Lost my religion… or my religion lost me

As many of you know – my husband isn’t involved at all in church life.  This whole church and religion thing just isn’t what makes him comfortable and he’s definately not sure that he wants to swallow the “truth” of the church hook, line and sinker.  And that’s probably putting it nicely.

This week, I’ve had a couple of encounters that have reminded me why for some strange reason our relationship works – even though I’m a pastor and he’s… well, if he were to call himself anything it would be Buddhist.
First, on Tuesday morning, a lovely woman who is in our small group came up and said that her husband and she had been talking about me.  He also isn’t a churchy person.  He also doesn’t get the whole religion thing.  And he was intrigued by the idea that if my husband and I can figure it out – then he and his wife can figure it out too. 
Then Tuesday night, I was given an amazing CD by a friend.  It’s Susan Werner’s “The Gospel Truth” and it has such a wide variety of musical genres and prophetic witness and a good mix of faith and doubt all rolled into one.  She describes it as “Agnostic Gospel” and I think in many ways that is true.
In her song, Lost My Religion, she talks about being told that girls were more trouble than they are worth by her preacher… and then comes the line – lost my religion… or my religion lost me.
I think for far too many people, they don’t lose their faith, but their traditions lose them.  Church people can be too brash, they can be too forceful and judgmental, they can be too close-minded and far too empty of grace.
And some people just can’t stand the hypocrisy.  Some people just can’t stand being constantly judged for something they can’t control.  Some people have too many questions and don’t think they can ask them.  So they leave.  Or rather, they are left behind.
As I listened to Werner’s album, and thought about my husband, and that woman’s husband, I started thinking about all of the other people in my town that wrestle with deep questions of faith and life but don’t belong in our churches.  I want so much to have a cup of coffee with them and talk.  I want to sit down over a beer and ask them what their questions are and promise them that I don’t have cut and dry answers – but that we can wrestle with the questions together.  I want to spend time with my youth group parents and assure them that I know their lives are busy, and that Sunday mornings don’t always work for them, but that we as the church can make room in our lives for them if they let us.
My heart is for people who religion has lost.

ordination papers and other tasks

This morning I put a sign up at the church letting people know that I would be working from home for the next two weeks.  The big reason:  Ordination Papers.

I had originally planned on just getting out of dodge for a full week and going somewhere quiet where no one would bother me.  But I can’t find a full week anywhere in my schedule.  And realistically – I would die of boredom holed up somewhere with only my laptop and some books to keep me company.  I need to work on this gradually – a few hours at a time – and then know that I can watch my favorite television shows at night and cuddle with my hubby.  Well, all of those things plus the fact that I never actually scheduled a full week off to do this and I can’t find any time in my schedule now to make it happen. 

So instead, I’m going to keep myself away from the lure of the office and hole up in my office at home.  I’m going to light some candles and wrap myself in an afghan and sit on the couch and work.  I’m going to keep Pandora going in the background and use up all of my 40 hours… and then get another 40 hours the second week with the change in the month!  I have already cleaned the house, the laundry has been caught up and so there aren’t unnecessary distractions to worry about there. I’m also planning on taking a couple of walks here and there out in the fall leaves for some spiritual renewal in the process.

The only real distractions I face are two-fold: the everyday church stuff that needs accomplished – bulletins, newsletter, advent prep and msn games.  I’m covenanting with myself not to play zuma or mah-jong tiles for the next two weeks. And I’m going to bust out the church work this afternoon – at home, in the safety of my office – so that it’s done and I won’t worry about it when I get going on something else.  I’m going to create bulletins and then on Wednesday – while my wonderful volunteers are putting together the newsletters I’m going to print out – ahead of time – all of the bulletins.  It will be done, and I will be able to spend the next week and a half focusing on what I have to do.

Keep me in your prayers as I first get some tasks accomplished and then dive head first into 40 pages of work!!!

FF: Five Songs

When I was a very little girl growing up in Virginia, I never missed a Sunday going to Court Street Baptist Church. But there was something else that made Sundays special, and that was “Davey and Goliath.” Every week the opening strains of the theme song would find me lying on the floor, chin on hands, looking up expectantly to watch the adventures of a clay boy and his big dog.

