visitation – Salvaged Faith

best customer service ever…

Posted on August 27, 20111 Comment

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For the Iowa Annual Conference this year, our conference artist created a gallery in our meeting space. It housed a collection of works from various people and each piece connected with our theme of Radical Hospitality with Justice.

The room itself was a conversation space. Chairs arranged for discussion, room to move, room to reflect, post-its on the wall to share thoughts. The art grew and expanded as we interacted with it.

But our artist, Ted Lyndon Hatten, wanted it to move beyond that room. So we were provided with nametags that indicated we wanted to continue talking about an issue.

And he asked if I would help the conversations continue via social media.

Of course, I jumped at the opportunity. And the first place I looked was twubs.com

You see, Twubs takes conversations that are happening on twitter and brings them all to one place. By using a hashtag, you can make a page, a bulletin board, embeddable widgets… it is a fantastic way to gather together the various thoughts. The best part is that it also then can live stream those tweets for display on something like the HUGE screens we use for worship.

Its a great idea… but due to my experimentation, I somehow messed up my initial twub. And linked to the wrong account. And then changed the hashtag. In about 25 minutes, what I wanted to create was now in three different twubs and I couldn’t figure out how to change/merge/edit any of them.

Problem, right?

I tweeted in frustration – someone who has used these twubs before… HELP!

And five minutes later, I had a phone call.

It was the guy who created Twubs.com. He called me, on my phone, and asked how he could help. He quickly fixed the back end issue, merged my accounts, closed the one I didn’t want, and it was exactly how I needed it… in less that two minutes.

I was having an awful experience with the site and probably never would have turned to the media again. But because of that personal, helpful, compassionate response, I would recommend it to anyone in a heartbeat.

I had a similar experience with our local McDonald’s. After getting my food, it was cold, sloppy (who leaves the cheese off of a double cheeseburger?!), and the workers were rude. So I complained via their online comment form and got a personal letter of apology, gift cards, coupons for free samples come every couple of months, and they have worked their butts off to keep me as a customer. It worked.

In this world, negative feedback can destroy a company. All it takes is one person having a bad experience and suddenly that comment is all over facebook, twitter, angie’s list, you name it. Reviews make or break someone’s future usage and purchases. But when you shower someone with service, quick responses, and personal care, suddenly a negative experience can turn into a fantastic walking advertisement.

Having that amazing experience with twubs made me think long and hard about life in the church.

As a pastor, I am glad that people don’t run home and write on facebook or on twitter “Wow, I had a really bad experience at church today!” Because that is AWFUL press and if someone made those kinds of comments, you probably wouldn’t ever see them again.

On the other hand, most people don’t give any feedback. They just stop going to church. As a pastor or a visitation minister you don’t know what the problem is, and so it is hard to be quick to respond. If someone actually made a post like the one above, I would be able to ask what happened, I would be able to clear up questions. But when you don’t know, you can’t respond.

There is a gray line that I face in ministry between being pushy and being pastoral. When I notice that someone hasn’t been in worship for a while, my first instinct is to send a little note, telling them we miss them. But if a response isn’t heard, do you make a phone call? Do you knock on the door? Do you guilt someone into coming back?

In these customer experiences with twubs.com and McDonald’s, I think the message is to kill them with kindness. Be available. Be personal. Let them know they are loved and precious to your ministry. And don’t forget them… even if they don’t respond right away. I am always impressed that I keep getting coupons for McDonald’s. I know that I was probably just added to some mailing list of disgruntled customers, but when those coupons arrive, I feel special and I remember that experience and that someone took the time to listen to me.

I absolutely hate comparing ministry to the world of business, but I wonder what else we might learn in pastoral care from twenty-first century customer service.

tea and danish

Posted on September 29, 20101 Comment

I’ve blogged before about how church visitation makes my skin crawl. It gets me all weirded out for no good reason at all. It is one of two places that my “introverted” side really shines through – the other being the sheer exhaustion that comes over me when I finally get back home after a morning spent at church on a Sunday.

I think part of the reason visitation is so awkward for me (and not the actual visits… and not hospital visits or nursing home visits… its working up to the visit and actually arriving on the doorstep that is hard) is that I don’t want to intrude on people’s lives. I don’t want to show up unannounced. I don’t want to butt in. I know lots of people who would prefer to simply be left alone. Frankly, when someone shows up on my doorstep – even if I’m kind of expecting them – and I’m wearing my fuzzy red pajama pants and my glasses are on and my hair is hastily in a ponytail – I would rather not answer the door. And I’m certainly not going to invite them in.

