Over and Over and Over Again

Earlier this week, I was tired and worn out, and I kept being lazy and forgetting all kinds of things. I didn’t put the dishes in the dishwasher and left them on the counter. I forgot the previous day’s laundry in the washing machine and when we opened it, everything smelled a little musty. I left a light on in the family room all night long.

Each time, my husband reminded me of what I had left undone.

Each time, I found myself saying, “I’m sorry.”

Each time, it felt like a bigger deal, like straws being added, slowly and surely to the camel’s back.

I don’t know if Brandon was counting, but I was. I kept making note of all the times I messed up and did something wrong.

The little things just kept piling up.

And I felt so rotten about the whole thing that when I noticed something that he had left undone, I jumped on it.

In my head, I thought – HA! Here is something that will cancel out one of those mistakes I made.

In reality, I was not my most grace-filled self.

 

In our relationships, we spend far too much time keeping track of the wrongs we and others have done. Adam Hamilton, in his book Forgiveness, describes these sins and injuries as rocks that we carry around with us.

Some are small like pebbles. You know, like leaving a dish on the counter. [drop a few pebbles into your bag]

Others are medium sized stones, like forgetting a birthday or anniversary. [drop a medium sized stone or two into your bag]And then there are the boulders. Major hurts like cheating on your spouse or getting someone fired. [drop a brick into your bag]

 

When we spend our days keeping track of the mistakes and sins of others, what we are doing is metaphorically carrying around the weight of those wrongs with us. It doesn’t matter if it is one big boulder or a thousand little pebbles… it’s heavy! It’s a burden.

 

In my relationship with my husband, I was counting up my faults. And it wasn’t that he was unkind or not forgiving… I just took it personally every time he pointed out where I had made a mistake.

I found myself mentally adding a stone to our relationship each and every time.

I foolishly thought that pointing out one of his faults would take a stone away.

It didn’t.

It made everything worse.

Because now I wasn’t just thinking about my own faults. I was actively seeking out his so that I could even the score.

In doing so, I only piled a bunch more weight in our bag.

 

The only way to truly let go of the stones is to forgive.

The weight of sin and debt and grievances will overwhelm us if we try to carry them on our shoulders.

Jesus knew this.

And so when Peter asked how many times he should forgive his brother or sister in Christ, there was only one answer.

We aren’t to forgive once or twice or seven times… we are to forgive over and over and over again.

We are to forgive always.

We are to never stop forgiving.

 

To help Peter, and us, understand more fully this imperative to forgive, Jesus tells a little story. A story about someone with unimaginable financial debts who was forgiven by the ruler of the kingdom. Only, when that debtor turned around and was asked to forgive a small debt from a neighbor he refused. The king heard about how the debtor would not forgive another, and took back the pardon that was offered.

A long time ago, a monk named Anselm used this analogy to teach about how we could never make amends to God for our sin. Our sin is like a debt that we will never be able to repay.

If we think about our sins as little mistakes, the cost or weight of that sin is the price we have to pay. In the past, we might have tried to pay for our debts by counting up each one and offering the sacrifice that would counteract each grievance.

But in Anselm’s view, our sin can pile up into one gigantic, big, rocky mountain. It is overwhelming trying to even imagine, much less quantify, the ways we have let God down and have strayed from God’s will in our lives. We simply can’t keep up with the payments and they compound with interest and before we are even aware of it, we owe God an infinite debt. We simply could never repay God for the price of our sins.

Like the debtor on his knees before the king, there is nothing left for us to do, but fall on our knees before our Lord and beg for mercy.

There is nothing we can offer that can make it right.

Even if we gave our very lives, Anselm wrote, it wouldn’t be enough. The weight of our sin is overwhelming.

Our God is a loving God, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast mercy.

Our God created us and loves us, even when we don’t deserve it.

Our God comes to us and lifts us up out of our despair and sin and mistakes.

I forgive you, God says.

I have already covered the price of your sin. It is wiped clean. It is no more.

And so, like the debtor before the king, we have experienced incredible compassion and forgiveness and mercy.

This morning, we baptized little Adelyn Rohde. In that act of baptism, God’s forgiveness pours into our lives.

The point is not that baptism covers all of our sins before we find this water. It’s that God’s love and grace and mercy overwhelms us with forgiveness before we even know we need it.

That’s how abundant and powerful the love of God is.

The question is… what will we do with that unimagineable gift of grace?

 

What we shouldn’t do is live like the debtor. He took advantage of the mercy of the king and hoarded forgiveness for himself. As soon as he was given the opportunity to pass grace on, he refused. He counted every penny of his neighbor’s debt and forced them to pay it all.

That is not what God desires for us. Our Lord and Savior wants the gift of grace to fill in every aspect of our lives.

God wants forgiveness to transform every relationship we have… not just with Jesus Christ, but with our spouses and children, with neighbors and strangers.

God wants forgiveness to transform how we see ourselves.

The debtor in the parable this morning… he went right back to counting sins. He went right back to piling pebbles and stones and rocks up and forcing others (and himself) to carry them around.

God wants us to stop counting.

In the book many of us are reading right now, Forgiveness, a woman talks about her relationship with her husband. Like my husband and I, she had been looking for the mistakes and keeping a mental count of the wrongs in their relationship. But one day, she stopped counting.

“I find that when I make up my mind to stop being bitter or annoyed at my husband that our love is the best. It’s all in what I make up my mind to do.”

God wants us to stop counting.

We aren’t supposed to forgive once, or twice, or seven times.

We are to forgive over and over and over again.

The point of such an extravagant number like 70×7 is that you can’t keep track. You are just supposed to keep forgiving.

Even before Jesus answered Peter’s question, he had been trying to help the disciples learn this life lesson.

We forgive because we have been forgiven.

It is what he taught us in the Lord’s Prayer.

Forgive us our debts, as we forgive those who have debts against us.

 

Friends, we don’t have time to count the sins of others, and we don’t have time to keep track of all the mistakes we have made in our lives either.

A life of love and grace and mercy means that we have the freedom to simply live.

We will make mistakes.

We will forget to put the dishes away.

We are going to not always be our best.

Adam Hamilton writes that “We are bound to hurt others , and others are bound to hurt us.” (page 1)

But we can let the love and grace of God transform our hearts. We can clothe ourselves, as Colossians invites us to with kindness, compassion, humility, and patience.

And we can choose to forgive over and over and over again.

