When strangers meet in the woods.. 

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​I was run/walking today on a wooded path alone. Three guys were heading towards me, drinking beers, joking around. My heart rate increased. I did that mental calculus, wondering if something happened, and I screamed, would anyone hear. 

As they got closer, one of the guys said: good morning, ma’am! 

So I said good morning back. 
Are you having fun? He asked.
Trying! I said back. 
Keep at it! He responded. 

Earlier in my walk, I came across a deer in the middle of the path. While I was far off, it simply watched, waited, did it’s own mental calculus. I was actually astonished at how close we came. 

Photo from randyroberts.wordpress.com

But them my ear buds beeped, signalling the next run interval and as I changed pace, the deer was startled and took off through the woods.

I hate that we live in a world where my first instinct was to be cautious. I wasn’t afraid, but alert and anxious… just like I’ve been conditioned to be by the friends, family, and strangers who have had their vulnerability taken advantage of.  Just like that deer that turned an ran when it percieved me as a threat.

Even if I didn’t feel physically threatened, I have been cat-called enough that I was dreading the moment I came to the three guys. 

I was wrong.

Today, I’m grateful for people who remind me that most people really are decent, that kind souls exist, and who appreciate a beautiful stroll on a path in the woods on a gorgeous day as much as I do. 

Count the Cost

I have four different apps on my phone that are designed to help me get healthy and fit and lose weight.

 

One of them is a weekly meal plan full of healthy, high protein, low calorie dinner options. It comes complete with a grocery store list and nutritional information for each meal.

 

One of them connects with a wristband to track my steps and even monitors my sleeping habits.

 

One is designed to track my calories eaten and burned each day. It is like a social network to connect me with others who are working on the same thing.

 

The last, I use when hiking or running to track my speed and distance.

 

I have all the tools I need. I have a goal in mind. And yet, somehow I have gained five or six pounds since I moved to Des Moines.

 

Fundamentally, my lack of success has nothing to do with the tools at my disposal and everything to do with the fact that this goal is not a priority in my life. I am not willing to put it above all else. I’m not willing to let this goal change other aspects of my life. I know that to succeed, this priority is going to affect the amount of sleep I get and it will mean spending more money for healthier food options. It will reduce the time I spend watching my favorite t.v. shows and even require that I cook more meals at home instead of enjoying my husband’s super delicious, fatty, carb-filled dinners.

 

The truth is, you can have all the tools in the world and all the best intention, but until you lay out a plan, build in some accountability, and actually make the commitment to do whatever it takes to reach that goal… then nothing about your habits or lifestyle or physical body will change.

 

In our gospel reading this morning, Jesus shares with us an extraordinarily difficult challenge. “Whoever comes to me and doesn’t hate father and mother, spouse and children, and brothers and sisters – yes, even one’s own life – cannot be my disciple.” He asks us to “give up all of your possessions” in order to follow him.

 

Jesus isn’t asking you to turn right now to your loved one and treat them badly. He’s not asking you to leave home. He’s asking each one of us to take seriously the call to be his disciple and helping us to see that our intentions don’t really matter. Until we lay out a plan, build in some accountability and actually make the commitment to do whatever it takes to follow him, then our habits and lifestyle will never change.

 

Last week, we were reminded that the things of this world are impermanent and shaky at best. We heard the call to place our belief and our trust firmly on God and I’m sure a whole lot of us left worship last week thinking, YES! That’s what I need to do! That’s the kind of faith I want to have.

 

“My Hope is Built on Nothing Less than Jesus’ Blood and Righteousness”

“Yes Lord, Yes Lord, Yes Yes Lord!”

 

And yet, just like all of my good intentions about exercise and health, we have to be willing to let those words move from intentions and goals into an actual concrete plan that demonstrates commitment and sacrifice.

 

In your bulletins each week during this series, you will find a green insert that highlight some of the lessons we cover each week in the “Enough” study. I want to invite you to take that sheet out right now.

