family – Page 7 – Salvaged Faith

Spirit of Household Salvation

Posted on August 22, 2012Leave a comment

Religion is social. Religion is corporate. Religion is political.

As Christianity spread in the time of the apostles and beyond, it was often not the work of one-on-one conversations and personal confessions of faith, but of corporate conversions… of whole nations turning from one religion to another.

I did some reading this week about the reformation in Norway in the 16th century. Up to this point, Norway had been a Catholic country… being converted in the 9th century through the faith of Olav II, their beloved king who was later sainted.

But with political allegiances changing, suddenly a union between Denmark and Norway was on the horizon. And Christian III, king of Denmark was lining up to take his place on the Norwegian throne.

The problem… Christian was a Lutheran. He had been taught by Lutherans. He had even traveled as a young man and heard Martin Luther speak in person. And so his goal was to establish his kingdom as a protestant haven.

The first step, of course, is to get rid of the Catholic leadership. In 1536, the Catholic bishops were kicked out and replaced with Lutheran bishops appointed by the new king. Archbishop Olav Engelbrektsson tried to resist these reforms and keep Norway from being united with Denmark. There was even talk about establishing Christian’s younger brother John as king… since he remained favorable to the Catholic faith. The Archbishop tried to do everything he could to resist the change, even helping to plan the assassination of an earl who was traveling to Norway to discuss the union. Engelbrektsson ended his days in exile.

While all of this was going on in the realms of bishops and earls and kings… What do you think the everyday person was thinking. Overnight they were transformed from Catholics to Lutherans. They didn’t have a say in the matter, they may not have even noticed a real difference. They were converted, wholesale, as a group.

In our world today, this makes no sense to us. Faith is so private and individualized. We make our confessions and trust in a personal Lord and savior.

But historically, this is the exception and not the norm. For much of history, faith has been a corporate… A communal experience. Your religion was based upon the faith of your father or master or lord or king. Your flavor of Christianity was not based upon the nuances that you chose, but the political affiliations and personal whims of someone higher up the food chain.

We could argue for days about whether it is better for faith to be personalized as it is today in our nation, or a corporate experience as it still is in some places today.

We certainly have known the advantages of being able to have our own say about our faith. You can know our God personally… you can turn to the scriptures and can find out for yourself what they contain. You get to decide whether or not you join the church or go to church

But I believe this isn’t an either/or question. There are some things about having a communal expression of faith that we have lost. As we dive into this chapter of Acts, we might be able to figure out how not to throw the baby out with the bath water.

David Matson argues that we could see the entire book of Acts as a story about houses…. We start out the narrative with the disciples gathered together in a house and the story ends with Paul under house arrest on an island, telling the stories of faith to those who will come and visit.

Then, throughout the journey of the disciples, they travel from house to house, sharing the faith they have received. We have heard of Peter and Cornelius, Paul and Ananias… and here in this chapter Paul and Silas meet up with two different families in the city of Philippi.

One of these households is led by a woman named Lydia. The bible tells us she is a dealer of purple cloth – a wealthy woman trading a rare luxury commodity. We know nothing of her husband, but she does well enough for herself that either he isn’t around or isn’t relevant to the story. She is the head of the household. And when she hears the story of salvation in her place of prayer by the river, she invites Paul and Silas back to her home and her whole household is baptized.

The second household conversion happens after a Roman jailer experiences a miracle. He had locked Paul and Silas up in jail under strict orders to keep them secure. When an earthquake shakes their bars loose in the middle of the night – he is convinced his life is over. With the prisoners escape, he will be punished and killed. Just as he is about to end his life – Paul calls out from the cell… they had not left, even though they could have.

The jailer is so overwhelmed that he wants to know about the faith that has sustained them in difficult times, the faith that has allowed them to be so calm in the midst of distress. He takes the two back to his home and he and his entire household are saved.

What can we learn from these two tales?

First: Lydia and the soldier both experienced conversion outside of their homes…. but took their faith back home with them. And not only that… they took people back with them.

Now, it would be important here to mention what we mean by a household. In the Greco-Roman world, the household was the place of residence of a family, but also of all the slaves and grown children under the master of that household’s authority. The household could be rather large and encompassed all of a person’s business, social, and familial relationships. The pater familias had unilateral authority over his wife, his children and his servants.

