sabbath – Page 2 – Salvaged Faith

Resting in the gaps

Posted on June 15, 2015Leave a comment

A cup of coffee on the back porch.
Rain falling, gently at times, harder at others.

I do have a plan for this time away.
It is not vacation or down time, it is a time to practice different rhythms and see what grows.

I hoped to weed the garden this morning.

But the rain falls.

Lord knows I need some inactivity.
I need to sit.
I need to be.

So I have been watching the chipmunks play on the woodpile.

Yes, that woodpile.

In the next month, it will hopefully move to its permanent location and be settled there.

For now it remains right in front of my view on the back porch.

The chipmunks scamper and roam, dart in and out of crevices.

And they rest in the gaps.

They stop for a moment now and then.

They come to a stand still there in the spaces between the logs.

Sheltered from the rain, time to still their beating hearts, to plan and plot their next move.

Thank God for the spaces and gaps in our lives. Thank God for times of renewal and rest.

Still and quiet in the cove.
Every now and then a sprinkle.
Lazy breezes blow by and the birds talk to each other.
They catch up as we catch up. Goldfinch and cardinals, sparrows and blue jays.
Dancing and playing in the trees.
They feast on the gnats until the gnats feast on us.
So we leave the cove and return to the river.
Kick it into gear and the wind whips by.
Hands in the air, catching the currents.
Fragments of conversation drifting past.

Turning It Off

Posted on November 11, 2013Leave a comment

The balance of self-care, Sabbath, and work is sometimes a tenuous one in my life so I try to set boundaries and guidelines for myself.

They are:

never work more than two blocks in a day (morning, afternoon, evening)
take two days off every week
take all of the vacation time allotted to me

The easiest to follow probably has to do with vacation time. My family has planned some vacations together and setting aside those weeks to go and be with them has made it easy to take full advantage of the time given.

One of the ways that I try to honor my commitment to take two days off every weeks it to be flexible about which days those are. With my work as a state-wide coordinator, my schedule varies greatly. Sometimes those days off are a full Saturday and Sunday. Sometimes I move them around and take time in the middle of the week instead.

The same goes with the two blocks in a day. To allow for the chaos of ministry, focusing on those two blocks means I can sleep in after late evening meetings, or take an afternoon off to play disc golf if I know I’m going to be working the rest of the day. If in a particular day, it is not possible, then I steal a block from another day and make space for two blocks of rest then. At least, that’s the idea.

Lately, however, I’ve been struggling.

It is a blessing and a curse to do work that you love, because while it is incredibly fulfilling, it is also very hard to put down. I have been fed by and energized by this work and there is always so much to do. It is never-ending work and while I trust in God’s working even when I take time to rest, I really don’t want to stop! And I’ve been discovering that there are a few particular things that make this idea of rest even more difficult. It’s hard to turn off your brain. It’s hard to turn off the phone. It’s hard to turn off the computer.

Imagine No Malaria has provided an outlet for a lot of creativity in my life. I’m doing graphics, website design, social media, writing – all sorts of things I love. And I could tinker with graphics and websites eternally. I’ll wake up with an idea about how to sell an idea or a plan to present something and those ideas don’t stop when I’m baking or hanging out with friends. I have scraps of paper littering my desk with ideas and to-dos of things I have thought up at random moments. More often than not, I’ve been in my office, working hard and forget to stop for lunch or lose track of time and need to be reminded by my husband it’s dinner time. When you love what you do, it’s hard to turn off the brain and let go of the work.

I’ve also noticed that working from home, the technology I use day in and day out makes it harder to find balance. When I hop on the computer on a day off to check my personal facebook account, I also find myself glancing at the project page or responding to a question someone posted. When I left something open on the desktop and come downstairs in the morning (even if I’m taking that morning off), I find my eyes drifting to it and starting to work on it even when I didn’t intend to. My office is also the place where I play video games and listen to music and practice guitar. It is not some separate place I can close the door on and leave behind. My car takes me to speaking events and to the grocery store… and glancing in the back seat on a day off I’ll notice that thing that I had forgotten and will go home and pick up the piece of work instead of letting it rest.

