family – Page 12 – Salvaged Faith

The valley of the shadow of death…

Posted on December 28, 2009Leave a comment

Holy God,

You sure do have a sense of humor.

The week that was supposed to be quiet so that I could procrastinate and finish editing my ordination paperwork has turned into chaos.

This season of birth and life has become a time of remembrance and mourning for many families as they say goodbye to loved ones.

And you bless me with the honor of walking with them through that valley of the shadow of death.

I hold that task sacred and pray that you will help me lead them faithfully… despite my distracted spirit.

On this day when I thought I would have the quiet of a warm office to write in, you have graced me with an elevator that rings constantly at a high pitched frequency… and service calls that need to be made.

When I want to bask in the still, small light of the advent wreath ablaze and the Christ Candle shining brightly in its midst, the wicks seem to have a mind of their own and I’m sure to set off fire alarms with their foot high flames.

The quiet innocence of our children’s pageant on Christmas Eve, turned into a chorus of wild angels as they ran and leaped and jumped and sang all throughout the sanctuary.

The family that I have held so close all of these years now brings tears to my eyes and pain in my heart… and yet you bring me other family members as well, some blood related, others chosen, to see me through the darkness. And you bring my own family closer together as we care for one another’s spirits and try to be honest and faithful.

I am not at all where I want to be emotionally or spiritually right now. And yet, I am constantly reminded that you are right there with me.

And I thank you.

Amen.

Praying for Peace

Posted on December 20, 2009Leave a comment

I’ve been thinking a lot about peace lately.

I’ve been praying a lot FOR peace lately.

While this isn’t a family that is facing conflict – many of you know that there is conflict in my family. I am wrestling with the distractions that it brings and must admit that there are days it is all I think about. I wish that there could be some kind of reconciliation or forgiveness between family members, but at the same time I deal with my own hurts and betrayals and wonder if I can forgive. My desire for my grace and healing and yet my holding of grudges and pain are incompatible. They war within me. And all I can do right now is pray for peace.

And then there is another struggle between war and peace that is a reality for us all.

A couple of weeks ago, our president spoke before the nation and an audience at West Point to announce a surge in military personnel in Afghanistan. This on the heels of being named the 2009 Nobel Peace Prize Laureate.

The two are in so many ways incompatible. From his acceptance speech in Oslo, Obama himself stated:

Still, we are at war, and I am responsible for the deployment of thousands of young Americans to battle in a distant land. Some will kill. Some will be killed. And so I come here with an acute sense of the cost of armed conflict – filled with difficult questions about the relationship between war and peace, and our effort to replace one with the other.

Some in this congregation have relatives who are serving our country right now in other nations. Others of you have friends and neighbors that they have said goodbye to far too many times. Many of you have lived through wars and have the memories of sacrifice and bloodshed ingrained deep within your souls.

The reflections of Steve Goodier have been very helpful to me this week and he includes the letter of a man who was serving on a ship anchored in Tokyo Bay in September 1945. Navy chief radioman Walter G. Germann was writing to his son to tell him that the formal surrender of Japan would soon be signed. “When you get a little older you may think war to be a great adventure take it from me, its the most horrible thing ever done by (humans),” he wrote. “Ill be home this Christmas…”

That man knew – as so many of you do – that peace is hard to come by. And even though he would be coming home for Christmas to a world at peace – he wasn’t at all sure if the ends justified the means. He, like many who serve our nation, probably came home broken on the inside – at war with himself as he tried to justify his actions in battle and the horrors he had seen.

I think of the letter of that man, who saw the day of peace dimming brightly in his future, and then I think of the faces of all of the young men and women who were in the audience for President Obama’s speech at West Point – men and women for whom the future is cloudy.

There is not one among us who doesn’t long for peace. And we are unsure whether what we are doing as a nation will get us there. We pray it will. We hope that peace and stability will come quickly in Afghanistan and Pakistan. We want our sons and daughters and sisters and brothers and fathers and mothers and neighbors to come home. We watch another Christmas come and go without peace.

