God Changes Minds

I change my mind all the time.

I like variety. I learn. I grow. I experience new things. I’m in a different mood.

And my understanding and beliefs change as a result.

All. The. Time.

Most recently, we have been doing some work on our backyard.

Early this spring, we removed a few trees. And the morning the workers came to take the trees down, I thought I wanted the pile in one place.

Today, I want it somewhere else.

I changed my mind.

My initial decision was one that had to be made in the moment.

And at the time, I thought I knew exactly what I wanted.

I also thought I understood how much wood there would be.

Now, I’m the first to admit, I was completely and utterly mistaken.

 

woodpileWhat we were left with when the tree company left was an enormous wood pile.

I didn’t have all the information.

I didn’t understand the scope and breadth and depth of what this pile would be. Or how it would block the view of my barberries and take up the entire first level of our retaining wall.

I hadn’t thought about the best way to store said wood in order to help it cure.

I couldn’t see in that moment the bigger picture.

And now, I’m going to build some muscles moving all of those logs… because now, with more information and some experience, my mind was changed.

 

In our reading from Acts today, Peter changed his mind, too.

Or rather God changed Peter’s mind.

Like me, Peter couldn’t see the big picture.

 

He was living his life as a faithful Jewish man and thought he knew exactly what God was about and what God wants from the people. He presumed to understood the rules of faith.

But his knowledge was limited.

He didn’t see the scope and the breadth and the depth of God’s love for all people.

In the prelude to our scripture reading from Acts this morning, Peter has been sent on a missionary journey to the home of Cornelius… a gentile.

A Gentile is anyone who is not Jewish, someone who was not a part of the family of Israel, someone who was an outsider as far as the faith was concerned.

While the scripture describes Cornelius as a God-worshipper, Gentiles had limits on their participation in the Jewish temple.

Second Temple Model, JerusalemThe temple had many different courts, and the requirements to move further and further into the temple, towards the holy of holies, left many out. The big open area you see in the photo is called the Court of the Gentiles. That was the only part of the temple Gentiles could enter.

They were excluded from the rest because they were unclean.  They were different.  They were not welcome.

But many faithful god-fearing folks like Cornelius continued to show up. They continued worshipping God from those outer courts. In spite of the exclusion, they wanted a relationship with God.

 

And God wanted a relationship with them. So God prepares Peter’s heart for a transformation in thinking. Before God sends Peter to Caesarea and the home of Cornelius, he gives him a vision of the clean and unclean joining together.  Peter receives a vision of a new sort of body of Christ.

Then he is summoned to the home of Cornelius, and although he was not allowed by Jewish custom to enter, he did. He went in and ate with the family and he shared with them the good news of Jesus Christ. And as he preached to Cornelius and his family, the Holy Spirit descends upon them and they receive the gift of faith.

 

Peter’s world has just been turned upside down.  Those he thought were outside of God’s love and power have just had it poured upon them.  And exclaims: “These people have received the Holy Spirit just as we have. Surely no one can stop them from being baptized with water, can they?”

No one could deny their gifts. Water was brought and Cornelius and his whole family were baptized on the spot… they were part of the family of God.

 

When my husband and I decided to take down some trees at our house, we thought we understood the parameters of the proposal. They take down the trees. We keep the mulch and the wood. End of story.

But what exactly are we going to do with all of that wood?

How are we going to store it?

What do we do with the plants that were once in a shady area that now need to be moved?

And what happens to the family of bunnies that has now made their home in the wood pile in its current location?

As soon as a new, unexpected element enters the equation, it is natural that there is some anxiety, some wheel spinning, and chaos.

 

And that is precisely what happened in the aftermath of Peter and Cornelius.

You can take down a tree or two. You can baptize a Gentile family.

But there are going to be repercussions.

Things just won’t be the same.

 

Peter is summoned back to Jerusalem. He is called back to the apostles who heard about what happened and who aren’t so sure they like what has happened.

They start with criticism. They launch into accusations. They read off the rules. I can imagine their frustration growing as they start to wrestle with the implications of what has just happened.

 

The leaders of the early church, like Peter, believed that faith meant one thing, and God was trying to show them it meant something else. But we cling to our traditions, to our rules, to what we know and understand.

I think the number one way God changes our hearts and minds is by helping us experience the world in a different way.

That’s what happened with Peter. God moved him to the right time and place and put Cornelius in his life to give him an undeniable experience of grace and power and Holy Spirit led transformation.

 

But the number two way God changes hearts and minds is by calling those who have had these life-altering experiences to tell their story.

 

The apostles were furious and demanded an explanation.

And Peter gave them one.

 

He told them about his vision.

He told them about how God led him to the house of Cornelius.

He connected what he had experienced of Jesus Christ and the outpouring of the Holy Spirit with what he witnessed first-hand in Caesarea.

