priorities – Salvaged Faith

What are you even doing here?

Posted on January 27, 2020Leave a comment

I am exactly nine days into my renewal leave and I had a dream last night about an Administrative Council meeting.

I was back at church with all of those familiar faces, reconnecting and catching up and it was wonderful… only something was terribly wrong.

I wasn’t supposed to be there.

Last night, in reality, there was an Ad Council meeting at church and I didn’t actually go. We have great capable leaders and they are awesome without me.

But in my dream… I was there.

In my dream, I had stopped by for some reason or another. And I kept talking with people. I kept answering questions. And before I knew it, I looked at the clock and it was 10:15 pm!

I remembering a feeling of intense panic. I was on renewal leave. I wasn’t supposed to be there. I was supposed to be home with my spouse and I had completely blown him off. I turned to a colleague who was sitting next to me with terror all over my face. He looked at me, partly with pity and partly with frustration. “What are you even doing here?” he asked.

One of the things that I find incredibly difficult is disconnecting from work. Because I love it. Because I’m good at it. Because it feels good, even when it is stressful, to help other people and make things work the way they should.

So far, I confess, on this renewal leave I have checked my email once.

I was looking quickly for responses to a very last minute proposal I had about changing a meeting date when I returned. I wanted to see what the responses were so I could communicate the date change with my family.

But I also glanced and saw a notification from the hospital about a church member who had been admitted. The feelings of guilt started to creep in. What if they need me? What if no one shows up? What if, heaven forbid, someone dies while I’m gone? I had to pray to God for peace and talk myself down for about an hour. “This is why you left them in the absolutely capable hands of an amazing colleague… Even Jesus took breaks… You are not the be-all and end-all of the care system at that church… Even if you miss a funeral while you are away, that doesn’t mean that you can’t still provide care when you get back...”

But there was also that pesky internal critic: “See, this is why you shouldn’t check your email when you are supposed to be on break. It sets you on a tailspin of wanting to be there and respond and make it all better. And that’s not what this time is about.”

And you know what… that internal critic is right. There do need to be boundaries between my church life and my home life. I need to be able to have some dedicated space carved out for sabbath and family and renewal – not just during these four weeks, but every week. Every day, really.

For years I have had a signature line on my email that reads, “Fridays and Saturdays are my Sabbath days. I look forward to responding when I am back in the office on Monday.”

But in the past year, have I actually stopped checking my email on the weekends? Have I been holding firmly to that boundary?

The week before I left, I sent a pretty important email to my SPRC chair. Before bed, I checked my email, saw he had responded, and shot off a reply.

And immediately I got another back. He said something to the effect of: Are you on call 24/7?

It was a reminder that the expectations I have been putting on myself are not the same as what the congregation actually needs or expects.

Or maybe it should have been heard more like that colleague in my dream, with pity and frustration: “What are you even doing here?”

There have been legitimate emergencies and exceptions in the course of my ministry that have called me away from my Sabbath and home time. The panicked texting of a teenager in the middle of the night who feels unsafe. The early morning trips to the hospital before a surgery to pray. The call on a Saturday afternoon that someone has died. Two entire weeks spent out of state for General Conference.

But an email is not an emergency.

A meeting I am not responsible for is not an excuse for breaking boundaries.

A text or voicemail that can wait until the next day is not a sufficient reason to give up time with friends or family.

And maybe in those spaces and those moments when I am tempted to show up or respond or engage I need to keep that voice in the back of my mind:

“What are you even doing here?“

That voice comes along with other questions like:

Why have you given this energy when it can wait?
Why are you sacrificing this time you have set aside for family?
Is this really about them? Or is it about you and your own need to feel needed?
What are you avoiding by choosing to spend your time this way?
Who else can help/support/respond?

I woke up from that dream with my heart in my throat. I’m anxious that this time of renewal and rejuvenation will simply result in a return to old patterns and behaviors.

I mean, I’ve never been five hours late home, like I was in this dream… but I have spent an entire evening only partially present: checking emails, responding to texts, thinking and pondering something that needed to be done the next day.

And when I’m in that space, the truth is, I’m not really home. Not fully, anyways.

So if nothing else, one of the things I want to carry back into the real world with me is the avoidance of that little voice: “What are you even doing here?”

And I think that I can prevent that question from needing to be asked by utilizing some tools that have been really helpful during this time away. Things like changing my notification settings on my phone so that emails don’t show up during evening hours. Or, putting my phone with my wallet instead of carrying it around all the time. Or removing the Facebook app from my phone. Honestly, its randomly coming across a pastoral care concern or a church polity question on facebook that often prompts me reaching out with an email or a text or response when it could legitimately wait until the next day.

I think remembering that little voice will hold me accountable to my boundaries. I think it will remind me that I don’t have to be “on” 24/7. I think it help me think of those who are impacted by where I choose to spend my energy – for good or for bad. There is a whole lot of truth jam-packed in that little question: “What are you even doing here?”