As Eleanor Roosevelt wrote at Christmas in 1942, “I could no more say to you a Merry Christmas without feeling a catch in my throat than I could fly to the moon!” We look around us at families with a loved one missing and we recognize that as long as there is war – there will not be peace.

This week, I read from Luke’s gospel the story of Mary going to greet her cousin. I was amazed with how Elizabeth recognized that the child in her cousin’s womb was the longing of all Israel. She was absolutely overjoyed…. and in her joy and in Mary’s song they recognized that the promise from Micah – the promise of the one of peace – was being fulfilled.

Our hearts in contrast… are jaded and worn and disappointed.

The strange counterpoint of the Nobel Peace Prize and our current wars that tells us we cannot look for peace to come from any national leader.

There was no triumphant singing after Obama’s West Point speech… and while there may have been music in Oslo at the Nobel ceremonies, Obama’s own speech tempered any bit of joy and celebration. It has been a sobering reminder that they are not our saviors and that true peace only comes through Christ. No matter the obeisance paid to our president, he is not the one we are waiting for. He, nor any other leader within our world, is not our savior. He is not the Prince of Peace.

No, We are waiting for another.

The prophet Micah describes this one in this way:

And he shall stand and feed his flock in the strength of the LORD, in the majesty of the name of the LORD his God. And they shall live secure, for now he shall be great to the ends of the earth; and he shall be the one of peace. (Micah 5:4-5)

Mary and Elizabeth and the child in Elizabeth’s womb cannot contain their joy as they encounter this promise of God – yet unborn. They have been longing and waiting and hoping for so long.

As Elizabeth greets and praises her cousin, she exclaims: Blessed is she who believed that there would be a fulfillment of what was spoken to her by the Lord.

Blessed is she who not only believed in a miraculous birth… but blessed is she who believes that this child is the fulfillment of what God has promised.

Blessed are we who hope and pray and wait and believe in what God has promised.

I know that it is hard to do. We live in a world of cynicism and violence, a world of confusion and hatred.

And yet, we come together as people of faith and we light the fourth candle on the advent wreath because we dare to believe that the Prince of Peace will reign.

We dare to hope that there will be day when nation will not rise up against nation.

We dare to wait for the day when the powerful are brought down from their thrones and the lowly are lifted up.

Steve Goodier, also tells the story of a monument in Hiroshimas Peace Park. This particular monument is in memory of a young girl who died from radiation-induced lukemia after the dropping of the bomb. After hearing a legend that a person who makes 1000 cranes will have their wish granted, she tried to fold 1000 paper cranes. As Steve tells it, “with each crane she wished that she would recover from her illness. She folded 644 cranes before she left this life.” The monument in memory of this young girl named Sadako reads: This is our cry, This is our prayer, Peace in the world.

Now as much as ever, our cry is for peace in the world.

That might be peace in Afghanistan, or peace between you and your neighbors. It might be peace among loved ones, or peace between you and your inner thoughts.
In this season of Advent, we stand in the face of war and suffering and distress and we look for the coming of peace. We stand like Elizabeth, pregnant with hope, that God’s promises are real.
The reality that we long for this and every Advent – The miracle that we wait for this and every Christmas – is that we might wake up one morning and run outside to discover that God is with us – Emmanuel – and that the Prince of Peace rules the earth.

kitchen sitting

Posted on December 5, 2009Leave a comment

One of my favorite holiday activities is sitting in the kitchen and hearing stories. I’m at my grandpas right now – our christmas house – and already the warm and familiar smells of coffee and bacon are filling the air.

Slowly people will start to emerge from all of the various places they crashed. The grandkids from the basement floor, the adults from the bedrooms. Slowly the decibel level will begin to rise and there will be laughter and teasing and guffawing. But for now its fairly quiet. Just the coffee pot percolating and the bacon sizzling and two little ones desperately trying to keep quiet with a deck of cards

FF: Give Thanks

Posted on November 20, 2009Leave a comment

The Cure

Lying around all day

with some strange new deep blue

weekend funk, I’m not really asleep

when my sister calls

to say she’s just hung up

from talking with Aunt Bertha

who is 89 and ill but managing

to take care of Uncle Frank

who is completely bed ridden.