Breathe

Shortly after we moved into our new home, there were a number of big, scary storms. It was cool for June, so we had opened the windows to let the cool breeze blow in.

Our cats typically LOVE to sit in the open windows. They look out, smell the world, and watch the birds.

But when those storms rolled through, the curtains blew everywhere. The breeze going through the house was strong enough to move things off the table. I thought it was crisp, cool and refreshing… but the cats were not pleased.

With each gust of wind, my cat Tiki’s ears laid back and he would meowl. He was a bit overstimulated. He didn’t know where to look or what to do. You could just see chest rise and fall with each panicked breath. So, I spent about half an hour petting and reassuring him that morning. The other cat, Turbo, refused to even make an appearance.

The blowing of the wind always makes me think of the Holy Spirit. She blows where she will, she stirs things up and creates a ruckus, and we can either be comforted or agitated by her presence.

When we are ready for the Spirit to blow, it is a refreshing change of pace…. We breathe in deep and enjoy the ride.

But when we are not ready for that change, when we are not looking for the Spirit and she shows up, well, then we feel like trouble is brewing. We complain about how we’ve never done things like that before. We might try to fight back and then when it’s obvious the change is here to stay – we might just hunker down in the middle of the floor and give up.

 

In our scriptures today, we find two different groups of people who are in the midst of some powerful Holy Spirit changing winds.

 

In our first story, Elijah is dealing with the shifting winds of culture and a changing political situation. His whole world has been tossed upside down and he feels threatened and afraid. He isn’t sure what he is supposed to do in response and cries out to God for help.

 

In our second story, the disciples find themselves in a strange in between time. We talked last week about how their friend and colleague John the Baptist had just been executed. They are being led deeper into more dangerous territory in their faith and being encouraged by Jesus to take bigger risks than ever. Their entire understanding of who God is has radically been changing. They are completely unsure where their faith will lead them next.

 

And in both places, a powerful wind shows up and helps remind them that God is always with them.

 

As we think about these two stories, it is helpful to imagine ourselves in their shoes.

Sometimes, we run away to a place of safety like a cave.  This sanctuary can feel like such a refuge, with its cavernous space and the warmth and protection it offers.

The disciples, were sheltered from the storms in their boat.  A boat much like this church…

20140818_093323[1]You may think I’m talking about some symbolic and imaginary boat. You might picture yourself floating down the Raccoon River or on a pontoon out on Saylorville Lake. But believe it or not, we have all, literally, gotten into a boat this morning!

The part of the sanctuary where you are sitting is officially called the “nave.” The word comes from the Latin navis, which means a boat or ship. This sanctuary is constructed, on purpose, to look like an upside down boat. The rafters are the frame and the wooden slats become the hull of the ship.

So we are all together, in the boat this morning. We are all in this boat called church doing our best to be faithful and follow Jesus.

The problem is, sometimes the winds start to blow. And when that happens… well, we can’t always be sure where we will end up!

In the gospel, the wind picks up and pulls the disciples from the shore.   Their boat is battered around on the water. The winds whip around and blow the lake water into their faces. It’s not a pleasant way to spend the night.

Out there on the water, they not only sense the breeze, but also the winds of change. Their fears and hesitations and feelings of inadequacy about this journey of faith creep in. In the wee hours of the morning, they start to feel alone, lost, and afraid.

 

That’s how Elijah was feeling too. Alone. Afraid. The winds of change were against him and he alone was left of the prophets of God. Ahab and Jezebel, the rulers of Israel had turned against God and God’s people and Elijah had done everything he could to try to get them to follow God again. Nothing he did worked. He felt like giving up. He wanted things to go back to how it was before. He wanted the land to be full of God’s power and blessing again.

 

It is a common experience.  Whether it was Elijah looking backwards or the disciples wanting to stay near the shoreline.

It is the tension between wanting to stay near to the shoreline, where we know Jesus has been, and allowing the winds of the Holy Spirit lead us into different waters and a new mission field.

The shoreline is where we are safe and comfortable.

The shoreline is where we have experienced Jesus.

Just close your eyes for a few moments and breathe in deep.

As you breathe in and out, think about where that shoreline is in your life. That experience of Jesus.   A Sunday school class, a worship service, a bible study….

PAUSE

The shoreline is our cherished past. It is where we KNOW God has been. So we try as hard as we can to stay near to that shoreline, or to find one just like it in another place. We don’t want to venture out into the world without Jesus by our side, so we want to hang on, right there, and wait.

If the disciples had their way, they would have stayed right by the shoreline, all night long.

That’s what many of our churches try to do. They tread water, anchored in one place, doing their best to stay afloat and keep things as they are.

But sometimes, the winds of change start to blow. The Holy Spirit starts to move us. And like the disciples, we find ourselves drifting farther and farther from where we are safe and comfortable.

Some of those winds might be cultural shifts that move news and conversations online instead of in print or in person.

Some of those winds represent the migration of people and the changing demographics of the state and this very neighborhood.

Some of those winds are changes in styles and preferences of those who would worship with us.

Sometimes those winds of change are finding pink slips in our bulletins instead of those familiar green pew pads.

 

It can be scary and disorienting to be led somewhere new by the Holy Spirit.

I remember I had this sense of absolute terror when I was called by my district superintendent to go to my first church. I had no idea what the future would bring. I didn’t know what the people would be like. I didn’t know whether or not I would fit in. All I knew were the churches of my past, the familiar boats I had worshipped and been taught in.

The winds of change were blowing and I had two options. I could embrace the call – take a deep breath and hope and pray that the Holy Spirit was truly working through the process. Or, I could try to hunker down and resist and probably would have been miserable. I chose to trust that no matter where the Spirit of God took me, Jesus would be there. And he was.

 

I think the mistake the disciples made in our scripture today is that they tried so hard to stay by the shoreline, where they knew Jesus had been… that when the winds drove them to the middle of the lake, they believed they were in a place Jesus couldn’t possibly be.

With the breeze swirling around, in that unfamiliar territory, they felt overwhelmed by the chaos of it all.

Their boat was the only thing they had left.

Without a shoreline to cling to, they took a deep breath, said a prayer, and hunkered down.

 

For Elijah, his mistake was constantly trying to go back to the old king and make them change. Do you remember the saying that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results? Well, that was Elijah. Trying to convert Jezebel and fight her religion instead of moving on and looking for new people to minister to.