The Wilderness: Gotta Serve Somebody

Posted on April 7, 2019Leave a comment

Text: Exodus 32:1-4, Matthew 4:8-9

Before we get started today, I want to invite you take just a minute of silent reflection.

Somewhere, on your bulletin, I want you to write down the top five things that demand your time, attention, and responsibility. The top five things that you are called to focus on.
Take a minute… and if you can and have time, try to number them with 1-5 with 1 being the thing that is most important.

Hang on to those… we’ll come back to them

Today on our journey through the wilderness, we come to the third temptation Jesus encounters.
The devil takes Jesus up onto a high mountain and shows him all of the kingdoms of the world.

I have to admit. Every time I read this passage, I can’t help but think of Disney’s “The Lion King.” I imagine Mufasa strolling to the top of Pride Rock with little Simba at his side as they watch the sun come up over the savannah. “Everything the light touches is our kingdom,” Mufasa explains. “One day, Simba, the sun will set on my time here, and will rise with you as the new king.”
The young cub gets a glimmer in his eyes… “and this’ll all be mine?”

“This will all be yours,” the devil says to Jesus.
“Just bow down and worship me.”

There is a hidden question lurking just behind this offer from the devil. How and why does the devil have any authority whatsoever to be able to give these kingdoms to Jesus?
Our Lord and Creator made this world, and it all belongs to God, right?

Well, maybe not.
You see… from the very beginning, God has always entrusted this land, this creation, all the creatures to us.
As we are told in Genesis 1 – God made those first humans in God’s image and made them responsible for the fish, the birds, the cattle, and one another. God blessed them and gave them everything in all of creation.
And it was very good.

But what did we do with that gift?
We used it and abused it.
We took advantage of the creatures and one another.
Piece by piece, we have handed over this responsibility to our baser impulses.
With our actions and our inactions, through our impatience and fear, we have allowed the world to be controlled by the devil.

Our scriptures are full of these kinds of stories and they are clearly found during our time of wandering in the wilderness.
Exodus tells us about how the Israelites made their way to Mount Sinai after three months of travel and Moses went up the mountain to receive from God instructions about how the people should live. The very first declaration was this:
“You saw what I did to the Egyptians, and how I lifted you up on eagle’s wings and brought you to me. So now, if you faithfully obey me and stay true to my covenant, you will be my most precious possession out of all the peoples, since the whole earth belongs to me. You will be a kingdom of priests for me and a holy nation.” (Exodus 19:1-6)
And the people shout out a resounding “YES!”

But there are more details to be fleshed out in this instruction and Moses goes up to the mountaintop to receive them.
Twelve chapters go by in the book of Exodus.
And the people start to get impatient.
So by the time we get to our scripture for today, from Exodus 32, the people have had enough.
They agreed to follow the one who rescued them from slavery… the one who made the heavens and the earth… the one who was going to create of them a holy and mighty nation…
But as soon as fear and impatience set in, they are ready to move on to something else.

The people ask Aaron to make other gods for them.
They want to turn their allegiance, their hearts, over to something besides this God who terrified them and Moses who seemed to have disappeared into the clouds above.
They have needs.
They have desires.
They want to get going.
And they don’t see it happening anytime soon, so they are moving on.

It happens again after the people arrive and are settled in the promised land.
They want to be like other nations and have kings and rulers like they do.
So they turn away from God’s personal leadership and demand that they get a ruler (1 Samuel 8).

Over and over again, we take this precious gift of life, creation, and relationship that God has blessed us with and we say, “no.”
We instead allow other people, powers, and values to guide our lives.
In fact, if you were to look back at that list you created at the start of this time, what you will likely see are good important things that pull us in a million different directions.
They compete for ownership of our lives.
They compete with one another for a place of priority.
And every time we say yes to one of those things, we say no to something else.

Let me cut straight to the point.
Where is God on your list?
Or have we already decided to hand over this world and our lives and everything we do to something else?

It’s no wonder the devil has this world firmly in its grasp.
We have been selling it off, piece by piece, action by action, priority by priority for a long time.

So when Jesus finds himself standing on that mountaintop, he, too, has a choice.
Jesus could play the age old game where he lets fear and impatience and competing values rule the day.
He could take back this world by giving in to those baser desires to have it now and to have it your way and to have it be easy.
And… to be honest, once he had control of all the kingdoms of the world, he would have accomplished what he was there to do and he could kick the devil out!

OR… he could wait.
He could let God continue to rule.
He could take the more difficult path through the cross and the tomb and all the way to the gates of hell to wrestle the keys to the world from the devil’s grasp.
“Get out of here, Satan” Jesus responds. “it is written that You will worship the Lord your God and serve only him.” (Matthew 4:10)

Even Jesus has to write down a list of priorities.
Save the world.
Usher in the Kingdom of God.
Eat with sinners
Love the people.
Serve God.