Aunt Bert says

it’s snowing there in Arkansas,

on Catfish Lane, and she hasn’t been

able to walk out to their mailbox.

She’s been suffering

from a bad case of the mulleygrubs.

The cure for the mulleygrubs,

she tells my sister,

is to get up and bake a cake.

If that doesn’t do it, put on a red dress.

–Ginger Andrews (from Hurricane Sisters)

–What is your cure for the “mulleygrubs”?–

My first instinct was to respond how I wallow when I have the “mulleygrubs.” I put on pj’s and light some candles and curl up in a blanket in front of the television. Then I wait for them to go away. But the cure… probably putting some upbeat piano and vocals (like the Gabe Dixon Band) or some funky beats (like Black Eyed Peas) and getting my groove on while I clean. There is nothing like getting my house in order to shake me out of the mulleygrubs.

–Where will you be for Thanksgiving?–

Thanksgiving Eve: out to dinner and a friends house. Thanksgiving: hosting hubby’s mom’s side at our house (I don’t even have to do anything in the kitchen!). Thanksgiving Friday: my brother’s house with my side of the family. Thanksgiving Saturday: my father-in-law’s for that side of the family.

–What foods will be served? Which are traditional for your family?–

We do pretty simple traditional things. Turkey, canned cranberry jelly =), stuffing (my mom always makes Rachel Ray’s stuffin’ muffins), mashed potatoes, sweet potatoes with marshmellows, green bean casserole, sweet corn (that was frozen at the end of summer), pumpkin pie. But there are also some not so traditional things: sauerkraut and a wild rice/mushroom dish.

–How do you feel about Thanksgiving as a holiday?–

I think its a terrific holiday. It’s a great chance to get together with your family and celebrate one another and the blessings of another year. My church doesn’t really do a thanksgiving service – although we did move Laity Sunday to last week and our theme was creation and abundance and thanskgiving… we sang lots of great old hymns and it was a nice way to kind of bring Thanksgiving in. I don’t like that all of our secular holidays make it into the church year. So we are sticking with Reign of Christ this Sunday.

–In this season of Thanksgiving, what are you grateful for?–

I’m grateful for my church which has always given me the opportunity to try new things, even if we fail miserably at them. I’m grateful for people across the world who are living out their faith in creative and authentic ways. I’m grateful for my close family and that we are finding new ways to support one another. I’m grateful for my husband and the ways that we keep muddling through this crazy thing called marriage.

–Bonus: What is Aunt Bertha’s Thanksgiving like?–

I’m not entirely sure, but I found that picture of a cake up above and I think that’s the kind of cake pan she would have and the kind of cake she would make. Nothing fancy – just sweet and warm and delicious. I picture her red dress being a little worn and faded, because it’s her favorite and she wears it over and over again. I picture a table heaping full of food from the garden, things that were canned and saved away over the summer and fall. I picture a turkey perfectly cooked – maybe a little overdone – that is far to big for her and Uncle Frank to eat. And I hope that someone shows up at their house to eat with them.

Hebrews Part 6: Discipline

Posted on November 8, 2009Leave a comment

My nephew has recently picked up a bad habit. Lying. Whether it’s just a phase he is going through or if developmentally he has just realized that he can make up stories and try to get away with things… it hasn’t been working. His parents see right through his lies. They catch him all the time. But they couldn’t figure out how to get him to stop doing it.

But they recently got some advice and figured out a new way to discipline him. Each time they catch him in a lie he has to pay them a dollar. Now, for a 7 year old, a dollar is a lot of money. And he has to go all the way up to his bedroom and get his piggy bank and pull out a dollar and come all the way back downstairs and pay up.

And since they have instituted this new form of punishment do you want to know how many times he has lied? Once – the first time – and it was so painful for him and it made such an impression on him that he hasn’t done it since.