SO.

big problem if you want to be a pastor who tends the flock.

Big problem that I think I have solved.

I now invite folks to invite me over. Or invite them to stop by. Or invite them to let me know where/when we can meet for coffee.

I’m sending out these little postcards to folks, one chunk of the alphabet at the time. And they have the chance to mail them back or drop them in the offering plate and give me some feedback:

Sure- come on over to my house, and here are the times that are good for me.

How about we meet for coffee or lunch somewhere?

I would love to come into the church and visit with you in your office.

Thanks for the offer, but I am not interested in a personal visit at this time.

Just making that decision, to put the ball in my members court, was liberating.

Today, I had my first visit in someone’s home as a result of using these cards. And it was awesome. I got the grand tour of her house. We had danish and cups of tea in the kitchen. She sent me home with some apples from the tree in her backyard. We talked about her family and the ways that she had served the church and she had the opportunity to ask me questions about a new position she was taking on for the next year. And it was because she knew I was coming, and I knew she was expecting me, and because we both wanted to get to know one another better that we had such a wonderful time.

In some ways, I felt like by using this new method I was cheating just a little bit, but after talking with my superintendent, he helped me to realize a few things.

First – this allows my congregation members to respond as they feel comfortable. This is a german community and folks are pretty private. They don’t let you into their personal lives easily. We would rather put on a proud face than admit we have problems and while we are quick to help out, we resist help from anyone else. This method allows those who want to visit the opportunity to do so – in their own way.

Second – it takes the pressure off the cold calls. It allows me to be more comfortable, because I already know that this particular person or family is expecting me. They aren’t worried about what their home looks like, because they invited me to come over. They aren’t rushing out the door for a soccer game, because this is a time that is good for them. They are prepared for me to show up. Or we are meeting somewhere at a specific time and have the chance to grab a cup of coffee and we both know that this time is set aside for a conversation.

Third – It lets folks know that I really do care about them, that I’m willing to make the effort to get out and see them… even if they are people that haven’t been to church in ages. Most of those folks are not going to return the cards. And so the question that I’m struck with is – do I call and follow up? Or do I respect their decision not to reach out? I think the sentiment we ended on was that if I continue to make these kinds of efforts – not right away – but every once and a while – they’ll know I really do care. That I’m not pestering. And that when they are ready – I will be too.

pull to plant

Posted on November 7, 2009Leave a comment

This week I’ve spent a lot of time outside. For Pastor Appreciation Month my congregation gave me a gift certificate to Earl May and some gardening tools. And it was an extremely meaningful gift because a) it means that they understand some of the ways that I take care of myself (gardening) and b) it allowed me to get some things done in the midst of the stressful time of ordination papers too.

To be honest – if I hadn’t recieved that gift, the south side of my house would still be a mess. There would be tall grasses and crazy trees and weeds and leaves all over. I affectionately have referred to it as the eyesore on the south side. At least once before I’ve tried to clear the area – but then when our plants didn’t arrive, it soon grew back over.

So this past week – in the amazing warm weather for the first week of November (in the 50’s) I’ve taken a few hours each day to slowly but surely work on it.

Monday, my mom went with me to pick out some shrubs and bulbs and then helped me do some clearing. Throughout the week I’ve dug out stumps, removed the plastic underlayer, pulled weeds, broke a shovel and have some nasty bruises to show for my work.

Then yesterday – the shrubs went in the ground. There are two “fire chief” conifers, a blueberry plant, and a mandarin azaela. Today after the Iowa game I will probably be working on planting some tulip, crocus and dafodill bulbs.

In the midst of all of that, I had some time to think. About how overgrown other areas of my life are and where the chaos needs to be put in order and weeded and new things planted. The truth is that new things cannot take root unless room is made – unless everything else moves away.

As a pastor this is absolutely true. The last week in October I tried to work on my papers, but I left too many of my other responsibilities in the way. I got very little done and it took a lot of effort to get there. But this week I took time away from my other tasks, escaped to coffee shops and my office and progress was made.

As I try to nurture leadership development – I have to get myself out of the way and pull up my roots so that there is room for new leaders to emerge. I’m thinking about various ways to encourage new growth in the congregation and to fertilize those who have said yes, but aren’t sure of their new surroundings. A leadership retreat is definately in my plans – but I’m also thinking about restructuring our meeting arrangements so that more than one group meets at once, and I move between groups. Not having me to rely on means that others will have to take over the reigns – but I can also be there when they do need me. My real task needs to be working with leaders, not running the meetings.

