funeral – Salvaged Faith

How to plan a funeral #NaBloPoMo

Posted on November 10, 2014Leave a comment

Today’s prompt comes from BlogHer Blogging: What knowledge do you have that others don’t? Write a “how to” post about anything you’ve got skills for, small or large.

In the first month of ministry, I had three funerals in my community. Nothing about their lives were the same. A baby who had struggled from the beginning. A good and faithful servant entering his nineties. A beloved grandmother.

Armed with my pocket book of worship and a prayer, I managed my way through.

Over time in that community I did more funerals than I can count. One year it was nearly 25 different services. Along the journey, I developed a system of preparation for the service that might be helpful. My number one goal is always to weave the life story of the person who has died with the story of God. Using traditional liturgy and pieces I have cut and pasted from various sources, I hope it might be helpful for you also.

The Family Meeting

What made ____ who he/she was?
What will you miss the most?
Tell me about where they grew up.
How did they meet their spouse? Where did they make their home together?
Vocational questions: if homemaker – what kinds of things did she cook/sew, if farmer – what crops/animals, etc. Stories usually come out here.
Ask the funeral director about how they died… then ask follow-up questions with the family: What was it like seeing them in the hospital for so long? What were their later years like? How did they adjust to a loss of physical ability?
Ask about what is important to the family about the funeral itself: music, scriptures, those who speak
Be kind. Be firm. Be open.
- Most families haven’t been through this kind of planning before. They don’t know what they don’t know.
- They don’t know what is normal. If there are things you feel are inappropriate, it is okay to simply say so, but figure out what that element represented for them and try to incorporate it.
- Don’t be afraid to embrace the weird… sometimes it is the wonderful.

The Sermon

This is kind of the basic structure that I work in for most funerals… especially when I don’t know the person. If I do, I have more freedom to play around and adapt, but this structure helps me to use the above questions to make the meditation personal.

Today we come together to remember the life of ______________.. Each of you are here today, because you carry with you memories of a dear friend, a neighbor, or an aunt who loved to work with her hands and who loved her family and her friends.

Obituary information woven in with stories from the family about his life growing up, marriage, life with kids, his work, what she loved, etc. Don’t read the obituary… tell their story in four or five paragraphs. Include the little details the family shared

[Name] was born not far from here on June 11, 1927 to [Name] and [Name] . He served his country faithfully during World War II… [Name] remembered how the young men would all hop on the train together here to go off to training and to service. [Name] was actually still in training when the bombing of Pearl Harbor occurred, and then was later stationed there.

In 1949, [Name] married [Name] here in and together they brought [Name] and [Name] into the world. [Name] worked for well over forty years with his father and brother as a part of the family business. And then he watched as [Name] and [Name] came into their lives… and then grandchildren… and eventually great-grandchildren.

Even running his own business however, [Name] an knew that work wasn’t everything. The family remembers fondly weekends hanging out with the neighbors and dancing to Lawrence Welk in the living room – simpler times. In almost every picture I got to see of [Name] last night at the visitation, he has that great smile on his face… you can see that he was enjoying his life… almost as if he had a secret that he was treasuring in his heart. [Name] also liked to take time to fish and boat and he liked to take the grandkids camping in the RV.

Connect something about their life story to scripture or a song – something that sums up who they were in a way that connects us with the divine.

Be honest about the reality of death and the promise of resurrection:

More recently, you as a family have been through some rough weeks. A month and a half ago, [Name] had a stroke that dramatically altered your lives. Unlike some illnesses that gradually overwhelm us – this was a sudden transformation.

Perhaps one of the hardest parts that we have to do in this life is accept that all of the things that we love and all of the people that love us eventually will pass on in this life. In the book of Isaiah we heard the words: All people are grass, their constancy is like the flower of the field. The grass withers, the flower fades… but the word of our God will stand forever.

These mortal lives that we lead, they are not forever. [Name] knew this to be true. (something about their own experience with death – spouse, child, the loss of a physical or mental ability in her last days, etc.) And as some of you gathered around [Name] bedside in her last days and weeks, that was an ever present reality. We come from nothing but dust and to dust we shall return.

But in between, we have the opportunity not only to lead beautiful and wonderful lives, but we have the opportunity to clothe ourselves with a new life as well – a life that will endure beyond even the valley of the shadow of death – a life that will extend beyond the grave.

