Give Them Something To Eat

On Friday nights, I get a little homesick.

For the past seven or so years, every week we gathered at my sister-in-law’s house for dinner with her husband and children.  At 6:00 every evening we’d walk in the door and be greeted with gigantic hugs and shouts of joy.

We’d place our offering for the meal – of warm garlicky bread  or some other carb-loaded treat on the table – and we’d all sit down to dig in.

We’d fight over who got to sit by whom.

We’d tell stories and giggle.

And the kids were always so proud of what they helped to make for the meal.

 

2177ba821d136dcef6633ace49f050eeThe family dinner table is one of the most powerful analogues we have for what it means to be the people of God.  As we gather around the communion table each week, we gather with familiar faces for a familiar taste of grace. We sing those same old songs and we feel warm and comfortable and welcome.

 

Some of my most powerful experiences of communion were in intimate and small groups of people.

My call to ministry was found around a table in the tiny basement chapel at Simpson College where we began sharing weekly communion.  As we broke bread around a circular table, we looked into one another’s faces.  You could feel the love and grace and peace of God.

The bread at that table was lovingly baked every week by Patty LaGree – whose husband Kevin is a United Methodist pastor and at that time was the President of Simpson College.  It was nutty and sweet and hearty and crumbled a little bit in your fingers.  

Far from home, that community that broke bread together became a family.  An intimate, holy, close-knit family.

 

I’m sure that’s the kind of experience the disciples were hoping for in our scripture this morning.

 

Their friend, their colleague, John the Baptist had been executed. And in his grief, Jesus got in a boat and needed to get away and have some alone time.  He had planned to spend time in prayer and mourning, just him and God.

The disciples took the long way and planned to catch up with him that night and have their own time of retreat.  A time like many of us seek here on Sunday mornings.  A couple of hours to regroup and get spiritually renewed so we can head back out into the hustle and bustle.

And they brought just enough food for their little group.  They wanted to break bread together as their intimate, close-knit family.

But when the disciples get to that meeting place, they found thousands of people all pressed into the valley listening to Jesus’ words and waiting to be healed.

 

You see, as soon as Jesus had stepped off of his boat, the people flocked to him. 

He had needed time to be alone and pray, but the people needed him more.

The scriptures say he “had compassion for them,” but those words don’t quite do justice. In greek, the word is “splanchnizomai” (splank-nid-zo-my) which means he felt for them in his gut.  He ached with and for these people.

Max Lucado wrote, “once he felt their hurts, he couldn’t help but heal their hurts… He was so moved by the people’s [needs] that he put his [needs] on the back burner.”  (The Eye of the Storm)

 

All day this goes on, Jesus healing and teaching and praying, and then the disciples show up.  They brought a little basket of food for their quiet family dinner…. The bread they were hoping to share with one another and they urge Jesus to send the people back to the villages so they can find food.

 

They want their time with Jesus.

 

But Jesus, still aware of the people’s hurt and hunger cannot send them away…

“You feed them,” he tells the disciples, “Give them something to eat.”

 

Just like the disciples were invited to offer up their five loaves and two fishes, we bring this bread and this cup to the table.  These elements aren’t here by a miracle, but people from our church have faithfully offered them up to God.

 

I once worshipped and shared communion with a church in Nashville called Edgehill UMC. They call themselves “the church on the edge” because they straddle the border between extreme wealth and poverty… with Music Row on one side of their block and hungry people on the other.

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Edgehill UMC

Much like Trinity/Las Americas here in Des Moines, Edgehill is a church of great diversity… with persons of all sorts of different ethnicities, educations, ages, and orientations gathered in their church.  As nearly one hundred people gathered for worship that morning, communion time came and everyone stood up and formed a circle around the sanctuary.

Their sanctuary is flexible space and so during the week, tables are set up for their after school tutoring and meal program and their Free Store. 

As we gathered to break bread, we formed that circle, and we were able to look into one anothers faces across the church.  We  talked about all of those who would be fed in that space this week.  We asked God to bless the community garden this church started.  We prayed for those who were hungry and were not gathered in the circle this morning. And then, we each received and gave communion.

There was a second loaf of bread and another pitcher of juice on the table… holy communion that was meant to be shared and that would be taken out into the community to the shut-ins and those who couldn’t make it.

