What I am learning as I give up social media for Lent…

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#1 – I seek praise, sympathy, solidarity through social media.  The smallest, most insignificant thing could happen and my first instinct is to post it so that other people will comment and respond.  It is attention-seeking behavior that often slips into a self-centered focus.  Having to constantly fight the urge to post has led me to wonder what I’m getting out of those posts… and what others are as well.  Sometimes, it is an authentic search for community and others to share the journey with.  Sometimes it is  race to see who has the biggest sob story or frustration of the day.  These past weeks have reminded me of my insignificance.  No one  really cares what I had for breakfast or about a stubbed toe or that I shared an article.  I’m just not that important.  And I shouldn’t be.

#2 – Most of my news comes from social media. When I hear of breaking news, I search for the topic on twitter instead of turning on the television.  The variety of sources, the mix of images, video, stories, personal reflections, global perspectives is amazing.  I just don’t get the same depth of information watching one news channel go on for hours at a time about a single event, and when you flip stations between the networks, the information is often similiar with only slight colors of perspective.  As Ukraine and Russian and the Malaysian flight disappearance have made headlines, I have largely been out of the loop of what is happening in the world.

#3 – Many of my conversations with close, personal friends, happen on Facebook.  While texting is part of my communications toolbox, I rarely call or email these individuals.  I never realized how much I rely upon Facebook groups for keeping in touch with a circle of friends – whether they are colleagues or my girlfriends.  I had to write a clause into my lenten discipline that allowed me to continue using the Messenger part of Facebook (which meant I had to download the app), because I realized I would be completely out of the loop on conversations about health, upcoming events, and personal struggles.  Not being on facebook and able to follow posts on group pages has left me feeling fairly isolated from those I am most connected with.

#4 – I pray a lot through Facebook.  Whether they are shared prayer concerns among colleagues or simply reading the everyday struggle and hopes of friends, family, and colleagues, I am frequently moved to pray as I interact with posts and snoop on people’s lives.  Not having that source of prayer material at my fingertips, however, has led me to pay attention a bit more to the people around me… the guy sitting on the park bench, the people in line.  I find myself wondering what their story is, what they hope for…  I haven’t worked up the courage to ask yet, however.  I’m not sure if I’ve always been an “overhearer” of people’s lives or if this is something that a social media culture has developed in me and others around me.  And sometimes I wonder if that extension of ourselves into the public space is good or not.  I hesitate to lift up a prayer out loud on the bus, but I don’t when I’m commenting on a friend of an acquaintances post.  It’s something to ponder.

#5 – I enjoy watching sports with social media.  I enjoy the quick stats and the commentary that is often far better than what is on the television.  I like the sense of solidarity in amazing plays and in bad calls.  Yet, with the Iowa Hawkeyes basketball team being told to stay off of twitter because of the criticisms, I also recognize how brutal it gets out there.  The things we yell at the television in the quiet of our own homes now are the things we post online in public in the heat of the moment, without tempering our emotions and remembering it is, after all, just a game. 

#6 – I’m following the practice of celebrating Sundays as “little Easters” and not fasting from social media on those days.  In the past two weeks, I’ve largely used those days to dump pictures and a quick narrative of the highlights of my week, as well as to quickly skim my group pages, catch up where I can with friends, and have left very few comments.  I might have spent a total of 2 hours on facebook between those two days.  The time I spend in my typical week on social media must be astounding.  I’m sure there is an app somewhere to monitor it, but I’m afraid to look. 

#7 – I use Facebook and social media equally for work and for personal matters.  Conversations with friends and co-workers happen simultaneously.  I’m more aware of that fact as I try to occasionally use it for work-related items (like updating our facebook page for Imagine No Malaria), but the distinction is so blurred that I have tried to avoid it or batch post.  I think it would be worth it to do some hard work of creating new lists on facebook to better discriminate what I post and to whom so I could use it for both in a better way. 

#8 – this is NOT going to be a permanent fast.

Pen Pals and Pinky Promises

I have never been great at long-distance relationships.  I have no idea how my husband and I made it for two years apart at two different times in our dating life… except for the fact we made a really, really intentional effort to talk once a day on the phone and racked up a lot of credit card debt buying plane tickets.

