introvert – Salvaged Faith

tea and danish

Posted on September 29, 20101 Comment

I’ve blogged before about how church visitation makes my skin crawl. It gets me all weirded out for no good reason at all. It is one of two places that my “introverted” side really shines through – the other being the sheer exhaustion that comes over me when I finally get back home after a morning spent at church on a Sunday.

I think part of the reason visitation is so awkward for me (and not the actual visits… and not hospital visits or nursing home visits… its working up to the visit and actually arriving on the doorstep that is hard) is that I don’t want to intrude on people’s lives. I don’t want to show up unannounced. I don’t want to butt in. I know lots of people who would prefer to simply be left alone. Frankly, when someone shows up on my doorstep – even if I’m kind of expecting them – and I’m wearing my fuzzy red pajama pants and my glasses are on and my hair is hastily in a ponytail – I would rather not answer the door. And I’m certainly not going to invite them in.

SO.

big problem if you want to be a pastor who tends the flock.

Big problem that I think I have solved.

I now invite folks to invite me over. Or invite them to stop by. Or invite them to let me know where/when we can meet for coffee.

I’m sending out these little postcards to folks, one chunk of the alphabet at the time. And they have the chance to mail them back or drop them in the offering plate and give me some feedback:

Sure- come on over to my house, and here are the times that are good for me.

How about we meet for coffee or lunch somewhere?

I would love to come into the church and visit with you in your office.

Thanks for the offer, but I am not interested in a personal visit at this time.

Just making that decision, to put the ball in my members court, was liberating.

Today, I had my first visit in someone’s home as a result of using these cards. And it was awesome. I got the grand tour of her house. We had danish and cups of tea in the kitchen. She sent me home with some apples from the tree in her backyard. We talked about her family and the ways that she had served the church and she had the opportunity to ask me questions about a new position she was taking on for the next year. And it was because she knew I was coming, and I knew she was expecting me, and because we both wanted to get to know one another better that we had such a wonderful time.

In some ways, I felt like by using this new method I was cheating just a little bit, but after talking with my superintendent, he helped me to realize a few things.

First – this allows my congregation members to respond as they feel comfortable. This is a german community and folks are pretty private. They don’t let you into their personal lives easily. We would rather put on a proud face than admit we have problems and while we are quick to help out, we resist help from anyone else. This method allows those who want to visit the opportunity to do so – in their own way.

Second – it takes the pressure off the cold calls. It allows me to be more comfortable, because I already know that this particular person or family is expecting me. They aren’t worried about what their home looks like, because they invited me to come over. They aren’t rushing out the door for a soccer game, because this is a time that is good for them. They are prepared for me to show up. Or we are meeting somewhere at a specific time and have the chance to grab a cup of coffee and we both know that this time is set aside for a conversation.

Third – It lets folks know that I really do care about them, that I’m willing to make the effort to get out and see them… even if they are people that haven’t been to church in ages. Most of those folks are not going to return the cards. And so the question that I’m struck with is – do I call and follow up? Or do I respect their decision not to reach out? I think the sentiment we ended on was that if I continue to make these kinds of efforts – not right away – but every once and a while – they’ll know I really do care. That I’m not pestering. And that when they are ready – I will be too.

cold calls aren’t just for telemarketers

Posted on September 24, 20093 Comments

I had a good talk the other day with my CS (Conference Superintendent) about my hesitations around visiting. He was very surprised that I find it to be such a scary task because I appear to be so outgoing and extroverted. As he put it, he was morbidly curious to find out what was so difficult. My answer: showing up on the doorstep.

I think it’s the feeling that I’m intruding on someone’s life. What right do I have to barge into their home? Of course, that’s not what really happens, and I DO have the right as their pastor. It’s a double-sided coin maybe… I don’t feel like I know some people well enough to show up and visit, and yet I probably won’t get to know them well enough unless I do. Others I see regularly in the church – which I know isn’t a substitute for going to see them personally.

What I love is when I recieve an invitation to go and visit someone. When I know that there is a reason they might want me to show up. If someone isn’t well, if they are in the hospital, or if they let me know that they would like me to come over – all of that hesitation is gone.

That’s what happened yesterday. A complete stranger, someone new in town, called and really needed to talk with a pastor. I told her I would be over that afternoon. And I spent two and half hours getting to know this woman, hearing her life story, and wrestling with some difficult questions with her. I left absolutely exhausted – but for such a good reason. I was emotionally drained because I got to be the presence of God for her. And because I walked along her journey with her – if only for a little bit.