 

Today’s insert invites you to think about what God is calling you to be and to do. I want us to look at the side that talks about goals.

 

If God is our rock and foundation…

If God is the creator of our lives…

If Jesus Christ is calling us to follow…

Then, what are you supposed to be doing with your life? What is your purpose?

 

For very few of us, that calling involves some sort of professional ministry. And to answer that call took planning and commitment, money and time.

 

Most of us here in this room today, however, have a much higher and more difficult calling. You have been called to be lay persons in the church. You have been called to live out your discipleship where you are. At the office, on the soccer field, on the production line and in the classroom.

 

Sometimes, the work you give yourself to matches up with that call to live out your discipleship. Some of you could share how the act of caring for patients or helping someone plan for their financial future is your ministry.

 

Sometimes, however, our work simply provides the resources that allow us to live out our discipleship in other ways. We spend our retirement caring for neighbors and loved ones. We teach lessons and music to our little ones at the church. We volunteer with community agencies.

 

What gifts has God given you?

What is your purpose?

What is God calling you to do?

 

And once you have figured that out…

are you willing to sit down and count the cost?

Are you willing to give whatever it takes to get there?

Will you let God’s plans trump your plans?

 

 

One of the greatest adventures of my life was to engage in the work of Imagine No Malaria over the past two years.

 

Answering that call was extraordinarily difficult. After all… I already had a calling – to be a pastor, serving in a church. But I also began to see how my gifts tied in with what we needed here in Iowa… what we needed to accomplish what God was calling us to do.

 

I also discovered that God had some lessons for me along the way: the primary lesson being that when we have a mission and a calling, we have to do whatever it takes to get there.

 

Henri Nouwen writes that the work of “fundraising is, first and foremost, a form of ministry. It is a way of announcing our vision and inviting other people into our mission… We are declaring, ‘We have a vision that is amazing and exciting. We are inviting you to invest yourself through the resources God has given you – your energy, your prayers, and your money – in this work to which God has called us.’”

 

And all along the way, I witnessed people who caught that vision and heard the calling from God to end this preventable, beatable disease. And they made sacrifices to help other people live. Some families gave up cable t.v. to make a monthly gift. A nurse quit her job to work on our grassroots campaign. Lots of people made a significant three-year commitment to give to this work. One little girl gave all of her birthday money to help save the lives of kids just like her.

 

And we did that, because we counted the cost and we were willing to give whatever it took to make the goal of saving 200,000 lives a reality.

 

What is your purpose?

What is God calling you to do?

 

Once we answer that question, then we think about those things that are going to help us get there. Then we can think about the spiritual goals and the financial goals and the steps along the way that will help us to say “Yes” to God and set our own plans aside.

 

On the other side of this green insert is a budgeting worksheet. It helps us to gain an accurate picture of the priorities in our lives based on our spending and helps us reorient our financial priorities based on those goals and that purpose that is on the other side.

 

I have a friend and a colleague who recently shared that he used a budget just like this to help him make some big changes in his family. As he and his wife started plugging in the numbers, they were shocked by how much they were spending on transportation. My friend had just bought a new truck and while it was beautiful, the payments were hefty and it was a gas guzzler. And he hardly ever used it as a truck. When compared with the amount of money they were giving to the church and using to help prepare for the new baby on the way, they realized that if they were going to truly give to God and set a good example for their new child, the truck had to go. They sold it and bought a more affordable car. They allowed their spiritual priorities guide their financial decisions.

 

But I also want to emphasize that this accounting we do in our lives needs to cover more than just our finances.

 

What would happen if we did this same accounting of our time?

Where are you spending your time and energy?

Does it reflect your calling?

What do you need to let go of in order to give more time to God’s purpose for your life?

 

Jesus knows that discipleship isn’t easy. He knows that to follow him requires sacrifice… a giving of ourselves and a letting go of our wants and desires.

