breathe in, breathe out

My life has been a little bit insane lately.

As a pastor, as a wife, as a daughter, as an aunt, as a sister, as a home… well, home-occupier. Every facet of my life has pulled me and stretched me and stressed me out and brought me joy and helped me to grow and made me happy.  All in the short two week span between October 1 and October 15.

I’ve met with families of loved ones who have died. I have wrestled with divorce and separation and legal battles in the church and in my family – and the heartache that comes from just wanting to make all of those things better and just wanting people to love one another yet again pr at the very least to stop hurting one another so badly and not being able to do anything. 

I’ve waded through mistakes and miscommunications and “I’m sorry”s and “I love you”s and apologies and goal setting and covenants and unworthiness and unconditional love and communion and meetings and singing and laughter and tears and anger and worry and muddy dirt roads and chicken noodle soup and piles of paper and paint stores and hugs and stories and fumbles and touchdowns and …

I’m exhausted. But this afternoon I get to go and meet the newest addition to our family.  And tomorrow I get to hang out with my brothers and sister-in-law and dad. and next week, even though our young clergy retreat is postponed – I’m taking a personal day to enjoy all of the blessings that have arrived in the midst of the chaos and to celebrate the clarity of vision that has come through the storms.

love list

Kristin T. over on Halfway to Normal has been talking a lot about love lists lately.
a list that you make over time detailing the things you love most in life—the things that make you feel most content in the world, and most like you.
She goes on to say that while this is very personal sort of thing, that there could be accountability built around sharing our lists with one another. So she lists four “steps”:

  1.  start making your love list! I love the part about how we shouldn’t just sit down and brainstorm, but we really should pay attention to whenever we feel complete and good and whole after we have done something – and THEN add it to the list.
  2. Ask why that thing is on the list… what is behind it?
  3. Share on twitter #lovelist
  4. share progress on Halfway to Normal on Friday’s.

I’m going to do this!!!  Mostly because I really need something to help me focus my life right now. Some days I feel like I’m just floating waiting for the next thing to come. Some days I feel like I’ve wasted so much time that I can’t enjoy the things I really care about. I feel like I’m making so many poor decisions (not major decisions – but little ones like how I spend the first 15 minutes when I get home) because I don’t have any criteria in place. I haven’t thought enough about my day to really consider what is the most important and what brings me the most joy.

This also makes me think about the fact that I haven’t yet done the Time Management audit my friend Jessica Miller Kelley suggests we all do. It helps us figure out our true priorities in our day so that we can figure out if we need things to change.

For me, this isn’t just some creative way to schedule.  It really is a spiritual exercise.  If the Holy Spirit is the agent of life and joy in our lives – than am I ignoring the Spirit on a day to day basis?  How can I pay more attention to the gentle nudges?  How can I better align my will with God’s will?  Where do I need to adjust some things in my life and possibly even let go of somet hings, so that I can more fully experience the gifts and the blessings God has surrounded me with? 
In three weeks, I’ll be joining other young adult clergy at a retreat and one of our “sessions” will be on time and scheduling. But I think in many ways this whole idea of priorities and what we love needs to be a part of that conversation. I can’t guarantee I’ll have a handle on anything by then, but if I make a start, maybe I’ll have something to offer to the conversation.

cold calls aren’t just for telemarketers

I had a good talk the other day with my CS (Conference Superintendent) about my hesitations around visiting. He was very surprised that I find it to be such a scary task because I appear to be so outgoing and extroverted. As he put it, he was morbidly curious to find out what was so difficult. My answer: showing up on the doorstep.

I think it’s the feeling that I’m intruding on someone’s life. What right do I have to barge into their home? Of course, that’s not what really happens, and I DO have the right as their pastor. It’s a double-sided coin maybe… I don’t feel like I know some people well enough to show up and visit, and yet I probably won’t get to know them well enough unless I do. Others I see regularly in the church – which I know isn’t a substitute for going to see them personally.

What I love is when I recieve an invitation to go and visit someone. When I know that there is a reason they might want me to show up. If someone isn’t well, if they are in the hospital, or if they let me know that they would like me to come over – all of that hesitation is gone.

That’s what happened yesterday. A complete stranger, someone new in town, called and really needed to talk with a pastor. I told her I would be over that afternoon. And I spent two and half hours getting to know this woman, hearing her life story, and wrestling with some difficult questions with her. I left absolutely exhausted – but for such a good reason. I was emotionally drained because I got to be the presence of God for her. And because I walked along her journey with her – if only for a little bit.