 

There is a temptation, when the winds of change are blowing, to retreat into a building like this. This church can become the center of our attention. It is that place we keep returning to, the familiar boat we hold on to for safety.

And so when those winds pick up, we retreat to our cave or hunker down in the boat.

Sometimes, it’s hard to get a sense of when we are being blown by the Spirit and when we are simply being tossed and turned by the breezes of popular opinion.

So, we focus on our people and our ministries And then we get into the rut of doing the same things over and over again, and wonder why it isn’t working any more.

But the biggest danger in doing so is that we no longer recognize Jesus when he shows up out there in the wind and the waves.

All around us are churches that are perishing because they have stopped paying attention to their neighborhoods and the world around them. They are dying because they no longer recognize Jesus when he’s standing out there in the winds of change.

When Jesus came out to the disciples, rocked by the winds on the lake that night, they didn’t know who he was. They were so startled by his presence, they thought he must be a ghost – an apparition – not their Lord and Savior.

Because why on earth would Jesus be out there?

 

“Hey! It’s me!” Jesus calls. “Don’t be afraid.”

 

Peter takes a deep breath and raises the courage to respond. He shouts into the wind at this dark figure approaching.

“ Lord! Is that really you? If it’s you… well…. If it’s you, then, tell me to come to you! “

 

And Jesus says, “Come.”

 

Take a deep breath and take a step out onto the waters.

Take a deep breath and step out of the cave.

 

I have new places to send you.

I have a new direction for you to go in.

 

Take a deep breath and step outside of these doors.

 

God is waiting. God is patient. And God has plans for us.

 

When we let the winds of the Holy Spirit move us,  we go where our Creator calls us, we will experience amazing and miraculous signs of God.

 

The winds… they aren’t going to stop blowing.

Change will keep coming.

The Holy Spirit is alive and active in this world.

So pull up the anchor, take a deep breath, and enjoy the ride.

The Spirit of Debate

I love to have a good argument! 

One of my favorite memories from college was debating with my good friend, Brian Johnson.  We argued about anything and everything… politics, religion, who could marry, why you shouldn’t marry, our favorite philosophers, the best movie, you get the picture.  There was something about a debate with Mr. Johnson that made your heart beat faster and sharpened your intellect.  You were thinking deeply.  You were listening for flaws and places to make counterpoints. You were learning what rhetorical strategies worked and which didn’t. 

Most of mine, didn’t work. 

I lost a lot of debates with my good friend – probably because he was on course to become a professor of philosophy – but through it all, we remained good friends.  Even when we got flustered after a good fight, we could turn around and the next moment go eat dinner together. 

Debating and politicking can be exciting… to a point.  But sometimes a vigorous debate turns into a personal attack.  Sometimes fighting just for the sake of fighting reveals hidden anxieties and anger.  And sometimes, when parties impose their ideas on others, reality clashes with ideals and people are hurt in the process. 

It is a reality we see all the time in Washington, D.C. as political parties refuse to compromise their platforms to deal with the lived reality of the people they are called to serve.  But it is also a reality in our churches.  A good natured debate, a serious conversation about what we should do sometimes turns ugly and hurts our Body of Christ far more than we could imagine.

In Acts 15, we find one of the first recorded official church council meetings.  In the history books and in the headings of our bibles, we know this as the Council of Jerusalem.  It was the first time the church leaders gathered together to make an important decision about what should be done… and about who could be included.

Conflict is normal and expected in the life of a church.  In fact, as Rev. Dr. Jill Sanders reminds me often, conflict is simply two different ideas occupying the same space.  How we handle that conflict, and what kind of debate we have, is what can make or break relationships and groups. 

As the Holy Spirit moved through this early church argument, we can learn about how we, too, in the 21st century can handle the conflict that arises.

First – when the question or problem arises, you address it directly.

The issue in this instance was a debate about whether or not Gentiles had to be circumcised before they could be saved.  That is, did they have to become Jewish before they could accept Christ as their Lord and Savior. 

Paul and Barnabas were out working among the people and gentiles were converting to the Jesus left and right.  All along, all they had ever taught was that Jesus was the way and the truth and the life.  No prerequisites.  No admission exams. Christ and Christ alone was the source of salvation. 

But a group of folks comes along teaching something different.  Paul and Barnabas could have had a number of options here. 

They could have ignored this new teaching and continued to do what they were doing… with both ideas growing up alongside of one another in the community.  But that only delays the debate until a time when people are more entrenched in one position or another.

They could have driven the newcomers out of town violently… which was what sometimes happened to them when their teachings were not well received by a community.

But Barnabas and Paul had the wherewith all to directly address the problem. They confronted the teachers and argued against them.  They spoke their piece.  They defended their position.  And most assuredly, the other side made their arguments as well.  A healthy conflict allows room for disagreement and conversation.  It allows for people to stand in one place or another.  They talked and argued until they were finished.

What our scriptures don’t tell us is how this conflict was resolved.  There is no tale of winners and losers in the debate.  What we next hear is that Paul and Barnabas are being sent from Antioch – the community they were serving – to go up to Jerusalem to get an official ruling on the issue. 

Which leads me to point two:  some arguments and debates are bigger than us as individuals.  A sign of maturity and health in any conflict is calling in other voices when the debate has reached a stalemate. 

In the world of business, this might be a mediator.  In a marriage, this might involve seeing a counselor.  In a church, its when you place a call to your district superintendent.  Sometimes we need neutral third parties to help us to see the bigger picture and to resolve our differences. 

But sometimes, we also need to have a larger conversation because the impact of our decisions involve more than simply us. 

The church in Antioch realized that the debate they were having would merely be repeated time and time again across the world… it was not a question only for them, but for the whole Body of Christ.  The power of a group speaking together – of a group deciding to live one way or another – would define that body one way or another.  They could either be a church who welcomed Gentiles as they were or a church who demanded circumcision, but they couldn’t be both.  They made a mature decision and sent the question to a higher authority.

That is not to say that all arguments require calling in the big guns.  If a church can’t agree about what color of carpet to install, the bishop doesn’t need to be informed.  The carpet isn’t a life or death matter of identity. 

But when we have fundamental disagreements about who to welcome, or how to interact with a particular social issue like immigration, then we might find we are having conversations that are bigger than us. 

That doesn’t mean they are conversation we shouldn’t participate in or have a voice in… it simply means that we also need to include others. 