Jesus knows, because he has been there.

 

He counted the costs. He weighed the options. And he knew what it would take.

 

And today, he asks you to do the same.

 

He’s asking each one of us to take seriously the call to be his disciple. He is asking us to count the cost, lay out a plan, and actually make the commitment to do whatever it takes to follow him. When we do so and when we hold one another accountable to the choices we have made, then our lives will truly be transformed.

 

Exercise and Practice

This thought was waiting for me in my email inbox this morning, as I finished day one of working out again:

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Here is a traveler. He has launched out on a long journey. He comes to the first inn, and there he remains forever. His reason? He has been told that many travelers have come this way and have stayed at this very inn; even the master of the house once dwelt here…. Oh soul! All that is wished for you is that you press toward the end…. Only remember this: Do not stop at the first stage.

Jeanne Guyon
Source: Experiencing the Depths of Jesus Christ

So many times, I have started on this journey and I stop far beyond the journeys end. I give up when weather, a cold, and busyness get in my way. I settle for where I am rather than pressing on.

I think when it comes to fitness and weightloss there is a fine line between loving who you are, as you are, and pushing yourself to take another step. I can accept myself and love myself right now. I just bought a pair of jeans that fit perfectly.  I can embrace my curves and size. At the same time, I climbed a hill this weekend and found myself out of breath.  I know that while this me is okay, that I can also do better.  I need to push myself to the next place without hating myself in the process. 

I wonder if we treat our spiritual lives the same way? Where we are in our life of prayer or service or the eay we love others… it is good and fine and acceptable. And we can stay here for as long as we want. Until one day we notice that we cant find the words to pray or a difficult situation challenges our ability to love someone.  And then we realize that while we might be okay with where we are, that doesn’t mean we can’t grow more healthy and push farther in our spiritual lives. We discover that climb that challenges us and we find the incentive to push on and grow as a disciple of God.

This morning,  I started my journey with some weight lifting and tomorrow I will do some cardio. You can find a thousand ways to get physically healthy.

In our spiritual lives,  there are many exercises we can try, too:
A new form of prayer, journaling, reading the scripture,  serving once a week, worshipping intentionally with others, finding a spiritual buddy to talk with.
All of these flex our soul and strengthen us for what comes next. They challenge us to keep moving forward on the journey.  One step at a time.

My Book of Resolutions

Resolution 2013.1

WHEREAS, my change in job has caused some stress in my family life

WHEREAS, stability is sometimes more important than flexibility

WHEREAS, I need to remember this job is a marathon, not a sprint

THEREFORE BE IT RESOLVED, that I will prayerfully (and with consulatation from my husband) discern my schedule in the future – especially planned time away

LET IT FUTHER BE RESOLVED, that I will ask for help when I need it, delegate where I can, and remember that giving 100% to this work is often about empowering other people to serve as well.

 

Resolution 2013.2

WHEREAS, being on the road has meant less time for self care

WHEREAS, I need to serve God with mind, soul and BODY

WHEREAS, health requires sleep and exercise and good food.

THEREFORE BE IT RESOLVED, that I am giving up fast food.

LET IT BE FURTHER RESOLVED, that I will exercise 4x/week.

 

Resolution 2013.3

WHEREAS, in extension ministry I am without a church home

WHEREAS, I took opportunities this fall to travel on weekends and rest from the Sunday routine in one particular church

WHEREAS, the discipline kind of requires that I find a church

WHEREAS, it is good for my soul to worship with others on a regular basis and not just sporadically with different folks

THEREFORE BE IT RESOLVED, that I will find a church home by the end of January.

 

Resolution 2013.4

WHEREAS, I have lost my weekly bible study group in Marengo.

WHEREAS, I am not preaching every Sunday and therefore not doing regular textual study, either.

WHEREAS, regular time with the scriptures is good for my mind and my spiritual life.

