A few grey hairs #NaBloPoMo

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Prompt: Do you enjoy growing older or do you fight against it?

I am sure my answer will change as I age, but I love growing older. In my professional line of work, I am often mistaken for being younger than I really am.

I remind people of their grandchildren.
I look so cute.
I sound so young.
I’m the young lady in the back of the room.
I can’t possibly be old enough to be a pastor.

So…

I am thirty two years old, but when people ask I say I’m in my mid-thirties.

I not only embrace my grey hairs, but I’m looking forward to when they stop looking like highlights and actually are noticeable to other people.

I’m not afraid of getting older. I’m simply waiting for the time when I don’t have to work quite so hard at being taken seriously.

Some look at youthfulness as an advantage.  And, I can’t say that I don’t bring fresh eyes to a situation.  But just because I’m under thirty-five doesn’t mean I speak for all of Gen X, Y, Z, Millenials, and whatever we are calling the tweens with vine accounts these days.

I guess what I’m saying is that I think I’ll appreciate the day when age isn’t the first defining characteristic of my identity people notice.

Then, maybe I’ll worry about getting any older.

 

What God Has Sown

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In this past month, I have found new appreciation for the Apostle Paul.

You see, on top of being an apostle and a scholar, a writer and mentor; in addition to the work he did as a tanner to pay his own way through ministry; he was also a fundraiser.

I think that tiny detail skipped my attention for so many years, because I didn’t know what it meant to be a fundraiser. I wasn’t aware of the strategies and the prayer and the faith that goes into soliciting money from perfect strangers.

But I do now!

I have spent my entire life hearing that phrase, “God loves a cheerful giver” out of context… and you probably have, too.

While Paul has many other topics to cover in this letter to the people of Corinth, chapters 8 and 9 represent a sort of “stewardship letter” much like many of you received in the mail last week.

Corinth was a rich and powerful city in Greece. The ports had made them wealthy beyond measure. So it is natural that they had resources to spend and to invest and to, yes, even donate to the church.

Paul was encouraged by the apostles in Jerusalem to remember the poor and needy in the city (Galatians 2), and he wanted to honor those who had sent him out in ministry by sending back gifts that could support their work. Much like our apportionments today, the funds he was raising would be used for ministry in the other places the apostles had influence. And Paul knew Corinth would be the place where gifts could be abundant.

In his letter to them, Paul first of all talks about these poor people in Macedonia who have absolutely nothing but the love and grace of God, but somehow managed to pull together an incredible offering to send with Paul. He writes that though they were impoverished and struggling, they heard his plea for money to help the needy in Jerusalem.

From chapter 8: 3-4: “they gave what they could afford and even more than they could afford, and they did it voluntarily. They urgently begged us for the privilege of sharing in this service for the saints.”

And Paul says, all the while, I was telling them about YOUR generosity, you people of Corinth. I was telling them about how much YOU had promised to do. They wanted to be a part of that… part of this incredible opportunity we have to care for the needs of others. They gave out of their poverty, and now it’s your turn.

Paul asks the Corinthians to carefully consider their obligations and to take note of where their resources are needed and then to give cheerfully and jubilantly out of their abundance to the Lord. He wants them to give only what they know they can. Paul didn’t want them to make a commitment they couldn’t fulfill. He wanted them to give freely, and not out of obligation. He wanted them to think long and hard about what they could give and then to do so generously.

I was in Paul’s shoes many times over my work with Imagine No Malaria. And I know what a fine line it was to walk between challenging people to give more than they thought they should and yet not more than they actually could.

On one occasion, a well-intentioned person filled out one of our pledge cards and sent it in with an extraordinary commitment to give over three years $5000. I added the donation to our totals and celebrated reaching a milestone! But then they called me a few weeks later when reality set in and told me, “I want to support this project so very much, I see how much good it is doing and I am so excited about being a part of it, but I simply can’t afford to do so at the level I told you I could.”

And you know what. That’s okay. I told that person we were so thankful for what they could share.   We were overjoyed that they felt called to give and worked to make the adjustments they needed.