This thing that they had witnessed – the story they had heard – it was too important to keep to themselves. As the heads of their households, they knew that this faith was not something that only belonged to them but it was meant to be shared. They opened up not only their hearts, but their whole lives to the power of God. They made sure that this new conversion in their lives extended to EVERY part of their life – their children, their wives, their servants.

When we experience faith and conversion, do we run home and tell our families? Do we share that faith with our employees? Do we allow God into every part of our life? Do we make room for him in our homes, in our work, in the places we go to socialize?

One way that we could reclaim this idea of household salvation is to simply open up our whole selves to his power…

Secondly, the scriptures tell us that their whole households were baptized. The act of baptism is personal. More than a blanket statement that a whole nation is now Lutheran instead of Catholic, to baptize a whole household means that each person would have come before Paul and Silas to recieve the water. Young and old. Rich and poor. Slave and free. The head of the household would have lined them all up and said – you are going to do this.

It sounds a lot like mom and dad getting the kids dressed up for church and dragging them kicking and screaming to the family pew.

But it was important in that time and place for the whole household to believe the same things. In the Greco-Roman world, your household worshipped one god among many. To bring in idols or religious artifacts related to another deity would have caused your primary god to be jealous. A master of a household would have had strict control over the faith of those under their authority.

That sounds harsh to us today, until we realize that every day we make choices about what our family stands for and what we consume.

We make choices about what food we eat, what television shows are allowed to be watched in our houses, what activities we will or will not participate in. For a family that is trying to eat healthy, McDonald’s french fries are strictly forbidden. For a family trying to instil good values in their children, much of MTV might be off the list. We set rules and boundaries every day and each of those decisions says something about who we are and what we believe.

We also practice in our tradition infant baptism. And when we baptize children, we are making promises on their behalf. We are holding their faith for them. We are making decisions about their relationship with God even though they are not even aware of God’s presence yet.

When we do so, we promise to raise them in the church, to hold that faith for them and to teach them until the day comes when they can accept or reject that faith for themselves.

Until that day comes, our job is to feed them properly (so to speak). If we believe it, we should live it, and live it in our whole lives.

If we think back to the tale of the Norwegian Reformation, the short version of the story goes: The King appointed a new Lutheran bishop. The old Catholic bishop appointed a new king… and as we all know from the Ollie and Lena jokes that we sometimes tell, the Lutherans won.

Someone, somewhere up the food chain made a decision about the faith of the people. And at the time, they had no say. At the time, they may not have imagined what it meant. But as time has gone one, Norwegians by and large identify themselves as Lutherans. They lived into the faith that was handed to them. They have claimed it as their own.

In the same way, our children and grandchildren might live into the faith that we hold if we continue to bring them to this place… if we nurture them in the traditions that have sustained us… if we lead them to the Christ we have come to know and love.

Your faith extends far beyond your life. It extends to all of your relationships. It extends to your family and friends and into every part of your life. Let Christ in. Let Christ change you. And let Christ have your relationships also.

self-awareness, faith, repentance and the Lord's Supper

Posted on May 31, 2012Leave a comment

In the past two weeks, I have had a number of conversations with colleagues and family about the Lord’s Table… not necessarily about who is welcome, but about what MAKES that person welcome.

My friends in the LCMS church have been discussing what kind of understanding of faith is required for a first communion experience. I am not completely versed in their traditions, but from what I was told (and then understood) current practice is for children to have to be old enough to express the faith for themselves before participating in the sacrament. But as the practice of infant baptism and baptism of younger children has increased, they wonder if a) communion should also be extended to young children or b) both sacraments need to remain as practices reserved for those who understand and have claimed their faith personally. I think it is a wonderful conversation for them to be having, as we should always make sure that our theology is consistent with our practices and that those practices are then consistent in and of themselves.

One of the important factors in their conversation is that the sacrament of communion (in particular) is a gift for believers of the faith and that there is some danger in coming to the table unprepared, with wrong intention, or misusing the sacraments. The primary place in scripture they (and other Christians) draw upon regarding this issue is 1 Corinthians 11:26-29:

Every time you eat this bread and drink this cup, you broadcast the death of the Lord until he comes. This is why those who eat the bread or drink the cup of the Lord inappropriately will be guilty of the Lord’s body and blood. Each individual should test himself or herself, and eat from the bread and drink from the cup in that way. Those who eat and drink without correctly understanding the body are eating and drinking their own judgment. (CEB)

If we are not old enough or developed enough to test and examine ourselves, to be self-reflective, then there is a danger present there.