What I didn’t realize was who wrote that music, the hymn “A Mighty Fortress is Our God.”

It was the same Martin Luther who said:

“I have no use for cranks who despise music, because it is a gift of God. Music drives away the Devil and makes people gay; they forget thereby all wrath, unchastity, arrogance, and the like. Next after theology, I give to music the highest place and the greatest honor.”

On this Friday before Reformation Sunday, let’s talk about music. Share with us five pieces of music that draw you closer to the Divine, that elevate your mood or take you to your happy place. They might be sung or instrumental, ancient or modern, sacred or popular…whatever touches you.

1) All Will Be Well – the Gabe Dixon Band… I fell in love with this song in Nashville – it pretty much sums up my theology (and may be the reason I love Moltmann so much)

2) Here I Am Lord – the song that represents my call – I love singing the harmony on the chorus when you get a big group of people together.
3) I Believe in a Thing Called Love – The Darkness – this song gets me up on my feet and moving.  at a time when I was taking better care of myself and exercising regularly – this was the number one song on my playlist.
4) Hey Ya – Outkast – my dad and I danced to this song at my wedding – not for our father/daughter dance… but because he liked the song and we requested it. It still makes me giggle thinking about us out there busting a move
5) Shelter – Ray Lamontagne – another artist I fell in love with during seminary.  If my husband hadn’t had a song already – I would have lobbied hard for this one for our first dance.

FF: Touching Holiness

From Rev Gals:

Yesterday I was privileged to join the thousands of pilgrims who had flocked to York Minster to see the casket containing the bones of St Therese of Lisieux. People came from miles around, some with deep faith came to venerate the Saint, others with none came out of curiosity. The Christians who came represented a mix of denominations, I went because I have read her writings and out of sheer curiosity having never been to anything like this before.

To put it in crude terms I was blown away by the by the deep sense of God’s presence, of gentleness, of holiness and purity. Today as I reflect upon the experience I recognise that there have been other places and other times when I have experienced a tangible touch of God. I wonder if it was because the message that Therese had is so much needed today, she experienced God as a God of love, and encouraged others to draw closer…

Where do you find God’s peace and presence, is there:

1. A place that holds a special memory?
I have experienced worship around a round communion table twice – in the basement chapel at Simpson College and in the attic space of West End UMC. In both cases, we gathered around the table for sharing in the eucharist. Both had a small but faithful community who deeply yearned for something more in their relationships with God. Both were locations that were out of the way, and in some senses forgotten – but that’s what made them so special. In some ways – in the candlelight and in the stone and in the darkness they both remind me of the catacombs I experienced in Peru and in Europe – the faithful huddled together seeking God no matter what.

2. A song that seems to usher you into the Holy of Holies?
“I love you, Lord” always does that for me. Especially sung a capella. I first learned it in high school for our mission trip to Peru and I learned it in both english and spanish. And then in college, we would often sing it in a big circle while holding hands. And the harmonies we would create!!!!

3.A book/ poem/ prayer that says what you cannot?
Manifesto: The Mad Farmer Liberation Front
Every single time I read it, I pray it, I get goosebumps. It is earthy, it is challenging, and it reminds me that I have to practice resurrection in this life – that we taste it and touch it everywhere if only we look.

4. How do you remind yourself of these things at times when God seems far away?
I don’t. Which is a sad but true statement. I am desperately trying to put some of that holiness back into my life. I would really love to start a weekly evening communion service in my church, but I’m not sure how to do it without also sacrificing some of my family time. I guess the other part of that question is that I see God in all sorts of small moments throughout the day that I really just have to keep my eyes open – I just have to look

5.Post a picture/ poem or song that speaks of where you are right now in your relationship with God…
Tor Archer – Rooted Figure II I was looking for an image – mostly using my website title: salvaged faith.  One thing lead to another and I came across this image.  I would have posted it, but it’s probably under copyright – so I just linked. It brings to my mind the longing I have to be rooted in God, to be rooted to this earth, to be rooted in relationships.  And rootedness really has this idea of deep life for me – unshakeable, firm, committed.  It is the structure of our very being.  I am not a hunter/gatherer.  I am not a nomad (no matter how much the itinerant system says so).  I am rooted in community and in that community I find God.

