one word: lonely #reverb10

The only way for your life to be different is if you take a good hard look at it and figure out what exactly needs to change.  And my life needs a good hard look right now.

In some ways, I am feeling a little snarky as I write this.  I am kind of in an off mood.  So this might not be the chipper Katie that you sometimes hear from.

Charged with this task:

December 1 – One Word. Encapsulate the year 2010 in one word. Explain why you’re choosing that word. Now, imagine it’s one year from today, what would you like the word to be that captures 2011 for you? (Author: Gwen Bell)

I have to admit that this has been a really strange year.  If I look back on it all and try to capture it in one word – that word would have to be lonely.

I pick that word, because it captures both the way I have felt and the way I didn’t feel.

In the midst of community and people, in the midst of a marriage and a family, in the midst of lots of people and relationships – there have been so many days where I have felt incredibly alone.

Alone because who I am makes me different from other people.  As a pastor, I am apart from my congregation.  As a woman, I am apart from my male colleauges in ministry.  As a young person, I am apart in the midst of gatherings of older folks at meetings.  As a person of faith, I am apart when we gather with friends who are not. As someone who is not a mother among family members who have kids and grandkids. And sometimes as the conversation gets rolling, I feel very lonely… even in the midst of community.  I long for people like me to talk with.  I realize just how alone I am.
At the same time, I have tried in many ways to combat that loneliness.  Our young clergy lunches have been a beacon of community and fellowship.  My online connections through facebook and twitter and my writing have provided an outlet and a place to find familiar voices. I am learning to find those common places with older folks and men and parishoners and friends that I can hold on to when I start to feel lonely again.
I also have learned in some ways to be okay with the loneliness.  Running was an outlet for a while – although the weather is colder and I got lazy and that stopped.  Crocheting has become a powerful way to be with myself… something to keep my hands and therefore my mind busy.
I have all of this talk about being lonely and I wonder if anyone out there reading would think that I am single.  I am not.  I’m married to a wonderful guy – but even in marriage there is loneliness.  That is not something I expected.  I didn’t expect the days when our schedules didn’t match up and the house was empty.  I didn’t expect the days when we were both so busy doing our own thing that we barely talked.  We each have our own little corners of the house:  his office and for me, well I move around between my office and the couch and whatever other warm little nook seems appealing that day.  I didn’t expect that our working lives would be so compartmentalized from one another.  And I didn’t expect that we would have no children.
That last one is probably my number one source of loneliness.  Just the two of us doesn’t quite seem to be enough for me.  I want little laughter rippling through the house.  I want teasing and tickling and the grumbles of a child who doesn’t want to eat their peas.  I want family gathered around our dining room table.  I want stuffed animals lying around that children forgot to put away.  I want to be woken up in the morning by kisses and tears.  I want to tuck someone into bed at night.
This year I realized that our cats – as much as I love and adore them – cannot replace children in my life.  And while Tiki and Turbo provide immense happiness and companionship, they are not mine in the same way.

Not having a family makes me very lonely.

All of that being said – what word would I want to represent the next year of my life?
I cannot make children come into my life.  It may not be a reality for next year.  But I do want family to take absolute priority.  I want to find new ways to be family with congregation members.  I want to take my own family more seriously and less for granted.  I want to talk with my brothers and sisters more often.  I want to spend more afternoons with my mom and dad and in-laws.  I want to go on more dates with my husband. I want those relationships to be more important than anything else.  I want next year to be about family.

Remembering in Five #reverb10

In a year full of ordinary days and moments and the little things that we do and quickly forget… here is to taking five minutes to capture what we shouldn’t forget.

  • snow disc golf at Lincoln Park in Belle Plaine… we bundled up and had a ton of fun romping in the snow =)  I actually shot pretty good as well!
  • my ordination… that is one thing that I probably couldn’t forget… and I’ve talked about it already in these prompts
  • our family trip to Hawaii – just being there with all of those wonderful people was amazing but there were also a few highlights of this particular trip:  Pearl Harbor with Brandon, spending some time driving on the west coast of the island, the extraordinarily difficult hike up Koko Head Crater, the ways that Brandon and DJ bonded with each other
  • our time at Lake Okoboji… lots of storms, lots of adult beverages, wind, water, and far too much food!!!