In the United Methodist tradition, one of the ways that the Lord’s Table is emphasized is as a means of grace. In fact, communion is not necessarily reserved for only the baptized, as John Wesley believed it could bestow even prevenient grace… grace that goes before us… and that partaking of communion could be a converting act. As the Holy Spirit transforms us through the ritual, we might let go of our old life and finally become ready to accept the faith for ourselves.

George Lyons has modernized John Wesley’s sermon “The Means of Grace” and shares these words on the duty of constant communion:

“all who desire an increase of the grace of God are to wait for it in partaking of the Lord’s supper.” By meditating upon his saving death, by expecting his personal presence, by anticipating his coming again in glory, we prepare ourselves to receive his grace. Those who are already filled with peace and joy in believing, or anyone who longs for the grace of true repentance may, No, must eat and drink to their souls’ content. “Is not the eating of that bread, and the drinking of that cup, the outward, visible means, whereby God conveys into our souls all that spiritual grace, that righteousness, and peace, and joy in the Holy Spirit, which were purchased by the body of Christ once broken and the blood of Christ once shed for us Let all, therefore, who truly desire the grace of God, eat of that bread, and drink of that cup.”

Wesley was convinced that communion was not only a confirming, but also a converting ordinance.

In some ways, our tradition in the United Methodist Church has taken 1 Cor 11:26-29 with a grain of salt… Yes, we believe that one needs to be of the right heart and mind before you come… BUT, we see so much grace in the ritual that it not merely confirms the faith we have, but can even overcome our lack of belief and faith and repentance.

This is possibly why my mom recently became a little angry at the dinner table. She had attended worship with my brother and sister-in-law at their non-denominational church. I have never been to their church, so I can only relate her experience as she shared it. In their tradition, communion is open to those who have faith in Jesus Christ, but the pastor made a special plea right before the time of communion that those who were not right with God and their neighbor should not participate.

As my mom exclaimed to us later, “If they mean everyone is welcome, then EVERYONE SHOULD BE WELCOME!”

The conversation continued and as I heard the experience recounted, my sister-in-law talked about how the service was running long and the pastor skipped some of the more “pastoral” instructions that typically go with that plea. To my parents and brother who were guests that day and were unfamiliar with their traditions (and also from the United Methodist tradition), the words sounded cold and off-putting.

And yet, I gently reminded my mom, even in our tradition do we speak similar words. In every service of Word and Table, we have a time of not only confession, but also of reconciliation where we have the opportunity to pass the peace with one another and seek forgiveness with our neighbors. And our invitation clearly states:

Christ our Lord invites to his table all who love him, who earnestly repent of their sin and seek to live in peace with one another.

Therefore, let us confess our sin before God and one another.

As I think about it more and more, the United Methodist tradition tries to hold in tension both the particularity of scripture (1 Cor 11) and the depth and breadth of scripture and our theological understanding of God’s grace.

In his article “Admission to the Table and Recent United Methodist Debate” Hoyt Hickman lays out the history of how we came to our current understanding of who is welcome to participate at the table and points to these words (which I can’t remember having ever read before) in our Book of Worship:

All who intend to lead a Christian life, together with their children, are invited to receive the bread and cup. We have no tradition of refusing any who present themselves desiring to receive… Every effort should be made to make each person, and especially children, welcome at the table. It is particularly effective to look directly at the person being addressed, touch each person’s hand while giving the bread and cup, and if possible call each person by name.

We don’t talk about baptism being a prerequisite. We welcome children, even young children who have no full concept of what this meal means, as a part of the covenant and care that their parents make on their behalf (Acts 2:39 – This promise is for you, your children, and for all who are far away—as many as the Lord our God invites. – CEB). And while we encourage personal confession, make opportunity for doing so available, and invite people to be earnestly repentant before they come, we will not refuse someone who comes. We believe that God just might act in their lives anyways… in spite of where there heart is at the moment.

Or as George Lyons puts it, ” It is not only for those who already believe and long to deepen their relationship with the Lord, but for those who truly want to believe, but seem to lack the grace to do so.”

I am not sure where my LCMS brothers and sisters will end up in their conversations. And I don’t know fully the practice of my brother’s church. But with all of its nuance and tension, I love where my own United Methodist tradition lands….

So come to the table if you seek to love God. Come to the table confessing the truth of your heart. Come to the table and bring with you your children and grandchildren and your friend who is hurting and the stranger who needs to be loved. Come to the table where God’s grace is ready to meet you and to welcome you home.