In chapter 8 of his letter, Paul writes that he wants the Corinthians to give what they can afford. If they can make some adjustments to their life and want to make a sacrifice here and there – great. If they have great resources at their disposal, then by all means, they shouldn’t look upon this call and drop in a few dollars. They need to give what they can actually afford to give. The goal is not to make them suffer or create financial difficulties. The goal is to prayerfully ask what God has blessed them with that they can bless others with.

Not one of us should feel guilty about what we can afford to give. We shouldn’t feel pressured to end our support of other good things in order to give here. Every one of us should hear the call, look at the needs, and then joyfully respond from our resources… whatever they might be.

In the early eighteenth century, a scholar and pastor Matthew Henry wrote: “Money bestowed in charity, may to the carnal mind seem thrown away, but when given from proper principles, it is seed sown, from which a valuable increase may be expected.”

Paul asks the Corinthians to think of their gift as an investment. To sow whatever seeds they can so that the Kingdom of God might bear fruit in the world… and so they might personally experience the joy and grace and abundance that come to us when we freely give.

Our commitment to give financially to this church might not make a lot of sense to the larger world. But we do so because we have seen the good it can do.

In the United Methodist Church, we understand that our gifts not only provide this wonderful space for ministry in this neighborhood, but also help to support Women at the Well and help to build churches other parts of the world. Our gifts help our children to learn more about Jesus, but they also help educate communities about diseases like Ebola and Malaria so that every child has the chance to grow up and live an abundant life. Our gifts raise up leaders among our youth here in Des Moines, but they also are providing scholarships for new pastors in Eastern Europe and the Philippines.

Every dollar given to the church is an investment in the gospel. It is a seed planted. And in time, God will reveal how Faith Hall and our children and the women in Mitchellville and communities like the Bo District in Sierra Leone… how all of these investments and seeds will bear fruit for the Kingdom of God.

That is why we are here, after all.

We are here, in this place, for the Kingdom of God.

We are here to worship and to praise God… the source every breath and snowflake and every good thing.

In our passage from Deuteronomy this morning, Moses encourages the people to remember the long road they have been on… the road that was sustained every step of the way by the grace of God.

God was the one who rescued them from Egypt.

It was the Lord who led them through the desert.

It was God who fed them and gave them drink out of rocks and manna.

And he wants them to remember when they get to the promised land… when their lives settle down and they find good work and have food on the table every night… he wants them to never forget who it was that God them there.

Everything we are and everything we have is a gift. It is grace. It is a blessing.

We are here today because God spoke and light and life came into being.

We are here today because God wanted a relationship with us.

We are here today because God moved in the lives of people like Abraham and Sarah, Moses and the Israelites, James and John and Paul and the Corinthians.

We are here because of the faithful people who were led by God to turn a farmhouse into a church in 1925. We are here because the Holy Spirit moved and breathed life into this congregation.

Today, we are the beneficiaries of God’s grace and love and power that moved through countless generations before us. All the resources and abilities we have are gifts from our Lord and Savior.

And like the Israelites, we should never forget that simple fact.

It is not our own strength that has produced our abundance. No, it is the strength of God that has brought us here.

And God has sown his power and blessing in our lives SO THAT we might bear fruit for the Kingdom.

You see… God made an investment, too. God planted gifts and resources into our lives. God has nurtured this church and helped us to grow so that we might in turn be a blessing. As Paul tells the Corinthians, “God has the power to provide you with more than enough of every kind of grace.”

Grace for living.

Grace for giving.

Grace for working.

Grace for singing God’s praise.

God has made sure that you have what you need in order to serve him.

The Macedonians gave out of their poverty.

The Corinthians gave out of their wealth.

But each gave because they believed they were sowing seeds for the Kingdom of God. And each gave out of joy and thanksgiving for the abundance of what God has planted in their lives.

So today, as we make our commitments to the Lord, may we always remember where our abundance comes from.

May we commit without hesitation.

May we commit without guilt.

May we commit what we have and trust that as God has blessed us, so God will bless others. Amen.

Life's Not Perfect #NaBloPoMo

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It was a lovely day.

We slept in.

The Hawkeyes won.

Friends came over and we binge watched some television (Newsroom is FANTASTIC, btw).