Now, it’s kind of selfish to wish this – but I really do wish that more people would invite me into their homes and their lives – even if just for five minutes. Or I wish I was at a place with my husband where I felt more comfortable inviting people over to our home for a cup of coffee. Or that we had a more comfortable sit-down coffee shop in town for the same reason. I think that it would make that huge list of members feel a bit more manageable.

My Calling…

While some people are born into a church and live their entire lives in that context, my faith journey didn’t begin until my sophomore year in high school. My family has never been extremely religious; although both of my parents grew up within the United Methodist Church they did not make it a priority within their relationship or for our family. Yet during the middle of high school we decided to start attending church. I was baptized and confirmed at a United Methodist Chruch as a junior and quickly found myself in leadership positions within the church, serving on committees and eventually even co-chairing the Youth Annual Conference.

My experiences within the church planted the seeds for my calling. One of the values instilled early in youth group was that Christianity comes in many shapes and sizes. We sang Native American hymns and looked for God in secular music; we learned that asking questions was as much a sign of faith as having answers; we traveled across the country and as far away as Peru and experienced how God was working in all parts of the world. In Peru, I experienced true forgiveness for the first time on a mission trip. After our covenant was broken one night, we came together as a group and prayed over what the “punishment” should be. Reflecting on our own sins, we realized the forgiveness freely offered to us through Christ was meant to be shared. Grace has since been the foundation of my theology.

I later attended Simpson College, where I majored in religion and speech and rhetoric communications. My experience with the Religious Life Council (RLC) put me into ministry, bringing out my gifts of listening, speaking, leading and planning, as well as giving me amazing mentors. My class work in the religion department, as well as communications cultivated a quest for more knowledge and a deeper understanding of my relationship with God. They also led me to see the importance of diversity and to value the story and experience of an individual or group. I was challenged in my beliefs, which only served to strengthen them. RLC helped me to explore discipleship in entirely new ways: covenant discipleship groups provided accountability; a retreat to a monastery opened my eyes to the liturgical hours; communion became a weekly ritual.

I was also involved with a group (the Progressive Action Coalition or PAC) that encouraged awareness and action on behalf of political, environmental, and social injustices. I went to protests and rallies, volunteered, researched various topics and was enabled to speak with and teach others. We even lived in cardboard boxes for a week in November during National Homelessness Awareness Week. Issues like poverty became real, had faces, and forced me to live out the Christian faith I had previously only thought about.

But there were also difficult times. I helped students from both the chapel and PAC create a memorial of crosses during the initial weeks of the war in Iraq, providing a space to express the emotions and feelings surrounding us, not intending to make an anti-war or pro-war statement. However, many students on campus were upset by the display. The first night, the crosses were torn down and the broken pieces used to spell out “God Bless the USA.” Realizing I stood on one side of the issue and that others held the exact opposite viewpoint, both for religious reasons, was difficult and I struggled with how to be a leader for the RLC and stand up for what I believed. Above all, it helped me realize that negotiating religious views on a political issue, whatever it may be, is never easy. We cannot avoid them; we must speak the truth to one another in love and through our communal process of discernment, move forward with what we feel is God’s will. In my later work in church ministry, these divides have come up again, specifically around the issues of homosexuality; I have gained more confidence in navigating these conflicts and helping the various parties listen to one another.

I have often related to the call of Samuel, because it took me a long time to hear my call to ministry as something authentically of God. While I had dismissed those who encouraged me into ministry, hearing the Samuel scripture read at an Exploration event opened my eyes. I can still hear the voice of the Latina woman who read that morning as I finally realized my calling was from God. My decision to go to divinity school and continue in this process has been my way of saying, “Speak Lord, for your servant is listening.”

So I went to Vanderbilt Divinity School, an institution known as the Schola Prophetarum or “School of the Prophets.” The Divinity School’s history of being a driving force in the fight against racism and segregation in the South showed me it was a place where I could learn how to speak out of my faith to the world. Yet it also has a very strong academic reputation, which was important to me.

My experience at Vanderbilt helped me tie these pieces together, particularly through field education and my United Methodist courses. Wesley’s vision of uniting “knowledge and vital piety” is fundamentally about the importance of inward and outward expressions of faith. The language of the academy helped me understand the tension I experienced at Simpson between “religious” and “activist” communities as a struggle with practice and belief and gave me the theological resources to navigate and unite the two.