Jesus told his disciples as they were gathered together that in his Father’s house there is room for many – and that a place was being prepared for them and for us. As we remember all of those things that you loved about [Name] – we also celebrate that those are the very things that she is able to enjoy once again… that the life in these past years that gradually slipped away from her is now restored – that she is in the presence of our God and that she loves you all dearly.

Connect God’s story back to their memories and name very specific things the family has named:

That doesn’t mean that we won’t be sad. Sometimes when someone has (lived for so long, or suffered for so long or done so much in their life) – we think that we should simply be grateful for how long we did get to share our love with them, grateful that (we got to experience…. Or that their suffering is over… or that we had so much time together) But as we celebrate her life, we remember all of those things that you will miss. You will miss… [be specific! – the smell of cookies baking in her kitchen…. the way he yelled at the television every the Hawkeyes lost… etc. ]

And we should mourn. Because it means that we remember and that we cherish what we have lost. But also know that in your time of mourning – we are promised comfort. Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted. The same shepherd who leads us through the valley of the shadow of death walks beside each of you today and as you leave this place and walks with you forever more. Amen, and Amen.

MY BIGGEST ADVICE –Figure out what you want to say in general at funerals – what is the message of comfort and hope, life and resurrection that you want to speak. It is okay for that to be said at every single funeral that you do. The last third of the above message is what I say most of the time… put the gospel in your own words and continue to share that good news. The rest is simply weaving in their story with God’s story.

The Service

Entrance

Here is where customs will dictate.

At my funeral home, the casket remains at the back and when I walk to the front, the director closes the casket and then the music stops and I begin.
At the church, the casket is wheeled to the front, I follow and make my way to the pulpit, and the family follows me… the whole church stands as the family enters and then sits only after the words of grace/greeting
For a graveside (more later) we all gather, the casket is closed and I start when everyone is present.

Words of Grace

Greeting

Invocation

Psalm 23

Song –

Common Scripture Lessons

Ecclesiastes 3: (1-8) 9-15 – use OFTEN for farmers, blue collar folks who enjoyed the work of their hands and were simple people.
Gospel Reading – John 14:1-3
I also let scriptures from the family direct the mood here – we’ve used the beatitudes, Christmas scriptures, favorite verses ( ask why!) , Revelation 21, etc.

Message (not long… 5-10 minutes)

Song –

Litany of Thanksgiving (adapted from Book of Worship and from materials at West End UMC, Nashville)

Gracious and loving God, we thank you for all with which you have blessed us even to this day: for the gift of joy in days of health and strength and for the gifts of your abiding presence and promise in the days of pain and grief. It is right and good in this our time of need to offer thanks for [Name]’s life among us. We take comfort in the memories of her presence and the wonderful ways in which she blessed our lives.

(If a family wants to have a time of sharing… this is where I do it – in the context of giving thanks for that persons life and celebrating memories… if no one stands, then I have these ready to go and prepared… if they aren’t doing sharing, we go through these anyways as a part of the litany/prayer)

We give you thanks and remember her faithfulness as a wife to [Name] for over 30 years.

We give you thanks and celebrate her love of her children, [Name], [Name] and [Name]and her grandchildren and grandchildren.

We give you thanks for the way she created her own family in the staff and residents at ____.

And we give you thanks for the work of her hands – her vocation as a homemaker and her love of crafts.

And now that [Name]’s race is complete and her struggle is over, we commend your servant [Name] into your loving arms, O merciful God. Receive her into the blessed rest of everlasting peace and into the glorious company of your saints. Fill us with your peace and abiding comfort, and keep us true in the love with which we hold one another. Above all else we thank you for Jesus, who died our death and rose for our sake, and who lives and prays for us. And as he taught us, so now we pray.

The Lord’s Prayer

Benediction

Song (especially if they want three – here is a good place to add the last one)

Graveside Only Service

(entire service is same as memorial service through the message… with the exception of probably NOT having music… this is where the committal becomes a part of the service, instead of separate)

Litany of Thanksgiving & Committal

We give you thanks and remember her faithfulness as a wife to [Name]’ for over 30 years.

We give you thanks and celebrate her love of her children, [Name]s and her grandchildren and grandchildren.