I figured out how to do a double crochet front post and a double crochet back post for an afghan I started.

My husband made apple pie.

The snow fell and it was so lovely.

And then tonight, as I’m setting my clothes out for the morning, I find it:

A nice little pile of poop.

A present left by Tiki or Turbo.

It rarely happens. I could guess at the reasons, but whatever, I’m not a cat.

*sigh*

Tomorrow, I’m preaching on thankfulness and gratitude, so I’m led to say these things:

I’m grateful for the invention of paper towels and carpet cleaner.

I’m grateful messes can be cleaned up.

I’m grateful for the companionship of those two little furballs.

I’m grateful for imperfections that ground us and humble us and help us to not take life so seriously.

I’m grateful for the grace that I have received when I have messed up.

I’m grateful for people who have helped me to clean up my own mistakes and fumbles.

Everything but… #NaBloPoMo

Yesterday I posted about this article I read on the ENFP personality and one characteristic absolutely jumped out at me:

9. Being a HUGE, UNSTOPPABLE FORCE of creativity and productivity… an hour before the deadline.

I am such a last minute person. I always have been.  I can set aside all the time in the world to work on a project, but somehow in the moment of carefully carved time, my mind wanders.  It flits about. I get stuck.

In the past year I have probably done more professional writing than I ever have before.  I worked on two manuscripts and have re-engaged with preaching on a weekly basis.

That first manuscript experience was another one of those crazy, down to the wire, I’ve got it all in my head somewhere but haven’t actually put it into the computer yet, situation. Once I did get it roughed out, I had a couple of all nighters finalizing and editing and moving the pieces around.  It is just the way I work. And it gave everyone, including myself, a big old fat headache.

708452_62978186So when the second opportunity to write came along, I was determined to do it differently. For my own sanity, for my relationship with my husband, for the quality of the work.  I went away for a whole week to a cabin in the middle of nowhere.  I made a plan to study and write a chapter a day, every day during my time.  And you know what, I actually did.  I got all of that hard work done on that trip.  But I think for the most part it was because I treated every section of work (each chapter was in four parts) as if I only had three hours to complete it. In order to stick to the schedule, that’s how it had to be. I would have breakfast and study for three hours.  I’d take a walk and bang out the introduction.  I’d have lunch and then work on the next section.  I’d take a walk and then write some more.  I made dinner and then before I could go to sleep, the final words had to be done and I did a preliminary read-through.  I was able to merge that procrastination and last-minute productive energy with an intentional plan to get work done.

In my return to preaching, I’m working towards doing so as well.  Thursdays are carved out as sermon writing days and I’m trying so very hard to instill that same deadline for 5pm that afternoon.  I like to believe that if my sermon isn’t finished, I’m not going home.

When I actually sit down to write on Thursdays, I tend to get the worst writer’s block ever.  I rearrange books.  I listen to quiet music. I get another cup of coffee.  I read the texts again. I check out facebook.  I stare at the computer screen.  I check in with my staff.  I do everything BUT actually type out the words.

And truth be told, it’s because I’m struggling with creating the same sense of urgency that my creativity demands. I’m allowing myself to make excuses. I keep thinking I’ll find time on some morning before my husband gets up (you know, on my days off).  I tell myself that if all else fails I always have 6am on Sunday morning (a time some of my best sermons have emerged).

I think for my personality, for my style of working, what I need is to hold myself deeply accountable to that 5pm deadline.  I need to create consequences for not getting there.  I need to remind my administrative assistant that I can’t go home until it’s done (she’s good about things like that). I need to ramp up the pressure for a firm Thursday deadline. And if I’m able to do that, I think writer’s block will be a thing of the past.  At least in my life.

 

Written for today’s prompt from BlogHer: Have you ever had extended writer’s block? How long did it last? What did you do to break out of it, and do you have tips for other bloggers?

How to plan a funeral #NaBloPoMo

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Today’s prompt comes from BlogHer Blogging: What knowledge do you have that others don’t? Write a “how to” post about anything you’ve got skills for, small or large.

