Posts Tagged with truth

When I think about this very difficult passage from Matthew today I’m very aware of the fact that there are some things in this life that only a mother could say to you – some things about ourselves that we will never hear unless they come from the lips of someone who unconditionally loves you.
As we think about that – I want you to watch this clip from the movie, “Spanglish.” In this film, Deborah, played by Tea Leoni is the wife of a simple and carefree chef. Deborah is a bit self-absorbed and blames everyone but herself for her problems – a trait which has led her straight into an affair. Her mother, played by Cloris Leachman decides to step in and confront her about it.

(watch clip)

In my family, and maybe in yours, we call these sorts of talks “come to Jesus” moments. Those times when someone has strayed from the path and really need someone to let them know – to hold a mirror out in front of them and to help them to see what they are doing wrong and how they are hurting themselves or others.

When we look at this text from Matthew however, Jesus isn’t talking about our family lives. He’s talking about how to treat one another in the church. And the truth is we have a really hard time figuring out how to put these things into practice as a congregation. Our churches today, are not places where we feel comfortable having hard and truthful conversations with people. It is much better to pretend like a problem never existed, or to quietly remove yourself from the community than to get real with someone about a problem between you or an unhealthy situation.

I think part of the reason why we do so is because churches today – and by churches I mean the groups of people who come together as church – aren’t bound together. I was watching the Hawkeyes play yesterday morning, and in truth, congregations have much more in common with football fans than with the kind of community Christ is calling us to be in the scriptures. We are brought together by our common love, football in one case, worshipping God in the other, we sing/chant/cheer together, we pray together, but when the game is over and after we have had our coffee and cookies or hotdogs, we head home – back to our lives.

There is little if any sense of obligation to one another, much less accountability in many churches today, and, honestly, our church is one of those places. We don’t have a history of successfully handling conflict amongst ourselves – in fact, leaving the community, just not showing up, has been the most common way of dealing with problems in the last decade. I’m not sure if this is because we aren’t willing to say that there is a problem, or if it’s because when we voice a problem, we aren’t listened to – but in either case, the kind of relationships Christ calls us to model are not being lived out.

So we have to do is look at what it is about a family member, or even a best friend, that helps us to hear and respond to them when there is a problem.

And I think the real difference between those people we listen to and the church today is a sense of commitment. It truly takes unconditional love and unwavering concern for the kind of intervention and reconciliation that our passage from Matthew calls us to. The big question for us today is what kind of church would we have to become for Christ’s words to become a reality?

The answer I believe comes from recent Applebee’s commercials. Maybe you have seen them – the ones where a young man is sitting on a bench with headphones on, eating a sandwich and texting his friends. The “spokesapple” as it is affectionately called, encourages the young man to have a face to face conversation with his friends around the table. “Together is good” is the new theme the restaurant is trying to convey.

Now, whether or not you have seen the commercial, or eat at Applebee’s, the point is that we listen to the people we eat with. We care about the people we eat with. We want what is best for the people we eat with.

A friend of mine from Nashville has a family meal night with his family. While they are all very busy and the kids have school and extra-curricular activities and he and his wife work long hours – every Tuesday night they have a family dinner. Anyone else who happens to be around that evening is invited as well and for that one night a week they all sit around the dinner table together.

At the table – everyone has a chance to speak, and everyone is invited to share something about their week. Everyone is heard, everyone is listened to, and everyone has a place – even their youngest son who is 3.

The table is one of the most important images of the Christian church precisely because it is around the table that Christians are bound together. It is around the table that community is formed. It is around the table that the body and blood of Christ transform us into the body of Christ.

The hymn we just sang reminds us of that calling: Where charity and love prevail, there God is ever found. Brought here together by Christ’s love, by love are we thus bound. Let us recall that in our midst, dwells God’s begotten Son. As members of his body joined, we are, in him, made one.

We are in Christ made one. We are made one in our baptisms, we are made one in our commitment to this church, we are made one in the holy sacrament of communion.

And as a community of people who are not only brought together by Christ’s love, but bound together by that love, the rules of engagement with one another change. As Christ’s life transforms our community, then how we treat one another changes as well.