Jesus has a choice that will shape every other item on that list.
In the words of Bob Dylan, You’re gonna have to serve somebody.

Thankful Giving

Posted on October 25, 2015Leave a comment

In our gospel reading this morning, we meet Zacchaeus, that “wee-little man”, who was really a terrible, awful person.

As Carol Howard Merritt describes him: he was “a man who collected taxes from his own people and gave it to the Roman government. And if that wasn’t nasty enough, Zacchaeus skimmed money off the top. This despicable man stole from the poor to line his own pockets… he was like the broker who added hidden fees to our widowed mother’s mortgage so he could vacation in Barbados.”

And he wasn’t a tax collector in our modern sense. In this world, you could be stopped on the street by someone like Zacchaeus and duties could be assessed for anything in your possession. “A cart, for instance, could be taxed for each wheel, for the animal that pulled it, for the merchandise that it carried.” (Rev. Wilson) No one, except for the tax collector knew how many fees he was really taking, so he could send to Rome whatever he wanted and keep the rest for himself.

As a fellow pastor pointed out, when verse 2 of our reading says that Zacchaeus was wealthy, it was an indictment about just how corrupt he truly was.

I imagine that he must have been profoundly lonely.

You see, when you live your life as a taker, you don’t make too many friends.

He also lived in a precarious position between his own people and the Roman government. He had to take from his neighbors in order to keep the occupying force happy. But that doesn’t mean he was valued or welcomed by the Romans either.

Not only that, he was a ruler among the tax collectors… which meant he couldn’t even hang out with all of the other greedy, mean old tax collectors in Israel, because he was their boss.

As much as the lepers or the Samaritans, he was on the margins of society. He had all the money he could want, but he didn’t have relationships.

He was living the opposite life described by 1 Timothy… he had placed all of his hopes on his finances, and the treasures of faith, salvation, friendship, and hope were rotting away.

Until Jesus walks by.

Jesus, who knows how to see the lonely and the lost, caught a glimpse of this sad, despicable little man in a tree.

And Jesus invited himself over for dinner.

There is a sequence of events that happens here that can confuse how we understand the story.

Zacchaeus wants to see Jesus… he is seeking and searching for something new in life.
Jesus sees Zacchaeus… and not only sees him, but knows him by name…. and probably knows every detail about his sordid little life.
Jesus initiates the relationship with this person.
Zacchaeus accepts and happily welcomes Jesus into his life.
Zacchaeus commits to giving away half of his possessions and to repay anyone he has cheated… four times over!
Jesus responds: Today salvation has come to your home, because I came to seek the lost.

If we aren’t paying close attention, we might think that it was Zacchaeus’s changed attitudes and his radical offering of wealth that brought salvation to his door.

We might start to think that unless we give, and give sacrificially, without abandon, that we can’t be saved.

But friends, this isn’t true.

The money you just put in the offering plate will not save your soul.

Your pledge card will not bring you salvation.

You see, before Zacchaeus ever offered to give a single penny back, Jesus found him.

And Jesus initiated the relationship, offered to come into his home, his life, his heart.

And Zacchaeus welcomed him in joyfully.

In our United Methodist understanding of grace, at that moment, Zacchaeus was saved.

At that moment, Zacchaeus accepted God’s acceptance of him.

At that moment, salvation came to his household.

It wasn’t because he gave everything to the poor.

I actually think the exchange that comes between Zacchaeus and Jesus after this moment drives home the point.

Zacchaeus stops along their walk and suddenly feels like he has to do something.

God’s grace has already entered his life and changed him and he isn’t sure he deserves it and he needs to respond in some way.

So he makes this radical and amazing offering of his own wealth to help others and he promises to make amends for past wrongs.

And what I think Jesus does in response is not praise Zacchaeus for his gifts, but remind him that he’s already saved.

Today salvation has come. You, too, are a son of Abraham. I came to seek the lost.

That might seem like a counter-productive message for Stewardship Sunday.

But I think it is important for us to understand that we can’t earn our salvation by our offering.

No, giving is our response to what God has already done for us.

It is the fruit of a life that has already been transformed by God’s grace.

It is a demonstration of gratitude for the gift that we could never possibly repay.

This morning, as I was driving in to church, I heard an interview with Adam Grant, author of “Give and Take.”

He said that “we all… receive unexpected and meaningful gifts – we want to pay it back, but there’s really nothing you can do to pay it back. So the next best thing is to pay it forward.”

Grant might be talking about human gifts, but it applies to divine ones as well.

We simply cannot do anything to repay God for the amazing, abundant, overflowing gift of salvation.

But we can pay it forward.

We can take what we have and we can bless others.

Our offerings, our giving, our pledges of time, talent, and treasure are one way we can say thank you to God and this church.