THEREFORE BE IT RESOLVED, that I will have coffee every week with a good friend of mine and the Bible

size 8

I think one of the hardest things for a pastor of a United Methodist Church to do is to lose weight.

There is food everywhere.

And not just food… good food. 

Baked goods after church.

“Snacks” which amount to a three course meal during bible studies.

Church suppers.

Youth group (and the leftovers which get sent home with me).

Food everywhere.

And I like food.

About 6 weeks ago, I started working out more on a regular basis.  I’m doing this combo of weight training and cardio and I’m following the plan outlined with the dvd’s and I’m trying (trying!) to eat better.

Sometimes the scale doesn’t always show results, but the tape measure has… an inch here, two inches there. 

I can actually see definition in my arms – I have biceps!!!!!

And yesterday, when a gift card from my favorite store arrived in the mail, I went shopping.

And fit perfectly into a pair of size 8 brown trouser pants.

I’m realizing that the more I talk about my goals, the easier it is to accomplish them.  So thinking long range, a size 6 might be nice… I’m not sure I ever wore a size 6 – to be perfectly honest.  But that size 8 pair of pants makes me SO happy.  It is so encouraging to already see a difference and to celebrate that milestone.  So I’m shouting it from the rooftops!  

What tires you?

I recently had my annual interview with my conference superintendent.  We talked about what was going on in the church, the joys and the struggles of ministry in a small town like Marengo, and I had a chance to talk about what I feel is a calling to revitalize small to medium sized churches like the one I am currently serving.

But about three fourths of the way through our conversation, he stopped me and said:  A few times now you have used phrases like “in a rut,” “tired,” and “wears me out.”  What is going on with that?

I had not even realized that I had been doing it.  And as I sat there and thought, my work had very little to do with why I was feeling that way.

My ministry was feeling some of the side effects of what was going on in other parts of my life.

So I’ve been thinking really hard this week about what exactly it is that is wearing me out.  Stress, conflict, exhaustion in some areas of our lives bleed through to the ones that are going well.  So you can’t ignore it.  You have to figure it out and work on dealing with it.
What is wearing me out?
To have a baby or not
It seems like everyone around me is pregnant or just had a baby.  I’m twenty-nine years old and I was convinced that I would have babies (yes, plural) by this point.  But my husband doesn’t want children.  He can’t imagine how they would fit into our crazy, busy lives.  And he’s right.  Our lives as they are right now don’t work for children.  They would have to change.  I am okay with that, he’s not.
So, for months now, we have been avoiding the conversation.  And not having a conversation is as hard as having it.  I mean, how do you compromise on something like that?  Either we have kids or we don’t… One of us is going to not get our way. And that reality in itself is hard for someone like me, who wants it to be fair for everyone, to deal with.
But, we finally did it.  We had the conversation.  A big, long conversation.  As I thought about all of the things that I am asking my husband to compromise on in this life as a pastor’s spouse (where we live, when we move, what kind of community we live in, potentially asking his own work to take a back seat at some point), I want to try to let him have this one. And in the end, I promised that I would live into the reality and sit with the idea that we aren’t going to have kids.  As I have done this these past few weeks, it has been easier.  The craziness that is teenage life expressed among my youth group kids helps (yikes!  I pity you parents!). Having adorable nephews and a niece to pour out all of my love on makes a huge difference (I can spoil them and wind them up and then leave!).  And considering the fact that I have not had a weekend free since the middle of August, our lives really are just too crazy to stick a baby into the middle of it right now.
That doesn’t mean that every time I see a baby I don’t get a twinge in my heart.  It doesn’t mean that I’m 100% okay with not having kids.  But I love my husband. And to be honest, I love my crazy and busy life, too.  And so we are going to try to make this decision work. But, please, for now, stop asking when we are going to have kids!
Family stress

There is a lot going on in my extended family right now that also adds stress and conflict and emotional burdens to my life right now.  So much so that as I sat in a funeral for a friend’s grandparents this past weekend, the tears just would not stop.  I’m mourning the loss of what was and it feels like we can never go back… the relationships are so damaged that I really cannot see a way forward. Carrying that pain is exhausting, but letting it go means that I have given up.