Now, it’s kind of selfish to wish this – but I really do wish that more people would invite me into their homes and their lives – even if just for five minutes. Or I wish I was at a place with my husband where I felt more comfortable inviting people over to our home for a cup of coffee. Or that we had a more comfortable sit-down coffee shop in town for the same reason. I think that it would make that huge list of members feel a bit more manageable.

worn out.

Posted on February 13, 20091 Comment

I am absolutely exhausted today. I think in many ways I’m just trying to get caught up from an overly busy and stressful week. We have a fundraiser dinner for our kids on Sunday that I’ve been getting ready for and in the midst of all of it, I have been working on some medical appointments for myself.

Evidently, what I had assumed were acid reflux attacks are actually gallstones. And my gallbladder needs to come out. Which actually is a HUGE relief for me. After I found out that it might be gallstones I started doing a ton of research and it really fits the symptoms that I have been experiencing. As does acid reflux. But if it is mostly gallstones – that means that many of my symptoms might go away. I had gotten so used to a number of the things happening in my body, I thought they were normal. I’m looking forward to actually BEING normal again. But until I got the results, there was a lot of stressful waiting. And now there is waiting to see when exactly the surgery will be scheduled and how much I need to do beforehand to prepare for my time off. And a huge part of me just wants to do it now – get it all taken care of, and have a solid week off to breathe and recouperate. It would be nice to get it done before Lent starts. But then again – that means finding someone to fill in for me on very short notice.

We also had two funerals in our church this week, and I have gotten back on track with visitation of our homebound members. But in my efforts to catch up, it meant that I visited five people in one day – which has me socially spent. I never doubt that I’m an introvert after visiting with people. They are dear and wonderful people, but it takes a lot of energy for me to spend time with people. As opposed to extroverts who gain energy when they spend time with people.

I really want to curl up all day – but I need to get the bidding sheets done for our auction, and I need to get the fancy Japanese beer for our Asian inspired fondu party in honor of Valentine’s Day with my sister and brother in-laws. Crap. And practice guitar. I’m taking lessons from my brother in law, but I always forget to practice. well, with the busy week I had, I didn’t take the time.

Untitled

Posted on August 1, 20081 Comment

just had meeting re: young adult ministry. that + my time away has me thinking about ministry and my introvert tendencies. Praying for courage!

stumped

Posted on July 14, 20083 Comments

how on earth do I get through to my youth group kids?

this thursday was supposed to be our big summer start-up. Typically, if school is not in session, youth group doesn’t meet, but so many of them asked if we could continue through the summer that I said yes… for part of it at least. There were so many other things jam-packed into June that it just wasn’t going to work out very well. So we agreed July 3 would be the big day.

In the meantime, we were also planning a mission trip – a very short term one, because I have had no time to plan it. All the forms were sent out, reservations made, fundraisers put into motion, etc. etc. etc.

The first fundraisers we had… no kids showed up. So we went along and raised some money anyways. The next fundraiser we did… no kids showed up. But we made some money and put it in the account. The deadline came and went for forms to be filled out… and I have one form and one deposit in. That’s it. I extended the deadline… nothing. So the trip is now cancelled, or at the very least postponed until later this fall.

And then, the time to start back up with youth group – after I’ve talked with a few parents and seen a few kids… and I’m sitting there with my new devotions and a cool new game where we measure things around town in bananas… and I sit there. and sit there. and no one shows up.

I think that there are a few things to think about in this situation… 1) I have got to find a better way to communicate with my kids. Some have cell phones, and I tried text messaging everyone as a reminder before, which worked – okay. But not everyone has a cell. Not everyone gets messages if they are left at home. Almost everyone is busy working. 2) they and their families pretty much never show up on Sunday mornings… which also makes the chain of communication difficult. I have yet to meet most of their parents. 3) I’m a HUGE introvert when it comes to meeting new people and I really need to step it up and go visit these kids… except, I don’t always know where they will be. Whose parent’s house they will be at, if their parents/ guardians will be home, etc. But I really do need to step it up and just do it. Make the first step. Get it over with.

It’s not that I don’t want to meet their families. I suppose an extrovert wouldn’t understand, but it’s like this deep inner fear of saying the wrong thing or making the wrong impression. I just want to let them know I’m hear and I care about their kids and I would love to get to know them better. That doesn’t sound so bad at all! So why am I so terrified of it?!