We are grateful for the Sunday School teacher who first taught us to sing “Zacchaeus was a wee little man”…. so we give to the church so other children might be blessed.

We are grateful to the Trustee who gave up their Saturday afternoon to install new lights in the bathroom… so we give to the church so that we can continue to provide a safe, welcoming space for others.

We were in the hospital and someone made us a prayer shawl… so we give thanks and we give to the church so that caring ministries might continue.

We lost our job and the people of the church prayed for us… so we give thanks and work to provide support to others.

Whether you have been a part of this church for a month or for ninety years, you are here today because someone somewhere along the line gave and made a difference in your life.

I want to invite you to turn to your neighbor right now and share who that person was who blessed you… who shared God’s love and grace and mercy with you… who do you give thanks for?

****

Those people you just named, that grace of God you just pointed to… that’s why we give.

We give because we have been blessed.

We give because we have been saved.

John Wesley wasn’t giving his advice to “earn all you can, save all you can, give all you can” to people who were still outside the life of faith.

He was speaking to people like you and me who had already experienced God’s grace.

And they were asking what they should do now.

How could they pay it forward?

How were they supposed to live as redeemed people?

If we have been forgiven, then we should forgive others.

If we have been healed, then we should help heal others.

If we have been blessed financially, then we should financially bless others.

I often wonder what happened to Zacchaeus after his dinner date with Jesus, because he isn’t mentioned again in the scriptures.

But we can imagine that he was no longer the same person.

His priorities were changed.

He let go of his old life and committed to something new.

He probably spent the rest of his life trying to say thank-you to God for seeking him out, a lost and despicable man, someone who didn’t deserve an ounce of grace or salvation.

The way we say thank-you for every gift of God is to use it, to share it, to pass it on to the world.

And that is why these pledge cards we have don’t only include our financial commitment to the church, but our commitment of time and talents and skills as well.

God has blessed you with something and today, you can say thank you to our Lord and Savior for every ounce of grace you have received, by making a commitment to share your gifts with the world.

*image: Artwork for Texas Baptists Vacation Bible School curriculum by Scott Byers

The itch

Posted on July 7, 20152 Comments

Last week, I got into some poison ivy.

First, on the disc golf course as we were looking for a shot that was too long and in the rough. I noticed it after traipsing through.

Then, in my very own backyard. We had a gigantic bush of the stuff, all viney and spread out everywhere. I donned my long sleeved shirt and latex gloves and washed everything immediately after pulling the ivy out and tossing it in a garbage bag.

But 2-3 days later, the bumps have arrived. The itchy, red, gross bumps. A streak on my leg. Both of my wrists, a few fingers and a blotch on the top of one arm.

Last year, I covered myself with this pink itch relief cream, but in reality, it didn’t really help, so I’m toughing it out.

And here is what I have figured out: If I’m busy with something… if I’m watching television or writing or working out in the garden, I don’t notice the itch. But as soon as I stop, I can’t stop thinking about scratching!

I have had another itch as well. The itch to get back to work. And that itch has been a little bit stronger. Any time my mind is clear… as I’m pulling weeds or sitting at the computer waiting for inspiration to hit on the writing or driving in the car, I can’t stop thinking about what I’m going to do when I get back to Immanuel next week.

For me, that itch is much healthier. It is a sign that I’m doing the work I am called to do. It is a sign that this has been a good time away where I could clarify and focus on things in a new way. It is a sign that God has been in the midst of this time and that I need to honor the things I have discovered about myself, my relationships, and my calling when I return.

In fact, I had to make a list on my phone. Every time inspiration strikes, it goes on the list.

It helps soothe the itch for a while so I can get back to resting and renewing.

Are Ye Able?

Posted on September 5, 20101 Comment

I have just two simple questions for us to wrestle with this morning… First – what do you want? And second – are you willing to do what it takes to get it?

What do you want? And are you willing to do what it takes to get it?

Now – let’s be honest with one another… how many of you first thought of something you really want like a new car or a new house or retirement to come early? Show of hands =)

I hate to disappoint you all this morning, but I’m not one of those fancy television preachers that can promise fame and fortune and personal success if you just pray hard enough. Sorry.

No, I’m asking these questions – not because together they are the key to unlock a world of personal gain… but because they ask us if we are willing to lose everything.

What do you want? And are you willing to do what it takes to get it?

Some time ago, I had my congregation make a list of the five most important things in their lives. I asked them to write them down and to number them in order of importance.

I think that all of us found the task very difficult. While it might be easy to list those things that are really and truly important to us – our families, our work, our education, our faith – to place one of these things above the other, to make those kinds of choices is hard. It is hard because it means that some things in life – some things that we truly love – have to be placed second. Or third. Or stop becoming a part of our lives all together.

This morning, we are talking about allegiances, about priorities, and what we do when those priorities conflict.