So the Council of Jerusalem meets and the apostles and the elders all gather together to hear about what they problem is and to make an official decision. 

The third thing that we can learn is what the nature of these discussions should be.  As Acts 15 describes this debate, it plays out much like a courtroom scene.  Parties stand and argue their case.  People listen and wait their turn.  The gathering is respectful and honest with one another.

One of the more powerful realities of this testimony of scripture is that names are not tossed back and forth.  No party is painted to be the bad guy.  There is no negative campaigning or slander.  Each group simply speaks the truth about who they are, what they have experienced, and what they believe.

Those who believed in circumcision stood and made their case from the perspective of tradition and then others began to speak as well. 

Peter stood and talked about his vision of the gospel for the Gentiles and the conversion of Cornelius.  He lifted up the revelation of God he had received and his calling to carry that message back to the church.

Barnabas and Paul stood and spoke about their ministry among the gentiles and the signs and wonders they saw. 

And in each case, the people were allowed to tell their whole story.  They weren’t questioned or cross-examined.  They simply shared their experience and others listened.  They listened completely – not with the intent of finding flaws in the argument or ways to defeat them… they simply listened. 

When one party was done speaking, they waited in silence until the next voice was ready to speak.  It was a respectful, holy debate. 

And when all had spoken, James felt moved to respond on behalf of the assembly.  He lifted up the scriptures and the precedent for ministry to Gentiles even in the Old Testament.  He made a statement, and it was affirmed by the whole body. Gentiles would be welcomed, as they were… no additional burden would be placed upon them.

A letter was written and sent out to all the churches – a letter that would clarify the church teaching, a letter to provide stability and unity among the people of God. This letter assured the people that the Holy Spirit had led them to a decision… no burden would be placed upon them but these essentials: to refuse food offered to idols and refrain from sexual immorality. 

John Wesley was often fond of saying: In essentials, unity; in unessentials, liberty; in all things – charity (that is to say, love). 

In the course of their debate, the early church argued about the essentials – about how we are saved and who we should be as the people of God.  And sometimes their positions on those essentials would change – as would later happen with the prohibition against eating food that had been sacrificed to idols. But there were also many questions they didn’t address and left unanswered.  There were questions that were not important and were practiced differently depending on what city or village you were in at the time. 

But perhaps most important is that these conversations happened with grace and love and respect. 

With my friend, Brian Johnson, our friendship was always prioritized above all else.  The questions we were asking of one another did not ultimately matter.  Brian might disagree with me of course =) , but I guess I mean that even if there was a right answer, our friendship was more important than the debate we were having. Sure, the questions were important and someday we might be in positions and places where the decisions we made and the answers we arrived at really would matter.  But what was truly important was the fact that we could argue and disagree and still love one another. 

The same is not always the case with the church.  The same is certainly not the case in our nation.  We yell and demonize and refuse to listen to one another. We line up for chicken sandwiches or stay home and choose to boycott.  We get so caught up in the little things, the unessentials that don’t matter, that we have no energy left to talk about what is really important. 

May we let go of our fears and our pride.  May we open our hearts and minds to truly listen to one another.  And may we have a different sort of argument… an argument filled with the spirit of love. 

Amen and Amen.

Spirit of the Underdog

In 1887, a new term was coined in the English speaking world – the “underdog”… as opposed to the top dog – who was the dominant person in a situation or hierarchy, the winner, the victor in a fight or contest of wills. The term likely comes from the world of dog fighting, but soon the phrase was applied to politics, games, matches, and life in general.

We have seen the term “underdog” change from describing the outcome of a contest to the expectations for the outcome…. The underdog is the one who is expected to lose.  The underdog is the one facing the uphill battle.  The underdog is the victim of injustice who starts off at a disadvantage.  The underdog doesn’t have the power, the money, the strength, or the system on their side.

And our bible is full of underdogs… people who march into battle with nothing but slingshots to face a giant… people who head into the seats of power as prophets… people who fight with trumpets instead of swords… people who are not afraid of what might happen to their own lives if they speak the truth…

And in our journey through the book of Acts today, we find disciples who by all accounts are NOT the top dogs of society.  Their leader has recently been crucified, and yet still they go around working and witnessing and worshipping in his name.

As Zoe read for us, immediately after Peter and John healed the lame man in the temple they began to talk about Jesus and his power… and the powers of this world swoop in.  They are not happy, to say the least, and they throw the pair in jail for the night so that they will cease and desist.

The next day, a council comes together… the same sort of council that gathered around Jesus – questioning him and sending him off to be crucified.

Jessica Hagedorn, an American playwright and poet once said: “I’m an underdog person, so I align myself with those who seem to be not considered valuable in polite society.”

That is precisely what Peter and John have done.  Not only have they aligned themselves with the name of Jesus, but they have also aligned themselves with a poor, helpless, and up until yesterday – lame and useless man.

But right there on the margins, on the edge of society, is where the Holy Spirit moves.  And so even though they were standing in front of the High Priest, the elders, and the legal scribes… even though they knew the danger and the risk… even though they knew the outcome seemed grim – Peter was moved by the Holy Spirit to speak:

“Leaders of the people and elders, are we being examined today because something good was done for a sick person, a good deed that healed him? If so, then you and all the people of Israel need to know that this man stands healthy before you because of the name of Jesus Christ the Nazarene—whom you crucified but whom God raised from the dead.”

There the man stood.  The one who was lame for birth stood there – right next to Peter and John as a living witness of the power of Jesus Christ.  It was not a miracle done in the privacy of a home but in the middle of the temple and half of Jerusalem had seen it.  The leaders were shocked by the disciples confidence, overwhelmed by the support of the crowds that gathered for these  underdogs, and couldn’t figure out how to punish them and enforce their power without making themselves look bad.

Peter and John aligned themselves with the underdog – with the man on the bottom of society’s food chain… and for once that underdog was winning… the crowd was on his side… they were on the right side of justice.

In our society today – there are many people who are pushed around and broken.  Last week we talked about the power of prayer and the healing power of God, but God also calls us to simply stand with them.

We are moved by they Holy Spirit to stand with the widow and the orphan.  We are moved by the Holy Spirit to not just minister to the poor, but to get to know them and find out why they are poor and work to change that.  Our calling as disciples of Jesus Christ takes us to the dark and lonely corners of our community – to people who have no one – in order to reflect the light of God into their lives. We, like Peter and John, are called to pay attention to the underdogs and to stand with them…. even if it means that we put our own selves on the line.