We give you thanks for the way she created her own family in the staff and residents at _____.

And we give you thanks for the work of her hands – her vocation as a homemaker and her love of crafts.

And now that [Name]’s race is complete and her struggle is over, into your hands we commend your song/daughter _____, in sure and certain hope of resurrection to eternal life the Jesus Christ our Lord.

This body we commit to the ground… earth to earth, ashes to ashes, dust to dust.

Now as we offer _____ back into your arms, receive him/her into the blessed rest of everlasting peace and into the glorious company of your saints. Comfort us, O God, in our lonliness, strengthen us in our weakness, and give us the courage to face the future unafraid. Fill us with your peace and abiding comfort, and keep us true in the love with which we hold one another. Above all else, we thank you for Jesus, who died our death and rose for our sake, and who lives and prays for us. And as he taught us, so now we pray…

The Lord’s Prayer

Benediction

I hope this is helpful for any beginning pastors out there…. or any of us more seasoned pastors who are looking for something to get them out of a rut.

postmodern holiness

Posted on June 17, 20112 Comments

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I have been having a discussion with some colleagues about what it means to be disciples and pastors in the world today.

The question was raised about what it means to be holy and to seek after God’s holiness… especially in the context of the postmodern world we live and move in.

Some of us find the dichotomy of holy/unholy something of a misnomer. Modernism tended to place these things at opposite ends of a spectrum. We could easily categorize something as good and bad, holy and unholy, do this and don’t do that.

Yet I think that postmodernism has helped us realize that this is a much more complex question. Holiness and unholiness are not matters of morals, nor are they black and white categories.

What is it that makes something holy?

Holiness comes about because something is set apart by and for God.

We typically use that to mean that as pastors, we set ourselves apart from the ways of the world and demonstrate a certain way of being. In the modern era, this meant things like don’t drink, don’t smoke, don’t lie or cheat, don’t swear. Do wear suits and ties and below the knee skirts (for us women pastors out there). Holiness becomes a check-list, standards for living, high expectations, a list of places you should not go.

But is that what biblical holiness is all about?

Didn’t Jesus do crazy things like turn water into wine and eat with sinners and touch the unclean? Didn’t he get down and dirty and messy with his disciples? Didn’t he preach the good news in every day language and use images that ordinary people would understand?

Which brings me back to the question. What makes something holy? Does our answer change in this post modern world? Who decides the answer to that question? What if holiness in a postmodern world is more about how we use and redeem the things of this world, where they are, in order to speak the good news of God?

I have been reading Elaine Heath’s Mystic Way of Evangelism. She shares the http://rcm.amazon.com/e/cm?t=amomono&o=1&p=8&l=bpl&asins=080103325X&fc1=000000&IS2=1&lt1=_blank&m=amazon&lc1=0000FF&bc1=000000&bg1=FFFFFF&f=ifr stories and experiences of these amazing saints of the faith who have shared their faith through deepening their relationship with God. One of those people is Phoebe Palmer, who realized that

holiness is about a life given irrevocably to God, which then in union with Christ the Sanctifier is empowered to be in God’s redemptive mission in the world… Christ is the altar, and whatever touches the altar is made holy

When things are given over to him. When they are set apart, surrendered, turned over to our Lord, they become holy. It is about God working in the midst of these things, not about us or the things themselves.

I did a funeral a little while ago and the family was not wanting to stand and speak, but had a few words they wanted me to share on their behalf.

They especially wanted to include the phrase – “He may have been an asshole, but he was OUR asshole.”

I wrestled with what to do.

If I’m completely honest with God and everyone, cuss words do occasionally come out of my mouth. Usually in the heat of the moment on the disc golf course when a drive goes about 5 feet and then hits a tree.

Things that are said on the disc golf course are different from things said in the middle of the church sanctuary from the pulpit. Maybe this is a false dichotomy. Maybe as a pastor I shouldn’t say those words even on the disc golf course… but I do.

If the me that God loves says those things out in open spaces… and if this family felt like they needed to say those words about their loved one… then I felt like I could take that language to God and make it a part of that time of worship and celebration.

So I said it.

I didn’t leave it there, however. I used that phrase to talk about how we are not perfect people and a funeral is not a time to paint a rosy picture of someone’s life – but to be honest and to celebrate who that person was in all of their fullness… and also to celebrate that God comes to each of us in our imperfection and loves us enough to save us.