As much as we love to talk about freedom here in the United States, the truth is, we are always, every day, constrained by choices. We are always, every day, limited in our ability to do one thing, because we have chosen to put another thing first. Whether it is our jobs or our families or a certain value like freedom itself – we live our lives so that that thing determines all of our actions.

Our courageous men and women in uniform understand this choice. Just as they are working tirelessly to defend the freedoms of others – they must sacrifice and put their own families on the back burner.

New moms and dads can attest to this fact – when a baby comes into your life – everything else stops. That infant child becomes the highest priority in the world to you… above work, about yourself, above everything.

And for most of us, we do that, we prioritize one thing over another because we truly love it. We love it so much that we would be willing to do ANYTHING for it.

We understand the word “sacrifice” when it comes to our jobs or our families…

But how often do we understand the word sacrifice when it comes to our faith?

I was driving around recently and caught a segment from BBC World News on the radio. It was a story about how the peace talks between Israel and Palestine are being perceived in Israel itself. One of the men being interviewed said very adamantly – I want peace, but I don’t want to surrender.

As I kept listening to him say those words: I want peace, but I don’t want to surrender, I found myself so frustrated by this attitude that says the only peace that is acceptable is the one that comes on my terms.

And I realized how often God must be frustrated with us… because we make the same choice. The only faith that is acceptable to us is the one that comes on our terms.

We want to be Christians, but we don’t want to surrender the things of this world.

Today in Luke’s gospel, Christ teaches us that we can’t have it both ways.

We can’t hang on to our own desires or hopes or dreams or things and also follow Christ.

We have to answer the question – What do you want? And are you willing to do what it takes to get there?

Do you want to be a disciple of Jesus? And if so, are you willing to do what it takes?

Photo by Michaela Kobyakov

Jesus looks out upon the crowd and asks us some questions. If you were going to build a house, wouldn’t you first sit down and figure out the supplies you needed and how much money it would cost? You don’t want to be stuck with a building you can’t complete? If you were a president going off to war, wouldn’t you first sit down and figure out how many troops you needed and how much money it would take? And if it was a fight you didn’t have the resources to win, wouldn’t you go to the other leader and surrender?

Take stock, Jesus tells us. I know you want to be my disciples – but are you willing to do what it takes to be one? Count the costs. Are they burdens that you are willing to bear?

Are you willing to hate your father and mother and spouse and child? Are you willing to give up your job and your security? Are you willing to give up your citizenship and your rights? Are you willing to lay it all on the line to follow me?

Hesitantly, we say yes – I want to be a Christian… but we wonder about where that line is.

You see, we draw our lines in very different places than Jesus would draw lines.

We draw lines around our family and say – I’m not willing to sacrifice this. Or we draw lines around our jobs – and will sacrifice it all for the next paycheck. We draw lines in the sand and say that this particular issue – whether it’s abortion or animal rights or Islamic religious centers or the creation of a Palestinian state – this issue is the most important thing and that we will never give up until we have gotten our way and if you stand outside of that line then you are the enemy. We refuse to surrender. We refuse to give in. And in the end, I think we loose it all.

Because you know what – Christ draws a line. He doesn’t draw it around our houses or cars or children or institutions or issues – but he draws it right down the center of our lives.

Remember, Christ turns the world as we know it upside down. To save your life, you must lose it. To be exulted, you must be humbled. To be first, you must be last.

Nowhere in the gospel does it say that if you go to church on Sundays and the rest of the week work really hard at your job and raise a good family then someday after you die you’ll go to this happy and wonderful place called Heaven. I wish it did, but it simply doesn’t.

No, the gospel tells us that we must hate our parents and our spouses and children and put it all on the line and bear our crosses – and then we will be his disciples.

Just bear with me for a second…

Because alongside all of those hard demands on our lives, there is the good news… Because the gospel also says that the sick will be healed. The gospel also says the poor will be lifted up. The gospel also says the oppressed with go free. The gospel also promises Emmanuel – God- with-us.

Those are the words and the promises that I find in scripture. I believe in the God that will set all things right… and that includes my sorry, screwed up life with all of this messed up priorities. I believe in the God that went to the cross to experience the agony of human suffering and who rose victorious on the other side. And I have to trust that if God says – turn it all over to me and I will make something beautiful of your life – that God means what God says.

Priorities and allegiances matter. What we want more than anything in the world matters. And Christ says that if we choose to be his disciples… if we chose to be known as his followers, then we are in the palm of God’s hand. We should not be afraid, because we have life in Christ. We will find our lives and our fullness, when we follow him.

Today – we are challenged to turn our lives over. We are challenged to surrender all of those things that we think we want and that this world tells us are so important. Here our lives are, Lord. Here we are, Lord. Use us to feed the hungry. Use usto heal the sick. Use us to lift up the brokenhearted. Use us to speak the truth in love to those who preach lies. Use us to stand with the oppressed. Use us to say “no” to a world obsessed with more. And if by chance the world turns against us – so be it. We will know who stands beside us.

