weddings – Salvaged Faith

a day in the life…

Posted on September 21, 2011Leave a comment

7:00am – alarm goes off

8:10am – start thinking about getting out of bed

8:30am – phone conversation with Trustee chairperson about the new shingles for the parsonage roof

8:50am – arrive at church, small talk with folks gathering for the Tuesday morning small group.

9:05am – phone call with Memorial chair about some checks that came in

9:10am – check emails, put checks into envelopes to pay some church bills

9:30am – Tuesday morning small group: food, devotions, prayer, conversation

11:00am – check in with some members of our co-missioned coordinating team to plan event on October 1

11:15am – scripture reading and exploring commentaries to get ready for Sunday

12:00pm – time spent thinking about hymns for Sunday interspersed with facebook (seeing what is going on in colleagues and members lives)

12:15pm – phone call with congregation member about an upcoming wedding

12:50pm – head home for lunch, heat up leftovers and watch an episode or two of Dr. Who

3:30pm – back to church to meet up with a youth… visit with a member and help transport some items being donated to Women at the Well (prison congregation)

4:45pm – conversation on the side of the road to coordinate a visit with some church folk

5:00pm – back home to make dinner: chicken, sauteed musrooms, wild rice

6:45pm – back to church for Lay Leadership meeting

7:10pm – start our meeting with devotions, discuss calling all who serve and changes in our organizational structure

8:10pm – head home. pajamas. computer.

9:30pm – movie with the husband

11:45pm – bed

Wedding Season =)

Posted on May 14, 2011Leave a comment

I have to admit it… I love weddings. This is my fourth season in ministry and after today, I will have 14 weddings under my belt!

As the pastor of a small town church, we don’t have a lot of couples in the church who are getting married, but I often am called for ceremonies at local outdoor locations or even in the church for couples who simply want a church wedding.

I know some pastors that hate doing weddings. I am not one of those people.

I like being the mediator between families and helping them come together for a special day. I like working with photographers. I think secretly at one time I wanted to be a party planner, and so this is a little way to experience that =)

But what I love the most about weddings is not the flowers or the dresses or even the food (and we all know that I love food!).

It is actually the same reason that I love funerals… I get the chance to tell someone’s story.

Photo by : Harry Fodor

With weddings, I have spent many sessions preparing with the couple for the ceremony. I get to know how they interact, what they hope for, and from where they have come. And then in front of all of their friends and family, I get to help them begin this next part of their journey together. It is an honor to be a part of that moment.

Actually telling their story through the wedding ritual is the fun part. My first piece of homework for any engaged couple I meet with is for them to come up with a word or a phrase that describes their relationship. That word or phrase becomes the foundation, the metaphor, for the entire service. We find scripture readings that relate to their relationship based on that word. My message is based around that word. The liturgy is adapted to suit that word.

I have had easy words to work with like partnership and fire/passion. But some couples challenge me to really do some research with words like “symbiotic” and “osculate.” Sometimes only by grace, the story is woven together and their relationship springs out of the liturgy.

Today, I get to be a part of my best friend’s wedding. I get to help tell the story of her and her husband-to-be. And this is one of those days where I just pray I don’t bawl in joy at the beauty of it all and the amazing music they will make together in their lives.

Remembering in Five #reverb10

Posted on December 15, 2010Leave a comment

In a year full of ordinary days and moments and the little things that we do and quickly forget… here is to taking five minutes to capture what we shouldn’t forget.

snow disc golf at Lincoln Park in Belle Plaine… we bundled up and had a ton of fun romping in the snow =) I actually shot pretty good as well!
my ordination… that is one thing that I probably couldn’t forget… and I’ve talked about it already in these prompts
our family trip to Hawaii – just being there with all of those wonderful people was amazing but there were also a few highlights of this particular trip: Pearl Harbor with Brandon, spending some time driving on the west coast of the island, the extraordinarily difficult hike up Koko Head Crater, the ways that Brandon and DJ bonded with each other
our time at Lake Okoboji… lots of storms, lots of adult beverages, wind, water, and far too much food!!!

Wow – was that really only five minutes?

The time went far more quickly than I would have imagined. If according to the prompt for today’s reverb10 post:

Imagine you will completely lose your memory of 2010 in five minutes. Set an alarm for five minutes and capture the things you most want to remember about 2010.