Wow – was that really only five minutes?

The time went far more quickly than I would have imagined.  If according to the prompt for today’s reverb10 post:
Imagine you will completely lose your memory of 2010 in five minutes. Set an alarm for five minutes and capture the things you most want to remember about 2010.
There are a lot of things that I didn’t get a chance to write about. So many memories that would have slipped away.  It makes me want to do it over… to try to pack as much in as I possibly can so that I really won’t forget.
Ready: go!
  • snow disc golf
  • my ordination
  • breakfast before my ordination with the Pickens/Liles/Dawsons
  • Hawaii with the Pickens
  • Koko Head Crater
  • Pearl Harbor
  • Lake Okoboji
  • watching my neice and nephews grow up
  • putting my little nephew to sleep
  • learning to crochet
  • making three blankets for the niece and nephews
  • taking my brother to Kansas
  • “come to the table”
  • disc golfing this summer with the guys
  • our wednesday night worship service
  • planning worship with Sean for the order’s gathering
  • going to the Iowa/Penn State game with my dad
  • crock pot pizza
  • awesome carrot cake
  • painting the church fellowship hall and getting to pick all the colors
  • upgrading the church’s technology (new televisions and computer)
  • really diving into Twitter
  • Advent Blog Tour
  • my ordination hot pink and blue monkey
  • Clergy Benefits Conference
  • Roller Derby with Allison
  • our young clergy lunches
  • Ben and Kayla’s wedding (and all that it entailed!)
  • Christmas with the Pickens
  • Thanksgiving with my family and the Dawsons
  • Gma Mardell’s death/funeral

That was a bit more to include… a few more highlights and lowlights of this year.  A whole bunch of things that I had completely forgotten that were a part of this twenty-ten experience for me.  Really important things that I need to keep with me.  Thanks for the opportunity…

Taking out the Trash…#reverb10

I have not really followed the prompts for Reverb before – but from what I have caught wind of, they are daily prompts that help us to “reflect on this year and manifest what’s next.”

I could seriously use some regularly scheduled reflection in my life, so even though I am late to the party, I’m joining in.

Today’s prompt:

What are 11 things your life doesn’t need in 2011? How will you go about eliminating them? How will getting rid of these 11 things change your life?

It’s a good question.  It actually takes me back to the lectionary gospel passage from last Sunday and the announcement of John the Baptist.

“I’m baptizing you here in the river, turning your old life in for a kingdom life. The real action comes next: The main character in this drama—compared to him I’m a mere stagehand—will ignite the kingdom life within you, a fire within you, the Holy Spirit within you, changing you from the inside out. He’s going to clean house—make a clean sweep of your lives. He’ll place everything true in its proper place before God; everything false he’ll put out with the trash to be burned.” (The Message)
Everything false, Christ will put out with the trash.  He’s making a clean sweep. Watch out clutter and mistakes and useless things.  Your time is up.

What is it in my life that needs to be cleaned out?  What can I metaphorically put out with the trash or send to the curb with the recycling?

1) Whining:  I am a whiner.  Not to most people… mostly just to my husband.  I whine about things when they aren’t going my way.  I’m going to stop.  I’m going to start appreciating what I have and not complain so much when things are tough. Lots of prayers for the fruits of the spirit to sprout in my life… a little patience, gentleness, kindness, joy, and self-control would help. Get to work Holy Spirit!

2) Grocery Shopping Hungry: I make poor food choices when I go grocery shopping when I am hungry.  I am going to work on creating a list of meals for the week and buying the appropriate food items. No more wasting money on the celery that we won’t really eat and will just go bad in the fridge.

3) The Weekly Planner on my fridge:  We don’t use it.  It takes up the whole freaking fridge. Why have something that isn’t helping?  That’s just mocking me for not doing the work to plan.