When I was younger, we occasionally had the opportunity to have an overseas pen pal and I think I sent a grand total of one letter.  My grandma and I have sent letters back and forth, but when it really comes down to it, she does a lot more of the writing than I do. Writing letters has never really been my thing.  Emailing back and forth to keep in touch was somehow easier, but even then, I was hardly the person to initiate the conversation.

Heck, I don’t even really like to talk on the phone with people.

Give me a person to person conversation over a cup of coffee any day.

Unfortunately, that doesn’t work when you live far away from those friends and family you crave spending time and sharing stories with.

Right after Christmas, a group of my girlfriends and I got together for breakfast at a dive bar.  We had huge breakfasts and a round of mimosas and after months of not seeing each other dove right into the conversation and updates.  And even in three short hours, we were able to connect, go deep, and that time together was so precious.

Sometimes you need that girlfriend to laugh with about something stupid or that friend to commiserate with over a shared struggle. Sometimes we just need to get stuff off our our chest in a safe, loving, supportive space.

But when your best friends live far away, what do you do?

We committed to trying something new.  We pinky-promised to text more often.  It probably looked pretty funny the four of us standing in a parking lot… grown women making a pinky-promise.  But that was always us… the weirdos 😉 

Maybe it is a strange thing to try but we just needed to intentionally make an effort to keep in touch. Silly stuff, serious stuff, anything really.  Just to keep the lines open.  Any time. Any day. Just to remind one another we are here.  

Good thing I have unlimited texting, because I think I have already sent/received more messages in the last week than I did all of last month.  Sheesh, I missed my friends.

Assumptions

I remember vividly a leadership event when I was in middle school. Well, I vividly remember two things about it.  First – we were at Kirkwood Community College and we got to eat in their awesome cafeteria and drink Clearly Canadian sparkling water.  For some reason, that was a big deal 😉  Second, there was a message that stuck with me.  It was about assumptions and our leader told us that when you assume, you make an “ass” out of “u” and “me.”

The book of James has an awful lot to say about when we open our mouths and what we choose to let slip out of it.  And as I have been listening this week, I have realized that assumptions do just as much damage as a hurtful word. 

When we make an assumption, we have spoken without all of the facts.  And that means that we have not taken the time to truly listen to another person.  We have not spent the time with them and asked questions about them or the situation.  We have placed ourselves in a position where we believe we have all the information we need… a position of arrogance and, likewise, judgment that the other person or situation is not worthy of investigation and time.

When we make an assumption, we have allowed our wants and desires and impulses to rule the conversation without taking the time to pray and seek God’s counsel.  We react with positive or negative gut reactions, rather than looking beyond ourselves to a larger context and environment.  When we make an assumption, we have not done the difficult work of weighing how a person or situation will impact not only a local climate, but also a global climate or the Kingdom of God.

I write all of this, because these past two weeks have been awash in assumptions.  I confess that I have made assumptions about how others would react to news of my position that did not always place me in a position to respond pastorally.  There have been assumptions made at various levels of the connection about timing, ease of transition, and the rippling impact of change. But others have also made assumptions about what I will or won’t be doing, the process of how the position came to be and how/why I was asked, and what the impact on the church will be.

Assumptions hurt.  There has been damage along the way and there are misconceptions to clear up and healing that needs to happen… and it won’t be immediate. The truth is, the answers to some of those questions are still unclear.  Other assumptions might have a foothold in reality, but either the assumptions don’t have the whole story or stretch something out of proportion.

Today, I begin my training for my work with Imagine No Malaria.  From what I know already, the bulk of my work will be communicating the importance of the mission, training and empowering and developing lay and clergy across the state to embrace the mission and to give generously, but above all, telling the good news that lives are being saved and that we are doing God’s work. I will travel, have a lot of one-on-one meetings, and spend a good chunk of time with databases and reporting.  Some of those things might themselves be assumptions.  I am trying to let go of those ideas I hold in my mind so that I can be open and learn as much as possible about what my life will look like over the next nine months. 