In the first month of ministry, I had three funerals in my community. Nothing about their lives were the same. A baby who had struggled from the beginning. A good and faithful servant entering his nineties. A beloved grandmother.

Armed with my pocket book of worship and a prayer, I managed my way through.

Over time in that community I did more funerals than I can count. One year it was nearly 25 different services. Along the journey, I developed a system of preparation for the service that might be helpful.  My number one goal is always to weave the life story of the person who has died with the story of God.  Using traditional liturgy and pieces I have cut and pasted from various sources, I hope it might be helpful for you also.

 

The Family Meeting

  • What made ____ who he/she was?
  • What will you miss the most?
  • Tell me about where they grew up.
  • How did they meet their spouse? Where did they make their home together?
  • Vocational questions: if homemaker – what kinds of things did she cook/sew, if farmer – what crops/animals, etc.   Stories usually come out here.
  • Ask the funeral director about how they died… then ask follow-up questions with the family: What was it like seeing them in the hospital for so long?  What were their later years like? How did they adjust to a loss of physical ability?
  • Ask about what is important to the family about the funeral itself: music, scriptures, those who speak
  • Be kind. Be firm. Be open.
    • Most families haven’t been through this kind of planning before. They don’t know what they don’t know.
    • They don’t know what is normal. If there are things you feel are inappropriate, it is okay to simply say so, but figure out what that element represented for them and try to incorporate it.
    • Don’t be afraid to embrace the weird… sometimes it is the wonderful.

The Sermon

This  is kind of the basic structure that I work in for most funerals… especially when I don’t know the person.  If I do, I have more freedom to play around and adapt, but this structure helps me to use the above questions to make the meditation personal.

 

  • Today we come together to remember the life of ______________..  Each of you are here today, because you carry with you memories of a dear friend, a neighbor, or an aunt who loved to work with her hands and who loved her family and her friends.
  • Obituary information woven in with stories from the family about his life growing up, marriage, life with kids, his work, what she loved, etc.  Don’t read the obituary… tell their story in four or five paragraphs. Include the little details the family shared

[Name] was born not far from here on June 11, 1927 to [Name] and [Name] .  He served his country faithfully during World War II… [Name]  remembered how the young men would all hop on the train together here to go off to training and to service.  [Name] was actually still in training when the bombing of Pearl Harbor occurred, and then was later stationed there. 

 In 1949, [Name] married [Name] here in  and together they brought [Name] and [Name] into the world.  [Name] worked for well over forty years with his father and brother as a part of the family business.  And then he watched as [Name] and [Name] came into their lives… and then grandchildren… and eventually great-grandchildren. 

 Even running his own business however, [Name] an knew that work wasn’t everything.  The family remembers fondly weekends hanging out with the neighbors and dancing to Lawrence Welk in the living room – simpler times.  In almost every picture I got to see of [Name] last night at the visitation, he has that great smile on his face… you can see that he was enjoying his life… almost as if he had a secret that he was treasuring in his heart.  [Name] also liked to take time to fish and boat and he liked to take the grandkids camping in the RV. 

  • Connect something about their life story to scripture or a song – something that sums up who they were in a way that connects us with the divine.
  • Be honest about the reality of death and the promise of resurrection:

More recently, you as a family have been through some rough weeks.  A month and a half ago, [Name] had a stroke that dramatically altered your lives.  Unlike some illnesses that gradually overwhelm us – this was a sudden transformation. 

 Perhaps one of the hardest parts that we have to do in this life is accept that all of the things that we love and all of the people that love us eventually will pass on in this life.  In the book of Isaiah we heard the words:  All people are grass, their constancy is like the flower of the field.  The grass withers, the flower fades… but the word of our God will stand forever.

 These mortal lives that we lead, they are not forever. [Name] knew this to be true.  (something about their own experience with death – spouse, child, the loss of a physical or mental ability in her last days, etc.) And as some of you gathered around [Name] bedside in her last days and weeks, that was an ever present reality. We come from nothing but dust and to dust we shall return. 

 But in between, we have the opportunity not only to lead beautiful and wonderful lives, but we have the opportunity to clothe ourselves with a new life as well – a life that will endure beyond even the valley of the shadow of death – a life that will extend beyond the grave.