4) Baby pressure:  I just want the baby pressure to go away.  I want the questions about when and if and how soon to stop. I want my own internal biological clock to quit ticking for a bit.  I’m not sure how to get rid of it… but my life could be a bit more focused if it wasn’t around. Maybe if I simply learn to delight in other’s children and pregnancies and stop worrying so much about my own.

5) Meetings for the sake of meetings:  As the pastor, I’m going to refuse to attend a meeting that has no purpose.  I’m going to refuse to host a meeting that has no purpose.  If we don’t have things to talk about, we aren’t going to meet.  But I’m also going to work on empowering my leadership to take control of these meetings and to bring things to share…

6) Lying: I think my number one biggest temptation for sin is fibbing.  Telling a little half-truth so that I don’t hurt someone or so that I can get away with something.  We all have our weaknesses and this is mine.  My life doesn’t need it anymore.  It makes everything so much harder in the long run and it hurts people.  And it feels crappy.  No more lying in 2011… okay?

7) Days spent watching food network or any other channel for that matter: On my days off, I tend to plop down and watch silly television.  I’m not really going to cook most of that food.  There is awesome music in the world to listen to.  I could use the time to knit/crochet, write, read (which I definitely need to do more of), instead of filling my head with food and silly stories.

8) Weeks spent without talking with family:  My immediate family has not made the time to spend together this past year.  We all have our excuses and it’s not that we are having any problems or anything else.  We are just busy folks.  And I miss them.  So I’m going to make it a point to make sure I talk with each of them once a week.

9) Hesitation: I am a waffler.  I hesitate sometimes because I take the time to think about all of the angles and possibilities and how everyone will feel about a decision.  But most of the time, I hesitate because I doubt myself.  I’m going to stop hesitating and just trust myself more next year.

10) Free food: I love the fact that my parishioners love me.  I love all of the wonderful gifts they give me.  But there are many things I take home that I honestly will not eat.  Or shouldn’t eat.  And there is so much food brought to the church that goes straight to my hips.  So I am going to feel free to turn down food next year.  I’m going to make healthier decisions.  If we aren’t going to eat it, I’m going to make sure someone else gets it.  I’ll use it as an opportunity to visit a shut-in and share the bounty.  But just because it’s offered, doesn’t mean it has to come to my house.

11) Days without prayer and stillness:I let too many days start without stopping to rest in God.  In 2011 – my days will all begin in prayer and stillness.

maternal longing…

I cannot escape pregnancy these days.
As blogger Traci Bianchi reminds us: The Christmas story is dripping with estrogen.
And not only that… but the Advent story as well.  As we wait for the coming of Christ once again, we are pregnant with hope and anticipation… we hear rumors of wars and feel the earth shaking and everything in turmoil and yet we are reminded in Mark 13:8 that all of these troubles are but the birth pangs of the new creation.
Pregnant, waiting, in pain, fleshy, joyful, anxious.
In our Wednesday evening Advent services we have been using a number of materials from The Work of the People.  The first two video reflections have both reminded us of just how incarnate God became.  As we heard the announcement to Mary of the child in her womb… we watched a woman in delivery, having contractions.  We watched her heavy breathing and her labored movements.  We saw the pained look on her face as the angel’s words came through… “Do not be afraid, Mary.”  “I am your servant” was her response .
I have seen sonogram images of friends who are newly expecting.  I received with immense joy the news that I would get to be an aunt again next summer.  As the holiday season has progressed I have held babies and changed diapers and comforted those who were crying.
And inside of me is stirred up a deep, deep longing.  The longing to be a mother, myself.
Sometimes Advent and Christmas come and go and we don’t feel any different, but I have found this year that my experience of the season has been deep and holy this year.  I have found that this longing to be a mother parallels my waiting for the coming Christ.
Maybe it brings the season into a sharper view, because I feel it so intensely.  So personally.  We’ve been waiting forever for the Messiah to come again and sometimes we let it slip into the background.  We get busy with our day to day lives and figure it will come when it comes.
But when another longing takes hold… we are reminded of what it feels like to truly wait.  To desire something so much. We are reminded that there are some things that we seek so much that it does consume our thoughts… it takes over those day to day activities.  It changes how we see the world.