 

This wasn’t an intimate, private family dinner… this was a never-ending feast… a banquet that was meant to be shared.  When we broke the bread in that circle, we were invited to draw the circle ever wider and to take that bread with us when we left, feeding others along the way.

Two loaves of bread, offered faithfully to God, became the source of this church’s ministry in their neighborhood.

 

In our scripture, Jesus invites the disciples to offer up what they had, as well.

A picnic dinner, and a meager one at that. Two fish for thirteen guys?  It was all they had.

 

Jesus took their bread, gave thanks, and broke the bread and gave it to the twelve… not so they could have that intimate, private meal they had been hoping for…. but so they could serve.

 

They looked around at the men and the women and the children. The people who were hungry for grace and healing and forgiveness.  The people who were hot and tired and physically hungry after a long day of waiting and standing around in line to see Jesus.

One by one, the disciples fed the people.

One by one, their small private meal became a kingdom feast, a never-ending banquet, a glimpse of the kingdom of God.

 

An ordinary thing like a loaf of bread becomes the answer to our deepest hungers in God’s presence.

 

If you get a chance, I highly recommend you read Sara Miles book, “Take This Bread.”  It is the story of her conversion and how God found her at the communion table.  In it she writes: The bits of my past- family, work, war, love – came apart as I stumbled into church, then reassembled, through the works communion inspired me to do, into a new life centered on feeding strangers: food and bodies, transformed. I wound up not in what church people like to call “a community of believers” – which tends to be code of “a like-minded club” – but in something huger and wilder than
I had ever expected: the suffering, fractious, and unboundaried body of Christ.

 

pantryveg2
from www.thefoodpantry.org

Her experience around the communion table led her to start a food pantry and feeding program for strangers that were hungry. As she was fed, she heard God’s call to feed others.

“You feed them.  Give them something to eat.” Jesus commands.

When we come forward to partake in this holy meal and break bread together, we bring our gifts and we bring ourselves. 

We might not have a lot to give.  A five dollar bill.  An hour of time.  We might look at what we have to offer as a small and ordinary thing.

 

But as we participate in the breaking of bread, right here, in this very room, extraordinary things happen.

Your gifts are transformed into meals that feed hungry families and help keep the lights on at places like Edgehill and Trinity/Las Americas.  All of these gifts added together help this church do ministry in our neighborhood at Hillis Elementary and sends communion to our homebound.  They provide the support for the love, service, and prayer we are called to live.

 

But this bread also has the powerful potential to do extraordinary things in YOUR life.  Just as my first call to ministry came in the breaking of the bread, God just might stir in your life today.  Today, God might open your eyes, as God did with the disciples, and help them to see that this meal is not about you… it is about the people God loves.

The hungry.

The lonely.

The sick.

The sorrowful.

 

We sometimes get focused on what we have been given and want to share it with our friends and our family, but here at the table, God invites us to give our gifts and our very lives to any who would become our friends and our family.

 

When we come forward to partake of this holy meal and break bread together, this is not a private, intimate experience. 

This is an invitation to a radically public life. 

This bread will send you back out into the world and comes with a powerful challenge.

“YOU give them something to eat.”

What I am learning as I give up social media for Lent…

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#1 – I seek praise, sympathy, solidarity through social media.  The smallest, most insignificant thing could happen and my first instinct is to post it so that other people will comment and respond.  It is attention-seeking behavior that often slips into a self-centered focus.  Having to constantly fight the urge to post has led me to wonder what I’m getting out of those posts… and what others are as well.  Sometimes, it is an authentic search for community and others to share the journey with.  Sometimes it is  race to see who has the biggest sob story or frustration of the day.  These past weeks have reminded me of my insignificance.  No one  really cares what I had for breakfast or about a stubbed toe or that I shared an article.  I’m just not that important.  And I shouldn’t be.

#2 – Most of my news comes from social media. When I hear of breaking news, I search for the topic on twitter instead of turning on the television.  The variety of sources, the mix of images, video, stories, personal reflections, global perspectives is amazing.  I just don’t get the same depth of information watching one news channel go on for hours at a time about a single event, and when you flip stations between the networks, the information is often similiar with only slight colors of perspective.  As Ukraine and Russian and the Malaysian flight disappearance have made headlines, I have largely been out of the loop of what is happening in the world.