Scars

Posted on April 22, 2012Leave a comment

I have a couple of scars in my body.

Right below my left knee the area is numb and without feeling and there is a small whitish mark. That scar is from the time I thought it was a good idea to do a cartwheel in the girl’s locker room and I ended up hiting my leg… hard… against the corner of the wall.

I have a few tiny scars on my belly from my gall bladder surgery a few years ago. They are nearly imperceptible… unlike the scars many have from days when that surgery was performed open and not lapriscopically.

And I have a scar on my left forearm from an iron last summer. After going through the entire pile of t-shirts for Vacation Bible School and getting all of the transfers ironed on… I reached over to unplug my iron and my arm hit the hot plate. There is a triangular shaped mark on my arm to this day!

But none of those are extremely noticeable. Especially not compared with some of the scars that others have in their lives.

My dad is one such person. In an accident at work, his hand was caught in a gear of a machine that processes hot sugars. After months of surgery and rehabilitation, he lost two fingers on his right hand, part of his pinky finger, and had a large skin graft around his thumb and forefinger. His right hand will never be the same. And while his hand looks a bit gnarled and ugly, to me it is a sign of his perseverance, his incredible work ethic, and a reminder of how he got through that difficult part of his life.

The scars in our lives tell stories. Whether they are small marks or large ones, they are visible reminders of the lives that we have lived. Maybe it is not a physical scar, but a nickname you bear, or a tattoo, or an item that you keep around in your life to remind yourself and others of something important that has happened.

I want to invite you to turn to a neighbor or a small group around you and share what kinds of scars and battle wounds you might have. If you feel comfortable, share a story about that scar with the group.

…

There was a classmate of mine in high school who had a large scar that ran down the center of her chest. She had had open heart surgery when she was fairly young, but will carry that scar with her for the rest of her life. And I remember the day I discovered that scar. We all went swimming at a friend’s house and for the first time, she revealed her scar. She had kept it carefully covered up all those years. She wore shirts with high collars, or scarves, or jewelry, anything that would keep people from seeing the scar she thought was ugly… and embarrassment. But when she told us about the story of the scar, I thought it was such a powerful sign of her strength – that she got through that journey and came out on the other side a strong and healthy and powerful young woman. She continued to feel uncomfortable about her scar, but that scar helped me to see the strength and the beauty inside of her.

Did anyone learn something about a friend based on those scars? Anyone want to share?

Will you ever look at that person the same way again?

There is a reason that twice in our gospel reading for this morning Jesus hands and feet are mentioned.

The first time is when he appears to some of his disciples on the evening of the resurrection. They were huddled together – scared, frightened, unsure of themselves – and suddenly the Risen Lord shows up. He breathes into their lives peace. He forgives them. He gives them a job to do. AND he shows them his hands and his side.

He shows them who he is.

He shows them what he has been through.

He shows them what he has overcome.

And then, a week later, the disciples don’t seem to have moved. They are still there, in the house, only this time Thomas was there also. Thomas missed the first appearance, and said that unless he had seen the nail marks and put his finger where those nails were, that he wouldn’t believe.

So when Jesus stands among them, the first words he utters are: “Peace” – but then he offers an invitation. An invitation for Thomas to come and to reach out his hand and to touch his scars. And Thomas recognizes those scars, remembers what they have all been through together and cries out – “My Lord and my God!”

The Rev.Dr. Janet Hunt writes:

Our scars tell part of the story of who we are, what has mattered to us, what has happened to us, the risks we’ve taken, the gifts we’ve given. And as we are reminded in the story before us in John’s Gospel, this was surely also so with Jesus, too.

Which is why Thomas insisted he needed to see, no more than that, feel the scars in his hands and put his own hand in Jesus’ side to be sure that it was him. One would think he would have recognized him with from the features of his face or the sound of his voice, but no, for Thomas, Jesus had become something more since that long walk to the cross a week before. Jesus’ very identity was now defined by the sacrifice he had made in our behalf. A sacrifice made most visible in those wounds that by then could have only begun to heal. (words.dancingwiththeword.com)

So what are the lessons that we learn by seeing the visible wounds of Jesus? What are the lessons that we learn from seeing the visible wounds of one another?

We see Jesus wounds, and in spite of how the disciples failed him… in spite of how we have failed him, Jesus tells us that we are loved… we are forgiven… that peace is freely offered… and that we have a job to do.

1) We are loved: Jesus comes to us. When someone shares a scar with us, when they are vulnerable with us, it means that they trust us and care about us and are willing to share their lives with us.