It is the embodiment of our faith that demonstrates to the world that we are Christians, not simply our assent to a belief. I learned at Vanderbilt how important bodies are to theology, especially in contexts of suffering and illness, and how we need a church that is willing to address not only the spiritual, but also the mental and physical aspects of our human condition.

On a very personal level, I have experienced how taking seriously that embodiment is necessary for ministry. My grandmother died at home after spending months under hospice care. The ability for our family to be with one another and for us to experience “dying well” was a blessing and it would not have been possible without hospice. Completing Clinical Pastoral Education in a Nashville hospital helped me to understand the power of pain, but also the power of touch and presence. Shortly afterwards, my grandfather died after months in a hospital (in many ways the opposite experience of my grandma). I was far from home, but the times I was able to be there and minister to my family and my grandfather were meaningful.

Recognizing that it is not always possible, I feel called to help create community and wholeness in the midst of illness and death and know I will have the opportunity to do so in my ministry.

Vocational decisions can never be made without impacting those we love. My husband, struggles against the beliefs of his childhood and the institutions that perpetuated them. Yet, in spite of all of his reservations about the church, he is very supportive of my decision to be in ministry and understands this is my call. Our conversations have helped us understand how we start fundamentally in the same place, with a concern for the hypocrisy of a Christian culture that wears WWJD t-shirts yet fails to support the poor and needy in our midst. The difference is that he chooses to not participate in the institution and I seek to transform it.

For the past year and a half, I have served as the pastor of a small town congregation. And I LOVE it. I love baptizing babies and holding them in my arms. I absolutely love speaking God’s grace and comfort and peace to families at funerals of their loved ones. I love standing in front of the congregation and letting God’s love flow through me as I break bread or speak God’s word. My experience in the church has been one of encouragement, learning, support, and growth. My congregation is full of grace and has been an amazing place to learn how to be a pastor.

Worship, Encouragement, and Not Taking It Personally

Yesterday, we had maybe 30-35 in worship. It was a very quiet Sunday – and we shared an intensely powerful worshipping experience. So in the aftermath, I had two wonderful saints of the church come up and tell me not to be discouraged.

I realized as they both were offering their words of uplift that I wasn’t discouraged. I hadn’t really taken the low attendance (months of low attendance actually) personally. I decided it wasn’t about me, and so I wasn’t going to let it get to me.

What is on my mind however, is a question of what has changed. While I think some people recognize this as the summer slump, the truth is that here and there for six months now, things have been about the same. We’ll have a sunday with 60-65, but then we hover in the 40-50 range. On a special day like Easter or Confirmation we’ll hit around 100 – but that’s few and far between.

Of the 40-50 group, about half of those come every single sunday faithfully. The rest are more sporadic. Every other Sunday, once or twice a month, there for a few weeks, then gone for a few. Here in the summer, gone in the winter or vice versa. When we all show up – we have a crowd! When we don’t – our sanctuary feels sparse and empty.

Someone noted that worship is a habit – and that many in our church just are not in the regular habit of coming every week. Some lament the fact that other activities have encroached on Sunday morning’s sacred time slot – and there are more sporting events and activities to draw away our young families than ever.

The question I’m wrestling with is: WHY is Sunday morning from 9-12 so sacred?

There is the whole “Lord’s Day” thing. In my Sacred Time class, I remember vividly the discussion about how the Sabbath, the seventh day is really Saturday – that we worship on the “first” and the “eighth” day of the week. We worship in a time out of time – a little Easter every Sunday – both the beginning and the end and everything in between coming to bear on this one moment of sacred worship. But is this experience of “holy time travel” really about the day? Or is it about the mystery of God coming to meet us? And if that’s the case, can’t our “little Easter” experience be on Sunday afternoon? or Wednesday night? or Tuesday morning?

Going off of that, because of the sacredness of the Lord’s Day, many people only think/talk about God on Sunday. The rest of the week, they do their own thing and worship/prayer/study is the farthest thing from their mind.

There is the battle against secular culture thing. Many I talk to hold onto this time slot dearly because it is the last remaining vestage of cultural Christianity. What once were blue laws forbidding stores to be open and the prohibition of alcohol sales on Sunday (in Nashville you couldn’t buy hard liquor/wine on a Sunday – but you could buy beer… i mean, tailgating is sacred too!), now mostly is just a distaste for activity on Sunday morning. We at once try to hold fast to the idea of sabbath and perpetuate its breaking. Our youth work during this time, our Sunday School teachers stop at the grocery store to pick up donuts for class, we all want to go out to brunch after church, etc. But suggest we worship some other time? Never!!