I see babies everywhere these days.  I cannot help it.  My entire perspective has shifted.  I notice the glow on an expecting mothers face.  I watched those images of the woman in labor and heard the words of the angel speaking to Mary and I began to tear up.

But in the midst of my very personal, very selfish, biological clock going haywire… I also have looked around with eyes that see the pain in this world.  The hurt that so many experience.  And my inward longing has turned outward as I want so much for this whole creation to be set right, to be restored, to be made new.
On Twitter, the hashtag #waiting2010 has helped me to share those longings.  I join others in prayer as we waiting for the day when violence will end and disease will be no more.  We wait for the day when understanding will be the norm and when the Prince of Peace will rule.

My husband is not yet ready for kids.  He may never be. And if I am honest with myself, perhaps I’m not yet ready for the dramatic ways my life will be different when/if we bring someone into this world.  The simple fact is: for us, right now, the answer to the children question is, “no.”  That answer brings me great sadness.

And yet, in this season of longing and emptiness, in this season of waiting… I am turning towards those things that I can say yes to.  I can say yes to hope.  I can say yes to peace.  I can say yes to joy.  I can say yes to love.  I can reach out to others with my life and my actions and give all I have to them.

Maybe God has something in store for us.  Maybe being childless will help me minister in different ways.  Maybe my hopes and longings will be fulfilled.  All I know is that I wait. And I trust that God will be with me.  I am not afraid.

Judicial Retention and the Trust Clause of the UMC

This week in Iowa, three Supreme Court Justices were voted out of office.  And I’m a little upset about it.

A huge part of my frustration comes from the fact that they were voted out because of a homophobic reaction to one decision they made during the course of their tenures.  In a unanimous ruling by the court, a law that limited marriage between a man and a woman was deemed unconstitutional.  The decision itself can be read here.  It is extremely well written, and worth the read. One of the first responses our bishop, Bishop Julius C. Trimble, made was that in no way does that decision impact what we do or do not have to do as clergy.  We are not being forced to marry those whom our Discipline says we are not allowed to marry.  But as far as the state is concerned, as far as the institution that the state is concerned with, the rights should be granted to all.

I realize that folks are of all sorts of different opinion about the issue of same-sex marriage.  I respect your beliefs.  I hope you will respect mine.

My frustration is with the precedent that this particular retention vote sets for the future of our judiciary.  In conversations that I have had with others in the past week, I have become ever more aware of two things.

1) Folks don’t understand the role of the judicial system.  There are all sorts of arguments going on saying that a court shouldn’t be making law and shouldn’t be accepting cases of such a highly volitile nature and I have even heard more than once that the courts don’t get to interpret the law – they just need to enforce it.  Basic civics lesson – the courts job IS to interpret the law.  It is to recieve cases, brought by the people or the state, that bring forth questions of constitutionality.  Is a particular law constitutional?  The congress can’t decide that, the people can’t decide that, the executive branch can’t decide that… it is the court’s role to interpret the law and hold it against the constitution to deem its worthiness.  AND – they issue opinions.  That is their role.  Their rulings are deemed opinions because they are interpretations in particular times and places.   The executive branch enforces the law, the congressional branch makes the law, but the judicial branch interprets.  It always has been and always will be its role.  The congressional branch is absolutely free to make amendments to the constititution that will then change what that opinion might be in the future… that’s part of the checks and balances system.  Instead of being upset with the unanimous decision of the justices, the anger in this case should have been directed towards those who refused to bring an amendment to the table.