My prayer is that we as a community can stand up and say to the world – We want to be Christ’s disciples – and we know what is asked of us. We are ready to live God’s kingdom in this world. We know what it asks of us. And we are not afraid. Amen.

Peace without Surrender

Posted on September 1, 20101 Comment

I was driving around this afternoon and caught a segment from BBC World News on the radio. It was a story about how the peace talks between Israel and Palestine are being percieved in Israel itself. One of the men being interviewed said very adamantly – I want peace, but I don’t want to surrender.

I kept listening to him say those words and found myself so frustrated by this attitude that says the only peace that is acceptable is the one that comes on my terms.

This week, our gospel lesson from Luke in the lectionary teaches us that we can’t have it both ways. We can’t hang on to our own desires and hopes and dreams and things and also follow Christ. We can’t have the peace that passes all understanding unless we are willing to surrender it all.

The truth is, most of the time, we think we don’t have what it takes. Our families are too important to us. Our jobs and that sense of security is too important. We aren’t willing to put it all on the line and so, the irony is that we do surrender – but to the wrong things. We surrender to the idea that we will fail. We surrender to the pressure of family values. We surrender to patriotism and nationalism and consumerism. We surrender thinking that we will keep our lives… but in the end, we will do nothing but lose it all.

Christ turns our whole lives upside down. To save your life, you must lose it. To be exaulted, you must be humbled. To be first, you must be last.

No where in the gospel does it say that if you go to church on Sundays and the rest of the week work really hard at your job and raise a good family then someday after you die you’ll go to this happy and wonderful place called Heaven. I wish it did, but it simply doesn’t.

No, the gospel tells us that we must hate our parents and our spouses and children and put it all on the line and bear our crosses – and then we will be his disciples.

I have to admit, I’ve never been a person to think too intently about what waits us after this life. I’m not the type of Christian who has her heart set on heaven. I don’t care that much about blissful and peaceful eternity. What I want is for the sick to be healed. I want the poor to be lifted up. I want the oppressed to go free. I want to experience Emmanuel – God-with-us – to be in the presence of God and to know that all things are well.

Those are the words and the promises that I find in scripture. I believe in the God that will set all things right… and that includes my sorry-ass. And I think if I got to experience that for even a moment – that would be enough. I have to trust that if God says – turn it all over to me and I will make something beautiful of your life – that God means what she says. Lay it all on the line…

Maybe the tricky part is that line. You see, we draw our lines in very different places than Jesus would draw lines. We draw lines around our family and say – I’m not willing to sacrifice this. Or we draw lines around our jobs – and will sacrifice it all for the next paycheck. We draw lines in the sand and say that this particular issue – whether it’s abortion or animal rights or Islamic religious centers or the creation of a Palestinian state – is the most important thing and that we will never give up until we have gotten our way and if you stand outside of that line then you are the enemy. We refuse to surrender. We refuse to give in. And in the end, I think we loose it all.

Because you know what – Christ draws a line. He doesn’t draw it around our houses or cars or children or institutions or issues – but he draws it right down the center of our lives. And Jesus says, leave it all, come and follow me.

So I’m turning my life over. I’m surrendering all of those things that I think I want and that this world tells me are so important. Here it is, Lord. Here I am, Lord. Use me to feed the hungry. Use me to heal the sick. Use me to lift up the brokenhearted. Use me to speak the truth in love to those who preach lies. Use me to stand with the oppressed. Use me to say “no” to a world obsessed with more. And if by chance the world turns against me – so be it.

love list

Posted on September 26, 20093 Comments

Kristin T. over on Halfway to Normal has been talking a lot about love lists lately.

a list that you make over time detailing the things you love most in life—the things that make you feel most content in the world, and most like you.

She goes on to say that while this is very personal sort of thing, that there could be accountability built around sharing our lists with one another. So she lists four “steps”:

start making your love list! I love the part about how we shouldn’t just sit down and brainstorm, but we really should pay attention to whenever we feel complete and good and whole after we have done something – and THEN add it to the list.
Ask why that thing is on the list… what is behind it?
Share on twitter #lovelist
share progress on Halfway to Normal on Friday’s.

I’m going to do this!!! Mostly because I really need something to help me focus my life right now. Some days I feel like I’m just floating waiting for the next thing to come. Some days I feel like I’ve wasted so much time that I can’t enjoy the things I really care about. I feel like I’m making so many poor decisions (not major decisions – but little ones like how I spend the first 15 minutes when I get home) because I don’t have any criteria in place. I haven’t thought enough about my day to really consider what is the most important and what brings me the most joy.