I know a couple where the wife works the weekend option at the hospital. She works 12 hour day/nights on Friday, Saturday and Sunday. Morning worship, even Saturday or Sunday evening worship just don’t work for them. They are left out.

I know a couple where the husband works the night shift Saturday at the plant. By the time he gets settled in for the night, he has barely gotten enough sleep to wake up for church in the morning. When he can’t help get the kids going, the wife finds it easier to stay home with the whole crew. They are left out.

I know a family matriarch whose family wants to spend time together on Sundays. She often feels torn between preparing a meal for her children/grandchildren and making it to church. Both are good things to do. When she chooses her family, she is left out.

I know a youth who terrific basketball player. Some weeks tournaments take them out of town for the weekend and her whole family gets in the van and travels together to the site. She is making three pointers, but their family is left out.

I know a mom who has five kids. Getting them all up and ready at the same time to come to church, and then spending the hour of worship telling them to sit and be quiet and keeping them entertained isn’t worshipful for her. And she feels like they are distracting others. So most of the time they stay home. They are left out.

I don’t have any answers. I don’t know if any of those folks would even show up to a Wednesday evening service, or a Sunday evening service. I’m not sure if I can fit preparing another sermon a week into my schedule. I have my own family obligations (and Sabbath needs) that make my heart hesitate when I think about Saturday/Sunday evening worship. But I do know that there are also people who are left out. And I pray that God will help us to find creative ways to share worship with them.

First Mission Trip

In about 20 hours, we leave for my first youth mission trip… as an adult that is. I’m excited, nervous, hoping I have all of my i’s dotted and t’s crossed, but I’m also absolutely positive that I have forgotten something major.

I’m not a details person. I am a big picture person. I am an optimist. And so I plan the big stuff and just pray the details sort themselves out. Which makes people crazy. Like my mom and husband in the weeks before our wedding. Or people at the church when a big event is coming up. The details are better left to other people. They aren’t my strength.

That being said – we are using group workcamps to do the details for us. They have given me a list. I think all my boxes are checked! I have things printed out and in a binder. I think I’m ready.

Now I just need your prayers. Prayers for safe driving… especially since it has been a while since I have driven a 15 passenger van. Prayers for our 5 kids and two adults going. Prayers for all of those we will serve this week. Prayers for the 100 people total who will be on the trip. Prayers for all of those who lead us. Keep praying!!!

Come Away With Me

(Adapted from an article written in the Christian Century, 1996, “Watching from the boat,” by Martin B. Copenhaver)

I read this week in an article by Martin Copenhaver, about a pastor who resigned from a suburban church where relentless demands on his time and energy were beginning to wear him down. Instead of leaving the ministry all together, he became a missionary on the coast of Maine. In this new calling, he visits small Christian communities in isolated and remote places. Most of the things that he does there are the same as what he was doing in his church near the city – he preaches, teaches, and visits the sick. But there is a huge difference in doing these things in the hustles and bustle of the city and on the coast of Maine. “Between ports of call he travels long distances by boat. Between sermons he can listen to the wind. Before teaching another class he can study the horizon. After visiting the sick he is anointed with sea spray. Interspersed with his demanding pastoral duties he takes a watery road less traveled by, and that has made all the difference.”

When I read the story of that pastor, I realized how much I cherish the time I have away from this church. And I know that comes off the wrong way – but I, too, need time away from this building and this work, so that I can come back refreshed and replenished… re-created by God. Any afternoon I can get away to play a round of disc golf, or during the summer to sit by the water with family, is a moment that replenishes my body and soul in the same way.

There is a reason that our word for play time – recreation – can also be said re-creation… in our play, in our rest, in our time apart, we find the strength we need to begin anew.

So much emphasis in our world today is placed on productivity – on the hours we spend working and what we make out of that time. What we never stop and recognize is that constant productivity without rest, without renewal, only leads to failure.
This is the lesson that my dad has taught me many times in small ways throughout my lifetime. He has worked with his hands repairing equipment for as long as I can remember. And the rule he tries to live by on the farm is that it is better to fix a piece of equipment once and do it right, rather than patch it up quickly and get back out in the field. In the long run – that equipment will last longer and run better when you take the time out to repair it properly.

Unfortunately, that is a lesson my dad has also taught me through bad examples. While he takes care of his equipment, he doesn’t take very good care of his own body. He doesn’t stop for as long as he needs to in order to rest and replenish his most important tool. He pushes ahead, fitting as much into his day as possible, stopping here and there for a nap before heading out into the fields once more, or before working the night shift at Quaker. And now his body is wearing out faster than it needs to. Like that pastor from the suburbs – something needs to change, or someday he will have to quit the things that he loves all together.