As we come to the last chapters of the letter to the Hebrews this morning – we find that we have come full circle. We have gone from being accepted by Christ and called his brothers and sisters in chapter two – to being addressed as children of the Lord in chapter twelve. And like all children – like my nephew – we are going to learn a little bit about discipline.

All of that stuff that happens in between – all of those big words like Christology and atonement – they help us understand how we become children of God, but what really matters is that it happens. Because of what Jesus has done in his life, death, and resurrection life – we are restored and redeemed and we are now children of God.

We have been adopted into God’s household – but there are some changes that we are going to have to make in our lives – some new “house rules” if you will. Because what Christ did is set us on a new path – we have a new direction in this life and our job now is to run this race to the end.

We talked a little bit about that race last week – but today we are going to talk about what running this race is really like.

So first a question – How many of you here are runners? Not very many, I would imagine.

Running is very hard work. On and off for about 4 years I have tried to take up the habit of running. And I’ve learned that you have to start off slowly, step by step, little by little. If you tried to start off running 5 miles a day – you would cramp up and your heart would scream at you. But slowly, gradually, you can build yourself up to that point.

The reason why my attempts at running have been unsuccessful is very simple – I lacked the discipline it takes to become a runner.

I might start off good for a week – or maybe even two weeks. I would gradually increase my time running and my lungs would expand their capacity to take in air and my heart would become gradually stronger and my legs would slowly start to adapt to the work I was asking them to do…

…. but then I would get busy, or get tired, or get frustrated because I wasn’t seeing the instant results I wanted. And so I would skip a few days… and then those days would become two weeks, and then I had to start all over again. I couldn’t pick up where I had left off – because my body had already reverted to its pre-running stage.

What I really need is a running coach – someone to yank me out of bed in the morning. Someone to remind me of the basics and to teach me new skills. Someone to keep me on track. The kind of discipline that a running coach would encourage for their student… healthy eating, drinking plenty of fluids, warming up your body, and the part I dread: wind sprints, endurance running, and pushing yourself a little farther each day… is all designed to help create the best possible conditions for a running lifestyle. Each and every single thing is important to turn your body into a running body.

I don’t think its mere coincidence that our reading on discipline in Hebrews this morning comes right after the introduction of this race metaphor. Bill Long wrote that “discipline can not only ‘chisel’ or ‘sculpt’ the body…, but it can shape the soul.” And just like a runner, we are being asked to transform ourselves – mind, body, and soul – into something different. We are being asked to become different people – and that takes discipline.

What is true for my habit of running is often true for our spiritual race as well – the discipline we need often has to come from without.

The good news is that this race comes with its own coach. Hebrews 12:2 reminds us that we can look to Jesus, the pioneer and perfector of our faith who has tread this path before. When we look to him – who endured more than we could possibly imagine – we find the strength to keep going.

And then what we are asked to remember is that this race isn’t going to be easy. We are going to run through some rough terrain. We are going to bump elbows with people who are running different races and we might get pushed around in the process. There will be potholes and roadblocks and dead ends and hills and valleys along this race.

But in each of those struggles, in each of those trials, God is disciplining us – we are being shaped into children of God.

As verse 11 reminds us – discipline always seems painful rather than pleasant at the time, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it. Just like wind sprints strengthen and transform our hearts… although they make you feel like you are going to die in the process… so too does the discipline of God transform our lives.

Something that is rattling around in the back of my mind… and I want you to bear with me for just a minute, because I haven’t fully figured this bit out… is that discipline is not punishment.

Now – I know that in the version of the scriptures that you have printed there it actually uses the word punishment – but it is the only version that does so and I believe it’s a bad translation of the passage.. Almost every other version I have looked at uses the word “rebuke” instead of punishment…. God is expressing disapproval, God is correcting us. In the greek, the word is elegchomenos… literally, we are being exposed when we are on the wrong path or doing the wrong thing.

But the type of discipline that then is carried out is not some arbitrary punishment, God does not take pleasure in causing pain in our lives or seeing us struggle… but God’s discipline helps us to correct the mistakes in our lives… it is a training or teaching that will equip us for righteousness.