That conflict seems to also affect other relationships that are experiencing conflict… ones that would not have been so burdensome otherwise.  When I see firsthand what happens when problems are not addressed, and then watch other people in my life make similar choices to sweep things under the rug, I cringe, imagining the worst of what might happen.

I am so grateful for my brothers who are right there beside me walking this hard road and I can already see the ways that my family has been brought closer together as we protect and love and support one another… and as we commit ourselves to talking about what is going on in our lives, instead of pretending.

Exercise?  What’s that?
The hard part about really loving your work is that it takes over your life if you let it.  And I have.  It has been so flexible lately that I don’t have a routine for my home life. And so I’m doing good things and come home tired and instead of taking care of myself (especially my body), I sit in front of the television and let my brain turn into a pile of goo.  Exercise gives endorphins and makes you feel good and I just have not been keeping up with it lately.  But my mom and I are going to start holding one another accountable and that should help. =)

Our lives need balance and they need support.  When one area of our relationships or work or health is not functioning fully, the whole system can fall apart.  So take a good hard look… what is tiring you out?  And what can you do to take that seriously?

Dead or Alive… #reverb10

In March of this year, my mom’s whole family traveled to Hawaii together.  It’s not the first time we have made the trip and it certainly won’t be the last.  It is sort of an extended family reunion that happens every few years – all beginning when I was only five years old!

Our time is spent mainly on the island of Oahu and we have seen quite a bit of that area!   Two years ago, however, we learned about a hike we had never attempted before: a trail up the back side of Koko Head Crater.

My brothers and my husband and I were determined that this spring, we were going to do that hike.

December 3 – Moment. Pick one moment during which you felt most alive this year. Describe it in vivid detail (texture, smells, voices, noises, colors). (Author: Ali Edwards)

Now, for a little background information.  We had been told that this particular hike was a bit more difficult than some of the other ones we had accomplished – like Diamond Head Crater.  But we weren’t quite aware of how much more difficult it actually would be!

Our first problem was that we got on the wrong bus.  We could see the crater rising up in the distance ahead of us and knew where we were trying to get (kind of), and thought we knew how to get there.  The only problem was, the bus we hopped on didn’t go the direction we thought it was supposed to on that particular day.  So we got off at what looked like a close location and decided to hoof it the rest of the way to the park outside the crater.

We dressed appropriately for climbing… tanks and shorts, carrying the only id’s and money we needed in our little camera pouch.  My brother had enough foresight to purchase a huge bottle of water.  Our tennis shoes were broken in.  We were ready.

And so we walked.  And walked.  And walked.  I think we must have covered a good mile and a half before we eventually found our way through the residential neighborhood to the small little park at the base of the crater.  And then we had to walk some more to get to the trail.  And then, we stopped to look up.

Looming before us was the straightest, steepest path I had ever seen in my life.  But it had stairs… how hard could it be?

I think I made it to the first light pole of the 15 that were on the side of the mountain and I wanted to die.  My thighs ached.  I was breathing hard.  My face was flush.  Seriously, was I really that out of shape?

I made it two more and thought I might actually die.

I made it to the halfway point and gave up.  For about a minute.  And then my husband and my brother made me go ahead of them so that they could keep pushing me on and let me set the pace.

We stopped and rested.  We breathed in deep.  We let the hot sun bake our skin.  And we took in the amazing views.

We went a little farther.  And then I was certain that death was imminent.  There was absolutely no way that I would make it.  At step 900 I knew I was toast.

In this time, of course, locals who used this path often went up the trail and back down again.  Young people were running it.  This one group of teenagers came jogging down, one of them riding on another’s back.  Kids were having an easier go of it than I was.