2) In a facebook conversation, someone mentioned that folks who voted “no” on retention were afraid to speak up and tell why they did so.  “don’t you think the fear of being personally and politically attacked keeps people from having a civilized conversation about this subject or any other for that matter?”  I responded, ” ironically, the fear of being personally and politically attacked for an unpopular opinion is exactly why that vote is so damaging to our judiciary system.”   The very reason that we moved away from an elected judiciary is so that money could not buy court decisions.  The very reason this vote is so troubling is that it will take balls for justices to make unpopular rulings in the future.  To always be wondering who you might upset because of your decision takes the unbiased factor out of the judicial system.  Now, I’m prone to be naive… but I will admit that there are flaws in the system we have.  It was pointed out that each of the justices currently on the court are registered democrats… however, two of those voted out were appointed by a conservative governor.   In any case, for the retention vote to be used not as a means of disposing of poor judges, but as a referrendum on one particular issue destroys the objectivity of the court.
Perhaps I am so frustrated by point number two, because I feel like there should be some protections there to enable justices to go against the flow, to rule for what is right and not what is popular, to make a stand for actual justice.  I say that because I, myself, like all other pastors, regularly have to make those sorts of decisions.
The very nature of the pastorate means that we have to speak the truth – even when it is not popular.  We are called upon to comfort the afflicted… but also to afflict the comfortable.  We are called to speak truth to power.  We are called to pull at people and challenge them to grow.  We are called upon by Christ to turn the values of this world upside down and inside out.  And constantly, that means that we are called upon to lift up the concerns of those who have no voice, those who have no power, those who have no hope.  The bible tells us to leave our gleanings for the poor and not gather them up for ourselves.  The bible tells us to be good to the foreigner in our midst.  The bible tells us to forgive, to turn the other cheek, to love our enemies.  To preach the gospel often means that we are speaking out on behalf of the minorities in our country.  It often means saying unpopular things.
Which is why I am grateful for some protection.  If a pastor depended on their popularity to maintain their pulpit – the gospel would never be preached.  But in my tradition and in others as well, we have this lovely little thing called the Trust Clause…

 Which means… any United Methodist Church belongs to the Church and not the people.  Any pastor who serves in said church is accountable to the Church and not the people.   That may be a slight oversimplification… but I hope you get the point. 

In trust, that said premises shall be used, kept, and maintained as a place of divine worship of the United Methodist ministry and members of The United Methodist Church; subject to the Discipline, usage, and ministerial appointments of said Curch as from time to time authorized and declared by the General Conference and by the annual conference within whose bounds the said premises are situated.  This provision is solely for the benefit of the grantee, and the grantor reserves no right or interest in said premises.
John Wesley used something called the “model deed” to protect the security of the places where the Methodists worshipped.  It created a sense of conformity… in that those who preached must hold to the doctrines espoused by the church, but it also meant according to one scholor that the preaching houses, “cannot be alienated from their original intent and are not subject to the theological or ecclesiastical fancies of local leadership.” 
If you preach against gambling in a community that has just recieved permission to build a new casino – you can’t be kicked out of the church.  If you preach tolerance and welcoming of the sojourner in a community frustrated by an influx of migrants – you can’t be kicked out of the church. Just because something is unpopular does not mean that it is grounds for dismissal.
I think part of the reason this retention votes is so disheartening is because I empathize with those who are called sometimes to make unpopular and difficult decisions.  I have watched them over the course of this campaign refuse to fight back, refuse to give in, and I have watched them and supporters of the judiciary work to educate the public. 
When I am called upon to be prophetic, to speak hard things, it would be easy to argue back when others disagree… but I am inspired by the courage and respect that these three justices in particular showed. 

I am lucky enough to be a part of a system that allows me to make tough decisions and I get to keep my job.  My heart goes out to those not only for whom that was not the case here in Iowa, but for those across the world who take tough stands every single day and are punished for it, who are ridiculed, who are persecuted, and who die for those decisions.  I am more lucky that I realize.  And I pray that I might use this gift for good and not squander it.

Farmer’s Daughter

A couple of weeks ago, I headed on a whirlwhind roadtrip to Kansas with my parents and my little brother.  DJ has just accepted an engineering position way down there, so we went south to check things out.

It has been quite a while since I have been able to spend that much time with those three =)  Our lives have all been busy and we have not taken the time or made the time to be with one another.  I have missed them, terribly.

So, even though a ten hour car ride doesn’t sound that appealing on the surface, knowing that I could spend it with all of them, I begged to come along.

Practically the entire journey, we listened to country music on the radio.  Now, I’m not a huge fan of country.  It just is not my first, or second, or third choice, when it comes to radio stations.  But I’ll listen to it, and I did.  I even sang along on a few songs that I remembered (and others I got to know well).