This also makes me think about the fact that I haven’t yet done the Time Management audit my friend Jessica Miller Kelley suggests we all do. It helps us figure out our true priorities in our day so that we can figure out if we need things to change.

For me, this isn’t just some creative way to schedule. It really is a spiritual exercise. If the Holy Spirit is the agent of life and joy in our lives – than am I ignoring the Spirit on a day to day basis? How can I pay more attention to the gentle nudges? How can I better align my will with God’s will? Where do I need to adjust some things in my life and possibly even let go of somet hings, so that I can more fully experience the gifts and the blessings God has surrounded me with?

In three weeks, I’ll be joining other young adult clergy at a retreat and one of our “sessions” will be on time and scheduling. But I think in many ways this whole idea of priorities and what we love needs to be a part of that conversation. I can’t guarantee I’ll have a handle on anything by then, but if I make a start, maybe I’ll have something to offer to the conversation.

Gotta Serve Somebody

Posted on June 29, 2008Leave a comment

Last week, we spent some time on Sunday morning asking about who we choose to serve. And as we did so, we focused on priorities… about what happens when you choose to place one thing at the forefront of your life. When you make one thing more important than all the rest.

And you know what? We are going to think about it again this morning. Because the question of “who we serve” is so much harder and more difficult than it looks. It is painful really to have to ask the question… to place one thing above another, to make those kinds of choices, because it means that some things in life – some things that we truly love – have to be placed second. Or third. Or stop becoming a part of our lives all together.

If last week we look at this question from the perspective of priorities, this week, the question comes at us from the perspective of love. What do you love more than anything?

What are you “in love” with more than anything?

I ask the question that way, because when we think about being in love with something – or someone – we forget how often our culture uses the language of servitude and slavery. Last night in fact, I was out to dinner with my brothers and my dad and after we finished eating my brother, Tony pulled out his phone and called his wife. Darren proceeded to kid him: “Boy, are you whipped!”

Oftentimes, you will hear someone talk about being “tied down” with someone – as in – not available, or even worse a spouse referred to as a “ball and chain” – or the thing they are imprisioned to!

Bob Dylan once sang a song called “Gotta Serve Somebody.” And the things we are slaves to are the things we love. As much as we love to talk about freedom here in the United States, the truth is, we are always, every day, serving someone or something. We are always, every day, slaves to something. Whether it is our jobs or our families or a certain value like freedom itself – we live our lives so that that thing determines all of our actions.

And for most of us, we serve that thing because we love it. Or we love what it will bring us. We love it so much that we would be willing to do ANYTHING for it.

If like Bob Dylan sang, we’re gonna have to serve somebody… or something – then I guess what Paul is really trying to ask us in today’s passage from Romans is: Why can’t that be God?

In the Book of Romans, Paul takes us on a trip from our old sinful lives, where we loved everything – ourselves, sin, the world, everything under the sun more than we loved God, and he is taking us to a new place where we choose to willingly submit ourselves to God’s will because he loved us, and because we love him. We stop being slaves to sin and we now becomes slaves of God – slaves of righteousness.

We don’t like that slave word. It makes us uncomfortable. We like to have choice. We like to have freedom. We want to have our own thoughts and actions and wills come into the picture. We want to soften the image up a bit with a word like “serving.” And for a while I thought that would work just fine. We could take the hard edge off. I mean, who doesn’t want to serve God?

But Paul specifically uses “slave” in this text for a reason. He does it because we really and truly have been slaves to sin. We have been stuck in patterns and lives that we didn’t want to live. And Christ broke free those chains and set us free… set us free to choose a new yoke. Set us free to choose a new master. Set us free so that we could make the decision and choose of ourselves who we would serve this day.

Because we’re gonna have to serve somebody.

Paul goes even farther and as a prime example of what it means to love God in this way turns to that father of our faith Abraham. And I think he does it to say that this whole following God thing isn’t easy. At all. We have lots of great stories to tell about Father Abraham… and this mornings reading from Genesis isn’t one of them. It is a painful story. It is difficult. And many times it leaves us with more doubt about God than faith. What kind of God would demand human sacrifice? What kind of father would willingly lead his own son up that mountain?

This is a story about love. And about loving two things. And about trying to choose and decide which is more important. And nothing about it is easy.

Isn’t that what Matthew has also been telling us for the past few weeks? That following God isn’t easy? Just last week we had that extremely difficult passage where we are told

“35For I have come to set a man against his father, and a daughter against her mother, and a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law; 36and one’s foes will be members of one’s own household. 37Whoever loves father or mother more than me is not worthy of me; and whoever loves son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me; 38and whoever does not take up the cross and follow me is not worthy of me. 39Those who find their life will lose it, and those who lose their life for my sake will find it.”