2) We are forgiven: Each of us played a role in the crucifixion of Christ. Each of us is responsible for the wounds he bears. And yet, he tells us we are forgiven. When we encounter wounds in our lives, they can be symbols to us of our failings… but they can also be symbols of forgiveness, healing, and love.

Story of running into a pole in Brandon’s car… I was in a bad place, my grandpa had just died… he wasn’t happy, but his love for me in the midst of that experience of loss and grief that got me through. My mind was in a million places when I was backing up the car and I did not even notice the parking pole before I slammed into it. The bright yellow scrape on his car marred it in the same way that my soul was grieving and broken and needed some healing. But just as that car was patched up good as new, so too, with time and love, did we both make it to the other side of the grief process.

3) Peace is offered: This may seem to go with the idea of forgiveness, but it really is about releasing ourselves from a heart full of fear.

In her reflection, Kathryn Matthews Huey talks about life one week after Easter… when we return to life as usual: “wars and uprisings that drag on for months and years, with hundreds and thousands dead and maimed; an economic crisis that still threatens thousands with foreclosure and bankruptcy, high unemployment, high gasoline prices, high health care costs, and a political season poisoned with ugly rhetoric and personal attacks. And then there are our own private griefs and burdens: health problems, kid problems, too much work, too much worry, too much coming at us, so much to run away from, so much to fear. What’s an overwhelmed person of faith to do? Even one week after the music of the trumpets and the splendor of the lilies have faded, how are we to live “as Easter people”?
William Sloane Coffin once said, “As I see it, the primary religious task these days is to try to think straight….You can’t think straight with a heart full of fear, for fear seeks safety, not truth. If your heart’s a stone, you can’t have decent thoughts – either about personal relations or about international ones. A heart full of love, on the other hand, has a limbering effect on the mind. When our hearts fill with a fear we can’t organize or get our arms around, a fear that makes us feel weak and small and inadequate, all of us disciples receive that same gift of grace, forgiveness, and the Holy Spirit, a gift that limbers up our minds and our hearts, turning them from hearts of stone to hearts full of love.”

4) We have a job to do: The visible wounds of Jesus and of our own lives can also remind us that there is a job to do.

Jesus died for us while we were yet sinners, and there is a world full of people who need to know that love and grace.
Jesus takes our wounds and scars and uses them to ministry to others
There are wounds in this world that need healing. And in the end, Jesus sent his disciples out from that upper room… and “Jesus sends us out into the world, to put our hands on the marks of its suffering, to bring good news and hope to all of God’s children.” (Kate Huey)

Amen!

Where’s Katie?

Posted on March 31, 2012Leave a comment

I know, it has been a little while since I’ve posted. I’ve been busy. And a little stressed out. And I stopped making time for writing. But I’m putting the time back in my schedule starting this next week. New month, new me. In the meantime I’ve been:

GARDENING: This has been the strangest March on record in our area. The soil temps/weather and plants are actually about 3-6 weeks ahead of schedule. So I’ve been taking advantage of the outdoors. My first seeds have been planted and tended and they are growing nicely. But my yard is a mess. There was literally a hillside of creeping charlie that I’ve had to rake out, treat, and then kill because it wouldn’t go away. I’m also trying to kill off some weeds in my grass on the front lawn and I have plans to mulch and transplant some hostas. All the prep work has been done, and one good day of sunshine this week will call for a day off of work to get the last of it accomplished. In the meantime, all of the tulips I planted last fall are doing MARVELOUS!!!!! This first image is the front of the house and directly outside of my office window. SO BEAUTIFUL!!!

YOUTH: I have been working with the youth in our community from a number of different angles. I am on a grant team at the school, we have regular youth group each week, and our church is trying to be more present in the community through attending youth events. I’ve been to plays and music events, and I’m looking forward to the spring sports seasons. On top of that, we have had our first round of fundraisers for the year – including our 2nd Annual Chili Cook Off this past week.

FAMILY: Friday night dinners with my in-laws complete with dancing in the kitchen and wii-playing and cuddling on the couch watching Sponge Bob. Saturdays with my family enjoying the new baby and eating good food and relaxing. I haven’t had a lot of time free to spend with them – but I make it count when I do.

DISC GOLF: the tiny bit of free time I’ve had lately I’ve spent on the disc golf course. I’m doing pretty well for this early in the season – 11, 13, 16 and 11…. no sub 10 rounds yet, but my arm is still warming up 😉 The weather has been beautiful, the company (family and friends) is always good, and the discs are flying straight and true!