 Jesus told his disciples as they were gathered together that in his Father’s house there is room for many – and that a place was being prepared for them and for us.  As we remember all of those things that you loved about [Name] – we also celebrate that those are the very things that she is able to enjoy once again… that the life in these past years that gradually slipped away from her is now restored – that she is in the presence of our God and that she loves you all dearly.

  • Connect God’s story back to their memories and name very specific things the family has named:

That doesn’t mean that we won’t be sad.  Sometimes when someone has (lived for so long, or suffered for so long or done so much in their life) – we think that we should simply be grateful for how long we did get to share our love with them, grateful that (we got to experience…. Or that their suffering is over… or that we had so much time together) But as we celebrate her life, we remember all of those things that you will miss. You will miss… [be specific! – the smell of cookies baking in her kitchen…. the way he yelled at the television every the Hawkeyes lost… etc. ] 

And we should mourn. Because it means that we remember and that we cherish what we have lost.  But also know that in your time of mourning – we are promised comfort. Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted. The same shepherd who leads us through the valley of the shadow of death walks beside each of you today and as you leave this place and walks with you forever more. Amen, and Amen.

MY BIGGEST ADVICE –Figure out what you want to say in general at funerals – what is the message of comfort and hope, life and resurrection that you want to speak.  It is okay for that to be said at every single funeral that you do.  The last third of the above message is what I say most of the time… put the gospel in your own words and continue to share that good news.  The rest is simply weaving in their story with God’s story.

 

The Service

Entrance

Here is where customs will dictate.

  • At my funeral home, the casket remains at the back and when I walk to the front, the director closes the casket and then the music stops and I begin.
  • At the church, the casket is wheeled to the front, I follow and make my way to the pulpit, and the family follows me… the whole church stands as the family enters and then sits only after the words of grace/greeting
  • For a graveside (more later) we all gather, the casket is closed and I start when everyone is present.

 Words of Grace

 Greeting

 Invocation

Psalm 23

Song –

Common Scripture Lessons

  • Ecclesiastes 3: (1-8) 9-15 – use OFTEN for farmers, blue collar folks who enjoyed the work of their hands and were simple people.
  • Gospel Reading – John 14:1-3
  • I also let scriptures from the family direct the mood here – we’ve used the beatitudes, Christmas scriptures, favorite verses ( ask why!) , Revelation 21, etc.

 Message (not long… 5-10 minutes)

 Song –

 Litany of Thanksgiving  (adapted from Book of Worship and from materials at West End UMC, Nashville)

Gracious and loving God, we thank you for all with which you have blessed us even to this day: for the gift of joy in days of health and strength and for the gifts of your abiding presence and promise in the days of pain and grief.  It is right and good in this our time of need to offer thanks for [Name]’s life among us. We take comfort in the memories of her presence and the wonderful ways in which she blessed our lives.

(If a family wants to have a time of sharing… this is where I do it – in the context of giving thanks for that persons life and celebrating memories… if no one stands, then I have these ready to go and prepared… if they aren’t doing sharing, we go through these anyways as a part of the litany/prayer)

We give you thanks and remember her faithfulness as a wife to [Name] for over 30 years. 

We give you thanks and celebrate her love of her children, [Name], [Name] and [Name]and her grandchildren and grandchildren.

We give you thanks for the way she created her own family in the staff and residents at ____. 

And we give you thanks for the work of her hands – her vocation as a homemaker and her love of crafts.

And now that [Name]’s  race is complete and her struggle is over, we commend your servant [Name] into your loving arms, O merciful God.  Receive her into the blessed rest of everlasting peace and into the glorious company of your saints.  Fill us with your peace and abiding comfort, and keep us true in the love with which we hold one another.  Above all else we thank you for Jesus, who died our death and rose for our sake, and who lives and prays for us.  And as he taught us, so now we pray.