If I am running incorrectly and someone doesn’t point it out and correct my form, I could cause serious damage to my body. The initial correction might be tough, it might be painful and it might hurt my pride, but it will strengthen me for the long haul. So too, the discipline of the Lord puts us back on the right path and strengthens us for the tougher parts of the journey ahead. It will forge us into the type of people that God knows we can be.

What that also means is that God doesn’t send trials into our lives just for the sake of trials. God only disciplines us because we are loved and only disciplines us to correct missteps and to prepare us for the future.

I firmly believe that God doesn’t give us cancer to teach us something, or send hurricanes to shore to send us a message. Love is not the foundation of that kind of discipline.

But when tragedies befall us – when we face roadblocks – when we are rocked to the core by a death or a disaster… we can know that we have strength to endure because of what we have already been through and we can be assured that God will bring us through to the other side a stronger person than we were before.

The final thing that I want to say is that discipline not only happens between us and God, it also happens in a community.

John Wesley was really big on discipline. The very reason we are called Methodists today is because he and his friends had such a meticulous method to keep their minds and souls conditioned – to keep them running on the right path. Wesley often referred to an early church saying that “the soul and the body make a man; the spirit and discipline make a Christian.”

In the last chapters of Hebrews our joint responsibility for one another’s discipline is clear. “see to it that no one fails to obtain the grace of God.” “make sure not root of bitterness springs up and causes trouble.” “ remember those who are in prison, as if you are in prison with them” “let mutual love continue” “remember your leaders… your earthly coaches… who are charged with watching over your souls…”

But we also remember that the same charge is given to us whenever we stand together and make our member ship vows. Each time we do so, I say to you:

“Members of the household of God,
I commend these persons to your love and care.
Do all in your power to increase their faith,
confirm their hope, and perfect them in love.”

Our job as Christians is more than to simply believe… we also must be in relationship with the living God… we must live our lives differently. And discipline is how we hold those two together. Discipline is how we make sure that our lives match our beliefs. It forms us into the kind of people God wants us to be. It is our training ground for the life to come. And the good news is – we are all in this together.

FF: Five Songs

Posted on October 23, 20092 Comments

When I was a very little girl growing up in Virginia, I never missed a Sunday going to Court Street Baptist Church. But there was something else that made Sundays special, and that was “Davey and Goliath.” Every week the opening strains of the theme song would find me lying on the floor, chin on hands, looking up expectantly to watch the adventures of a clay boy and his big dog.

What I didn’t realize was who wrote that music, the hymn “A Mighty Fortress is Our God.”

It was the same Martin Luther who said:

“I have no use for cranks who despise music, because it is a gift of God. Music drives away the Devil and makes people gay; they forget thereby all wrath, unchastity, arrogance, and the like. Next after theology, I give to music the highest place and the greatest honor.”

On this Friday before Reformation Sunday, let’s talk about music. Share with us five pieces of music that draw you closer to the Divine, that elevate your mood or take you to your happy place. They might be sung or instrumental, ancient or modern, sacred or popular…whatever touches you.

1) All Will Be Well – the Gabe Dixon Band… I fell in love with this song in Nashville – it pretty much sums up my theology (and may be the reason I love Moltmann so much)

2) Here I Am Lord – the song that represents my call – I love singing the harmony on the chorus when you get a big group of people together.

3) I Believe in a Thing Called Love – The Darkness – this song gets me up on my feet and moving. at a time when I was taking better care of myself and exercising regularly – this was the number one song on my playlist.

4) Hey Ya – Outkast – my dad and I danced to this song at my wedding – not for our father/daughter dance… but because he liked the song and we requested it. It still makes me giggle thinking about us out there busting a move

5) Shelter – Ray Lamontagne – another artist I fell in love with during seminary. If my husband hadn’t had a song already – I would have lobbied hard for this one for our first dance.

pastoral discoveries

Posted on October 22, 2009Leave a comment

So – my last post kind of cryptically talked about growing and stretching and being challenged and stressed. As I’m wading around in all of that still, I thought it would be good to talk about some of the things that Im learning about what it means to be a pastor in the midst of it.