In our gospel lesson from Mark this morning, Jesus has something to teach us about rest – about Sabbath – about re-creation. As Copenhaver points out, “Jesus and his disciples cross the Sea of Galilee so many times that it is hard to” figure out what they are doing and why they are doing it. “Until the sixth chapter, that is, when the reason for the crossings is clear: the disciples need a break.

“The Twelve had just returned from their first mission. On that mission they discovered, perhaps to their surprise, that they could do much of what they had observed Jesus do. They were empowered to teach, preach and heal. They left on the mission as disciples, but when they returned, flushed with success, Mark refers to them as apostles for the first time. It was a new title signifying a new relationship with Jesus. No longer were they disciples with mere “learner’s permits,” unable to do anything on their own. They had been sent forth with the authority of a commission. They were apostles. When the apostles returned to Jesus they had stories to tell and victories to savor.”

I can picture a scene in which twelve children return home from the first day of school and crowd around their mother or father anxious to share all of the exciting and amazing things that had happened that day. All twelve voices are trying to speak at the same time, outdoing one another with stories, trying to worm their way into the conversation. In my house, there were just three of us children, and even our three little voices could exhaust my mother in about five minutes!

And that was only when we had Mom’s undivided attention! Other days, the phone was ringing off the hook, usually she had just gotten home from work herself and was trying to unload from her day, dinner was waiting to be made… you get the picture.
I remember a little sign that my mom had hanging up in the kitchen when we were kids, that said “take a number.” I’m not sure that we ever used the cute little numbers painted onto die-cut apples, but I remember thinking as I got older that perhaps she didn’t need to be overwhelmed by all of us at once.

The apostles return from their first missionary experience, but they too, had to take a number. Jesus was surrounded by people who needed healing, guidance, who were seeking peace, and there just wasn’t the time or space they needed to stop and debrief.

Those disciples wanted to tell him everything, but they were hot and tired and hungry and exhausted, so Jesus found a small window of opportunity and suggested that they get in a boat and seek a deserted place.

“Come away with me by yourselves… come and get some rest.”

That boat ride to the other shore was a moment of fresh air. It was the sea breeze blowing over the missionary pastor on the coast of Maine. It was the gentle wind that blows through the trees on hole 3 at the Sugar Bottom disc golf course. The apostles relaxed in the boat, took turns telling their stories, took turns listening, dug into their sacks for a piece of bread, and replenished their souls.

“When they reached the shore, however, they discovered that a crowd had followed them… The sick had run, hobbled, or been carried to meet Jesus… The people waiting for them looked like a huge gathering of baby birds, their hunger so constant that their mouths were always opened wide. It was enough to overwhelm a mere apostle. But Jesus had compassion on the crowd and began once again to feed them with his words.”

Can you imagine being in the middle of your rest and renewal, your vacation, your one day off and getting a call from the office? Having a family emergency that pulls you away? Even though it is your work, or your family, or even something that you might love… because your time of re-creation is interrupted, you get a little irritated.

If we were to continue on with our reading in the gospel of Mark this morning, the apostles did just that. As Jesus stood on the shore teaching and healing, his disciples called out from the boat – “Hey Jesus… it’s getting late! We’re in the middle of nowhere. Tell everyone to go home, get something to eat, and come back tomorrow!”

Here’s the part of the story where Jesus gets the disciples to pull a few loaves of bread and two fish out of their bags and he feeds the entire crowd with their meager offering. And it’s a wonderful story – but one we’ll save for another day.

Sensing the apostles’ fatigue, Jesus basically told them to wait for him in the boat, much as a parent might tell tired children to wait in the car while she does one more errand. All they had to do was reach into their sacks and hand over some bread – Jesus did all the rest. He realized that they just couldn’t do any more… at least not tonight.

“The sociologists call it compassion fatigue. All of us are capable of compassion on occasion. But when we’ve seen too many emotional television appeals for hunger relief or walked down too many streets crowded with human sorrow, we discover that our compassion is limited… Only God can extend constant compassion. God is the only one who never suffers from “compassion fatigue.” In the constancy of Jesus’ compassion, his kinship with this God is revealed.”

Wayne Mueller in his book, “Sabbath” puts it another way. He writes that too often, we do good badly. Sure, the disciples could have gotten out of the boat, and lent a hand. They were empowered to teach, preach and heal as Jesus did, but ministry in the name of Christ is exhausting business. They were tired and worn out, and if they had decided to help out, they could have done more harm than good.