There are a lot of things that I didn’t get a chance to write about. So many memories that would have slipped away. It makes me want to do it over… to try to pack as much in as I possibly can so that I really won’t forget.

Ready: go!

snow disc golf
my ordination
breakfast before my ordination with the Pickens/Liles/Dawsons
Hawaii with the Pickens
Koko Head Crater
Pearl Harbor
Lake Okoboji
watching my neice and nephews grow up
putting my little nephew to sleep
learning to crochet
making three blankets for the niece and nephews
taking my brother to Kansas
“come to the table”
disc golfing this summer with the guys
our wednesday night worship service
planning worship with Sean for the order’s gathering
going to the Iowa/Penn State game with my dad
crock pot pizza
awesome carrot cake
painting the church fellowship hall and getting to pick all the colors
upgrading the church’s technology (new televisions and computer)
really diving into Twitter
Advent Blog Tour
my ordination hot pink and blue monkey
Clergy Benefits Conference
Roller Derby with Allison
our young clergy lunches
Ben and Kayla’s wedding (and all that it entailed!)
Christmas with the Pickens
Thanksgiving with my family and the Dawsons
Gma Mardell’s death/funeral

That was a bit more to include… a few more highlights and lowlights of this year. A whole bunch of things that I had completely forgotten that were a part of this twenty-ten experience for me. Really important things that I need to keep with me. Thanks for the opportunity…

the world is my parish…

Posted on October 23, 2010Leave a comment

There is this saying sometimes about Methodists… that we’ll marry and bury anyone. And in my little town, I guess that is true.

Most of the weddings that I have officated in these past three years have not been church members.

Most of the funerals I have presided over have not been church members.

I understand and honor and respect the traditions and policies of the other churches in town. There are good reasons for asking couples to belong to the church before they get married within in. There are reasons that in lay terms we call it “Christian burial.” As pastors, we invoke… or at least name the presence of God in these sacred and holy moments and ideally, the person or couple would want God there and would hold to our beliefs about God as well.

But that is not always the case.

A couple does not always have a church home or a background in the faith. An individual or a family may have fallen away from church or may want nothing to do with the church in their final days. And yet, I get a phone call that my services are needed… and I try my best to respond.

I cringe at the idea that the church is a place where religious services are provided. I hate the consumer implications of such a statement. So, as I started typing that last paragraph and the idea of a supermarket came into my head, I started to go back and change it a bit.

But I can’t… because when I get the phone call from the funeral home or from a young (or old) couple… I hear more than a request for services. I hear an invitation to be in relationship. I hear the voice of a person who is seeking the presence of God. They might not fully understand what that means, but they are inviting me into a relationship with them and together we get to discover how God is moving in their lives.

When I talk with my congregation members about what our church is about, one of the first things that they mention is our open communion table. The fact that everyone is welcome to come and participate. And one of the second things they mention is that our church is open to the people of our community and that we will go and sit with families that are not a part of our church when their loved one has died… that we will get the ladies together and put on a funeral dinner… that we will open our doors to a couple who wants to join their lives together in marriage.

John Wesley might have meant something very different when he said, “The world is my parish.” But I understood him to mean that his minstry was not limited to a local parish. His ministry was not limited to the people who sat in the pews every Sunday. His ministry was out in the world. And my ministry belongs to the community as much as it does to my congregation.

upside down and inside out

Posted on September 28, 2010Leave a comment

Today, my brain stopped working.

I was standing at the graveside for a funeral going over the so familiar liturgy and every minute or two, I just flubbed up my words. The epitome of my exhaustion came when we got to the Lord’s Prayer and I forgot a line. But because it was at the graveside and because they were presbyterians and not methodists (and said debts and not trespasses) and because I was not mic’d no one really noticed. Except me.

Okay, okay, it wasn’t that bad. I did my job just fine. But I reached my limit, and I knew it.

They say that there will be those days in ministry where everything happens at once. Pshaw – I thought. I’m still young and strong. I’m a runner (or at least I was five days ago before my ministry got in the way). I have some endurance. I can do it.

But here I am, sitting on the couch after five days full of good churchy things and all I can say is that I’m really glad the episode of britney/brittany finally finished downloading so I could absolutely turn the brain off and enjoy myself.