1) It’s okay to not answer your phone. At our Healthy Ministerial Relations workshop we talked about boundaries and many people shared that they turn their phone off on their sabbath days. I wouldn’t do that simply because my cell phone is also my personal phone – but I did remember that advice when I recieved five phone calls from church folk on Sunday afternoon. I didn’t have my pastor hat on then – I was being a sister and was helping paint my brother-in-laws new house. So I let the calls go to voice mail. And then I listened to see if they were important. And then I let it wait. When I started my day on Monday – I called each one of them back. And while initially I felt kind of guilty about doing so, it was a reminder that I don’t have to be “on” 24-7.

2) Why do pledge drives/stewardship campaigns have to be in November? With how busy our lives are right now it just seems like one more thing on top of every other thing. I think for the most part we like the connection of offering and thanksgiving and consecration all going together, but there is no time left. We are now talking about pushing all of that back to January. We don’t use our pledges to make our budget anyways because we don’t have enough history with them. What difference would it make if as a congregation we commit to support the church at the end of January instead of the end of November? Plus – it gives us the opportunity to really push our small group study and having a “new year, new finances” kind of focus might work out really well!

3) Rookie mistake – don’t talk to reporters. And especially don’t talk to people when you really don’t have time. As I was finishing up the funeral orders – about 15 minutes before the family was scheduled to arrive – I got a phone call that I really didn’t have time to answer. I told him I didn’t have time to talk, and was trying to show that I had no information that could help him, but in my rush to get on with my business, and because I had no idea what he was talking about I said something that was taken out of context in the article. Note to everyone else: just say no comment. (see also #1 – it’s okay not to answer the phone and screen the calls through voicemail)

4) Your support network keeps you sane… or at least helps you let off steam. Without my best friends and facebook, without my brothers/sisters (in-laws too), and without being honest and vulnerable with my congregation, some of this week might have been unbearable. But because we talked (and typed) and prayed and hugged and watched football, we got through it.

5) You have to keep the joys and thanksgivings at the front. I carried around the pictures of my new nephew and showed him to lots of people this week – it gave me a chance to celebrate in the midst of the stress.

6) Sometimes you can get away with swearing during a sermon. At the funeral this week, the family didn’t want to get up and speak, but had some things that they wanted me to include. And so I said them – and it cut to the heart of who this guy was and everyone understood and I didn’t get any snide looks from anyone who thought it was inappropriate.

7) Once you use powerpoint in a sermon, you may never go back. I preached on the three major atonement theories in worship on Sunday and used visuals/bullet points. I had so many positive comments that now I’m wondering how we can adapt the technology in our worship space to make it easier to continue doing so.

breathe in, breathe out

Posted on October 16, 2009Leave a comment

Photo by: Thomas Boulvin

My life has been a little bit insane lately.

As a pastor, as a wife, as a daughter, as an aunt, as a sister, as a home… well, home-occupier. Every facet of my life has pulled me and stretched me and stressed me out and brought me joy and helped me to grow and made me happy. All in the short two week span between October 1 and October 15.

I’ve met with families of loved ones who have died. I have wrestled with divorce and separation and legal battles in the church and in my family – and the heartache that comes from just wanting to make all of those things better and just wanting people to love one another yet again pr at the very least to stop hurting one another so badly and not being able to do anything.

I’ve waded through mistakes and miscommunications and “I’m sorry”s and “I love you”s and apologies and goal setting and covenants and unworthiness and unconditional love and communion and meetings and singing and laughter and tears and anger and worry and muddy dirt roads and chicken noodle soup and piles of paper and paint stores and hugs and stories and fumbles and touchdowns and …

I’m exhausted. But this afternoon I get to go and meet the newest addition to our family. And tomorrow I get to hang out with my brothers and sister-in-law and dad. and next week, even though our young clergy retreat is postponed – I’m taking a personal day to enjoy all of the blessings that have arrived in the midst of the chaos and to celebrate the clarity of vision that has come through the storms.