putting things off

I haven’t written in here for a while – and I have SO much to say. And only 20 minutes before I need to be at the hospital. So here is a checklist – 1) Breaking Bread, 2) Sand and Water at the beginning of Lent, 3) the roundtable pulpit group, 4) wrestling with grace and a phone call from someone in need.

Really my prompting this afternoon to actually get on here and type something comes from a book I started glancing at called “wrestling with grace” by Robert Corin Morris. In a few paragraphs he writes:

Often we don’t understand Jesus’ words clearly when we begin to respond to them. I have had a slow struggle with myself over Jesus’ seemingly clear challenge: “Give to everyone who asks” You can’t honor every request, can you? Certinaly not! What about beggars? How do you know they’re for real? What if an alcoholic wants a drink? What if there are more important priorities that claim my time right now? And yet, and yet… when I was in college I heard a man who simply did it. He always carried a bag of change when he walked the streets of new York; and if someone asked for money, he gave them some, along with a few moments of conversation and a warm “God bless you.” He said, “The Man told me to give, not to launch an investigation. I’m not in charge of the outcome.”

… I’m coming to see that Jesus doesn’t specify exactly what you’re supposed to give when someone asks. I hear him calling me to deal in some gracious and appropriate way with the person who asks; at least to give something: “Yes, I’d love to look at this book; can it wait till summer?” “Of course I’ll get those papers for you, right now.” “No, I’m not able to talk right now, but I’ll call you right back when I’m finished.” Give. Give something. Don’t turn away. And so the meaning of Jesus’ word keeps growing in my heart. (pgs 55-57)

This passage struck me because I got a call from a woman today who needed some help. And I immediately questioned the motivations, wanted to check out her story, was cautious of being scammed. They certainly don’t teach you in Divinity School how to respond to a request for money or for a bus ticket. I eventually said no, because our ministerial alliance has funds for gas, food and lodging, but not for purchasing bus tickets – the fare was four times what we are normally able to give.

But what if she was an angel unawares? Why should I investigate or judge her story? Did I really give anything to her? I started by giving her my time, but checking out the resources and promising to call her back and by doing so. But in the end, I felt slightly bad about the situation. If our church had a pastoral discretionary account, I probably would have done something. If I didn’t have my own bills to pay I might have even dipped into my own pocket. But I make excuses. And so Morris’ word to give… give something. don’t turn away. hit me like a load of bricks this afternoon. it is quite the challenge and I’m still left torn about what I can do.

things i have learned in my first week as a minister

in no particular order:

1) no one notices if you skip the Lord’s Prayer during communion – it was printed in the bulletin… it should have been in my script… but since I switched to a special Epiphany litany, the one with just the great thanksgiving and not the whole shebang, I totally missed it. But… no one seemed to notice, or at least no one said anything.

2) sometimes it’s better to just let someone talk than try to respond – during one of my pastoral conversations with a parishoner they became passionately angry about evolution being taught in the schools and then quoted genesis 1. I couldn’t figure out what to do next. Should I announce my theological differences? Should I point out that Genesis 1 and Genesis 2 tell differing stories and so it’s hard to take them both (or either) literally? Should I say something like “wow, you really seem angry about that… can you tell me why you feel that way?”… Since I couldn’t figure out what to say, I just listened. intently listened. And preceeded to find out that this really kind and sweet old man (and he really was!) was so angry about evolution being taught that he swore he would go after anyone who tried to teach his kids about evolution with a shotgun! While this probably isn’t true, I felt like if I had opened my mouth I would have been run out of town. I think our congregation is a really interesting mix of biblical literalists, fundamentalists (in the early 20th century understanding of the word), people who just want to understand what the text means, and others who could care less. And I desperately want to be honest and authentic about who I am and what I believe. But I’m glad that I just listened to him right then. He got the anger out of his system and we preceeded to discuss whether or not “Deal or No Deal” was gambling.

3) food will be provided at every gathering – YAY! food for bible study, food for youth group, food for sunday morning fellowship. I love being Methodist.

4) when i’m on the internet, no one can call the church office – an interesting consequence of previous pastors not keeping office hours is that the office doesn’t get used much. So they have dial-up and one phone line. But now that I have set office hours (M-Th 9-12), someone is there! And while I’m there, I’m likely to do things like correspond by email to other district and conference pastors, work on my sermon and the bulletin using textweek.com, begin working on a church website… all of which means, no incoming calls. I started to wonder why the phone wasn’t ringing. LUCKILY, no one desperately needed me and we figured this out before any damage has been done. (it’s not like anyone is expecting to get someone at the church… they haven’t for a while). I discussed upgrading to DSL so that we can talk and surf at the same time… it’s in the works.

5) homebound members LOVE IT when the pastor visits – I have been fairly nervous about visiting people. I’m not the most outgoing person in the world and my only experience so far has been making cold calls in a hospital. But there is a huge difference when you are now someone’s pastor and when they haven’t been visited for a long time. A congregation member came with me to begin making visits and it was so good to meet all of these wonderful people! They have so many stories to tell, so much life that they have seen. Each circumstance is different. Some are retired farmers who have moved into town. Others have lived in Marengo their whole lives. Some moved to Iowa later in life. All that I visited were widowers, but some for as few as 9 months and others for 35 years. Each desperately missed their spouses. I think that a significant ministry that our church can offer is ministry to these people. Evidently the church used to tape services for them, which can be done again. And we definately need to start a communion ministry. Maybe we can get some funding from somewhere to invest in a church bus… for quite a few of these people they either can’t drive or the weather keeps them away… all they need is a ride.

6) no matter how long they have been doing without, when the pastor arrives they are expected to lead – My first day in the office, before I even had set down my stuff, I was invited to join in the bible study happening in the next room. I accepted because I wanted to see what they were doing and introduce myself, etc. but EVERY TIME there was a pause or a question, I was supposed to have the answers. As the week has gone on, it hasn’t been quite as bad, but there is an expectation/hope that I’ll be the one who prays, who has the answer, that I’ll come join all the civic groups and participate in each of their outside bible studies. I think the part that is difficult for me is that I really value and want to embody a communal ethic of church leadership… one in which power is shared and we are all ministers in the Body of Christ. They really want a pastor. They really want a shepherd. This doesn’t mean that I want to shirk my responsibilities… it means that I want to help them fully claim theirs. And I think that it will take a little while before we get to that place. I have to admit, I’m tempted at times just to take things over and do them my way… but that’s not how I feel that God has called me to lead, nor do I believe that it embodies the ministry of Christ. So… while it may be slow going… together we will learn how to be the church.

7) croutons of christ just aren’t as full of grace as hawaiian sweet bread – This is for all of you Vanderbilt and West End people… I’m a big fan of intinction… the good old “rip and dip”… especially when you are feasting on a hunk of Hawaiian sweet bread. Yeah, I know Jesus was probably eating unleavened bread in the upper room, but a tender chunk of bread, with all of its texture and the smells… it just really conveys the fact that you are sharing part of a meal with one another. I grew fond of gathering at the table after the worship service was over to eat the communion “leftovers.” Things just are not the same when you have cubed, crustless white bread (especially when you have no loaf to break and when you take the cloth off the plate bread cubes stick to it and go flying off the table) Note to self: have a meeting with the communion committee.