Like Jesus, I met them where they were. I also found an opportunity to transform the language they were familiar with and the experience we all had that day – to use their expression in order to speak the gospel.

It has taken me a while to write about that day, in part because I’m never quite sure what others might think. But this week in conversations about holiness and being a pastor, I had to admit that it was one of the most powerful experiences of community and ministry I have experienced. And that means that it needs to be shared and celebrated and lifted up.

Holiness is not something that I can pretend to have attained. I am far from perfect, although I seek to be more Christ-like each and every day.

In the same book mentioned above, Bonaventure’s understanding of the imago dei is lifted up. He believes that

humanity is uniquely charged to image the second person of the Trinity, in that humans should mirror God as Jesus mirrors God, as beloved children of God.

I pray continually that through God’s grace I might love as Jesus loved and who Jesus loved: the hurting, the broken, the alienated, the unclean, the grieving, the joyful, the sinners, the saints.

Maybe in this postmodern world the question to ask about holiness is not: is it in the rules for me to do this or not? But will this better help me to love and serve this person? Can this language/experience/person be brought to the altar of Christ? Is there an opportunity for the gospel to be heard right here and now?

ding dong, the witch is dead…

Posted on May 2, 2011Leave a comment

I found out that Osama Bin Laden had been killed last night as I was crawling into bed. It has been a long week, I was tired, and my husband came in and announced the big news. My husband! Who normally isn’t all that concerned about world politics/situations.

The first thing I thought of was – “no way!” And then – “hmm… I wonder what that means?”

Today, I had a congregational funeral to deal with. No time to think about it… although a few people here and there mentioned it and I caught a few clips of stories on NPR.

This afternoon, I was knee deep in reciepts and deposit slips trying to account for donations and reimbursement items from a month of busyness and a couple of youth fundraisers.

And when I got home at 5pm, I really didn’t want to think about it. I plugged in the headphones, turned up the music, and mowed my lawn for the first time of the year.

I found a few stray plants – an iris that was in the middle of the yard, a few ferns that started growing outside of their beds – so I moved them to better locations. I raked up the grass clippings and I put them underneath the strawberries. I sprayed some turf builder on the grass until it ran out.

I guess what I’m trying to say is that nothing in my life has changed. Probably nothing in most of our lives has changed.

I listened here and there to various stories as I made a quick trip to the gas station for lawn mower gas and then again after I was finished to pick up some spaghetti noodles. And everyone was talking about how this one guy created so much destruction.

My first thought is – we probably are giving the guy too much credit. The organization he was the head of is not a one person show. Yes, he was the face and figurehead of so much terror that has occured in this world, but I’m not going to let one person scare me or turn my world upside down. I’m not going to concede and give him that power.

My second thought relates to that strange mythological status that we have given him. Kind of like the Wicked Witch of the East… at her sudden death, the people started singing and dancing in celebration. Suddenly they were freed from the fear and the frustration, the anger and the pent up revenge and hostility… they burst forth in song in relief.

I can’t help but see images and hear audio from those crowds that have gathered to celebrate without transporting myself to Oz. It is surreal, it is strange, it is funny and yet… not really.

As a Christian, the only reason that I celebrate the death of another person is because I believe in the power of resurrection. I believe in the grace and mercy of God that takes what is perishable and makes it eternal. I believe in the new creation.

I don’t believe I have been given the ability to judge another person’s life. It is not for me to determine their eternal destiny. And… I cannot put a limit on God’s power to transform and renew and restore even the darkness itself.

I find no reason at all to celebrate the death of a man who killed many. It doesn’t make me happy or feel good. It doesn’t bring me joy. It just reminds me that we are mortal. That our grabs for power and our bent towards hatred and evil are real and that they are destructive. This reality sinks me farther into the human condition. We are broken. All of us. And we need help.

If we can turn back towards God and seek peace…

If we can remember that justice and revenge are God’s work and not our own…

If we can love our enemies and pray for those who persecute us…

Maybe then, I might be able to celebrate.

But for now, I’m going to get my hands dirty and plant some irises.

how can we laugh at a time like this?

