these brothers: Follow me, and I will make you fish for people. And immediately they left their nets and followed him.

As the light of Christ shone upon their lives, Andrew and Peter and James and John didn’t just leave their nets. They left their jobs, they left their families, they seem to have left everything behind in order to start on this new path and follow Christ. And as the light of Christ begins to lead us, we have to ask whether our families and jobs are hanging in the balance as well. Thomas Long, a preacher and professor at Candler School of Theology says that in a sense, yes:

“In these stories of the calling of the disciples, then, Jesus disrupts family structures and disturbs patterns of working and living. He does so, however, not to destroy but to renew. Peter and Andrew do not cease being brothers; they are now brothers who do the will of God (Matt. 12:50). James and John do not cease being sons; they are now not only the children of Zebedee but also the children of God. All four of these disciples leave their fishing nets, but they do not stop fishing. They are now, in the nearness of the kingdom of heaven, fishers for people. Their past has not been obliterated; it has been transformed by Jesus’ call to follow.”

Maybe a better way of putting it would be to say that as the light of Christ shone upon them, these first disciples began to see their lives in a different light. As Jesus called them to follow, they began to see the potential of who they could be. They were challenged to really see themselves not just as brothers and sons and fishermen, but as a part of the Kingdom of God. These were ordinary guys, but they discovered within themselves a new purpose and direction. They didn’t have to have it all together… they just had to use the talents, abilities and life experiences that they already possessed in a new way. Andrew, Simon Peter, James and John became disciples… but they never stopped being fishermen.

As we begin to follow the light of Christ, we too will begin to see our own lives in a different light. If repentence and metanoia describe a reorientation of our perspective, then through the light of God, we will begin to see where we have been working for our own purposes rather than for Gods.

My own experience of this kind of transformation was not a dramatic shift in my life, but a subtle “a-ha” moment. Last week I noticed that a few of you commented on who clearly I spoke… well, I have always been a public speaker. While other kids in my class would get stage fright or be wary of volunteering for a demonstration… I was always the kid with my hand shot up in the air waiting to be picked. I have never really been afraid of talking in front of others – the words just seem to come naturally and I find my rhythm. This gift served me well in high school speech and drama events and in college it led me to pursue a degree in communications… with an emphasis on speech and rhetoric. But what I was going to do with these skills… that was an entirely different question.

In high school – I thought I wanted to be a meteorologist. And not just in the sense of the t.v. weather girl… I wanted to be a smart and knowledgeable meteorologist – doling out accurate weather reports and teaching viewers about el nino patterns. Somewhere in college that path sidetracked as I became more and more involved in our religious life council. I found myself speaking during campus worship and leading retreats. But the idea of being a pastor never crossed my mind. I eventually decided to attend seminary… but I kept telling myself that I would get my degree, and find a job teaching religion at a small college. I thought I would use my gifts and my skills lecturing and helping students to find their way.

So there I was… not too far off of the path God had in mind for my life. Slowly, as people began to point out to me the various gifts I had for pastoral ministry… not just the speaking, but my gifts of listening and wrestling with questions with others… I began to see my life in a different light.

It was as if a light had been turned on in a dark room. At first it was just too overwhelming to think about, to hard to take in. I questioned how my relationships with others would be different. I worried about what it would mean for my future and that of my husband. But gradually my eyes began to adjust to the brightness and things just seemed to make sense. If metanoia is described as having a greater understanding of the reality that we experience – then I began to see how all of the pieces of the puzzle of my life fit together. I saw where I had misplaced pieces, or where I tried to make pieces fit together that didn’t belong. I experienced repentence and then I was able to embrace my calling and followed Christ. That doesn’t mean that it has been an easy road to trod – but for now – I truly feel like this is my part to play in the Kingdom of God.

There was a pastor who was preaching one Sunday on these same four disciples and he claimed that just as the disciples were called to fish for people – so too, were we to become fishermen and fisherwomen for Christ. After the sermon, a woman came up to him and said: “You know something, I hate fishing. And as for fishing for people — I don’t have the kind of time available you talked about. Does Christ have any place for a harried mom with four children?”

The pastor thought about her question and realized that the message of Christ is not “Help Wanted – Fishermen Only!” He writes that, “the point is that you and I were meant to become a part of the tremendous divine plan to bring light to a dark world.”[1] That invitation comes to us whoever and wherever we happen to be. A carpenter might hear Christ call out, “Follow me and I will make you build people.” A chef might hear Christ call out, “Follow me and I will make you serve the hunger of people.” Just like those first disciples – we are called to take the best of what God has given us and use it for the Kingdom of God. Our act of repentence is not only realizing the places where we have failed in our lives… but also recognizing the gifts and strengths of who we are and how God wants us to use them.

As the light of Christ shines on us all, we are invited to take a good hard look at what is revealed to us. Jesus calls out: “Repent, for the kingdom of heaven has come near!” I challenge you as individuals and as families to think seriously about how your lives are a part of the Kingdom of God that Christ has begun. Think long and hard about what it means to be a child of God in the work that you do outside of this church building. Imagine what it might mean to walk with Christ in every aspect of your lives and open yourself up so that all the gifts God has given you might be used for the Kingdom of God.

In these past few weeks, I hope that we have begun to think of ourselves not just as individuals however. I hope that we are beginning to think of ourselves as one body – as the Body of Christ in this place and in this time. Together, we will need to allow the light of Christ to shine on our life as a congregation as well. As someone who is new in your midst, I am beginning to notice the unique gifts and character that you have as a congregation. In many ways however, those gifts often lie dormant and hidden away… like old hymnals tucked up in some corner of the building. God has given this congregation a special calling to this world and together, with the light of Christ… we will discover what our unique task is in this place and in this time. Isaiah reminds us that the people who sat in darkness have seen a great light, and for those who sat in the region and shadow of death, light has dawned… The light of Christ has dawned upon us… will we see things in a different light?

[1] http://www.lectionarysermons.com/jan24ser99.html