And then there is my phone. I’m typically okay at screening phone calls and letting them go to voice mail on days off… at least when I was in the local church. But it’s a lot harder to do that when it’s the Bishop who is dialing your number. It’s hard to ignore the blinking blue light on my phone that indicates a new email. I’m not getting emergency phone calls in the middle of the night, but that quick text back to someone who asked you a question about a document seems so easy to do when you are in the middle of watching a football game with your husband.

I guess one of the things that is a common thread, one of the reasons it is hard to turn off the work is that it doesn’t feel like work. It is a joy. It is fulfilling. It is making a difference. But the truth is, I’m not very good at keeping it from impinging on sacred time of rest.

So I’m going to work harder at turning things off… turning off the wi-fi that picks up new emails… turning off the ringer on game day… closing documents… closing the door to the office if I have to. I think that also means allowing myself to turn off the brain and let a few ideas go instead of pursuing them immediately.

Yesterday, I re-installed a game on my computer and played for two hours. I ignored the documents. I let the ideas rest. It was nice to turn off for a bit.

Clearing the Clutter

Posted on February 13, 2011Leave a comment

Look at what I’ve done for you today: I’ve placed in front of you

Life and Good
Death and Evil…
I call Heaven and Earth to witness against you today: I place before you Life and Death, Blessing and Curse. Choose life so that you and your children will live. And love GOD, your God, listening obediently to him, firmly embracing him. (Deuteronomy 30)

(prayer)

How many of you have had a busy week? How many of you are looking ahead to a busy and jampacked week?

As we wait upon God’s word today, I want to invite you to take that little slip of paper you were given as you walked in this morning and to write down on it all of the things that take up your time right now. Everything – from walking the dog… to the hours you spend working or serving here at church… to the television shows you watch. What has occupied your week past and what kinds of things will occupy next week. It doesn’t have to be precise… this is just for you… an estimate. Let’s give ourselves about five minutes to do this…

How did it feel to write all of those things down? To name all of the ways that your life is busy?

If you were to lump these tasks and events into categories – things in your life that tug on you and pull on you from different directions, what kind of categories might we lift up?

(work, family, church, sports, recreation…)
That is quite a list!

Each and every single day of our lives, we are bombarded with choices. We are pulled by commitments. We are asked to live within these multiple communities.

For these past few weeks, we have been taking a look at the world through Paul’s letter to the church in Corinth. As we have done so, we have become aware of some realities about this world outside the church walls.

1) It is a win/lose world out there… and sometimes we let that seep into our church life as well. Instead of getting wrapped up in winning and losing, we are called to be fools for Christ.

2) This world is full of fads and changing tides… and the church is often quick to jump on the bandwagon and lose the core of our message. Instead, we need to keep centered on the cross and the good news of God.

3) The world tells us bigger is better. The church often believes that and feels pressure to get more butts in the seats and more dollars in the offering plate. But Paul reminds us that our weakness is God’s strength and that small churches can do powerful things.

Today, the reality we face is that we are busy people. We are pulled in so many different directions. Some weeks, I know it is hard for you to give the church even an hour of your time.

And we all know the families that surround us who run with their kids from this thing to that and on Sunday mornings breathe a sigh of relief that one more week is over… but can’t we please stay in bed for another hour.

This world is exhausting.

It is fast paced.

It is chaotic.

It drains us.

This morning in our scriptures, we are reminded that we have a choice in this world between the things that give us life and the things that take life away.

As Moses stood before the people on the edge of the promised land, he shared with them the simple choice they faced.

I call Heaven and Earth to witness against you today: I place before you Life and Death, Blessing and Curse. Choose life so that you and your children will live. And love GOD, your God, listening obediently to him, firmly embracing him.

The people quickly chose life! Who wouldn’t right? They mentally made the assent that they would live according to God, that they would love God and their neighbor…

But then they crossed into the land of milk and honey and before they even realized it, they were caught up in distractions. Their choice never got translated from their head into their hearts and into their hands. And they found themselves broken and scattered and falling apart in exile. Moses had spoken truthfully… If you have a change of heart… you will most certainly die.

Fast forward many, many generations.