Posted on April 27, 20111 Comment

I’m sitting at my computer, looking out the 24th floor window of my hotel in Des Moines. I am currently attending our annual School for Ministry and learning all sorts of neat things about capital campaigns and what kinds of fonts to use on worship slides. We’ve had some good practical teaching this year… with some good theological underpinings. It usually is. I’m glad Iowa does this!

Anywho… here I sit, looking out the window at 12:26am at the quiet streets below. I’m still up because I’m trying to plan worship for Sunday so that I can send my organist the hymns. I’m exhausted. Both from Holy Week and now these days of sitting in a conference room with no windows for hours upon hours. I do not want to preach. I have two funerals ahead of me in the days to come. And someone mentions “Holy Humor Sunday.”

I’ve heard of Holy Humor Sunday… but never actually done one. It’s this tradition (a very old tradition) of laughing on the Sunday after Easter as we celebrate the cosmic joke that God plays on sin and death when Jesus Christ is raised from the dead. It is a day to laugh, to lift up our hearts, to thank God that we know already the end of the story.

I’m loving this idea. I’ve spent about an hour already looking up hymns and liturgy and of course, jokes to tell.

And then I realize that since I’ve been holed up in a conference room for the last two days that I have no idea what has been going on in the world. I check CNN, and I check weather.com… 72 dead from tornadoes in one town in Alabama… friends freaking out on facebook over tornadoes that barely clipped their own homes and the severe weather alerts that have them shaking in their boots every time the sirens go off.

I start to think about these two funerals that I have coming up this very weekend.

I start to remember the brokenness so many people in our communities are experiencing right now.

I start to look out on that quiet street before me and wonder who is sleeping in an alley tonight, instead of in a king size bed at the Marriott.

I know in my bones that God has already won. I know that Jesus Christ has been raised from the dead. I understand. I believe. But I find it so hard to keep that Easter joy in my heart because we haven’t reached the end of the story yet! We are inbetween times… in between the empty tomb and the new creation. It’s here, but not fully. It’s already, but not yet.

How on earth can we laugh at a time like this? How can we laugh as cities are ravaged by deadly winds and little ones go to bed hungry tonight? How can we laugh when people are staring death in the face and losing? How can we laugh when the disparity between the haves and the havenots is so stark?

Maybe the question is… how can we not laugh?

How can we not just take a deep breath and remember that God is in control… not us.

St. John Chrysostom preached in his famous Easter sermon:

If anyone is devout and loves God, let him enjoy this fair and radiant triumphal feast. If anyone is a wise servant, let him rejoice and enter into the joy of his Lord.

He gives rest to him who comes at the 11th hour, even as to him who has worked from the first hour. And He shows mercy upon the last, and cares for the first.

Let all then enter into the joy of your Lord; and receive your reward, both the first and likewise the second. You rich and poor together, keep the feast. You sober and you heedless, celebrate the day.

Rejoice today, both you who have fasted and you who have disregarded the fast… Let all receive the riches of loving-kindness.

Let no one weep for his iniquities, for pardon has shown forth from the grave. Let no one fear death, for the Savior’s death has set us free.

O Death, where is thy sting? O grave, where is thy victory? Christ is risen, and thou art overthrown.

Christ is risen, and the demons are fallen. Christ is risen, and the angels rejoice. Christ is risen, and life reigns. Christ is risen, and the tomb is emptied of the dead. To Him be glory and dominion unto ages of ages. Amen.

This world is broken and imperfect and horrible things happen all around us. But if we cannot laugh in the midst of our sorrows, then the Devil has already won. If we cannot laugh and lift up one anothers spirits, then there is no hope. If we cannot laugh and rejoice, then why keep going at all?

Christ is risen. Death is overthrown. Life reigns.

We don’t have to be afraid. We don’t have to be scared. We know the end of the story and we can laugh in the face of all that tries to hurt us.

Those words are so powerful… and so hard to believe in.

But maybe… just maybe… if we get together as a community and we laugh, we will find the faith we need to trust. Maybe together we can find the strength to laugh in the face of sin and death and to really and truly mean it.

so long, farewell, auf wiedersehen… #reverb10

Posted on January 4, 2011Leave a comment

As a pastor, funerals are a part of my life. I help families and friends say good bye to loved ones all the time. This year, I also acted in some ways as a family chaplain and buried two people in my husband’s family. We really do have an important gap in the family Christmas now that his great-grandmother is gone. She was a tiny, tiny woman with an opinion as big as Texas. She let you know what she was thinking, all the time. She was ninety-nine years old and hospice care was such a blessing for her – pampering her and comforting her in those last couple of weeks of her life. We let go of her peacefully and with little pain in our hearts.