#3 – Many of my conversations with close, personal friends, happen on Facebook.  While texting is part of my communications toolbox, I rarely call or email these individuals.  I never realized how much I rely upon Facebook groups for keeping in touch with a circle of friends – whether they are colleagues or my girlfriends.  I had to write a clause into my lenten discipline that allowed me to continue using the Messenger part of Facebook (which meant I had to download the app), because I realized I would be completely out of the loop on conversations about health, upcoming events, and personal struggles.  Not being on facebook and able to follow posts on group pages has left me feeling fairly isolated from those I am most connected with.

#4 – I pray a lot through Facebook.  Whether they are shared prayer concerns among colleagues or simply reading the everyday struggle and hopes of friends, family, and colleagues, I am frequently moved to pray as I interact with posts and snoop on people’s lives.  Not having that source of prayer material at my fingertips, however, has led me to pay attention a bit more to the people around me… the guy sitting on the park bench, the people in line.  I find myself wondering what their story is, what they hope for…  I haven’t worked up the courage to ask yet, however.  I’m not sure if I’ve always been an “overhearer” of people’s lives or if this is something that a social media culture has developed in me and others around me.  And sometimes I wonder if that extension of ourselves into the public space is good or not.  I hesitate to lift up a prayer out loud on the bus, but I don’t when I’m commenting on a friend of an acquaintances post.  It’s something to ponder.

#5 – I enjoy watching sports with social media.  I enjoy the quick stats and the commentary that is often far better than what is on the television.  I like the sense of solidarity in amazing plays and in bad calls.  Yet, with the Iowa Hawkeyes basketball team being told to stay off of twitter because of the criticisms, I also recognize how brutal it gets out there.  The things we yell at the television in the quiet of our own homes now are the things we post online in public in the heat of the moment, without tempering our emotions and remembering it is, after all, just a game. 

#6 – I’m following the practice of celebrating Sundays as “little Easters” and not fasting from social media on those days.  In the past two weeks, I’ve largely used those days to dump pictures and a quick narrative of the highlights of my week, as well as to quickly skim my group pages, catch up where I can with friends, and have left very few comments.  I might have spent a total of 2 hours on facebook between those two days.  The time I spend in my typical week on social media must be astounding.  I’m sure there is an app somewhere to monitor it, but I’m afraid to look. 

#7 – I use Facebook and social media equally for work and for personal matters.  Conversations with friends and co-workers happen simultaneously.  I’m more aware of that fact as I try to occasionally use it for work-related items (like updating our facebook page for Imagine No Malaria), but the distinction is so blurred that I have tried to avoid it or batch post.  I think it would be worth it to do some hard work of creating new lists on facebook to better discriminate what I post and to whom so I could use it for both in a better way. 

#8 – this is NOT going to be a permanent fast.

The Institution of Marriage

**uploading some older sermons as I sort through files.  This one in particular was a joy to write and I was blessed by the opportunity to share this day with my dear friends.** 

Friends, we are gathered here today to celebrate an institution.

Now, that may seem like a boring and cold thing to say… but I assure you, nothing about today will be boring or cold =)

Institutions form societies. They mold us as individuals. They enhance our ability to be fully developed human beings. Institutions carry within them the values we hold most dear… the values that we want to pass on to the generations that follow us.

990207_36566280The institution of the family brought this man and this woman… in fact, all of us men and women… into the world. Each of you who have played the role of a parent or grandparent or a sister or brother to these two, have helped to make Ben and Kayla who they are today.

The religious institutions in their lives formed in them a deep sense of justice and love. Their wrestling with faith enabled them to ask questions about what it means to be faithful, about who their neighbor was, and about what it means to be a child of God.

Without the educational institution – well… Ben and Kayla never would have met. Some of us gathered here today witnessed the beginning of their journey together at Simpson College. They discovered their common values, they laughed and love together, and each step since that first one has brought all of us here.

Today, we witness them enter into the institution of marriage.

On the back of your programs, there is an excerpt from an important court decision in the state of Massachusetts.

