weather – Salvaged Faith

Cold front

Posted on September 12, 20123 Comments

Today a cold front moved through the state. And as I drove on the leading edge of the front and the wind blew my car around on the road, I realized my life itself was changing weather patterns.

As of today, I am still an elder serving a local congregation. But before I know it, I will be under a different sort of sky.

Already, there has been some push-back from people who aren’t quIte sure why I am doIng thIs job. My answer has not always been the most artIculate, but I’m learning to live into my new role still. Heck, I don’t know what even exists on the other side of October 1!

There has been the grief and turmoil of having to announce my end date to the local church. No one is happy… even as they know this is a good thing for the project and me. Watching their disappointment is almost too much to bear. Hearing my youth talk about how I am just another adult who has abandoned them cuts the deepest. There is a depth of perspective they can’t quite grasp today… I know that no matter when I left their feelings would be the same… but it still pulls at my heart. For a few days now, I have felt like everything is in a downward spiral… the barometer is falling fast… the winds are rising… and I want to run fast into yesterday and take it all back.

But today on the edge of that weather front, I was reminded that wind and turmoil and the grey clouds are necessary. It is the friction of what was and what will be coming into contact in the same time and place. It is the chaos of transition.

As much as I think my new position starts Oct 1 and my current position ends Sept 30, my life is a jumble of both. I am leaving notes and tying up loose ends at the same time that we are house hunting. I am planning worship at the same time I am filling out paperwork to get paid in the new job. I am preparing for my training, even as I am going to bed early so I can get up before dawn for a presurgery prayer.

And today, the first glimpses of that new world started to stir up the awareness that this is really happening. The cooler air blew in and the air feels different. It isn’t good and not bad, just different.

Now I’m waiting for the rain to finally hit… for the storm and the transition to pass by so that I can emerge into a new reality. Because this time on the edge of the storm is dark and tense and difficult.

how can we laugh at a time like this?

Posted on April 27, 20111 Comment

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I’m sitting at my computer, looking out the 24th floor window of my hotel in Des Moines. I am currently attending our annual School for Ministry and learning all sorts of neat things about capital campaigns and what kinds of fonts to use on worship slides. We’ve had some good practical teaching this year… with some good theological underpinings. It usually is. I’m glad Iowa does this!

Anywho… here I sit, looking out the window at 12:26am at the quiet streets below. I’m still up because I’m trying to plan worship for Sunday so that I can send my organist the hymns. I’m exhausted. Both from Holy Week and now these days of sitting in a conference room with no windows for hours upon hours. I do not want to preach. I have two funerals ahead of me in the days to come. And someone mentions “Holy Humor Sunday.”

I’ve heard of Holy Humor Sunday… but never actually done one. It’s this tradition (a very old tradition) of laughing on the Sunday after Easter as we celebrate the cosmic joke that God plays on sin and death when Jesus Christ is raised from the dead. It is a day to laugh, to lift up our hearts, to thank God that we know already the end of the story.

I’m loving this idea. I’ve spent about an hour already looking up hymns and liturgy and of course, jokes to tell.

And then I realize that since I’ve been holed up in a conference room for the last two days that I have no idea what has been going on in the world. I check CNN, and I check weather.com… 72 dead from tornadoes in one town in Alabama… friends freaking out on facebook over tornadoes that barely clipped their own homes and the severe weather alerts that have them shaking in their boots every time the sirens go off.

I start to think about these two funerals that I have coming up this very weekend.

I start to remember the brokenness so many people in our communities are experiencing right now.

I start to look out on that quiet street before me and wonder who is sleeping in an alley tonight, instead of in a king size bed at the Marriott.

I know in my bones that God has already won. I know that Jesus Christ has been raised from the dead. I understand. I believe. But I find it so hard to keep that Easter joy in my heart because we haven’t reached the end of the story yet! We are inbetween times… in between the empty tomb and the new creation. It’s here, but not fully. It’s already, but not yet.

How on earth can we laugh at a time like this? How can we laugh as cities are ravaged by deadly winds and little ones go to bed hungry tonight? How can we laugh when people are staring death in the face and losing? How can we laugh when the disparity between the haves and the havenots is so stark?

Maybe the question is… how can we not laugh?

How can we not just take a deep breath and remember that God is in control… not us.

St. John Chrysostom preached in his famous Easter sermon:

If anyone is devout and loves God, let him enjoy this fair and radiant triumphal feast. If anyone is a wise servant, let him rejoice and enter into the joy of his Lord.