Monastic communities all across the world understand this and so when someone decides to enter their communities, they agree to live under certain rules. Rules about how to treat one another, about what to do when someone sins, and about the things that are and are not acceptable in the community.

What are the laws that we live by? What are the rules that govern our life together? Whether we want to admit it or not, whether we live it or not, when we become a part of the church, we promise to support the church – the community of Christ- through our prayers, our presence, our gifts and our service. And we promise to live a Christian life and to remain a faithful member of the body of Christ.

But perhaps the simpler answer is found in the book of Romans – where we are reminded of the greatest commandment – to love God and to love one another. Especially as we think about our life together- we must remember the command to love. According to the Jerusalem Bible translation of verse 10 – Love is the one thing that can never hurt your neighbor.

Philip Lawrence is the Abbot of the Christ in the Desert Abbey in New Mexico and he has this to say about our life in community:

“We must arise from sleep. We must be aware that it is this community in which we live. This does not mean that we think that things are perfect in this community. We must be radically honest about this. Our brothers and sisters are not saints… None of us is perfect; none of us follows every direction of the Customary or the traditions of the house perfectly.”

But you see, the thing is, when we do fail one another – when we do make mistakes, and we will – the instructions from Jesus that we find in Matthew are not designed to help us kick people out, but to help us love them back in.

Too often, we allow conflicts and problems to remain hidden, we fail to talk about them and we are not willing to hold one another accountable for the promises that we have made.

As a new minister, I know that this accountability piece is something that I too have to work on. All of our charge conference forms came across my desk the other day and again I was reminded that we have nearly 200 members and over 100 young people who have been baptized but who have not yet joined the church. That is over 300 people who are under the care of this church and yet we only have 50-60 here on a Sunday.

As the pastor who is about to fill out those forms, I feel a great burden to think about how to love those people back into our midst, rather than to simply let them slip away. And I am going to be putting myself out there this fall and in the coming year to hold myself and them accountable to the promises we have made. But this passage reminds me that this is a burden that we all share together.

When was the last time that you asked one of your brothers or sisters in Christ why they are neglecting their promises and aren’t giving faithfully? When was the last time that you asked a child’s parents why they were neglecting the promises they made by not bringing their young ones up in the church?

Those are not easy questions to ask! And perhaps you would not ask them in precisely that way. But for too long we have talked about people and their problems and their failings behind their back rather than reaching out and letting them know that we are here, and we want to be on this journey with them.

We treat one another as strangers instead of as brothers and sisters. And we believe that we have justification for doing so precisely in this same passage from Matthew for it says: If the offender refuses to listen even to the church, let such a one be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector.

We forget that we have all sinned. We have all hidden pieces of our lives from the light of day and from the scrutiny of others. And we forget that how Jesus treats tax collectors and gentiles is that he goes to them… and he eats with them… and he loves them.

Again here these words from Abbot Philip Lawrence:

“Perhaps one of the most important facets of our formation as monks is the process of acceptance that we are all sinners, that we are all imperfect. I must accept my brothers as they are, with their sinfulness and their imperfections and their faults–and my challenge is to love them just as they are. Also I must come to accept my imperfections and my faults and I love myself properly as I am. My challenge is to allow the Holy Spirit to change my life from within. I cannot change anyone else’s life, but I can ask the Spirit to change my life, to transform me. I can use my energies to fight against my own defects, faults and sins.”

That is all we can do. Love one another deeply – help to point out a fault or a wayward action – but then, even if that person will not listen – simply love them. Love them and pray for them. That is after all what the mother did in our movie clip. She spoke the hard truth and said her piece, and then she made sure her daughter’s seat belt was fastened =)

Love them and pray for them… That is something that I know we all know how to do here. This is a church that loves deeply when someone is in need. Whether a love one is dying or someone is simply having a tough time – this is a church that knows how to treat others as family – as flesh and blood – rather than as strangers. You never cease to amaze me with your outpouring of love… and so as we love one another, we must let that love continue to move us deeper into relationship, deeper into the tough questions and may the love of Christ that has brought us together, bind us together. Amen and amen.