Marriage is a vital social institution. The exclusive commitment of two individuals to each other nurtures love and mutual support.

Civil marriage is at once a deeply personal commitment to another human being and a highly public celebration of the ideals of mutuality, companionship, intimacy, fidelity, and family. Because it fulfils yearnings for security, safe haven, and connection that express our common humanity, civil marriage is an esteemed institution and the decision whether and whom to marry is among life’s momentous acts of self-definition.

It is undoubtedly for these concrete reasons, as well as for its intimately personal significance, that civil marriage has long been termed a “civil right.” Without the right to choose to marry one is excluded from the full range of human experience.

In beautiful and poetic words, the court reminds us that this institution of marriage is a public celebration of the ideals of mutuality, companionship, intimacy, fidelity, and family… it fulfils yearnings for security, safe haven, and connection that express our common humanity. These values – these ideals – are what bring us together today.

Any of us who know you – Ben and Kayla – know that your love has been a mighty and blazing flame for many years now. We know that your love needs no ornament or stamp of approval from any religious or governmental body in order to be real. We know of your commitment to one another, of your mutual respect, of your willingness to allow your partner to be who they are and yet love them anyways. We know that your love cannot be bought – that it is genuine and true – honest and holy. In fact, had we not gathered here today… and perhaps some of you thought we never would =) … Kayla and Ben would still be two individuals bound together by commitment and nurtured by love and mutual support.

But we do gather and we do celebrate, because a deeply personal commitment is not all that is important to them. Ben and Kayla believe that making these promises in public benefits the community. They believe that marriage brings stability to society. They believe that the honest, simple, and holy thing we call love is meant to be shared. By stopping at this place in their journey together and gathering before you, they mark the importance of the relationship that they share. They measure how far they have come and leave a reminder to all that follow of what marriage means to them. Here in Iowa, we don’t necessarily gather cairn stones to mark these moments… but we do like to put up billboards along the side of the road.

So, looking back years from now, we might remember that this billboard, from this moment, says: With God as my helper, I choose to live my life with this imperfect, flawed and terribly wonderful soul. I choose to take on the obligations and the joys of a shared existence. I believe that the ability to make this choice and to be faithful to it, is one of the highest and most esteemed values of our society.

The promises Ben and Kayla make today – and their living out of those promises – are themselves a witness of the importance of this institution and the joy they seek by entering it.

They believe that the benefits and obligations of this beautiful institution should be available to all that choose them…

Being married today in Iowa – they not only are publicly celebrating their love and the ideals of mutuality and fidelity and connection… they also celebrate the ideals of equality and justice.

So let us join them in their journey together and mark this moment with celebration…

Let us celebrate that we have the ability to bind ourselves together with the partner we choose.

Let us celebrate that many waters cannot quench the love two people have for one another.

Let us celebrate this beautiful institution of marriage and all of the good that it stands for. Amen and Amen.

 

Prayers from the kitchen sink

We must — at some point along our Lenten journey — be candid about death. Lent begins with the reminder of our mortality, with the ashes from which we are knit together, and the season reaches its climax in the crucifixion of Jesus… Even Jesus, praying at Gethsemane before his death, asked his friends to keep him company. “Then he said to them, ‘I am deeply grieved, even to death; remain here and stay awake with me.'” (Matthew 26:8, NRSV)

Lord, tonight as I stood at my kitchen window washing dishes I thought of my mom and dad.

I’m excited to be traveling with them soon and I can’t wait to see the joy as they hold their newest grandson in their arms.

But to say I don’t worry about them would be… well, untrue.

It surprises me that I feel old somedays.

I know things change and life moves and sometimes it just moves way too fast.

And a scary realization is that if I’m getting older… if I’m an “adult”… then my parents are getting older, too.  (sorry, mom.)

Between Brandon and me, we’ve had lots of conversations and what-ifs about our parents lately. 

Help me to slow down, God.

Help me to take a deep breath.

Help me to not take so much for granted.

In Your last nights, You asked your friends to stay by your side.

The ones who had traveled with you.

The ones who knew you so well.

All you wanted was time. company. love. relationship.

Why is it so hard for us to make time for those things in our daily lives? 

We know we want them.  We know how important they truly are to us.