There was a baptism, and a wedding rehearsal, and a funeral and a wedding, and a study on revelation, and a budget meeting, we installed a new patio door, and I hosted a church progressive dinner/bible study, and a conference event I helped plan and lead worship for, and another funeral and a bible study… all in the quick span of 5 days. And by the way – if I can brag a little – my methodist ladies put on the best funeral lunches in the world.

I talked with a friend on Monday afternoon and we realized that we aren’t quite so young anymore. I might still get asked if I’m the granddaughter at the funeral visitation instead of asked if I’m the minister – but I’m not as young as I look. My back starts to ache after a day standing in heels and it never did when I was the middle schooler with the big clunky shoes. The ministry comes easier. The job is absolutely rewarding. I know I can do this job. Just please, Lord, not so much of it all at once!!!

I did have a few moments of grace and rest here and there. I napped for 20 minutes on Sunday afternoon. We had a guest musician/speaker who led worship on Sunday morning. McDonald’s Mocha Frappe is actually a pretty good substitute for a good frozen espresso drink when there is no coffee shop in sight. The rest stop on I-80 where I got out and walked around (to keep from falling asleep) was really clean and had a restored prairie area. And our church newsletter was taken over by a lay person – hallelujah.

Sabbath and rest is something that I take seriously, but I also recognize that there needs to be flexibility in the schedule of a pastor. And that means that I’m totally out of commission after youth group tomorrow night. I’m leaving the state. Getting away with family to celebrate a new start for my brother. I’m looking forward to a long car ride with chex mix and laughter… and maybe some weird al yankovic if I can find the old tapes. My batteries are long overdue for an old school recharge.

robed authority

Posted on August 23, 20102 Comments

I was blessed to officiate the wedding of my friends recently. And up until five minutes before the wedding, I couldn’t decide if I would wear my robe or not.

You see, I had packed the robe. And I was most assuredly wearing the stole. But the robe was an additional layer of formality, of tradition, of authority… that I wasn’t quite sure I wanted to assume at the time.

There is this great debate it seems among pastors about whether we should robe or not. As a woman, I have often argued that wearing a robe keeps people from being distracted by what we are wearing. It adds some authority simply by the fact that you are wearing something different from what everyone else is wearing.

But that in itself is also a reason to discard the robe when you are trying to be in ministry with people. It is a barrier between you and everyone else. It makes you distinct. Which in certain circumstances actually helps to conveys your authority and then I’m back to wearing the robe.

This was the inner dialogue I was having about ten minutes before the wedding – which ended when a family member said he was having a hard time wrapping his head around the fact that I was one of the college friends and yet also had authority to do the wedding… I put on the robe. The authority and not the college student was the only image left to put out there… which of course also meant that when the ceremony was finished and the robe got put away, I felt more than comfortable dancing to “Love Shack” with everyone else.

You know how lawyers in England still wear fancy wigs when they are doing their official business in the courtroom? It’s a trapping of tradition and old sentimentality… and yet it also marks what they are doing as important. It sets that part of their life aside as distinct from the rest of their work and play.

I know that I allow myself to become something more… something different when that stole is draped over my shoulders. I read scripture in a different way. I preach and the words become more than what they were an hour before as I was practicing them at home.

Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity. Colossians 3:12-14

Putting on the stole and the robe are ways of taking on God’s authority, of literally wearing a symbol of compassion and gentleness. It is a uniform, as much as a police officer’s uniform is… it conveys my role and my task in that place.

Does a police officer stop being a police officer when the uniform is gone? Or a surgeon when she takes off the scrubs? Or a lawyer when the suit is hanging up in the closet? Yes and no… sometimes we simply put on other hats and become wives and dads and little league coaches instead. But I think that deep down, once we put on a vocation – a persona – we can’t really take it off.

Once I have put on this authority that Christ gave me, once I have put on kindness and patience and forgiveness – they aren’t really things that I can take off again. Once I have put on love… it is there to stay. Perhaps it is just easier for others to see with the robe on.

Marriage

Posted on August 21, 20091 Comment

I’ve been thinking a lot about marriage and weddings – for quite a few reasons. I just celebrated at my second wedding of the summer, my dh and I just had our second wedding anniversary, and I’ve been following some posts @ halfwaytonormal.com that have been on the topic of sex and marriage.