The Lord’s Prayer

Benediction

Song (especially if they want three – here is a good place to add the last one)

 

Graveside Only Service

(entire service is same as memorial service through the message… with the exception of probably NOT having music… this is where the committal becomes a part of the service, instead of separate)

Litany of Thanksgiving & Committal

Gracious and loving God, we thank you for all with which you have blessed us even to this day: for the gift of joy in days of health and strength and for the gifts of your abiding presence and promise in the days of pain and grief.  It is right and good in this our time of need to offer thanks for [Name]’s life among us. We take comfort in the memories of her presence and the wonderful ways in which she blessed our lives.

We give you thanks and remember her faithfulness as a wife to [Name]’ for over 30 years. 

We give you thanks and celebrate her love of her children, [Name]s and her grandchildren and grandchildren.

We give you thanks for the way she created her own family in the staff and residents at _____. 

And we give you thanks for the work of her hands – her vocation as a homemaker and her love of crafts.

And now that [Name]’s race is complete and her struggle is over, into your hands we commend your song/daughter _____, in sure and certain hope of resurrection to eternal life the Jesus Christ our Lord.

This body we commit to the ground… earth to earth, ashes to ashes, dust to dust.

Now as we offer _____ back into your arms, receive him/her into the blessed rest of everlasting peace and into the glorious company of your saints.  Comfort us, O God, in our lonliness, strengthen us in our weakness, and give us the courage to face the future unafraid.  Fill us with your peace and abiding comfort, and keep us true in the love with which we hold one another.  Above all else, we thank you for Jesus, who died our death and rose for our sake, and who lives and prays for us.  And as he taught us, so now we pray…

The Lord’s Prayer

Benediction

 

 

I hope this is helpful for any beginning pastors out there…. or any of us more seasoned pastors who are looking for something to get them out of a rut.

The Blue Couch #NaBloPoMo

Today’s prompt is:  Do you have a book in you? Fact or fiction? Related to your blog or totally different?

Well, the first part of the answer is that I have already worked on two books!

The first is an Advent study that is available here.  It weaves between the story of the magi and the book of Hebrews in order to show how the gifts brought to Jesus foreshadow the roles he plays in our lives.

The second is a lectionary based study that is available for Lent 2015 and can now be preordered! It takes a broad view of salvation and discusses a variety of atonement theories along the way.

 

IMG_2460There is a book that someday I would like to write, however, that is more autobiographical in nature.  As the post title suggests, it revolves around a blue couch, but more than that, it would be the story of my call and my relationship with my husband.  While in large part it is a book I would love to write, particularly for anyone who also is in a relationship with someone who doesn’t share their faith story, it is also a book that a) isn’t a complete story yet and b) might be too personal at the moment to share.

The blue couch is currently sitting in my office at home.  Together, we rescued it from being thrown away from an office building in Wisconsin.  We hadn’t been dating too long at that point, but were pretty attached to each other.  Since then, it traveled with us to college, moved with me to seminary, got destroyed by our kittens when we moved back home, but I just can’t seem to throw it away. It is a super high quality couch with real down feathers and although we have beat up on that couch, it is stick kicking!  (which might be a metaphor in and of itself for our relationship!) I’m trying to figure out how/when I might reupholster it… in blue of course!

D-I-Y Pastoring #NaBloPoMo

My first church had one person on staff… myself. So, I painted and cooked and folded bulletins with a very tiny army of volunteers… in between the “pastoral” work.

And I’ve always been a roll-up-the-sleeves kind of person. I stick around to help out. I wash dishes. It is who I am.

In the past week, I’ve helped paint our nursery and moved stuff around. I made copies. I cut out commitment cards. Not because there weren’t people who couldn’t do it, but because I’m hands on. I want to help.

Along the way, I’m discovering that makes me an unusual lead pastor or head of staff. I have blogged about postmodern leadership styles before and I am reminded of Frodo-like leaders… who need a team around them. Lots of skills working toward a common goal. A journey we take together, wearing different hats along the way. Discovering who we are as we go along the road.

As I paint and fold and cut, I allow others to let their gifts shine. I demonstrate my willingness to not only meet them where they are, but join them in their experience.  And I’m able to hear their stories as we work alongside each other and build relationships.

Can I add… there is something awfully rewarding about defeating a copy machine and getting the brochures all done. Or listening in as children walk by the new nursery and squeal with excitement.

What a crazy and wonderful job I have.

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