But the phone call isn’t made.

We fill our schedules instead of our hearts.

How on earth has it been this long since I talked with my dad?

We hurry and work and sweat and stress… and for what?

What if we lived as if we were dying?

That’s a silly cliche, I know.

And to be honest, God, if we moved beyond the trite statement and really took your words seriously…

well, I fear that if I truly died to my self and lived for you that everything would be different… and that’s scary.

You ask us to die… and you ask us to love… but what if we love so much that we don’t want to die?

What if we love people and don’t want them to go?

What if we don’t want things to change…. or if we want them to change in ways that might require less time for the work of ministry so that we can spend more time with family and the very companions you have brought into our beautiful messed up lives?

Help me to understand how to love… and live… and what it might really mean to die.

Prayers from a child's love

Holy One,
You often turn my understanding upside-down.
Just as I catch a glimpse of you in the chaos, you become a calm breeze.
When I am just getting to know you in the dirt and the garden, I am stretched to meet you in the hospital or the city street.

Yesterday,  you surprised me in the fierce love of a child.

I’m familiar with your parental love: guiding me, pushing me, wanting to see my full potential – the potential you gave to me – lived out.

But I had not made the connection until yesterday with how you also love as a child.

My nephew and I are bff’s. He is three and funny and awesome. And before I had even opened the door to his house yesterday I could hear his voice: Aunt Katie!  Aunt Katie!  Aunt Katie!

I was told that as soon as he got up, he was asking about me. An hour later,  I was on his mind. His love is pure, full, exuberant.It astonishes me.

Holy God,  I am humbled by remembering that I am on your mind,  too.
You know my waking and sleeping.
You are eager to see me.
You are calling out for me before I’m even ready.
You are genuine and fully present,  and you love me.
You want to sit by my side and talk to me.
You want me to be a part of what you are doing in this world.
You grab me by the hand and tug me into your joyful kingdom.
You are stubborn and relentless and I know eventually I’m going to have to give in.

Keep loving me with reckless abandon. Keep loving me with the ferocity of a toddler.  Keep at me, God… you know you have my heart.

Prayers from the wreckage

I’ve been following the Lenten prayer prompts from Faith and Water for these forty days.  I’m a bit late and doing some catch-up, but the spirit is there.

Isaiah 10:21 (NRSV): “A remnant will return, the remnant of Jacob, to the mighty God.”

Life breaks us into pieces. To those seasons of our lives, Isaiah brings amazing good news: God only needs pieces to rebuild the whole.

Holy God. Whole-ly God.
There is a shattered place.
A land at war.
A house divided.

Brother turns against brother.
Neighbors who are anything but.
Broken remnants of relationship are all that remain.

God, I know my part.
I know my silence.
I know my anger.
I know my action and my inaction.
I have watched it fall apart and have felt helpless to stop it.

Maybe what I’m feeling is what the sons and daughters of Jacob felt so long ago.
Broken.
Confused.
Angry.
Scared.
Looking at all the land… crumbling around them.

A remnant will return.
Pieces are enough.
Whole-ly God, you take our broken pieces and make us whole.
You take this broken world and create life.
You speak good news into our midst.

Help me, O God, to hear a word of hope.
Help us to see light in the darkness.
Help us to pick up broken pieces.

Show us where to begin.

salvaging a forgotten purpose

Six years ago, I purchased a FranklinCovey planner.

And then technology changed and I started keeping track of my calendar through gmail and with a smart phone it is so convenient to have that electronic copy everywhere.  The planner had long since been hiding in a closet.

But as I have been traveling and having meetings, I realized it is helpful to have a paper calendar with the ability to take notes and remember who I talked to when and what about.  So I dug out that old planner, purchased a new weekly calendar to put in it.

In the process, I found the section of the planner that is really the “franklincovey” benefit – clarification of mission, values, roles and purpose… along with questions and activities to help you discover them. Talk about finding something from the past and wanting to salvage it!

It is fascinating to look back and to see what those values, roles and purposes were and how they have or have not changed:

hill_rhythmValues… most of which have not changed one bit!