I talked a few weeks ago about how even “the church” has been an agent of oppression and injustice in this world.  For a long time, we were on the wrong side of issues of equality for African Americans, justice for native peoples, and the inclusion of women in the pulpit.  But throughout our history, there have also been countless people who have said, “no,” to the church and who chose to stand with and for those people until they found a place at the table.  I am utterly grateful for those who became underdogs for my sake.

And so today, even if it means that I might get myself in trouble, I cannot ignore my calling to stand with underdogs.  Last week, we talked about how Peter and John were led to stop by the side of the road and heal the lame man… and in the same way, the Holy Spirit leads each of us.  We all have different issues that are close to our hearts, but whatever they are –  we have to act, we have to do something, we have to stand up for the underdog.  Maybe it is justice for the immigrant, or support for those fighting cancer, or kids who go hungry every day.  Maybe it is with single parents, our gay and lesbian brothers and sisters who feel excluded from the church.  Maybe it is with any parent facing the uphill battle of raising kids today.  Whoever it is, wherever they are… if they Holy Spirit calls you to stand with them and for them, go…  even if it means that you yourself become an underdog.

H. Jackson Brown, Jr. – the author of “Life’s Little Instruction Book”  once wrote:  “I never expect to lose.  Even when I’m the underdog, I still prepare a victory speech.”

And in the blessed hands of the Holy Spirit, you and I always have a victory speech ready, too.

In our passage from Acts, Peter and John found themselves in front of the high and mighty in the religious leadership and yet the Holy Spirit gave them the words to speak.

As I think more about it – their speech would have been the same whether they were facing commendation or condemnation.  They were simply speaking the truth:  This man was healed in the name of Jesus Christ who you rejected.  Praise be to God!

As much as the council wanted to throw the book at these two – the crowds were not on their side.  Even with all of their power, they couldn’t win.

I believe that this passage reminds us that neutrality is not an option.  When we choose not to speak or stand with the underdog than we have registered our vote with the top dogs.  The only reason that the council lost the power they held was because of the strength of the crowds – because they spoke the truth, because they were willing to put themselves on the line for justice.

When the Holy Spirit calls you to speak, you just might be the voice that tips the scales in the favor of the underdog.

With the crowds turning against them, the council had nothing left to do.  They tried to maintain their face and they scolded Peter and John and warned them to not preach in Jesus’ name again.

And Peter and John responded:  “We can’t stop speaking about what we have seen and heard.”

As Christians, our victory speech is the testimony of our hearts about what Jesus Christ has done in our lives.  Everytime we tell it, it is good news.  Whether we are on the top of the pile or the bottom, it is good news.  On good days and on bad days, it is good news.

The musician behind the familiar song “Proud to Be An American,” Lee Greenwood once wrote:  It bothers me to know there is the possibility that I as a Christian would be not only an underdog, but that I would be trodden upon if I claimed that I was a Christian.

I have talked a lot this morning about standing with the underdog, but the very fact that we are Christians make us underdogs in this society.  We start out at a disadvantage.  We will be ridiculed, misunderstood, antagonized, and trampled on.  If we’re not… then we are doing something wrong 😉

I actually believe the beauty of the fact that we no longer live in a Christian nation is that we now have the freedom to truly live out our faith.  Without the blanket assumption that everyone is a Christian, people can see the difference between someone who claims to follow Jesus and someone who really does it.

Too many of us are afraid to associate with the name of Jesus.  We are afraid of being rejected and cast out of our families.  We are afraid of offending.  We are afraid of finding ourselves in a vulnerable position.

You are not alone.  You are in good company.  And for far too long, we as Christians have been timid of speaking the truth of our faith.  My prayer is that the Holy Spirit might move among us like it did among Peter and John and the disciples and early followers of the way of Christ.  My prayer is that we might be challenged to stand with the underdogs, that we might speak the good news in love, and that we might not be afraid to become underdogs ourselves.

Because you know, when the storms are raging and all the powers of this world seem to be against us – that is when Jesus’ power is seen most clearly.

Our children learned this week that with God on our side, we have nothing to be afraid of.  The wind and the waters obey him… the devil doesn’t stand a chance… the hungry are fed… the lost are found… the lonely are loved… all because of Jesus Christ.

Maybe the key to this story is the realization that we are not actually underdogs at all… in the grand scheme of things – we know in whom true victory lies.  Goodness is stronger than evil, life is stronger than death, light is stronger than darkness.  In the big picture – the powers of this world have nothing on the power of Jesus… they are the ones who will lose.  They are doomed from the start.

We can no longer despair at the pain and suffering because we know through Jesus Christ that all will be made well.

The question of Jesus keeps coming back to me… Why are you afraid? Have you no faith?

Victory is already ours…. So lets boldly start proclaming the good news.

Spirit of Healing

When I was in Tampa for General Conference, I saw a few folks on the street who were looking for handouts.  And every time, I diverted my eyes, or I politely said “I’m sorry” and kept going.  Except for one instance.  A man on a bench asked me for some money for food.  I went through my usual explanation – I don’t have cash, I’m in a hurry, I’m sorry… and kept moving.  But I got about 25 feet from him and I stopped.  I knew that I could help him.  I knew there was something I could do.  The Holy Spirit filled me up and turned me around and before I knew it, I was introducing myself to Fred and taking him across the street to Quiznos.  I really was in a hurry, but I stood in line there with him and he ordered a nice hot sandwich and we talked about his life.  He had lost his job and had moved here looking for work.  He hadn’t found any.  He was waiting for his unemployment check to catch up with him and until it arrived he had nothing, so he was staying in a shelter.  He was hoping to be back on his feet in a week or two… but I had the feeling that this was only the beginning of a tough road for him.

I knew I couldn’t fix all of his problems… but I could get him a nice hot dinner.  As we parted ways outside the door, he gave me a huge smile and said, God bless you.

As we heard from Acts chapter 3 – a lame man was carried to the temple every single day to beg for the resources that would sustain his meager life. He was begging for bread and water and shelter.  And when Peter and John encounter him – his life is turned upside down and will never be the same again.  It wasn’t a sandwich that stirred his blood – it was the power of the Holy Spirit and the name of Jesus Christ that strengthened his weak legs… and this broken man stood up leaping and laughing.  He ran in through the temple gates and made a joyful exuberant scene – praising God for the chance at new life.