Paul writes to the church in Corinth and offers a piece of wisdom:

“It’s not the latest message, but more like the oldest—what God determined as the way to bring out his best in us, long before we ever arrived on the scene… The Spirit, not content to flit around on the surface, dives into the depths of God, and brings out what God planned all along… God offers a full report on the gifts of life and salvation that he is giving us… he taught us person-to-person through Jesus, and we’re passing it on to you in the same firsthand, personal way…

The simple truth, Paul passes along is this:

The unspiritual self, just as it is by nature, can’t receive the gifts of God’s Spirit. There’s no capacity for them. They seem like so much silliness. Spirit can be known only by spirit—God’s Spirit and our spirits in open communion.”

Do we want to choose life in this generation? Do we want to choose the ways of God?

Then we have to make room for the Spirit. We have to spend time with our Lord.

We have to clear some space in the chaos of these things that tug on us for God.

Perhaps one of the greatest gifts that we can offer one another and all of those busy, exhausted families outside those doors is Sabbath.

Space…

Time…

To simply let God into our lives.

Sabbath, at its core, is taking time to remember that we do not create life – it is a gift from God.

The exhortation to rest on the Sabbath reminds us that we cannot do it all… and that ultimately the things of this world are in God’s hands.

At a recent clergy event, I was asked to help lead our opening worship.

I knew that some of them would be worried about folks at home who might be in the hospital or troubled. I knew that some would be thinking ahead to their sermons for the next Sunday. I knew some would have their minds set on their kids, or their parents, and the family concerns that plague them. I knew some would have their fingers ever connected to their blackberrys and would try to stay in contact with all of the business of the church, even as they were supposed to be fully present with us.

So, I lead the group in a ritual of setting aside the things that were on our minds. Much like what we did this morning, I invited them to write down all the things that were distracting them on a slip of paper and to fold it up and put it away.

This ritual was an act of trust… trust that for these six hours we were gathered together that our lives back home could wait… trust that our lay people in our churches could take care of the things we left them… trust that God in his infinite wisdom could be trusted to take care of these things so that we could focus and be present in this moment with one another and with God’s holy word.

Take that list that you made this morning.

It represents all of your choices and commitments and communities.

It represents all of the things that tug on your heart.

Sometimes these things lead us towards God… and sometimes they pull us away from the source of life.

For that is what God is… He is life itself and when we seek him we will find exuberant life.

Fold that piece of paper up and I want you to write four simple words that Dave Crow, our district superintendent shared with me…

“Choose Well. Choose Life.”

upside down and inside out

Posted on September 28, 2010Leave a comment

Today, my brain stopped working.

I was standing at the graveside for a funeral going over the so familiar liturgy and every minute or two, I just flubbed up my words. The epitome of my exhaustion came when we got to the Lord’s Prayer and I forgot a line. But because it was at the graveside and because they were presbyterians and not methodists (and said debts and not trespasses) and because I was not mic’d no one really noticed. Except me.

Okay, okay, it wasn’t that bad. I did my job just fine. But I reached my limit, and I knew it.

They say that there will be those days in ministry where everything happens at once. Pshaw – I thought. I’m still young and strong. I’m a runner (or at least I was five days ago before my ministry got in the way). I have some endurance. I can do it.

But here I am, sitting on the couch after five days full of good churchy things and all I can say is that I’m really glad the episode of britney/brittany finally finished downloading so I could absolutely turn the brain off and enjoy myself.

There was a baptism, and a wedding rehearsal, and a funeral and a wedding, and a study on revelation, and a budget meeting, we installed a new patio door, and I hosted a church progressive dinner/bible study, and a conference event I helped plan and lead worship for, and another funeral and a bible study… all in the quick span of 5 days. And by the way – if I can brag a little – my methodist ladies put on the best funeral lunches in the world.

I talked with a friend on Monday afternoon and we realized that we aren’t quite so young anymore. I might still get asked if I’m the granddaughter at the funeral visitation instead of asked if I’m the minister – but I’m not as young as I look. My back starts to ache after a day standing in heels and it never did when I was the middle schooler with the big clunky shoes. The ministry comes easier. The job is absolutely rewarding. I know I can do this job. Just please, Lord, not so much of it all at once!!!