  • authenticity
  • simplicity
  • hospitality
  • physical well-being
  • communication
  • embodiment
  • rhythm/balance
  • relationships

Roles

  • Fiancee/Partner (Now wife!)
  • Ministry Intern (Now minister, fundraiser, organizer)
  • Graduate Student (So glad I’m not worrying about classes now!)
  • Daughter/Granddaughter/Sister
  • Friend

What is one thing you could accomplish in your professional life that would have the most positive impact?

  • Creating a change of paradign within the United Methodist Church that would allow us to value embodiment, ritual, authenticity and would be inclusive of all people. This would creat opportunities for individuals and communities to have real and life-changing experiences of God.

What is the one thing you could accomplish in your personal life that would have the most positive impact?

  • Practice the spiritual life with my family in such a way that we are aware of our connection/dependence upon God and this creation; truly live according to a discipline that values simplicity and the rhythm of life.

The kind of person I want to be:

  • joyful
  • simple
  • compassionate
  • authentic
  • relaxed
  • open
  • hospitable
  • accepting
  • loving
  • relational
  • empathetic
  • holy
  • merciful

All the things I would like to do:

  • visit the Czech Republic
  • get married (done!)
  • have children
  • plant a garden (done!)
  • connect with a monastary
  • work with the dying (I have LOVED funeral ministry)
  • preside over the sacraments (yes!)
  • join a CSA
  • host weekly dinners (well, we don’t host, but we have them!)

All the things I would like to have:

  • a home with a garden (yes… although our current house will have a container garden)
  • a large kitchen for entertaining
  • a plan for retirement

 

I actually never completed the section that has you draft and then finalize your purpose statement, but I think in many ways what I had written gives voice to that purpose.  As I think back upon these last five or six years, many of those values and desires have been lived out.  I truly tried to minister in my congregation and in this conference with that “vision” of what I wanted to accomplish professionally in mind – although not with great intent.  It is part of who I am, however, and so even without specifically trying, it has been a part of what I do.   Even in my work with Imagine No Malaria, I can help us to do work with our hands and feet, truly engage our communities, and share what we know and have experienced with one another.  I want to involve everyone in this amazing effort to do something great for (and with) God.

What I have missed out on and am trying to reclaim in my life right now is that sense of rhythm.  A schedule, a discipline, for every day life.  In the past few weeks, I have been working on precisely that so it was amazing to rediscover that in the pages of this planner.  I have been establishing a pattern for myself that includes dishwashing before bed, laundry on Saturdays, coffee and devotions in the morning, and a plan for meals that allows us to eat simply and healthily.  I’m not stressed about those things… they are finding their place, although gradually.  And I’m grateful to reclaim that rhythm as a core value in my life.

My Book of Resolutions

Resolution 2013.1

WHEREAS, my change in job has caused some stress in my family life

WHEREAS, stability is sometimes more important than flexibility

WHEREAS, I need to remember this job is a marathon, not a sprint

THEREFORE BE IT RESOLVED, that I will prayerfully (and with consulatation from my husband) discern my schedule in the future – especially planned time away

LET IT FUTHER BE RESOLVED, that I will ask for help when I need it, delegate where I can, and remember that giving 100% to this work is often about empowering other people to serve as well.

 

Resolution 2013.2

WHEREAS, being on the road has meant less time for self care

WHEREAS, I need to serve God with mind, soul and BODY

WHEREAS, health requires sleep and exercise and good food.

THEREFORE BE IT RESOLVED, that I am giving up fast food.

LET IT BE FURTHER RESOLVED, that I will exercise 4x/week.

 

Resolution 2013.3

WHEREAS, in extension ministry I am without a church home

WHEREAS, I took opportunities this fall to travel on weekends and rest from the Sunday routine in one particular church

WHEREAS, the discipline kind of requires that I find a church

WHEREAS, it is good for my soul to worship with others on a regular basis and not just sporadically with different folks

THEREFORE BE IT RESOLVED, that I will find a church home by the end of January.

 

Resolution 2013.4

WHEREAS, I have lost my weekly bible study group in Marengo.

WHEREAS, I am not preaching every Sunday and therefore not doing regular textual study, either.

WHEREAS, regular time with the scriptures is good for my mind and my spiritual life.

THEREFORE BE IT RESOLVED, that I will have coffee every week with a good friend of mine and the Bible