And I want to invite you, when I get back, to ask me lots of questions.  Open your mind and let us explore together with God what is in store for all of us. 

the incredibleness of sms

I think I never realized how SMS really is impacting the world and has transformed how we communicate until I listened to this story a while back on NPR: Mobile Phones Do Much More Than Make Calls

In the phone calls that ensued on the show, people called in about living in a mud hut in Africa, but using a solar charger to keep her connected through cell phone with her daughter 100 miles away in the city. Or fishing off the coast of India and texting to the buyers on shore what the catch of the day was so that nothing went to waste.

I don’t think I realized how different SMS was than regular phone calls until last week when we literally had no coverage because the network was jammed with people stuck on the interstate due to flash flooding, but I could update my facebook status from SMS and people were sending back comments instantly.

There is something about the instantaneous nature of communication that is both really exciting and really troubling. Some of the comments had to do with how health workers were able to finally sync their data and know when outbreaks were occuring and then respond. But then others spoke about how dangerous it was to have locating technologies built into these same devices that made them increasingly vulnerable.

It is an amazing tool that connects us to one another, and yet 140 characters is also especially limiting. It has literally changed the way that we write and speak and SPELL! I am constantly amazed at how “what” is now spelled “wut” in my youth group’s correspondance to each other on facebook or even on papers they turn in to me. I wonder what kinds of hair-pulling frustration their English teachers are having.

There is also an expectation of always being connected – of having instantaneous response. If you send an email or a text message – you often hope the person is right there, ready to respond to get you the information you need. But at least mediums like twitter and facebook (and their SMS applications) have the benefit of responses from multiple directions. As an example – a pastor friend I know who was working on writing a funeral sermon for a tragic death of a young couple in a car accident connected quickly with colleagues to get some really helpful advice. Not everyone needed to respond instantly, but enough did.

But language changes, people adapt, and at the age of 27, I feel almost as if I’m on the brink of being an old-fogie. While I love my cell phone, I’m only just now figuring out how to take it with me everywhere. I’m quickly trying to figure out twitter, I’m staying connected with facebook, I’m building relationships through new medias, so I’m hoping that I have the skills I need to be an adapter and not someone who just grumbles at the changes happening. The key is to figure out what really is valuable about these new technologies (or in the case of SMS – new uses of technology) and still be able to critique the faults of the medium.

stumped

how on earth do I get through to my youth group kids?

this thursday was supposed to be our big summer start-up. Typically, if school is not in session, youth group doesn’t meet, but so many of them asked if we could continue through the summer that I said yes… for part of it at least. There were so many other things jam-packed into June that it just wasn’t going to work out very well. So we agreed July 3 would be the big day.

In the meantime, we were also planning a mission trip – a very short term one, because I have had no time to plan it. All the forms were sent out, reservations made, fundraisers put into motion, etc. etc. etc.

The first fundraisers we had… no kids showed up. So we went along and raised some money anyways. The next fundraiser we did… no kids showed up. But we made some money and put it in the account. The deadline came and went for forms to be filled out… and I have one form and one deposit in. That’s it. I extended the deadline… nothing. So the trip is now cancelled, or at the very least postponed until later this fall.

And then, the time to start back up with youth group – after I’ve talked with a few parents and seen a few kids… and I’m sitting there with my new devotions and a cool new game where we measure things around town in bananas… and I sit there. and sit there. and no one shows up.

I think that there are a few things to think about in this situation… 1) I have got to find a better way to communicate with my kids. Some have cell phones, and I tried text messaging everyone as a reminder before, which worked – okay. But not everyone has a cell. Not everyone gets messages if they are left at home. Almost everyone is busy working. 2) they and their families pretty much never show up on Sunday mornings… which also makes the chain of communication difficult. I have yet to meet most of their parents. 3) I’m a HUGE introvert when it comes to meeting new people and I really need to step it up and go visit these kids… except, I don’t always know where they will be. Whose parent’s house they will be at, if their parents/ guardians will be home, etc. But I really do need to step it up and just do it. Make the first step. Get it over with.

It’s not that I don’t want to meet their families. I suppose an extrovert wouldn’t understand, but it’s like this deep inner fear of saying the wrong thing or making the wrong impression. I just want to let them know I’m hear and I care about their kids and I would love to get to know them better. That doesn’t sound so bad at all! So why am I so terrified of it?!