One of those songs that kept playing on the radio was called “Farmer’s Daughter.”

Now, I have always been a farmer’s daughter.  I grew up on a little farm – complete with corn and beans and goats at one point.  I have baled hay and have driven the combine.  I must admit that I was usually curled up inside with a book than outside doing chores – my brothers helped out a whole lot more on the farm than I ever did, or was asked to do.  But that connection with the land, with family, with mud and dirt, with a pair of jeans and the sweat of a brow is in my veins.
It’s one of the reasons that I felt so called to return to Iowa to be in ministry.  My roots are here.  I couldn’t be who I am anywhere else.

I was reminded of that again this past weekend.

My dad called me up and needed some help in the fields.  Both of my brothers were unavailable (and now live much farther away) and he needed someone to drive the truck so that he could leave the tractor at the field.  I grabbed a bag of things to knit, headed over the dusty roads to the farm and did what I could.  I drove that huge truck with the wagon behind it and followed him in the tractor to the fields where he would be combining beans.  I helped unhitch everything.  And while he climbed in the cab and kept harvesting, I pulled out my crochet hook and got to work.
It didn’t last very long, though.  I felt like I wasn’t being helpful, so as he came around on the next pass, I climbed up into the cab with him.
He moved over the little he could, and I sat there on the edge of the seat, the other half of my butt pressed up against the door, and we rode together in the combine.
It was dusty, and hot (80 on a Sunday in October!), and we both had sweat pouring off of us – but we had a blast talking.  We followed the curve of the hills and he expertly maneuvered around the edge of the fields.  We even averted a minor catastrophe when a huge hunk of driftwood got caught in the head.  At first, we thought it was only a small chunk of wood and pulled it out.  I had to move some levers from above, while my dad was on his back underneath the head trying to put it manually back into gear after it stuck.  I thought for sure when he climbed underneath with a crow bar and a pair of pliers that I was going to do something wrong and chop his hand off – but we managed. The gears still refused to turn, and then he found the problem was really a two foot log that was stuck inside.

I heard stories of him growing up.  We talked about our work.  We discussed hopes and dreams.

And when quitting time came, I hooked up the truck to the wagon to pull it back home.  And failed miserably to get the wagon full of beans to make it up the hill.  The ground was so dry and dusty and powdery that the wheels simply spun.  While I thought I might have just been a failure at driving the truck, we figured out that the four wheel drive was just failing to engage.

My dad works his butt off each and every day.  He gives his all at work and then comes home with little sleep and does it again in the fields. While sometimes I’m frustrated with him for doing too much, and working too hard, and not taking care of himself… I’m proud to be a farmer’s daughter.

upside down and inside out

Today, my brain stopped working.

I was standing at the graveside for a funeral going over the so familiar liturgy and every minute or two, I just flubbed up my words.  The epitome of my exhaustion came when we got to the Lord’s Prayer and I forgot a line.  But because it was at the graveside and because they were presbyterians and not methodists (and said debts and not trespasses) and because I was not mic’d no one really noticed.  Except me.

Okay, okay, it wasn’t that bad.  I did my job just fine.  But I reached my limit, and I knew it.

They say that there will be those days in ministry where everything happens at once.  Pshaw – I thought.  I’m still young and strong.  I’m a runner (or at least I was five days ago before my ministry got in the way).  I have some endurance.  I can do it.