That arrangement would also free up more time to meet individually with leaders in the congregation, do the visitation of our homebound members, and build relationships with our youth and families.

cold calls aren’t just for telemarketers

Posted on September 24, 20093 Comments

I had a good talk the other day with my CS (Conference Superintendent) about my hesitations around visiting. He was very surprised that I find it to be such a scary task because I appear to be so outgoing and extroverted. As he put it, he was morbidly curious to find out what was so difficult. My answer: showing up on the doorstep.

I think it’s the feeling that I’m intruding on someone’s life. What right do I have to barge into their home? Of course, that’s not what really happens, and I DO have the right as their pastor. It’s a double-sided coin maybe… I don’t feel like I know some people well enough to show up and visit, and yet I probably won’t get to know them well enough unless I do. Others I see regularly in the church – which I know isn’t a substitute for going to see them personally.

What I love is when I recieve an invitation to go and visit someone. When I know that there is a reason they might want me to show up. If someone isn’t well, if they are in the hospital, or if they let me know that they would like me to come over – all of that hesitation is gone.

That’s what happened yesterday. A complete stranger, someone new in town, called and really needed to talk with a pastor. I told her I would be over that afternoon. And I spent two and half hours getting to know this woman, hearing her life story, and wrestling with some difficult questions with her. I left absolutely exhausted – but for such a good reason. I was emotionally drained because I got to be the presence of God for her. And because I walked along her journey with her – if only for a little bit.

Now, it’s kind of selfish to wish this – but I really do wish that more people would invite me into their homes and their lives – even if just for five minutes. Or I wish I was at a place with my husband where I felt more comfortable inviting people over to our home for a cup of coffee. Or that we had a more comfortable sit-down coffee shop in town for the same reason. I think that it would make that huge list of members feel a bit more manageable.

knock-knock

Posted on April 23, 2009Leave a comment

I have posted on here many times that home visitation is not my strength. And if I’m to be honest with myself, even though it is the number one priority of my PPR, it’s not as high as it should be when I sit down and schedule myself for the week.

And reason #1 – I’m a huge introvert. We’ve been there and talked about this before.

These past two weeks, two very active people in the congregation fell (at different times) and have required surgery. And one of these people in particular is the woman who does SO much behind the scenes that no one even thinks about, until she wasn’t there. My own grandma (Babi) was also having her knee replaced.

My own ability to visit them was compromised by the fact that I was at School for Ministry and then came home with the crud… but I discovered/remembered some amazing things about my congregation and my ministry in the meantime.

1) Yes, the PPR puts visitation as my number one priority, but they also have it as the main priority of the congregation.

2) The people in my church know how to look after one another. They have made countless visits and delivered countless meals without being asked and simply because that’s what they do.

3) At SFM, some colleagues helped me remember that my calling/vocation gives me permission that no one else has to “intrude” on people’s lives – that if the congregation has made that a priority, they are in many ways inviting me to know things others don’t know and to see them in vulnerable situations.

4) sitting for 2 hours in a waiting room with someone – even if you have nothing to say – is rewarding ministry.

5) I have never lived in a community or family where people stopped by to visit if you were sick. Living in the country, we weren’t that neighborly – at least as kids. There were regularly scheduled Sunday evening visits to my great grandparent’s house, and we always came and went from Babi’s, but I never learned the art of “dropping in”

6) I was blessed to sit with my Babi for well over four hours in the hospital. I didn’t want to leave in part because it was good to catch up and spend that time with her, but also because I didn’t want to leave her there alone.

7) I really don’t want to leave my church family “alone” either. It is part of my calling to drop in and help them to know that they aren’t alone – that we are thinking about them and that God loves them.

8) everytime… and i have to keep reminding myself of this… everytime I “drop in” I am blessed.

things i have learned in my first week as a minister

Posted on January 8, 2008Leave a comment

in no particular order:

1) no one notices if you skip the Lord’s Prayer during communion – it was printed in the bulletin… it should have been in my script… but since I switched to a special Epiphany litany, the one with just the great thanksgiving and not the whole shebang, I totally missed it. But… no one seemed to notice, or at least no one said anything.