Mueller shares a story of an experience where exactly that happened. He had been working as a part of the deinstitutionalization movement in the 1970’s. They were trying to release young people from juvenille centers and institutions and help them return to their homes. The idea was that they would be better rehabilitated living amongst their own families, rather than being locked up. It was a great idea, only very little time was taken to think about the consequences of their actions. No time was taken to listen to the families of these young people, or the communities they would return to. No teaching was done before they were sent home. Mueller writes that they didn’t even take a Sabbath day of rest to consider the implications of what they would be doing.

“Now”, he writes, “the nation is awash in lost children, some violent, many in pain… We, for our part, now rush to blame them for threatening the safety of our society, and we cannot build prisons fast enough to hold them… We were in a terrible hurry to do good, and there was no rest in our decisions. And just as speech without silence creates noise, charity without rest creates suffering.”

“John Westerhoff has remarked that atheism in the modern world is characterized by this affirmation: ‘If I don’t do it, it won’t happen.’ The apostles–even after their newfound success as teachers, preachers and healers–knew better. They waited in the boat.”

All of us who are called by the gospel and by God’s spirit need that reminder too. We need to remember that the power of God chooses to work through us, but that God also can work without us. That sometimes another person is called to respond. That sometimes we have to stand still before we can move forward. When the compassion of the apostles was spent and their ability to respond exhausted, people were fed anyway, as if with manna from heaven, and they could only watch from the boat.

And when the meal was finished, Jesus sent the disciples back onto the lake in the boat… told them to cross over to the other side, and he climbed a mountain to pray.

Even Jesus needed rest. Even Jesus needed to be replenished. Even Jesus let prayer re-create his soul.

Sabbath time is a time of blessing. We pray for strength and courage and happiness. We rest, eat, play, walk, and listen. That is the spirit of the Sabbath prayer that we heard in response to our Psalter this morning.

So today, stop. Take a deep breath. And come away with Jesus.

(I then played the music video from Norah Jones “Come Away With Me

Last Fridays FF: Friends

Ever since I found out I could be the hostess for the third Friday Five of each month, I have not been able to get the thought of friends out of my mind. Being an only child (all growed up) who moved around a lot in my lifetime,
friends have always been very important to me. As Ralph Waldo Emerson once
wrote: “The way to have a friend is to be a friend.”

So today let’s write about the different kinds of friends we have, like childhood friends, lost friends, tennis friends, work friends, and the list goes on. List 5 different types of friends you have had in your life and what they were/are like.

1) JSTACK – there is no other way to describe this group of friends than to simply call us who we are (JSTACK is based on the first letters of our names). We are six women (well, girls at the time) who fell in together somewhere in 7th grade and haven’t fallen apart since! Think “Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants” meets “Now and Then” and “Stand by Me” only there are six of us and we get together regularly. We have built some amazing rituals around watching each other get married and I can’t wait until some of us start having little ones! Our kids will have five aunts to love them!!!

2) My college “activist” friends – these are my friends who would drag me to protests and who I lived with in a community house with a focus on social justice and peace and the environment. We had a blast together and I did all sorts of things that I never would have had the courage to do on my own.

3) My college “religious” friends – these are terrible distinctions to make between people, and I had quite a few friends who fit both categories, but for the most part, I had my friends in the “progressive action coalition” house and then my friends in “religious life council.” These are the friends that I talked theology with, and discerned my call with. These are the friends that held me accountable through covenant discipleship groups and I worshipped with. These are the friends who worked through parts of the ministry process with me. Five of us went to seminary out of my graduating class.

4) My seminary friends. In many ways – seminary was the opportunity to meld together the “activist” and “religious” sides of my life. My seminary was also known as the “school of the prophets” so it was no surprise that my colleagues would protest injustices and would stand up for the rights of others AND that we had deep theological discussions about why we would do so. My one regret is that I wasn’t more involved in some of the direct action things that happened while I was in Nashville. Some of my closest women friends and I also had a regular tuesday night out during this time that WAS the deepest form of self-care that I’m still trying to find here in my ministry setting.

5) My husband’s friends. Well, they are my friends too =) Since moving back to Iowa, we started hanging out with my husband’s brother and friends – mostly playing video games and watching movies and playing disc golf. And now they are the guys (and I do mean GUYS) that I see most often. In some ways I miss having really good girlfriends around, but at the same time, it’s nice to just be able to hang out with the guys and not have any of the pressure of church around.