December 5 – Let Go. What (or whom) did you let go of this year? Why?

In my pastoral life this year, however, it was not the deaths, but the goodbyes that impacted me the most. One good-bye in particular…

Photo by: Margan Zajdowicz

This summer, a stalwart of our congregation moved south to be with family. Wilda was always at the church. Always. She’d be tidying something up, folding bulletins, moving things around, making sure things were just right. She has a great little laugh and everyone always says she must be on roller skates – she’s able to get around to so many things in so little time.

While there are a few others who have that same kind of commitment to the congregation, losing any one of them leaves a gap in what we are able to accomplish. They often say that 10% of the people do 90% of the work… well, I know that is true and when you are a church as small as we are – those 10% are vital!!!

We get lovely calls from Wilda and her life is warm and good down south with her family. But we do miss her colloquialisms, like ” in a coon’s age.” And we miss her morning glory muffins and her peanut butter pie. And the youth group misses her sliced apples (they really are just sliced apples… but I never seem to have the time to get the whole big bowl of them ready).

This congregation has become a family to me, and anytime we say goodbye to someone, there is a small bit of pain and longing. But it was our time to let go of her and let her retire and be among her family and watch her grandkids and great-grandkids grow up.

Remembering in Five #reverb10

Posted on December 15, 2010Leave a comment

In a year full of ordinary days and moments and the little things that we do and quickly forget… here is to taking five minutes to capture what we shouldn’t forget.

snow disc golf at Lincoln Park in Belle Plaine… we bundled up and had a ton of fun romping in the snow =) I actually shot pretty good as well!
my ordination… that is one thing that I probably couldn’t forget… and I’ve talked about it already in these prompts
our family trip to Hawaii – just being there with all of those wonderful people was amazing but there were also a few highlights of this particular trip: Pearl Harbor with Brandon, spending some time driving on the west coast of the island, the extraordinarily difficult hike up Koko Head Crater, the ways that Brandon and DJ bonded with each other
our time at Lake Okoboji… lots of storms, lots of adult beverages, wind, water, and far too much food!!!

Wow – was that really only five minutes?

The time went far more quickly than I would have imagined. If according to the prompt for today’s reverb10 post:

Imagine you will completely lose your memory of 2010 in five minutes. Set an alarm for five minutes and capture the things you most want to remember about 2010.

There are a lot of things that I didn’t get a chance to write about. So many memories that would have slipped away. It makes me want to do it over… to try to pack as much in as I possibly can so that I really won’t forget.

Ready: go!

snow disc golf
my ordination
breakfast before my ordination with the Pickens/Liles/Dawsons
Hawaii with the Pickens
Koko Head Crater
Pearl Harbor
Lake Okoboji
watching my neice and nephews grow up
putting my little nephew to sleep
learning to crochet
making three blankets for the niece and nephews
taking my brother to Kansas
“come to the table”
disc golfing this summer with the guys
our wednesday night worship service
planning worship with Sean for the order’s gathering
going to the Iowa/Penn State game with my dad
crock pot pizza
awesome carrot cake
painting the church fellowship hall and getting to pick all the colors
upgrading the church’s technology (new televisions and computer)
really diving into Twitter
Advent Blog Tour
my ordination hot pink and blue monkey
Clergy Benefits Conference
Roller Derby with Allison
our young clergy lunches
Ben and Kayla’s wedding (and all that it entailed!)
Christmas with the Pickens
Thanksgiving with my family and the Dawsons
Gma Mardell’s death/funeral

That was a bit more to include… a few more highlights and lowlights of this year. A whole bunch of things that I had completely forgotten that were a part of this twenty-ten experience for me. Really important things that I need to keep with me. Thanks for the opportunity…

the world is my parish…

Posted on October 23, 2010Leave a comment

There is this saying sometimes about Methodists… that we’ll marry and bury anyone. And in my little town, I guess that is true.

Most of the weddings that I have officated in these past three years have not been church members.