I did have a few moments of grace and rest here and there. I napped for 20 minutes on Sunday afternoon. We had a guest musician/speaker who led worship on Sunday morning. McDonald’s Mocha Frappe is actually a pretty good substitute for a good frozen espresso drink when there is no coffee shop in sight. The rest stop on I-80 where I got out and walked around (to keep from falling asleep) was really clean and had a restored prairie area. And our church newsletter was taken over by a lay person – hallelujah.

Sabbath and rest is something that I take seriously, but I also recognize that there needs to be flexibility in the schedule of a pastor. And that means that I’m totally out of commission after youth group tomorrow night. I’m leaving the state. Getting away with family to celebrate a new start for my brother. I’m looking forward to a long car ride with chex mix and laughter… and maybe some weird al yankovic if I can find the old tapes. My batteries are long overdue for an old school recharge.

Why a family vacation is not a sabbatical

Posted on August 14, 20103 Comments

This past week I was able to spend 8 glorious days at Lake Okoboji in a teeny tiny little house with my in-laws. 9 people shared the two bedrooms, one bathroom, and living space. We got some sun, we played in the water, we laughed and ate a ton of food. And by the time we got back home, I was absolutely exhausted.

I had taken two books with me for the trip – a novel that I’ve been working on called Sophie’s World (think Alice in Wonderland meets a history textbook on philosophy) and a book that a congregation member gave me called Tattoos on the Heart. Both seemed like good reads for a quiet morning or afternoon by the lakeside.

But you see, when you are vacationing with 9 (and at times 11) other people – there aren’t quiet moments. There isn’t private space. You bounce from preparing breakfast to eating to cleaning to packing lunch to the water and by the time you get back, it’s time to make food and eat and clean again. And then you’re tired. And then you can’t sleep because there are 9 people in the house and some of them snore and one of them is a baby who needs to cry and eat in the middle of the night and some of the people get up really early to make coffee and others like to stay up later. It was a beautiful chaotic mess and I enjoyed almost every minute of it… but it was not restful.

As a pastor and as someone who likes to be around family, it is very hard to take some time away for me. It is hard to find value in using my vacation time on myself. I save it for holidays and weddings and celebrations and family get-aways. And I really, desperately, need to take some time away for myself. My husband could probably come, too =) But only if he lets me get up and read in the mornings. Perhaps a good suggestion would be to take one of the four weeks that we are allowed each year for vacation and use it solely as spiritual retreat and renewal. Just me in a cabin with some books and good restaurant nearby. Time to walk in nature and sleep in the sun and read and write and dream a little.

Some time set apart – some holy time.

I had a wonderful time on my family vacation – but I realize now that I’m back that I probably had far too many expectations that it would be restful or rejuvenating. It was nice to have a break from the day to day business of the church and to get away… but my spirit is still struggling to catch up with the whirlwind.

breathe in, breathe out

Posted on October 16, 2009Leave a comment

Photo by: Thomas Boulvin

My life has been a little bit insane lately.

As a pastor, as a wife, as a daughter, as an aunt, as a sister, as a home… well, home-occupier. Every facet of my life has pulled me and stretched me and stressed me out and brought me joy and helped me to grow and made me happy. All in the short two week span between October 1 and October 15.

I’ve met with families of loved ones who have died. I have wrestled with divorce and separation and legal battles in the church and in my family – and the heartache that comes from just wanting to make all of those things better and just wanting people to love one another yet again pr at the very least to stop hurting one another so badly and not being able to do anything.

I’ve waded through mistakes and miscommunications and “I’m sorry”s and “I love you”s and apologies and goal setting and covenants and unworthiness and unconditional love and communion and meetings and singing and laughter and tears and anger and worry and muddy dirt roads and chicken noodle soup and piles of paper and paint stores and hugs and stories and fumbles and touchdowns and …

I’m exhausted. But this afternoon I get to go and meet the newest addition to our family. And tomorrow I get to hang out with my brothers and sister-in-law and dad. and next week, even though our young clergy retreat is postponed – I’m taking a personal day to enjoy all of the blessings that have arrived in the midst of the chaos and to celebrate the clarity of vision that has come through the storms.