When I first got to our little town, the funeral director said something to the effect of: “Those Methodists… they’ll marry and bury anyone!” And in some ways, in our little town, that’s kind of true. There are quite a few congregations that mainly do services for their members and families. I’m the pastor that gets called when the family is unchurched or there is no real church connection. The same goes for weddings – especially those where the couple has lived together prior to marriage.

This probably isn’t a big surprise for most people, but my hubby and I did live together before we married. Twice, actually. After two years of long distance, he transferred to the same college I did, and then a year later we lived in the same house with a bunch of other classmates (hello PAC house!). Then we were apart again for a year and a half. Then he moved across the world to be with me in seminary and moved into my place. We wouldn’t have been able to afford it other wise. We were engaged, we just hadn’t figured out the timing to make the ceremony that we both wanted happen.

When we did eventually tie the knot, we wanted a central part of our service to be the idea that a marriage is about far more than the ceremony. Marriage is a journey that begins long before a wedding and continues long after you have said “i do.”

Deep in my heart, I believe that a marriage is about a covenantal relationship between two people. I believe it is a covenant of love, trust, acceptance, understanding, and respect. And as I said over on “halfway to normal,” some couples have built the kind of covenantal relationship I’m talking about long before the wedding… and some of those couples are people who never want to get “married”… or can’t get married legally. Other couples may not even really understand themselves what being committed to a covenantal relationship means until far into their “marriage.” Some people never get it.

For me and my husband, we both had it early and are still working on it =). Very early on, I think we figured out that we loved and trusted and accepted each other. We made a lot of mistakes, but we stuck in there. We respected and cherished each other. We were in it for the long haul from VERY early on. Long distance relationships do that to you. We actually created rings that fit together that read on the inside “love stronger than the distance between us.” And we still wear them.

But those kinds of covenantal relationships take constant work. They are hard. Sometimes I wake up and wonder who on earth is in bed next to me! Sometimes I’m positive he’s feeling the same way. Marriage takes work and prayer and fighting here and there. Because we aren’t perfect, we are human, and our human flaws mean that seeds of mistrust and fear and doubt creep in every now and then.

Love for me is choosing to say yes every day. It is choosing to forgive and to keep loving no matter how many mistakes we make. It is choosing to be the best husband or wife you can be. It is choosing to honor and respect your spouse. Love is holding fast to who you are while at the same time letting the other person do the same. And it’s messy, and it’s beautiful.

An Interview with RevGals

Posted on May 21, 20091 Comment

These questions were posted this week as a part of the Monday Meet-N-Greet. I know – I’m late. Oh well!

1. Where do you blog? Here! and at http://www.kenoticwords.blogspot.com/

2. What are your favorite non-revgal blog pal blogs? United Methodeviations, Bread & Honey

3. What gives you joy? Being on a porch with good friends and family talking about life. Baptizing a child. Singing a favorite hymn. Sleeping next to my husband.

4. What is your favorite sound? My cats purring.

5. What do you hope to hear once you enter the pearly gates? This is a really hard question. In part because I don’t know that the pearly gates is that great of a metaphor for what awaits us. For me, this question is about what would I want to be able to hear that I can’t already hear/know here on earth… I can already hear God saying that I am loved… so I guess I would want to be able to hear all of the intangible things that we can’t understand about one another. I would like to be able to hear a smile.

6. You have up to 15 words, what would you put on your tombstone? She lived her whole life with her whole self and loved everyone she met.

7. Write the first sentence of your own great American novel. Today I planted the very first seed…

8. What color do you prefer your pen? Black

9. What magazines do you subscribe too? None at the moment. But I sometimes buy “Everday Food” and used to get “Utne Reader”

10. What is something you want to achieve in this decade? I want to have a child in this decade (if we are thinking 2000-2010)… and the time is quickly slipping away.

11. Why are you cool? Because I like to wear heels with my jeans, I listen to space rock (Incubus), watch the Daily Show, study the perichoretic nature of God, and because I’m probably the youngest pastor in a 50 mile radius (if not wider) of where I live.

12. What is one of your favorite memories? having my husband wipe away the tears of joy from my eyes with my grandma’s handkerchief during our wedding ceremony.

13. Anything else you’ve always wanted to be asked? What is a metaphor/image for your ministry? Despite being an itinerant United Methodist pastor… my deepest metaphor for ministry is that of a gardener or farmer – putting deep roots into the ground and tending the spot that you are given – taking care of the land and the soil and freely giving the fruits of the labor away to those who need them the most.