I want to invite us to look at this story from a couple of different angles this morning.

First, from the perspective of Peter and John.  If you remember from last week, they had found themselves leaders of a small movement – three to four thousand people were now following their guidance and were committing themselves to the way and the teachings of Christ.  Each person – and especially Peter and John as leaders – had given up everything they knew before in order to help support and care for and nurture this precious new community.

One of the primary things they did together was to worship and pray.  And so it is not surprising that these two are on their way to the temple for the 3:00 prayer.  It is a custom in the Jewish faith to pray three times a day – morning, afternoon, and evening – as a way of keeping your whole life focused on the Lord.

So they walk to the temple, passing through the same gate they might have entered hundreds of times before…. and probably past dozens of beggars along the way.  In fact, maybe we can’t fully understand the story unless we appreciate the culture of begging that would have surrounded them.

Bob Deffinbaugh describes his experience with beggars in India this way:

There were so many beggars there was no way one could respond to all of them. The solution was often not to “see” any of them. But the beggars made this difficult. Those who were mobile would press themselves on you. They would approach your taxi at an intersection, tugging at your sleeve and pleading for help. Those not mobile would call our for charity. The beggar would be aggressive, something like the salesmen as you try to walk through the appliance section at Sears. You would concentrate on not seeing them as they converged on you, and you hurried to get through the section before you were trapped.

Living in the midst of this culture, you train yourself to ignore them, because you simply cannot respond to the needs of all.  Maybe you occasionally stop and help one person to make yourself feel better.  But you don’t make eye contact.  You keep moving.

Imagine Peter and John walking a path they have every day and seeing countless beggars along the road.  As I thought about my experience in Tampa, I have to ask.. What is different about today?  Why do they stop?  Why do they reach out to this particular man?

Peter and John stop that day intentionally.  They, too, were filled with the Spirit and knew that there was something they could do for this man.  They had not a dime in their pockets, no food to offer, nothing that could satisfy this man’s earthly needs… except for their faith in Jesus Christ.

We each have times in our lives when we feel that small tug on our heartstrings.  And as the people of God – even though we might not have confidence, or money, or resources, we do have faith.

Our two disciples were familiar with this concept because they had once been sent out to preach and heal and teaching with nothing but the clothes on their back.  They had learned through practice that God truly can be depended on, that he is our very present help in times of trouble.  They knew that faith could move mountains… and if it can move mountains than it can certainly help this lame man to walk.

They looked him in the eye, they reached out their hands in faith, and the lame man leaped for joy.

Everyday, you and I pass countless people who are broken and hurting.  They may not be sitting on the street corners and their pain might not be visible to the naked eye, but if we look closely – we can see the strain of tension by the eyes, we can hear the waver in the voice, we feel the frustration and despair in the way they move and live in this world.  And because it is so common, we keep walking.  We don’t have the heart to pay attention because it might overwhelm us.

Listen to your heart.  Listen to those promptings of the Holy Spirit that stop you in your tracks.  Stop, listen, and share with that person the hope and faith and love you have experienced through Jesus Christ.

Sometimes we have the opportunity to be Peters and Johns – going through our daily lives and coming across the opportunity to heal someone.

But we are also the lame beggars who sit by the gate.

Each of us has a whole host of problems – aching backs, sore knees, family disagreements, conflicts in our marriage, struggles with our children, sinful pasts and temptations in the present, stress around deadlines and finances, cancer, disease, death.

You name it, this community has experienced it or will experience it.

But unlike the lame beggar, we tend to hide our struggles.  We don’t sit with them out in the open for all to see, but hold them close to our hearts and silently wait for an answer.

This lame man knew he couldn’t remain at home and do nothing.  So every day he convinced someone to carry him from where he slept to the Beatiful Gate.  For nearly forty years he had done this daily.  He went to the temple, to the place of God, and begged.

I wonder if sometime during the last year or two, he heard rumors of Jesus passing by.  I wonder if he had heard about the miracles that had happened.  Maybe Jesus had walked through that very gate, but he was too weak, or too quiet, to catch his attention and to ask for a miracle for himself.  Maybe he didn’t feel worthy, like a lost cause, a hopeless mess.
It doesn’t matter how sick you are, how broken or how sinful… the grace of God has time for you.  The Holy Spirit has time for you.  And so even though our beggar could not even look into their eyes, Peter and John stopped in front of him and shared their faith – they healed him.

He could do nothing but leap for joy.

Some of us have experienced miracles, healing, and forgiveness… and we know that when we do, we cannot go back to life as it was…. nothing will ever be the same.

I must admit, I always have a deeply engrained, “BUT” in my soul whenever I talk about the power of healing and the miracle of faith.

I know too many people who have prayed for miracles that have never come.

I watched with agony as my friend, Doug, prayed for healing for his wife that never came.

In my time as a hospital chaplain, I watched one young woman healed of lukemia, and watched another die within a week from the disease – both clutching their faith.

I believe that sometimes, we hide our problems and our sins; we refuse to tell others about our disease, because we are afraid that we will be found wanting.  We are afraid that if we tell the truth, everyone will know that we “didn’t have enough faith” and that the answer we want will not really come anyways.

Friends, prayer is not magic.  It is not an incantation that we can repeat over and over in order to get what we want out of this world.

Prayer is a relationship with God.  A two-way relationship.  And sometimes the answers that we recieve are not the ones we initially begin praying for.  Sometimes we recieve the gifts of peace and comfort instead of cures.  Sometimes we hear a calling to be strong and to share our faith with others in spite of the pain we are experiencing.  Sometimes the answer to our prayers is that we ourselves have to change – that we need to forgive or give up a lifestyle that was harming us or move away from a difficult relationship.

In the miracles of healing – the answer is never, “if you just had more faith, you would be healed.”

No, the words the Holy Spirit speaks to our hearts are these familiar words of scripture, “be still and know that I am God… trust in me and my goodness… I am with you… Do not be afraid… repent and believe the good news”

Sometimes, as is the case with our lame beggar, the healing comes in the present moment.  Sometimes, we know that the wholeness will only come after our time on this earth is complete.

But still we pray, and still we have faith, and still we trust, because we know that there is some good that God can make out of the brokenness of our lives.

Today, we have the opportunity to be both disciples and beggars.  We have the opportunity to come forward and to offer prayers of healing and to ask for healing in our lives as well.