Worship, Encouragement, and Not Taking It Personally

Posted on August 17, 2009Leave a comment

Yesterday, we had maybe 30-35 in worship. It was a very quiet Sunday – and we shared an intensely powerful worshipping experience. So in the aftermath, I had two wonderful saints of the church come up and tell me not to be discouraged.

I realized as they both were offering their words of uplift that I wasn’t discouraged. I hadn’t really taken the low attendance (months of low attendance actually) personally. I decided it wasn’t about me, and so I wasn’t going to let it get to me.

What is on my mind however, is a question of what has changed. While I think some people recognize this as the summer slump, the truth is that here and there for six months now, things have been about the same. We’ll have a sunday with 60-65, but then we hover in the 40-50 range. On a special day like Easter or Confirmation we’ll hit around 100 – but that’s few and far between.

Of the 40-50 group, about half of those come every single sunday faithfully. The rest are more sporadic. Every other Sunday, once or twice a month, there for a few weeks, then gone for a few. Here in the summer, gone in the winter or vice versa. When we all show up – we have a crowd! When we don’t – our sanctuary feels sparse and empty.

Someone noted that worship is a habit – and that many in our church just are not in the regular habit of coming every week. Some lament the fact that other activities have encroached on Sunday morning’s sacred time slot – and there are more sporting events and activities to draw away our young families than ever.

The question I’m wrestling with is: WHY is Sunday morning from 9-12 so sacred?

There is the whole “Lord’s Day” thing. In my Sacred Time class, I remember vividly the discussion about how the Sabbath, the seventh day is really Saturday – that we worship on the “first” and the “eighth” day of the week. We worship in a time out of time – a little Easter every Sunday – both the beginning and the end and everything in between coming to bear on this one moment of sacred worship. But is this experience of “holy time travel” really about the day? Or is it about the mystery of God coming to meet us? And if that’s the case, can’t our “little Easter” experience be on Sunday afternoon? or Wednesday night? or Tuesday morning?

Going off of that, because of the sacredness of the Lord’s Day, many people only think/talk about God on Sunday. The rest of the week, they do their own thing and worship/prayer/study is the farthest thing from their mind.

There is the battle against secular culture thing. Many I talk to hold onto this time slot dearly because it is the last remaining vestage of cultural Christianity. What once were blue laws forbidding stores to be open and the prohibition of alcohol sales on Sunday (in Nashville you couldn’t buy hard liquor/wine on a Sunday – but you could buy beer… i mean, tailgating is sacred too!), now mostly is just a distaste for activity on Sunday morning. We at once try to hold fast to the idea of sabbath and perpetuate its breaking. Our youth work during this time, our Sunday School teachers stop at the grocery store to pick up donuts for class, we all want to go out to brunch after church, etc. But suggest we worship some other time? Never!!

I know a couple where the wife works the weekend option at the hospital. She works 12 hour day/nights on Friday, Saturday and Sunday. Morning worship, even Saturday or Sunday evening worship just don’t work for them. They are left out.

I know a couple where the husband works the night shift Saturday at the plant. By the time he gets settled in for the night, he has barely gotten enough sleep to wake up for church in the morning. When he can’t help get the kids going, the wife finds it easier to stay home with the whole crew. They are left out.

I know a family matriarch whose family wants to spend time together on Sundays. She often feels torn between preparing a meal for her children/grandchildren and making it to church. Both are good things to do. When she chooses her family, she is left out.

I know a youth who terrific basketball player. Some weeks tournaments take them out of town for the weekend and her whole family gets in the van and travels together to the site. She is making three pointers, but their family is left out.

I know a mom who has five kids. Getting them all up and ready at the same time to come to church, and then spending the hour of worship telling them to sit and be quiet and keeping them entertained isn’t worshipful for her. And she feels like they are distracting others. So most of the time they stay home. They are left out.

I don’t have any answers. I don’t know if any of those folks would even show up to a Wednesday evening service, or a Sunday evening service. I’m not sure if I can fit preparing another sermon a week into my schedule. I have my own family obligations (and Sabbath needs) that make my heart hesitate when I think about Saturday/Sunday evening worship. But I do know that there are also people who are left out. And I pray that God will help us to find creative ways to share worship with them.