guitar – Salvaged Faith

Jumping Through Hoops #reverb10

Posted on December 17, 2010Leave a comment

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I came late to this Reverb10 party, so I have been trying to do some catch-up on the prompts. And I found myself absolutely stuck. frozen. unable to think or move or do. I was floored by my inability to respond to some of these prompts.

December 17 – Lesson Learned What was the best thing you learned about yourself this past year? And how will you apply that lesson going forward? (Author: Tara Weaver)

The best thing I learned this year has taken me a long time to learn… all the way until this morning in fact. I was sitting here thinking about why this reflection stuff has been so incredibly difficult and I realize it is because I have not really been paying attention to my own life. I learned this morning that I have spent an entire year jumping through hoops.

That doesn’t mean that there weren’t incredibly high and incredibly low moments along the way. It doesn’t mean that I haven’t been engaged in a number of important things. But on a day to day basis, I have let my life go on without giving it much thought. I haven’t taken the time to figure out what is important and so there wasn’t always time for family or friends. I spent many days drifting along doing what I needed to do, instead of taking a hold of my life and really living it.

I did all the things I was supposed to. I did what was asked of me. I did a few things that I wanted to. In fact, I was juggling an awful lot of hoops at various times this year. I was often rushing from this to that with barely time to breath in between… so when I finally did stop, I crashed. In the midst of it all, I took a few chances – and those small moments glimmer in the sea of fuzzy gray that was my life this year.

How did I let this whole year slip away without learning how to play guitar? without painting the walls in my house? without having the long and hard conversation about children with my husband? without finally taking my health seriously and losing some weight? without reading those ten books on the shelf?

I took my life this year day by day. I did what I had to do for the day and put those other things off to another time. And that time never came. I jumped through the hoop and then I turned right back around and jumped through the hoop again. Over and over and over without getting anywhere.

So next year, in 2011, no more hoop jumping. I am taking charge of my life. I’m not going to be afraid. I’m not going to put something off until tomorrow. I’m going to figure out the few things that are really important and make room for them. I’m going to take that hoop and thrown it far ahead – challenge myself, set goals – real goals, and accomplish them.

I’m not going to let another year of my life slip through my fingers.

FF: Bucket List

Posted on April 24, 20092 Comments

From Rev Gals: Do you have a “Bucket List”? In other words, from the movie of
the same name, five things you want to see, do, accomplish, etc. before you kick
the bucket?

I actually don’t have a “bucket list”! I have a friend who I know has all of these lists of things that she wants to accomplish in her lifetime, but I have never ever sat down to make a list of those kind of hopes and dreams. I am actually having a really hard time coming up with a list, but here goes (these things are subject to change!)

visit the Czech Republic with my Babi.
Visit NYC and see a show on Broadway.
learn to play guitar ( I know… this is one I’m working on already – but it’s going to take me a while!) and lead worship at my church with the guitar.
plant and grow all of my fruits and veggies for a year in my own garden.
be a mom. (we are hoping to have two kids, but right now my hubby’s totally not ready for them)

worn out.

Posted on February 13, 20091 Comment

I am absolutely exhausted today. I think in many ways I’m just trying to get caught up from an overly busy and stressful week. We have a fundraiser dinner for our kids on Sunday that I’ve been getting ready for and in the midst of all of it, I have been working on some medical appointments for myself.

Evidently, what I had assumed were acid reflux attacks are actually gallstones. And my gallbladder needs to come out. Which actually is a HUGE relief for me. After I found out that it might be gallstones I started doing a ton of research and it really fits the symptoms that I have been experiencing. As does acid reflux. But if it is mostly gallstones – that means that many of my symptoms might go away. I had gotten so used to a number of the things happening in my body, I thought they were normal. I’m looking forward to actually BEING normal again. But until I got the results, there was a lot of stressful waiting. And now there is waiting to see when exactly the surgery will be scheduled and how much I need to do beforehand to prepare for my time off. And a huge part of me just wants to do it now – get it all taken care of, and have a solid week off to breathe and recouperate. It would be nice to get it done before Lent starts. But then again – that means finding someone to fill in for me on very short notice.

We also had two funerals in our church this week, and I have gotten back on track with visitation of our homebound members. But in my efforts to catch up, it meant that I visited five people in one day – which has me socially spent. I never doubt that I’m an introvert after visiting with people. They are dear and wonderful people, but it takes a lot of energy for me to spend time with people. As opposed to extroverts who gain energy when they spend time with people.

I really want to curl up all day – but I need to get the bidding sheets done for our auction, and I need to get the fancy Japanese beer for our Asian inspired fondu party in honor of Valentine’s Day with my sister and brother in-laws. Crap. And practice guitar. I’m taking lessons from my brother in law, but I always forget to practice. well, with the busy week I had, I didn’t take the time.