The week before that, we focused on being sent by God to the hurt and helpless of the world, but if we had kept reading that passage in Matthew we would have been told:

16“See, I am sending you out like sheep into the midst of wolves; so be wise as serpents and innocent as doves. 17Beware of them, for they will hand you over to councils and flog you in their synagogues; 18and you will be dragged before governors and kings because of me, as a testimony to them and the Gentiles… 21Brother will betray brother to death, and a father his child, and children will rise against parents and have them put to death; 22and you will be hated by all because of my name. But the one who endures to the end will be saved.

No one ever said this following God stuff was going to be easy. And the thing is, if we don’t whole-heartedly give ourselves, 110% into his care, we won’t have the strength, the courage, the power of the Holy Spirit within us to endure to the end. If we let our own selfish thoughts, our own loves, everything else that pulls on us and drags us back down into that pit of sin have a voice, then we won’t make it. So we give ourselves fully and totally over to God and trust that He will get us through. We trust that God loves us and knows what is best for us. We hold fast to the truth that our lives are in the palm of God’s hand.

We gotta serve somebody… why not let it be God?

And that takes us back to Abraham. Abraham who truly loved and cherished his son. Who loved his son, not just because he was the promised heir and the future of his line. But because this was the joy of Sarah’s own heart and a gift from God. And probably because of his dimples and his curly hair… I always picture Isaac with dimples and curly hair.

Abraham loved Isaac. But Abraham also loved and served the Lord. Abraham who was practically a king in his own right with herds and flocks and land and a trained army at his command. Abraham who had no want for any money or power. Abraham had to serve somebody too. And he could serve himself. He could choose to align himself with others and serve them. He could serve his wealth. But he didn’t. He chose to love and serve the Lord.

And then God does this terrible, terrible thing. God tests Abraham. God says: Put ME first. Above everything else. Even above this precious gift of a child that you love so much. Take him, take your son, your only son, the only person who really matters to you, that one person that you love so much, and take him up to Mount Moriah and offer him as a burnt offering.

Maybe what I find terrifying about this story is that Abraham doesn’t say a word in response! He doesn’t cry out! He doesn’t protest! He just gets up extra early the next day and goes!

I have trouble with this story. I’m not a parent yet, but I cannot even imagine entertaining the possibility of such an act. It is horrifying. It is awful. The only way that I can even begin to wrap my head around such an idea is that Abraham did it because he loved his Son, but he loved and trusted God more. He not only loved God, but he put his life and his son’s life in God’s hands. He gave himself 110% over to God.

And the reason I know this is that when Abraham and Isaac were making their lonely way up that mountain, with the wood strapped to Isaac’s back, with the torch and flame being carried in Abraham’s hand and Isaac looked around and asked where the lamb was, Abraham didn’t flinch. He didn’t panic. He didn’t doubt. He looked his son right in the eye and he said “God will provide.”

He knew that whatever end God had in mind was the best. Whatever end God had in mind could bring no harm. Whatever end God had in mind would come to pass if Abraham followed and listened and obeyed.

That doesn’t make the story any less horrific. Isaac was bound, lying on the altar and Abraham had his knife raised in the air before God stopped him. It was only at the last possible nano-second that a ram appeared. The story isn’t easy. It isn’t nice and tidy. It’s kind of crap actually. It is not the kind of reading that we want to claim as being a part of our faith. It’s not something that we ever want to experience, or want anyone else to ever have to experience. The trouble with this passage is that it means “even when God says crazy, unimaginable, horrible things, you need to listen to him.”

Because you gotta serve somebody.

I think we can hold this passage as a part of our message today with a few caveats. 1) When we choose to serve God, we don’t do it on our own… but we do it in community. And so there are other people around us who can help us to tell whether or not God is really speaking and whether we should act. Faithful people who can tell us whether or not we are ourselves crazy. 2) Abraham had a happy ending in this story. His son was spared. But there are many people all across this world who chose to follow God and who suffer for it. Who lose their lives or whose families are in danger. And things don’t always work out to be such a happy ending. But they do so, because as individuals and as families, they trust that their lives are in the palm of God’s hands.

Whatever we make of this passage, we can say without a doubt that no one can ever question who Abraham chose to serve. That is why Paul calls Abraham a righteous man. He trusted with his whole self the God whom he chose to serve. He loved God and put his life in God’s hands. He believed that the end God had in store…

And by saying that, I don’t believe that the end that Abraham was seeking justified his means. No, I think that when we talk about our journey of faith, the ends and the means are really the same. The only way that we get to experience that wonderful, beautiful end that Paul talks about – of life with God and of freedom to serve God through Christ is by accepting that it is a gift and not something we earn, and by living our lives every day in that reality. Or as the Psalmist says, “I trusted in your steadfast love; my heart shall rejoice in your salvation.” I trusted that you loved me first and so I was able to love you. I trusted in your promise and gave myself over to you, and so every day your love and your grace flows through my body and allows me to serve you ever more. We have the choices to love and serve God freely… because we know that God loves us. Amen and Amen.