He gives rest to him who comes at the 11th hour, even as to him who has worked from the first hour. And He shows mercy upon the last, and cares for the first.

Let all then enter into the joy of your Lord; and receive your reward, both the first and likewise the second. You rich and poor together, keep the feast. You sober and you heedless, celebrate the day.

Rejoice today, both you who have fasted and you who have disregarded the fast… Let all receive the riches of loving-kindness.

Let no one weep for his iniquities, for pardon has shown forth from the grave. Let no one fear death, for the Savior’s death has set us free.

O Death, where is thy sting? O grave, where is thy victory? Christ is risen, and thou art overthrown.

Christ is risen, and the demons are fallen. Christ is risen, and the angels rejoice. Christ is risen, and life reigns. Christ is risen, and the tomb is emptied of the dead. To Him be glory and dominion unto ages of ages. Amen.

This world is broken and imperfect and horrible things happen all around us. But if we cannot laugh in the midst of our sorrows, then the Devil has already won. If we cannot laugh and lift up one anothers spirits, then there is no hope. If we cannot laugh and rejoice, then why keep going at all?

Christ is risen. Death is overthrown. Life reigns.

We don’t have to be afraid. We don’t have to be scared. We know the end of the story and we can laugh in the face of all that tries to hurt us.

Those words are so powerful… and so hard to believe in.

But maybe… just maybe… if we get together as a community and we laugh, we will find the faith we need to trust. Maybe together we can find the strength to laugh in the face of sin and death and to really and truly mean it.

The trials of being a female pastor

Posted on May 5, 20101 Comment

Memo to other young women clergy out there: don’t wear a skirt to a graveside service.

I have this amazing, comfortable, beautiful a-line skirt that I wear for many many many important and solemn events. It works perfectly with a black sweater or jacket and has a wonderful touch of femininity and reverence. But it has gotten me into trouble on more than one occasion as I stand at the graveside to say the committal.

Last fall, it was bean harvesting season in Iowa, and I wore the skirt to a cemetary on top of a hill. Now, I didn’t quite understand what bean harvesting season meant at the time, but I do now. All of the commotion in the fields had stirred up the millions of japanese beetles that had been hiding there feasting all summer. There were beetles everywhere. Around town, you noticed them, but it wasn’t quite the same as being in this country cemetary surrounded by fields.

I got out of the caravan vehicle and made my way to the graveside. And instantly the bugs started attacking. They landed on my legs, crawled up my legs, bit everywhere, and it was all I could do to keep from screaming! While I was not alone in my trials, I seemed to be getting the worst of the attention because of my bare legs. During the prayers (when I hoped people’s eyes were closed) I would brush and wiggle and squirm and try to get some of those bugs out from the folds of my beautiful and wonderful and now dreaded skirt. We all laughed about it afterwards, but it wasn’t a pretty sight!

Then yesterday, I had another inopportune wearing of said skirt. It was a warm and sunshiny day out, so I donned the skirt for a graveside service at our local cemetary. Not once in the morning did I notice the wind. But when we stepped outside of the vehicle, the gusts immediately fell upon us and before I had a chance to think, my skirt flew up into the air like Marilyn Monroe’s. Luckily, we were meeting the family there and not many had arrived. Which meant that there were still a few there. I pray no one caught a glimpse of my latest Victoria’s Secret find… but I cannot be too sure. Throughout the service, I carefully tried to hold my legs together with a fold of the skirt between them in order to prevent another one of said Monroe-like incidents during the middle of the service.

I think I may have to retire the skirt for outdoor services… or at least check the weather first!

cough, cough

Posted on September 14, 2009Leave a comment

So, I have a cold. Which means quite a few different things:

1) the seasons are changing in Iowa. It has been cold enough at night that some maples are already brilliant red. It is going to be a gorgeous fall.

2) it has been a wet end of summer. some corn is blighted. lots of mold running around. boo.

3) It’s the end of a busy time and my body is run down. I need time to rest and recuperate. I went to bed at 9:30 last night and slept until 8:30 this morning and I still feel foggy.

4) I’m not running a fever, so it’s probably not swine flu =P

There are some things I always wonder when I start to feel this way (which is probably twice a year). Is it just allergies or is it really an infection/cold? Should I be self-medicating with Day-Quil or something else? When do I say enough is enough and just go see the doctor already? Does my body really need all of that medication?

The first four days of this cold I just took some tylenol and had a few cough drops handy. But now I’m not any better, and so said Day-Quil/Ny-Quil regimine has started. I’ll give it another day or two, and then, off to my favorite doctor’s office.