I know that one of the primary gifts of this church is the gift of healing and prayer… so many of you believe in this power of miracles and that God truly does work for good in our lives.  I want to invite you to claim that gift, and as we come forward for healing, to take time to talk with someone, to listen to their prayers, and to pray with and for them.
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No More Denial

Seventy five years ago, I probably would not have been welcomed in this pulpit.  As a woman, ordination was out of the question.  A combination of tradition and a patriarchal society and a way of reading the scriptures precluded the church from welcoming women as preachers and pastors.

But here I stand… robed, ordained, my calling from the Holy Spirit confirmed by the church.

As a young woman, I have always lived in a church that ordained women.  I have always been a part of a church that valued the contributions women made in ministry, in leadership, and in the world.  It has been a given.

And so it was a wake-up call to remember at General Conference this year that this church has not always welcomed everyone.

Of the many things we celebrated – one was the fortieth anniversary of Cosrow – the General Commission on the Status and Role of Women.  CSRW has worked tirelessly these past forty years to make sure women have had a place in the church… and continue to work hard in places like Nigeria, Tanzania and the Congo to help the United Methodist Church there continue to affirm the calling of women in a culture that has traditionally been led by men.

We also had a time of celebration of full-communion with our African Methodist brothers and sisters.  For students of history, the historically black Methodist denominations in our nation were formed out of discrimination and exclusion… beginning with the African Methodist Episcopal Church.  The AME Church was founded in 1816 by Richard Allen who left the Methodist Episcopal Church.  At the time, black congregants were segregated to the second floor gallery and although the church affirmed his calling to be a pastor… Allen was only allowed to preach to and minister to other black Methodists.

After the AME Church came other Pan-Methodist denominations like the AME Zion church, the Christian Methodist Episcopal Church, the African Union Methodist Protestant Church and the Union American Methodist Episcopal Church.

Twelve years ago, the United Methodist Church repented of our acts of discrimination and exclusion towards our brothers and sisters and this year, we celebrated full-communion together.  We now recognize one another’s churches, share sacraments, and affim the clergy and ministries of one another’s denominations.

I think that it is important to have this backdrop of our own exclusion, presumptions, and history of discrimination as we read our text from Acts for this morning.

You see, Peter has been sent on a missionary journey to the home of Cornelius… a gentile.  A Gentile is a non-jew, someone who was not a part of the family of Israel, someone who was an outsider as far as the faith was concerned.  Gentiles would not have been allowed into holy places of the Jewish temple. They were excluded because they were unclean.  They were different.  They were not welcome.

But while Peter is in this community, he has a vision of the clean and unclean joining together.  He has a vision of a new sort of body of Christ.  And when he goes to preach to Cornelius and his family, the Holy Spirit descends upon them and they recieve the gift of faith.

Peter’s world has just been turned upside down.  Those he thought were outside of God’s love and power have just had it poured upon them.  And exclaims: “These people have received the Holy Spirit just as we have. Surely no one can stop them from being baptized with water, can they?”

No one could deny their gifts. Water was brought and Cornelius and his whole family were baptized on the spot… they were part of the family of God.

I wonder if at various points throughout our history faithful folk stood up and exclaimed about women or people of color:  These people have received the Holy Spirit… just like we did – How can we stop them from being baptized?  How can we deny them a place at the table?  How can we stop them from being ordained when God has so clearly spoken in their lives?

I wonder what kinds of upside down realizations helped people to reverse traditionally held views about who was outside of the call and power of God?  John Wesley, the founder of Methodism was against women preaching in principle… until he witnessed the Holy Spirit working through the lives of women like Sarah Crosby, Grace Murry, and Hannah Ball.  He relented and licensed them for preaching in the circuits across England.

And I wonder where we need to have our worlds turned upside down once again?

In a small community like Marengo, we are not exceptionally diverse.  And so when we come to church we find a lot of people who look and think and talk like we do.  Or at least it might appear that way.

When we dig deeper, we find that we are young and we are old.  We are rich and we are poor.  We are healthy and we are in need of healing.  We have been educated by the streets and we have been taught in universities.  We vote republican and we vote democrat.  And yet, we have made room here in this place for all of this difference.  God is good!

And yet, there are still people missing from our midst.  There are still people in this community and in this world who either do not know that they are welcome here or who actively feel excluded from this community and from leadership in our church.  Our sign outside might say, “All Welcome…” but do we truly live that out with our lives?  And do we actively let people know with our words and our deeds that they truly can enter this building and be a part of our community? Do we go out into the world to discover where the Holy Spirit is active and moving in the hearts of children of God?

In our gospel lesson this morning, we are reminded that we have been chosen by God.  We are friends of Jesus… but not because of anything special that we have done to deserve that recognition.  No, God chooses who God wants.  And as we look through history we find that God choose people like the murderer, Moses; the deciever, Jacob; the prostitute, Rahab; the tax collector, Matthew; and the super-religious, Saul.

In spite of our pasts, in spite of our present, in spite of where we were born or who we were born, God has chosen to love us.  And God also chooses to love people outside of these four walls.  The Holy Spirit is out there in the world right now moving among people in this community:  parents with little kids; single moms; drug addicts; gays and lesbians; the elderly who are homebound; folks who partied too much last night; and people who don’t want to know Jesus Christ.

God is out there moving!  It was the Holy Spirit that led our apostle Peter into the community of Caesarea and into the household of Cornelius.  Cornelius may have been a Gentile, but God was moving in his life.  Cornelius actively supported the local synagogue and Jewish ministries… even though he was not allowed in the Temple to worship like those who were born Jews.

God chose to speak through him.  God chose to act through him.  And Peter was the one who needed the wake up call to see that the Holy Spirit could move even outside of the traditional bounds of faith.

In his farewell message to his disciples, Jesus not only called them friends, but he also reminded them that they were sent.  Sent out into the world to point to where the Holy Spirit is moving.  Sent out into the world to love the people, to love the creation, and to bear the fruit of the gospel.  And as we go, we need to remember that God can and does choose people who don’t look like us, talk like us, love like us, minister like us.

In May of 1956, the Methodist Church began to ordain women with the same full rights as men.  And in May of 2012, the United Methodist Church voted to fully recognize and value the ordination and sacramental authority of men and women that our church had shut the doors to 200 years ago.  And this General Conference, we began to make the first steps towards reconciliation with Native American brothers and sisters – who we as United Methodists have actively pushed to the margins of society.