2) sometimes it’s better to just let someone talk than try to respond – during one of my pastoral conversations with a parishoner they became passionately angry about evolution being taught in the schools and then quoted genesis 1. I couldn’t figure out what to do next. Should I announce my theological differences? Should I point out that Genesis 1 and Genesis 2 tell differing stories and so it’s hard to take them both (or either) literally? Should I say something like “wow, you really seem angry about that… can you tell me why you feel that way?”… Since I couldn’t figure out what to say, I just listened. intently listened. And preceeded to find out that this really kind and sweet old man (and he really was!) was so angry about evolution being taught that he swore he would go after anyone who tried to teach his kids about evolution with a shotgun! While this probably isn’t true, I felt like if I had opened my mouth I would have been run out of town. I think our congregation is a really interesting mix of biblical literalists, fundamentalists (in the early 20th century understanding of the word), people who just want to understand what the text means, and others who could care less. And I desperately want to be honest and authentic about who I am and what I believe. But I’m glad that I just listened to him right then. He got the anger out of his system and we preceeded to discuss whether or not “Deal or No Deal” was gambling.

3) food will be provided at every gathering – YAY! food for bible study, food for youth group, food for sunday morning fellowship. I love being Methodist.

4) when i’m on the internet, no one can call the church office – an interesting consequence of previous pastors not keeping office hours is that the office doesn’t get used much. So they have dial-up and one phone line. But now that I have set office hours (M-Th 9-12), someone is there! And while I’m there, I’m likely to do things like correspond by email to other district and conference pastors, work on my sermon and the bulletin using textweek.com, begin working on a church website… all of which means, no incoming calls. I started to wonder why the phone wasn’t ringing. LUCKILY, no one desperately needed me and we figured this out before any damage has been done. (it’s not like anyone is expecting to get someone at the church… they haven’t for a while). I discussed upgrading to DSL so that we can talk and surf at the same time… it’s in the works.

5) homebound members LOVE IT when the pastor visits – I have been fairly nervous about visiting people. I’m not the most outgoing person in the world and my only experience so far has been making cold calls in a hospital. But there is a huge difference when you are now someone’s pastor and when they haven’t been visited for a long time. A congregation member came with me to begin making visits and it was so good to meet all of these wonderful people! They have so many stories to tell, so much life that they have seen. Each circumstance is different. Some are retired farmers who have moved into town. Others have lived in Marengo their whole lives. Some moved to Iowa later in life. All that I visited were widowers, but some for as few as 9 months and others for 35 years. Each desperately missed their spouses. I think that a significant ministry that our church can offer is ministry to these people. Evidently the church used to tape services for them, which can be done again. And we definately need to start a communion ministry. Maybe we can get some funding from somewhere to invest in a church bus… for quite a few of these people they either can’t drive or the weather keeps them away… all they need is a ride.

6) no matter how long they have been doing without, when the pastor arrives they are expected to lead – My first day in the office, before I even had set down my stuff, I was invited to join in the bible study happening in the next room. I accepted because I wanted to see what they were doing and introduce myself, etc. but EVERY TIME there was a pause or a question, I was supposed to have the answers. As the week has gone on, it hasn’t been quite as bad, but there is an expectation/hope that I’ll be the one who prays, who has the answer, that I’ll come join all the civic groups and participate in each of their outside bible studies. I think the part that is difficult for me is that I really value and want to embody a communal ethic of church leadership… one in which power is shared and we are all ministers in the Body of Christ. They really want a pastor. They really want a shepherd. This doesn’t mean that I want to shirk my responsibilities… it means that I want to help them fully claim theirs. And I think that it will take a little while before we get to that place. I have to admit, I’m tempted at times just to take things over and do them my way… but that’s not how I feel that God has called me to lead, nor do I believe that it embodies the ministry of Christ. So… while it may be slow going… together we will learn how to be the church.

7) croutons of christ just aren’t as full of grace as hawaiian sweet bread – This is for all of you Vanderbilt and West End people… I’m a big fan of intinction… the good old “rip and dip”… especially when you are feasting on a hunk of Hawaiian sweet bread. Yeah, I know Jesus was probably eating unleavened bread in the upper room, but a tender chunk of bread, with all of its texture and the smells… it just really conveys the fact that you are sharing part of a meal with one another. I grew fond of gathering at the table after the worship service was over to eat the communion “leftovers.” Things just are not the same when you have cubed, crustless white bread (especially when you have no loaf to break and when you take the cloth off the plate bread cubes stick to it and go flying off the table) Note to self: have a meeting with the communion committee.