In the meantime, I’m at the church office doing basic tasks. Changing the website/calendar to reflect our changed church schedule (which should have been done two weeks ago). Calling the newspaper office to do the same. Picking out hymns – preferrably ones I can still sing if I’m still under the weather next Sunday. Oh, and I changed the message on our answering machine. I now sound about 10 years older with my raspy voice. Colds for the win!

FF: Cabin Fever

Posted on January 23, 20091 Comment

Here in snow country we are settled in to what is a very long stretch of potentially boring days. The holidays are over. It is a very long time till we will get outside on a regular basis. The snow that seemed so beautiful at first is now dirty and the snow banks are piling up. Our vehicles are all the same shade of brownish grey, but if we go to the car wash our doors will freeze shut. People get grumpy. Of course, not everyone lives in a cold climate, but even in warmer places the days till springtime can get long. Help! Please give us five suggestions for combating cabin fever and staying cheerful in our monochromatic world?

1) Lots of movies. I love to catch up on all of the great movies that I missed in the last year, as well as old classics. This week, I’m really looking forward to watching both the Golden Compass and Juno.

2) Cooking and baking. Yesterday I made homemade chicken and dumplings for the first time in my life. And I made homemade chocolate chip cookies the night before.

3) Chopping vegetables. sweet yellow peppers, bright orange carrots, crisp green celery.

4) Playing games. My family’s favorite game right now is “Carcassone” – in which you create your own kingdom and have cities and farms and roads. But we also play a lot of cards. Pinochle, Hearts, 500…

5) I’m thinking of taking knitting back up. If I can remember how to cast on the stitches. I have some friends that are having babies and I’m thinking about making them booties.

Ice

Posted on January 5, 2009Leave a comment

I finished the sermon prep last night at about 1:00 and headed off to bed – completely oblivious to the freezing rain outside. I had heard that it was coming, but in all honesty had thought it petered out. My bad.

I had planned on getting up at 7, but for the first time on a Sunday… ever… I slept past my alarm and woke up at about 8. And panicked because I felt like I had something to prepare. But it was all done. Everything but my sermon was at the church, waiting for me, all ready to go. (which is sometimes a rare occurance… see post on procrastination).

So I showered up and sat down at my computer to print off the sermon and I get a phone call from the church… “Pastor Katie, are we having church this morning?”

Having church? Of course we’re having church… why woud we not have… and then I looked out my window. Ice. A beautiful thin layer of ice over all the roads. It didn’t seem so bad – after all, the powerlines were fine, the trees didn’t have that amazing glaze of ice over the branches. Piece of cake. Yes, we’re having church.

I have to admit right now that deciding whether or not to have church because of bad weather is one of my most frustrating and hand-wringing parts of my job. Do I cancel and keep people safe? What if it’s not really so bad? Will I look like a wuss? I’m young, and I can get there, so we should have it, right? *sigh*.

I hopped into the “ghetto cruiser” and headed off to church. All was fine until I hit the road that our church is on. Solid ice. I think I fishtailed 3 times in 4 blocks and was unable to pull into my usual parking spot. I coasted right by it.

Outside were all of the wonderful but older faithfuls of the church, heading in for Sunday School, trying desperately to stay upright. And a terrific older man with the bag of salt, trying to get some traction on the sidewalks. And I started to wonder if I had made the right choice.

Church went beautifully. We actually had a pretty decent crowd, which surprised me. And then we had Ad Board afterwards (which would have been a p.i.t.a to reschedule). So all was good.

My photo for the day actually comes from this afternoon. My little brother called me up to take him shopping, so we met at my Babi’s house. I haven’t driven on ice like this for quite a while, so it took me much longer than expected to get there – including a few heart-pounding fishtails into the oncoming lane… without traffic oncoming – thank God! I think there were about four different close encounters of the ditch kind thoughout my travels today, but we made it to the store, and home again safely.

I had a ton of fun hanging out with DJ. I have a friend from back in Nashville who was the youngest in her family, and she always would tell me about the great things that her older siblings were doing to help her out. DJ didn’t have the best 2008 in the world… in part because of some poor decisions, but all I want to do is spoil him rotten and make sure he has the things he needs. It kind of feels like it’s part of the whole “big sister” job description. I got to thinking on the way home (on the icy roads) about when DJ was born. My other brother and I both had these cute little sweatshirts that our mom had made with puff paint. It said something like “I’m the big sister” and “I’m the big brother.” I take my job very seriously =) Tuesday will be his 21st birthday! And it makes me really happy to watch him grow up and to talk with him now as an adult.