GENERAL CONFERENCE PREP: Okay – I haven’t actually done as much of this as I would like. I’m reading here and there and doing a lot of mental digesting, but I have not done as much writing as I want to. Writing helps me think out what I’m actually feeling, so its a necessary step as we get even closer.

Tag… I’m it!

Posted on March 4, 20123 Comments

I am taking a snowy Sunday afternoon to do a few necessary things. I rearranged my home office so that I could now look out the window and watch the huge white flakes drift to the ground. Yes, that was a necessity. And I decided to dive back into blog reading. You see, in order to be a blogger, you need to be in community and actually read other people’s stuff. As I looked at my google reader queue, I realized I had 457 unread posts. That is unreal. And it was necessary to fix the problem.

A bit of the way into the adventure, I found out that I had been tagged by my friend Jessica and didn’t even realize it! So, since I’m a few weeks late, I figured I had better remedy the problem:

The Rules

~you must post the rules

~post 11 fun facts about yourself

~answer the 11 questions that the tagger posted for you; then create 11 questions to ask the people you’ve tagged

~tag 11 people and link them in your post

~let them know you have tagged them

My 11 Fun Facts

When I’m working alone in my office, I always have Pandora going in the background. I have five stations: quiet stuff (piano and instrumental), favorite rockers (U2, Incubus, etc), power female vocals (Adele, Amy Winehouse, Ingrid Michaelson, etc), soulful stuff (r&b, stuff that makes me want to stand up and sing out), and folksy stuff (guitar, indy, etc).
My cat Tiki weighs 23 pounds. He is a monster. And he keeps my feet warm at night.
I planted 1000 bulbs last fall. I am praying that I don’t get moved because I would really like to enjoy them for a season or two.
The only television show that I feel like I HAVE to watch on a weekly basis is Fringe. Everything else gets watched when I have days off on my hulu queue (Grey’s Anatomy, Private Practice, the Office, Bones, Smash)
I had a dance party Friday night with my nephews and niece and brother-in-law in the kitchen. We totally rocked out and danced like fools. My favorite part was that my two year old nephew was the one who came and got me, grabbed me by the hand, and literally dragged me to the kitchen to dance with him.
My favorite church season is Advent. I like the minor keys of the season and the expectation and longing.
I made potstickers twice this past week. And plan to again in a few days. They are yummy and I finally figured out how to do it without them being too oily and/or burnt.
I knit and crochet… and have a HUGE project to do for my mom that needs some attention. I promised her homemade seat cushions for the dining room and only have one done so far.
I am not a very neat person. My office is always cluttered.
I was Ms. Czech-Slovak Iowa and competed at the National Ms. Czech-Slovak USA competition in Wilbur, Nebraska.
This isn’t so much about me, but my husband is an amazing cook and I am insanely jealous of his natural abilities.

Jessica’s 11 Questions for me:

Where would you go if you had an all-expenses paid trip somewhere? I have never been to the northeast United States and would love to experience NYC in all its glory.
What do you remember about kindergarten? We built an amazing playground when I was in kindergarten at our elementary school. Everyone got to play a part, from washing the tires that went on the swings to sanding lumber. It was amazing.
Where did you and your spouse go on your first date? Our first date was to the Millenium Dance, in December of 1999. I asked him.
It’s 10:30 pm on a weeknight. What are you doing? either on facebook, or in bed playing Mah-jong on my phone.
What did your senior prom dress look like? It was cream with lavender embrodiery on the bodice and a lavendar tulle overlay. (p.s. it is fun finding these pictures again!!!)
If you could instantly be fluent in one language, what would it be? German. My answer would always have been Spanish before, but my husband and our friends all know a bit of German and it would be fun to talk with them. Plus, I think we might go and try to visit Germany sometime soon.
What is the proudest moment of your life? My ordination. It was so much work leading up to that moment and it was amazing to have the support of not only my family, but also my church family and my husband all there that day. It made me proud to have them all with me.
Are there any words people say you pronounce funny? My husband always says I pronounce appreciate strangely.
What do people need to know about you to “really” know you? They need to know that I inhabit very different worlds in my life. While I try to be “myself” everywhere I am, the perceptions of those around me does change how I behave in a given situation. I suppose in some ways its expected that a pastor is different around family and friends, but those two worlds don’t always cross in my experience and so it sometimes feels like I’m living two different lives.
What was your favorite class in college? Metaphysics and Epistemology with John Pauley. I never thought so hard in my entire life.
You’re craving something salty. What do you grab? Ramen noodles. I love those things.