FF: Recharging

A few weeks ago my lap-top battery died, suddenly I found myself looking at a blank screen and was rather relieved to find that it was only the battery and not the whole computer that had failed. This morning a new battery arrived in the post, and suddenly I am mobile again!

After a week with what feels like wall to wall meetings, and Synod looming on the horizon for tomorrow I find myself pondering my own need to recharge my batteries. This afternoon Tim and I are setting off to explore the countryside around our new home, I always find that walking in the fresh air away from phones and e-mails recharges me. But that is not the only thing that restores my soul, so do some people, books, pieces of music etc….

So I wonder what/ who gives you energy?

1. Is there a person who encourages and uplifts you, whose company you seek when you are feeling low? I think family does this for me – especially my husband’s family. I can go there without having to be “on” or really do anything, and I know I’ll find good food and conversation and I can let it all out.

2. How about a piece of music that either invigorates or relaxes you?I believe in a thing called love” by the Darkness – it gets me moving and pumped up

3. Which book of the Bible do you most readily turn to for refreshment and encouragement? Is there a particular story that brings you hope? I’ve always liked the story of Jeremiah planting a tree even though he was going into exile – it’s that symbol of hope in the midst of whatever we are going through and its a reminder that we will be back where we are supposed to be eventually.

4. A bracing walk or a cosy fireside? Hard choice!!!! I think a strong walk lets me work off some of my frustrations, however the fireside just melts them away!!! I’m trying to convince my husband to build a firepit in our backyard – because currently the walking is my only option. I could sit in front of a fire every single night.

5. Are you feeling refreshed and restored at the moment or in need of recharging, write a prayer or a prayer request to finish this weeks Friday Five….

Gracious God, on mornings when we don’t seem to want to get moving, help us to see the sun rising. Help us to hear the birds. Help us to know that your creation is alive and awaiting. May the wind gently push us. May the rays of light gently awaken us. May the colors of your creation open our eyes to the possibilities that this day holds. Remind us to sit – even for just a minute – to rejoice in the splendor of the morning. Help us to find even just five minutes of Sabbath with a cup of coffee, or tea, or juice, or a cat curled up on our lap, or a newspaper, or a blog entry and help us to listen for your Word in the midst of it all. Help us to be still and then send us forth to your task. Amen.

My life according to Incubus

so, I wrote that last post – and it just flowed and I wasn’t even intending to blog about it, but obviously I needed to. My initial intention (and a much less productive one) was to do this:

Pick Your Artist: Incubus

Are you a male or female: Southern Girl

Describe Yourself: Just a Phase

How do you feel? Deep Inside

Describe where you currently live: Under My Umbrella

If you could go anywhere, where would you go? Mexico

Your favorite form of transportation: Drive

Your best friend: Oil and Water

You and your best friends: Circles

What’s the weather like? The Warmth

Favorite time of day: 11 AM

If your life was a TV show, what would it be called? Sick Sad Little World

What is life to you? Priceless

Your fear: Love Hurts

What is the best advice you have to give? Beware! Criminal

How I would like to die: When It Comes

My soul’s present condition: Deep Inside

My motto: Make Yourself

Your favorite colour: A Certain Shade of Green

You know that: Nice to Know You

If you could change your name, what would it be? Pistola

Something you are looking forward to: New Skin

Dance Like No One is Watching

Perhaps you have heard the story of the church on the corner of Main and Broad streets. It was stately and magnificent in structure and style. Much love and caring were shared
between the members.

One particular Easter Sunday, the seats were filled to capacity. Participants sat in pews wearing their Sunday best, smiling graciously and nodding to acknowledge each other and the guests. Everything seemed perfect.

Worship services were well under way when an unshaven man in a faded shirt came through the front door. His jeans were torn at the knees and ragged at the bottom, his sneakers tattered. His eyes searched for a seat at the rear of the room, but they were all filled. All eyes followed him as he made his way to the front of the church, still looking for a seat.