I think the moment of frustration came when we met this 60+ year old guy who did the trail three times a week.  There he went trotting his way up the crater… and there he came back down again.

I had to keep going.  My sides were aching, my lungs were heaving, but I was going to do it.
And then that moment came when I placed one foot on top of the other and actually made it to the top of the crater.
The view was phenomenal.  We could see ocean all around us – Waikiki far off in the distance – the island of Molakai barely on the horizon.  The sky was overcast, yet sunlight poured down upon us.  The ocean was deep blue and turqouise and capped with these ripples of waves as far as the eye could see.
The air was salty and clean… although that salt smell may have been my sweaty armpits.  My face was flush with exhaustion and I’m sure that I was bright red, but there at the top the sun didn’t beat down so hard and the breeze cooled our spirits.
Looking down into the lush crater below were the rich greens of a rainforest and botanical garden – such a stark contrast to the brown, dusty and scraggly trail we had just followed.  The waters of Hanauma Bay glistened like diamonds in front of us and just beyond it, we could make out the puffs of air as a group of whales swam by.
The entire world was so small and seemed a lifetime away.  It was hard to put into words just how far we had come… how my life had been transformed in moments from near death (at least in my imagination) to this glorious experience of the fullness of life.
I didn’t dare sit down, because I might never have been able to get up again.  But I drank in some of that hot and nearly empty water bottle and I stood there taking it all in.  I felt like I could accomplish anything… anything except maybe making it back down that trail.

taking the first steps to healthy

I might have posted something about this before… but pastors, in general, and in the Iowa Annual Conference of the United Methodist Church, in particular, (did I use my commas correctly there?) are pretty unhealthy.  There was some outstanding (and not in a good way) statistic a year ago at conference that said that our group for health insurance with Blue Cross Blue Shield has like 2x the rate of cancer and 3x the rate of diabetes as any other group that Wellmark covers.  Insanity.

Now, I’m a young woman, relatively healthy, but I admit to myself that I have room for improvement on this front.  It would be great if I could look back on this time of my life and say that I was in the best physical and mental and spiritual shape that I could have been. 

To try to coax pastors in our conference to be more F.I.T. (remember that challenge from a few posts ago), we are signed up with this program through Virgin Healthmiles.  Virgin as in the company… not Mary…

We can get a pedometer and set up an account, and depending on how many miles we walk in a year’s time, we can actually earn money!  The thought is that if we are encouraging people to be healthy and rewarding them for their work, they will actually save money in the long run by decreasing health care costs. 

So, I got my pedometer in the mail.  And I’ve been using it pretty faithfully for a week now – although I forgot to wear it over the weekend.  My goal is 10,000 steps a day… and I’ve only hit that goal twice (well, three times if I had worn it yesterday).  It is a reminder that I really do need to get out there and exercise, and this morning, I made the extra effort and went for a run. 

It had been such a long time and my lungs screamed at me, but I did it.  And I’m going to keep doing it. Because the extra cash would be nice to have… and if I keep on track I’ll need it to buy some new clothes… but most of all, because I deserve to be healthy and fit.

So – first step is actually getting off my hiney and getting out there and moving. 
Step two is following that up with some healthy eating.  I started off today with a fruit smoothie – inspired by Alton Brown.  He measures his fruit and juice in oz’s and then dumps it all in… I guess I’m following technique more than anything else.  Mine this morning included blueberries (which I bought on super sale and then froze myself), frozen peaches, fresh strawberries (the remainder or which were frozen for the future), blueberry/pomegranate juice, and 1/2 a scoop of whey protein.
Step three is trying to gracefully avoid and limit what I eat at the church.  There are homemade cakes and casseroles and snacks everywhere. And you feel bad if you say no, because people are being gracious hosts.  But you know what… that’s probably the number one reason pastor’s are so unhealthy.  We Methodists have too many good cooks!!!!