But here I am, sitting on the couch after five days full of good churchy things and all I can say is that I’m really glad the episode of britney/brittany finally finished downloading so I could absolutely turn the brain off and enjoy myself.
There was a baptism, and a wedding rehearsal, and a funeral and a wedding, and a study on revelation, and a budget meeting, we installed a new patio door, and I hosted a church progressive dinner/bible study, and a conference event I helped plan and lead worship for, and another funeral and a bible study… all in the quick span of 5 days.  And by the way – if I can brag a little – my methodist ladies put on the best funeral lunches in the world.
I talked with a friend on Monday afternoon and we realized that we aren’t quite so young anymore. I might still get asked if I’m the granddaughter at the funeral visitation instead of asked if I’m the minister – but I’m not as young as I look.  My back starts to ache after a day standing in heels and it never did when I was the middle schooler with the big clunky shoes.  The ministry comes easier.  The job is absolutely rewarding.  I know I can do this job.  Just please, Lord, not so much of it all at once!!!
I did have a few moments of grace and rest here and there.  I napped for 20 minutes on Sunday afternoon.  We had a guest musician/speaker who led worship on Sunday morning.  McDonald’s Mocha Frappe is actually a pretty good substitute for a good frozen espresso drink when there is no coffee shop in sight. The rest stop on I-80 where I got out and walked around (to keep from falling asleep) was really clean and had a restored prairie area.  And our church newsletter was taken over by a lay person – hallelujah.

Sabbath and rest is something that I take seriously, but I also recognize that there needs to be flexibility in the schedule of a pastor.  And that means that I’m totally out of commission after youth group tomorrow night.  I’m leaving the state.  Getting away with family to celebrate a new start for my brother.  I’m looking forward to a long car ride with chex mix and laughter… and maybe some weird al yankovic if I can find the old tapes. My batteries are long overdue for an old school recharge.

Baby Showers?

This week’s Friday Five from RevGals almost has me down in the dumps.  You see, my husband and I are undecided about whether or not to have kids.  Or rather, we are each decided, just in different directions.  And it seems like EVERYONE I know is having a baby or has just had a baby and it’s making me a little bit crazy. I see pregnant people everywhere and I keep having dreams about pregnancy and babies and I’m not quite sure what to do about it, except to sit back and wait.

So, while I’m waiting, I’m going to do the Friday Five…

I hope you’ll participate in telling about your likes and dislikes about baby showers for you and for others.
1. What were baby showers like for you and your friends in the past?

None of my best friends have had babies yet!  Which is kind of interesting.  All six of us graduated high school in 2000 and none of us have kids.  Although many of us want them and are secretly dying inside.  I have however been to many baby showers for family members.  They usually consist of cute little games, cute little things to eat, lots of pastel colors everywhere, and gifts – lots of gifts.

2. Did you play games? What kinds?
Most of them consist of guessing the date and time of birth, guessing the weight, giving advice to moms, etc.  I have thrown a baby shower – and we played this awesome game where we melted candy bars inside of diapers and then you had to go around and taste each one and guess what kind of treat it was.  It was really gross – and a lot of fun.  We had a co-ed party for that one and the guys kind of liked the game. 

We also played a version of “apples to apples” where we used only the adjective cards.  We wrote down things you have around babies, like cribs, spit-up, diapers, crying and then everyone had to put in an adjective card.  The new mom got to pick the best one each time.  Which worked really well – except you might want to sort through your adjectives first… some of them are NOT appropriate when thinking about healthy little bundles of joy.

3. In your job, especially if you are a pastor, do you get invited to a lot of baby showers? What do you do about them?

Haven’t been invited to any yet =(  I think that is a hard thing to say yes to, because often they are on weekends – which is sabbath and family time for me.  I might send a card or something.

4. Are baby showers different for our daughters (or younger friends) than they were for us?

Not quite there yet… I think something that has changed a little bit, however, is that showers get thrown for second and third kids now, too.  My sister-in-law just had her third and we threw her a big party.  In part, it was because for her first two kids, they were far away and so we just didn’t do anything from the family.  There was also a bit of a gap between her other kids and this one and there are so many new and exciting products out there now.  They needed some new things that they just hadn’t kept from the first round of kids.  I heard that for the first baby, you can throw a “shower” and that for the other ones you can have a “sprinkle” – but we just had fun and went all out.

5. Do you like hosting baby showers or do you avoid that responsibility?

I think that it is a lot of fun to host baby showers.  We did a frog theme for the last shower I hosted and it was kind of cute and fun.  I can’t wait for my siblings and my friends to start having kids =)

Bonus: Any silliness about baby showers you wish to contribute.

What?  The dirty diaper game wasn’t enough? =)