My 11 questions for these 11 people: @thereverendmom, @drbobcwcc, @jbonewald, @briansteffen, @expatminister, @pastormelissa, @the_rev_kev, @johnmeunier, @MarthSpong, @kari_koehler, @teriosborn

What song describes your day today?
What is the last novel you read?
What is one goal that you have in your professional work right now?
Who was your best friend in middle school?
When did you realize what you wanted to be when you grew up?
What is your favorite church season/holiday?
Do you have a green thumb? If yes, what do you like to tend/plant?
Share about your last vacation.
If you had to chose another career today, what would it be and why?
What is your favorite memory of your grandpa?
What is your favorite recipe?

My sister is waiting for me in China…

Posted on February 17, 2012Leave a comment

I love me a good singing and dancing show, so I was excited to hear the minds behind “Chicago” were turning their attention to television and a new network series about the theater and Broadway.

So far it has been a fairly good show… two episodes in. One of the “B” storylines is about how one writer, Julia, and her husband, Frank, are seeking to adopt a child from China. They have a teenage son, Leo, and have been talking about this for a long time. In episode 102, the father character begins to have doubts about the length of the process and if it is worth it.

In response, Leo gets angry… He, too, has been looking forward to this new addition to their family. As he talks with his mom, he says very plainly:

you said that my sister is in China, that she’s waiting for us in China. She’s waiting for us to come and get her… What is going to happen to her if we don’t go and get her?

Part of the adoption preparation includes writing a letter to the birth mother. Of course, the child hasn’t even been born yet, and they don’t know who this woman will be, but it is an exercise in planning for their future.

Julia’s letter goes like this:

To the birth mother of my daughter,

Our lives are so far distant from each other. It as if neither of us exists. I will never know you. Even though you will give birth to her, my daughter may never know you as well. But I want you to know, I will guard her like a lion. I will raise her with love. I will protect her from the wounds of lonliness. She will be a child of two lands and she will wear that knowledge with pride. And at night, we will call to you on the wind, and perhaps you will hear us and know that she is safe.

It was a powerful moment, but this whole idea of thinking about a family you don’t know half way across the world got me thinking about our Christian family. We are often willing to imagine our brothers and sisters in Christ as the folks who attend church with us and who live down the street, but we sometimes forget about the ones who are halfway across the world.

When we choose to follow Christ and when we are adopted as sons and daughters of the living God, we become children not of two lands… but two families. We have mothers and brothers and fathers and daughters… but our family becomes wider. Our vision expands. Our hearts grow in the knowledge that somewhere in China or Nigeria or Switzerland there is a sister who is waiting for us… a brother who wants to share in the love of the body of Christ.

I have heard it said sometimes that we should spend less time taking care of people and sending missionaries half way across the world, because there are people in our back yards who need us to. But I think when we embrace the love of God that statement becomes a false dichotomy. Our brothers and sisters are right here in our midst, but they are also on the other side of the planet. If we let go of the boundaries of municipalities and nations… if we let go of the division of race and class… if we began to imagine each child of God as someone who is a part of our family, how might our ministry change? Would we promise to raise them with love? Would we dedicate ourselves to protect them from the wounds of not only lonliness, but war and famine and disease? As Leo asks, “What is going to happen if we don’t go and get her?” What will happen if we ignore our brothers and sisters when they need us the most?

Treasures in the closet

Posted on February 16, 2012Leave a comment

When my grandmother passed away, my aunts and I spent hours going through her closets. Grandma Doni was a stylish lady. She was put together. But she was also my grandma, and we didn’t necessarily have the same fashion sense.

While there were a number of nice suits and jackets and outfits, there were few that really tripped my trigger. As a 20 year old college student, the clothes just didn’t fit with my life. Shoulder pads were out. The fits were off. But I reluctantly took a few pieces, stuck them in a closet at my parents and left them.

A couple of months ago, I was peeking in that same closet looking for my sewing machine. It was passed down from my grandma, too. It is this heavy, old, seafoam green monster and I love it. But there in the closet, I also saw a few of those jackets and suits and found my eyes drawn to this pink camel hair pencil skirt. Of course, it had a matching jacket that still seemed a bit hideous, but that skirt caught my attention. So, I took it back home.