Most of the funerals I have presided over have not been church members.

I understand and honor and respect the traditions and policies of the other churches in town. There are good reasons for asking couples to belong to the church before they get married within in. There are reasons that in lay terms we call it “Christian burial.” As pastors, we invoke… or at least name the presence of God in these sacred and holy moments and ideally, the person or couple would want God there and would hold to our beliefs about God as well.

But that is not always the case.

A couple does not always have a church home or a background in the faith. An individual or a family may have fallen away from church or may want nothing to do with the church in their final days. And yet, I get a phone call that my services are needed… and I try my best to respond.

I cringe at the idea that the church is a place where religious services are provided. I hate the consumer implications of such a statement. So, as I started typing that last paragraph and the idea of a supermarket came into my head, I started to go back and change it a bit.

But I can’t… because when I get the phone call from the funeral home or from a young (or old) couple… I hear more than a request for services. I hear an invitation to be in relationship. I hear the voice of a person who is seeking the presence of God. They might not fully understand what that means, but they are inviting me into a relationship with them and together we get to discover how God is moving in their lives.

When I talk with my congregation members about what our church is about, one of the first things that they mention is our open communion table. The fact that everyone is welcome to come and participate. And one of the second things they mention is that our church is open to the people of our community and that we will go and sit with families that are not a part of our church when their loved one has died… that we will get the ladies together and put on a funeral dinner… that we will open our doors to a couple who wants to join their lives together in marriage.

John Wesley might have meant something very different when he said, “The world is my parish.” But I understood him to mean that his minstry was not limited to a local parish. His ministry was not limited to the people who sat in the pews every Sunday. His ministry was out in the world. And my ministry belongs to the community as much as it does to my congregation.

upside down and inside out

Posted on September 28, 2010Leave a comment

Today, my brain stopped working.

I was standing at the graveside for a funeral going over the so familiar liturgy and every minute or two, I just flubbed up my words. The epitome of my exhaustion came when we got to the Lord’s Prayer and I forgot a line. But because it was at the graveside and because they were presbyterians and not methodists (and said debts and not trespasses) and because I was not mic’d no one really noticed. Except me.

Okay, okay, it wasn’t that bad. I did my job just fine. But I reached my limit, and I knew it.

They say that there will be those days in ministry where everything happens at once. Pshaw – I thought. I’m still young and strong. I’m a runner (or at least I was five days ago before my ministry got in the way). I have some endurance. I can do it.

But here I am, sitting on the couch after five days full of good churchy things and all I can say is that I’m really glad the episode of britney/brittany finally finished downloading so I could absolutely turn the brain off and enjoy myself.

There was a baptism, and a wedding rehearsal, and a funeral and a wedding, and a study on revelation, and a budget meeting, we installed a new patio door, and I hosted a church progressive dinner/bible study, and a conference event I helped plan and lead worship for, and another funeral and a bible study… all in the quick span of 5 days. And by the way – if I can brag a little – my methodist ladies put on the best funeral lunches in the world.

I talked with a friend on Monday afternoon and we realized that we aren’t quite so young anymore. I might still get asked if I’m the granddaughter at the funeral visitation instead of asked if I’m the minister – but I’m not as young as I look. My back starts to ache after a day standing in heels and it never did when I was the middle schooler with the big clunky shoes. The ministry comes easier. The job is absolutely rewarding. I know I can do this job. Just please, Lord, not so much of it all at once!!!

I did have a few moments of grace and rest here and there. I napped for 20 minutes on Sunday afternoon. We had a guest musician/speaker who led worship on Sunday morning. McDonald’s Mocha Frappe is actually a pretty good substitute for a good frozen espresso drink when there is no coffee shop in sight. The rest stop on I-80 where I got out and walked around (to keep from falling asleep) was really clean and had a restored prairie area. And our church newsletter was taken over by a lay person – hallelujah.

Sabbath and rest is something that I take seriously, but I also recognize that there needs to be flexibility in the schedule of a pastor. And that means that I’m totally out of commission after youth group tomorrow night. I’m leaving the state. Getting away with family to celebrate a new start for my brother. I’m looking forward to a long car ride with chex mix and laughter… and maybe some weird al yankovic if I can find the old tapes. My batteries are long overdue for an old school recharge.