Reaching the first pew and still not finding anywhere to sit… or anyone who would make room, he folded his legs underneath himself and sat on the floor of the aisle.

Everybody was wondering who this was, but even more than that, they were wondering who was going to do something about it.. The organist began to play the opening hymn, but nobody was really listening.

A hush fell over the congregation as Mr. Sims, a stately old gentleman who had served as an usher for more than half a century, made his way slowly from the back of the church down the aisle.

Everybody knew what he was going to do. Somebody had to do something, afterall. Dressed in his usual three-piece black suit, he steadied himself with his silver-tipped cane. He walked down the aisle and he came up to the young man.

Everyone watched as the old man bent down and said: “I just want to say how good it is to have you here.” And Mr. Sims slowly lowered himself with great difficulty and sat down by the young visitor. He offered him a bulletin, and offered to share his hymnal. And they sat together, and they worshiped.

This morning – as we listen for what it means to worship God fully – to gather together and to praise our Creator – that story of the old man and the young man really speaks to me. You see, both of them took a risk to come together in the presence of God.

The young man was a stranger, coming in off the street, and even though everyone around him was dressed in their Sunday finest, he didn’t care what others thought. He didn’t care if everyone else was watching. He didn’t care if what he did by sitting there before God upset other people. He was coming to the Lord – and nothing was going to stop him.

In a similar manner, the older gentleman had just as much, if not more to lose. He was established and respected. Everyone in that church expected him to tell the young man to move, or to walk him out of the church for acting so “inappropriately.” But Mr. Sims broke with convention, broke with tradition, let go of his ways and let the Spirit guide him to the front of the church to sit down with that young man.

There is a quote, sometimes attributed to Mark Twain that goes:

Dance like no one is watching. Sing like no one is listening. Love like you’ve never been hurt and live like it’s heaven on Earth

That is exactly what our older gentleman and the young guy were doing in that warm little story. And in our passage from the book of Samuel this morning – that kind of heartfelt abandon is depicted as King David leads the ark of the covenant to Jerusalem for the very first time.

For years, the ark has been in the hands of the Philistines – but to go and recapture the ark and to bring it to Jerusalem… the place David has set up as his royal city… means that David is showing how his rule with connected to the lordship, power, and presence of God.

At the outset of this journey, David does what is expected of him. He gathers thirty thousand of his best men and they go and bring the ark up out of the place it has been. One would expect a solemn and formal military processional bringing this prized possession back into the hands of the Israelites. But our scripture tells us that King David led the celebration and they praised God with all of their might with songs and instruments and drums.

In fact, the people were so caught up in their celebration, that an accident occurred. As the ark was being carried over the terrain, one of the oxen stumbled and the ark nearly fell to the ground. But a man named Uzzah instinctively reached out to grab onto the ark and lift it to safety.

Whew, we might think to ourselves… disaster averted. But just like Isaiah’s encounter with God in the temple, we are reminded about just how holy – just how other – God really is. This ark was not simply a box holding some important documents – it was a sacred object that could bring both blessing and harm. It was to be touched and handled only by those who had properly prepared, only by the Levites. Just like the King Uzziah who later is cursed for entering the temple and burning incense to God on his own, the military commander Uzzah is punished for his act. He is instantly killed as a result of touching the ark.

Here, by the side of the road, in the middle of their journey, all of the celebrations stop. David is so troubled by these occurrences, so angry at God for what has happened, that he refuses to carry the ark the rest of the way to Jerusalem. He is afraid of what will happen when God’s presence comes into his royal city. He knows the wrongs he has done in his own life and doesn’t think he will last long in the power of God. David closes himself off to the promise and power of the ark and puts it in the safekeeping of a family in a village nearby.

David’s heartfelt abandon is closed off because of the fear of being burned, of being rejected, or being found unworthy.

I think that there are many people, probably here in this room this morning, whose hearts have been closed off. People who are afraid to let God in. People who are afraid to make a fool of themselves for God because of what others might think. People who aren’t quite sure they are ready to take the risk to celebrate with all of their might before God. Am I right?