As we experienced those acts of repentence at General Conference, my heart couldn’t help but wonder who we are leaving out today and are not yet ready to even admit… who are we still excluding?  Who has God called while we remain in denial?  May we have open eyes and open hearts and open minds to see the outpouring of the Holy Spirit in the lives of people in this world.  May we always be ready and willing to share this church and this ministry with all of those whom God has chosen.  And together, as friends of God, may we all go into this world ready to bear the fruit of the Gospel.

Who, Me?

As we start off this morning, I want you to find a blank corner of your bulletin or the hymn sheet and scriptures, and I want you to write on that corner one thing that you are personally good at. What is one thing that you know how to do and do fairly well.

Turn to one other person and share what that one thing is that you are good at doing and sometime recently when you got to use that skill or talent.

Thank you all for sharing! We will turn back to those slips of paper in just a moment, but for now, will you pray with me?

This past Wednesday night during our weekly communion service, we wrestled a bit with our gospel lesson from this morning. Who do YOU say Jesus is? How would you describe him to friends or neighbors?

We talked about our various answers, we had communion and sang and headed home… but one lingering thought has been stuck with me ever since.

This question – “Who do you say that I am?” comes up in two different gospels. Here and in Mark. In Mark, Peter gets the answer right, but is almost immediately berated because he challenges Jesus – he doesn’t want Jesus to suffer and die.

But here, Peter is praised. God bless you, Simon bar Jonah! You are my rock, petra, Peter and on you I will build my church.

The difference between these two is striking. The two gospel passages recount the exact same event, but with very different outcomes. So there is something deeper going on here… the passage is not just telling us about a conversation that took place. It wants to teach US something about how we respond.

In Mark, Peter hears about the plans of God and immediately rejects them. He wants to do it his way, with his idea of success. He already has it all figured out in his mind, and Jesus is getting in the way.

But in Matthew’s gospel, Peter doesn’t even get that chance. Jesus immediately turns to him and says – yep, you are right, that is who I am…. Now let me tell you who you are… really are.

What Matthew does here is share with us a timeless truth… when we meet Jesus face to face – when we recognize who he truly is… then we understand who we are and what we have to offer at the same time. We begin to see how everything we have and everything we are fits into God’s plans.

Last week, in Romans, we talked some about the vine and the branches. The branches have no identity outside of their core, their roots. So as soon as we know who we are connected to, Jesus Christ – we know what we are supposed to do.

I want you to find that piece of paper that you wrote on this morning. It might describe some kind of talent or skill, something you trained long and hard to learn, a gift that came naturally for you. Whatever it is, it is something you see within yourself.

Hanging on to that word or phrase, I want you to hear what Paul writes to us from Romans chapter 12.

You see… he continues his message from last week about what it means to be connected to Jesus Christ.

Hear these words from the Message translation:

Living then, as every one of you does, in pure grace, it’s important that you not misinterpret yourselves as people who are bringing this goodness to God. No, God brings it all to you. The only accurate way to understand ourselves is by what God is and by what he does for us, not by what we are and what we do for him.

This slip of paper does not represent something that you own or possess or even have control of. It represents something that God has given to you. It represents a part of God’s plan for this world. It represents one way in which the Body of Christ, the church, is called to share the love of God.

Have you ever thought about what is written on your slip of paper that way?
Have you ever thought about how your cooking or knitting or carpentry was a part of God’s plan for this world? Or how your mechanical skills or photography or singing could bring the love of God to your neighbors? Or how your laughter or negotiating skills or sense of direction could be used to share the gospel? How your mathematical sensibility or your hard work or your ability to listen is an integral and important part of the church?
Or is your first response whenever the call of Jesus Christ comes to look around and say, “who, me?”
When I was in junior high and high school I loved speaking in front of people. I was always the first with my hand up when it came time to read out lout in class. I tried out for every play and musical. I signed up for speech contests. I competed, I practiced, I simply loved doing it.
Speaking in front of people came easily to me. It was never something I had to think twice about. I knew that in whatever field of work I chose, this skill would be useful. It was something in the background, something I could fall back on, something I never had to think that much about.
But one day in college, I was asked to prepare a sermon for our campus worship. Easy-peasy… I had written speeches before. And I had preached before as a part of my youth group. I didn’t worry too much about it. In the midst of the preparation however, in the midst of my wrestling with the text and really trying to find God in the middle, something in my clicked.
I realized that I wasn’t just writing a speech. I was sharing God’s love with people. I wasn’t just talking about something I knew… I was talking about something that I had experienced. I wasn’t up there acting or putting on a persona… this was real. This is what I was made for. God wanted me to share his good news with people. God created me to do this!
As Paul tells the people of Rome and by extension us… we are like the parts of a body. We get our meaning from the body as a whole – our gifts and skills find their purpose only in relation to these other people and parts of God’s family.
I want you to think for just a second about what this church would be like if I refused to get up and preach on Sunday mornings. If I decided to keep my gifts to myself, instead of sharing them.
Take a good hard look at what is written on your slip of paper. You have something unique and beautiful and powerful to offer. You are called by God to do amazing things. Yes, YOU.
So… Do you share that gift with the church? Have you let Jesus show you how you can make a difference?
This whole room is filled with amazing skills and functions and talents. With each of those gifts offered back to God, this church would be absolutely unstoppable.
As Paul writes: since we find ourselves fashioned into all these excellently formed and marvelously functioning parts in Christ’s body, lets just go ahead and be what we were made to be.
In everything you do, in everything that you offer, from the moment you wake up until the moment your head hits your pillow at night – ask how God can use you. Take those gifts you have and share God’s love through every goodbye you make in the morning and every meal you deliver to the elderly in our community and in every car your fix and in every meeting you have at work. Share the good news through every post you make on facebook and every class you have at school and in every game you play.
You don’t have to wear Christian t-shirts or go around saying “Jesus Loves You” to every person… just do what you do with integrity, with love, with compassion. Paul breaks it down like this:

If you help, just help, don’t take over; if you teach, stick to your teaching; if you give encouraging guidance, be careful that you don’t get bossy; if you’re put in charge, don’t manipulate; if you’re called to give aid to people in distress, keep your eyes open and be quick to respond; if you work with the disadvantaged, don’t let yourself get irritated with them or depressed by them. Keep a smile on your face.

We are the body of Christ. We are his living, breathing, hands and feet in this world. In everything you do… let God’s will shine through.