It hung in my closet for a bit until I finally decided to bust it out this past Sunday. I paired it with some white tights and a white wrap-around/button-up shirt.

One of my favorite things about the skirt is how well it is made. The lining is crisp. The side zipper actually hides inside the pocket. It fits in all the right places and moves well.

But most importantly, putting on that skirt, I think I stood taller. I thought about the woman she was and the woman she would have wanted me to be. And I would like to think that she would be pleased to see me up there, at the front of the church, in her pink camel hair skirt 🙂

What tires you?

Posted on October 4, 20112 Comments

I recently had my annual interview with my conference superintendent. We talked about what was going on in the church, the joys and the struggles of ministry in a small town like Marengo, and I had a chance to talk about what I feel is a calling to revitalize small to medium sized churches like the one I am currently serving.

But about three fourths of the way through our conversation, he stopped me and said: A few times now you have used phrases like “in a rut,” “tired,” and “wears me out.” What is going on with that?

I had not even realized that I had been doing it. And as I sat there and thought, my work had very little to do with why I was feeling that way.

My ministry was feeling some of the side effects of what was going on in other parts of my life.

So I’ve been thinking really hard this week about what exactly it is that is wearing me out. Stress, conflict, exhaustion in some areas of our lives bleed through to the ones that are going well. So you can’t ignore it. You have to figure it out and work on dealing with it.

What is wearing me out?

To have a baby or not

It seems like everyone around me is pregnant or just had a baby. I’m twenty-nine years old and I was convinced that I would have babies (yes, plural) by this point. But my husband doesn’t want children. He can’t imagine how they would fit into our crazy, busy lives. And he’s right. Our lives as they are right now don’t work for children. They would have to change. I am okay with that, he’s not.

So, for months now, we have been avoiding the conversation. And not having a conversation is as hard as having it. I mean, how do you compromise on something like that? Either we have kids or we don’t… One of us is going to not get our way. And that reality in itself is hard for someone like me, who wants it to be fair for everyone, to deal with.

But, we finally did it. We had the conversation. A big, long conversation. As I thought about all of the things that I am asking my husband to compromise on in this life as a pastor’s spouse (where we live, when we move, what kind of community we live in, potentially asking his own work to take a back seat at some point), I want to try to let him have this one. And in the end, I promised that I would live into the reality and sit with the idea that we aren’t going to have kids. As I have done this these past few weeks, it has been easier. The craziness that is teenage life expressed among my youth group kids helps (yikes! I pity you parents!). Having adorable nephews and a niece to pour out all of my love on makes a huge difference (I can spoil them and wind them up and then leave!). And considering the fact that I have not had a weekend free since the middle of August, our lives really are just too crazy to stick a baby into the middle of it right now.

That doesn’t mean that every time I see a baby I don’t get a twinge in my heart. It doesn’t mean that I’m 100% okay with not having kids. But I love my husband. And to be honest, I love my crazy and busy life, too. And so we are going to try to make this decision work. But, please, for now, stop asking when we are going to have kids!

Family stress

There is a lot going on in my extended family right now that also adds stress and conflict and emotional burdens to my life right now. So much so that as I sat in a funeral for a friend’s grandparents this past weekend, the tears just would not stop. I’m mourning the loss of what was and it feels like we can never go back… the relationships are so damaged that I really cannot see a way forward. Carrying that pain is exhausting, but letting it go means that I have given up.

That conflict seems to also affect other relationships that are experiencing conflict… ones that would not have been so burdensome otherwise. When I see firsthand what happens when problems are not addressed, and then watch other people in my life make similar choices to sweep things under the rug, I cringe, imagining the worst of what might happen.

I am so grateful for my brothers who are right there beside me walking this hard road and I can already see the ways that my family has been brought closer together as we protect and love and support one another… and as we commit ourselves to talking about what is going on in our lives, instead of pretending.

Exercise? What’s that?
The hard part about really loving your work is that it takes over your life if you let it. And I have. It has been so flexible lately that I don’t have a routine for my home life. And so I’m doing good things and come home tired and instead of taking care of myself (especially my body), I sit in front of the television and let my brain turn into a pile of goo. Exercise gives endorphins and makes you feel good and I just have not been keeping up with it lately. But my mom and I are going to start holding one another accountable and that should help. =)

Our lives need balance and they need support. When one area of our relationships or work or health is not functioning fully, the whole system can fall apart. So take a good hard look… what is tiring you out? And what can you do to take that seriously?