One of my favorite biblical commentators, Kate Huey writes, “Jubilation is a word we rarely use, perhaps because such a feeling has been limited for many, for the most part, to sports and, perhaps, the occasional political victory. But what if we felt deep-down-in-our-hearts jubilation over what God is doing in our lives? Would we dance, too?

Henry Brinton has compared worship… to a modern dance solo by Paul Taylor, the dancer/choreographer who “simply stood motionless on stage for four minutes….The dancing we do in church tends to be quite similar to Paul Taylor’s solo. What we do is nothing – we just stand still, hardly moving a muscle. Our worship of God involves our minds, our hearts, and our tongues, but rarely our whole bodies.”

In the book, The Soul of Tomorrow’s Church, Kent Ira Groff writes that we need to include rhythm into every worship service. He quotes Brian Wren in saying that “rhythm tries to move you bodily.” No wonder that from forever and everywhere the drum has been an instrument of healing, reminiscent of the heartbeat of God – use in primal caves, rock bands, sophisticated symphonies. The pipe organ is a wonderful instrument… but in combining many instruments in one, it decreased the participation of the many…” When we clap our hands, or tap our toes, or play along on other instruments, we are joining the whole of creation in crying out with our whole bodies – the Lord is Good.

Dance like no one is watching. Sing like no one is listening. Love like you’ve never been hurt and live like it’s heaven on Earth

Just like we might be afraid to step beyond our comfort zones and truly praise God with our whole bodies… just like we might be afraid to truly welcome into our midst those who don’t look anything like us… just like we might be afraid of what will happen if we open ourselves up to God’s presence… King David was afraid of what it meant to invite God into his city. He was afraid of what might happen to himself and his reign. In many ways, he rightly understood the holy power and otherness of the Lord… but he had let his fear overwhelm his ability to truly trust God.

For three months, things went on like this, until word came to David about the blessings that had come to the family the ark had been left with. A glimmer of possibility and trust began to burn again in David’s heart and he decided to try again.

The ark was taken out of the house and after just six steps, David was so overwhelmed with joy and thanksgiving that he sacrificed a bull and a calf. And he took off his royal garments and there in front of all the people he danced before God with all of his might. He shed his fear, he shed all of the expectations people had of him, he shed his denial of God’s holiness, and he worshipped and praised with heartfelt abandon.

As the dancing proceeded back to Jerusalem and as they got close to the city gates, David’s wife Michal saw him out there. She saw him without his royal robes, dancing among the commoners. She saw him making a fool of himself, rather than maintaining his composure.

When Michal confronted David about his actions his words were clear: It was before the LORD, who chose me that I danced—I will celebrate before the LORD. 22 I will become even more undignified than this, and I will be humiliated in my own eyes.”

He spoke with the same spirit that Paul did when he said that we should be fools for Christ – laying it all out on the line to praise and honor the God who gives us life.

That is a very different attitude towards worship than the one espoused by Michal… or by the Pharisees that Jesus encounters in our gospel reading. They were so caught up on tradition – on doing what they were supposed to, on what was appropriate and required, that they left their heart and mind and soul and body out of worship.

But Jesus words remind us that the outward trappings are not important. They don’t make us righteous or unrighteous, worthy or unworthy. It is our hearts that matter. It is what we give to God that matters. Or as our Psalter puts it…. we should come with clean hands and pure hearts before God… that we should come bringing our full selves with the right intentions.

Dance like no one is watching. Sing like no one is listening. Love like you’ve never been hurt and live like it’s heaven on Earth

Mission Trip Videos

Sunday in worship, instead of me preaching, we shared our thanksgivings and celebrations to God for an amazing mission trip experience. Our kids presented some of what they got out of our theme scripture for the week: The Spirit of the Lord is upon me for God has anointed me to bring good news to the poor, release to the captives, recovery of sight to the blind, freedom to the oppressed and to proclaim the day of the Lord’s favor. They did awesome!!!! Here are the videos that we want to share with all of you!
http://www.youtube.com/get_player
http://www.youtube.com/get_player
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