In chapter 11, verse 16-17 he testifies: “I remembered the Lord’s words: ‘John will baptize with water, but you will be baptized with the Holy Spirit.’ If God gave them the same give he gave us who believed in the Lord Jesus Christ, then who am I? Could I stand in God’s way?”.

 

Seventy five years ago, I probably would not have been welcomed in this pulpit.  As a woman, ordination was out of the question.  A combination of tradition and a patriarchal society and a way of reading the scriptures precluded the church from welcoming women as preachers and pastors.

But here I stand… robed, ordained, my calling from the Holy Spirit confirmed by the church.

At various points throughout our history, faithful folk stood up and exclaimed about women:  These people have received the Holy Spirit… just like we did – How can we stop them from being baptized?  How can we deny them a place at the table?  How can we stop them from being ordained when God has so clearly spoken in their lives?

John Wesley, the founder of Methodism was against women preaching in principle… until he witnessed the Holy Spirit working through the lives of women like Sarah Crosby, Grace Murry, and Hannah Ball.  He relented and licensed them for preaching in the circuits across England.

God changed his mind.

God changed the mind of our church.

God helped us to see a different vision of what the church and our community could be, just as God had done for Peter.

As a young woman, I have always lived in a church that ordained women.  I have always been a part of a church that valued the contributions women made in ministry, in leadership, and in the world.  It has been a given.

But I often wonder where God is going to change our minds next.

 

“I really am learning that God doesn’t show partiality to one group of people over another,” Peter says.

 

When I was in Washington, D.C. last week for a leadership fellows training, the church we spent our days at had welcome signs plastered throughout the building.

 

“We love single people, divorced people, widowed and married people,” it says.

“We love people who have not been to church in ages and those who never miss a Sunday.”

“We love people who are in recovery and those who are still addicted.”

 

The list went on and on, but it reminded me that God shows no partiality to one group of people or another.

God wants to be in relationship with all of us.

With the whole of creation.

With you and me.

With black and white and brown.

With young and old, and gay and straight,

with those struggling with mental health and those who love them.

With life-long Americans and with people who have just arrived in our country.

 

When you start to make a list, all of a sudden the people we are supposed to love and share the good news with starts to overwhelm us.

Like the woodpile in my yard, it truly seems incredible and awesome.

The question that’s before us is: what are we going to do about it?

How will this knowledge change our practice?

And if we are going to let God change our hearts and minds and church, where do we need to start moving around the woodpile to make room for everyone to thrive and find a place here?

a day in the life…

7:00am – alarm goes off

8:10am – start thinking about getting out of bed

8:30am – phone conversation with Trustee chairperson about the new shingles for the parsonage roof

8:50am – arrive at church, small talk with folks gathering for the Tuesday morning small group.

9:05am – phone call with Memorial chair about some checks that came in

9:10am – check emails, put checks into envelopes to pay some church bills

9:30am – Tuesday morning small group: food, devotions, prayer, conversation

11:00am – check in with some members of our co-missioned coordinating team to plan event on October 1
11:15am – scripture reading and exploring commentaries to get ready for Sunday
12:00pm – time spent thinking about hymns for Sunday interspersed with facebook (seeing what is going on in colleagues and members lives)
12:15pm – phone call with congregation member about an upcoming wedding
12:50pm – head home for lunch, heat up leftovers and watch an episode or two of Dr. Who
3:30pm – back to church to meet up with a youth… visit with a member and help transport some items being donated to Women at the Well (prison congregation)
4:45pm – conversation on the side of the road to coordinate a visit with some church folk

5:00pm – back home to make dinner: chicken, sauteed musrooms, wild rice

6:45pm – back to church for Lay Leadership meeting

7:10pm – start our meeting with devotions, discuss calling all who serve and changes in our organizational structure

8:10pm – head home. pajamas. computer.

9:30pm – movie with the husband

11:45pm – bed

its not an 8-5 job…

For the past month and a half…  probably actually since before Christmas… my schedule has been chaotic.

You are told things when you start out in ministry about how pastors sometimes work 80+ hour weeks and how you are on-call 24/7 and how your life just might get sucked up into a vortex of ministry.

I didn’t believe it.

Or rather, I was committed to not letting it happen to me.

And I must say that for a full three years, I have done “okay” at keeping my boundaries firm.

I scheduled my day off for Friday so that I would have two full days off in a row.  I took time off when I worked too much the previous week.  I don’t fret about afternoon naps or mornings sleeping in when meetings are scheduled for the evening. And when the weather is warm, I have a robust desire to spend my free time on the disc golf course or in my garden rather than being cramped up in the office. I get my work done, I spend time with folks, but I make sure to take care of myself, too.

But 2011 has been absolutely nuts.

I realized this morning as I was riding in a car to yet another Saturday church-related function that I had only spent about an hour with my husband the entire week.  I realized that it is the fifth Saturday in a row that I have had something going on… between funerals and conference meetings and church retreats.  I realized that since I made two hospital visits and worked on the newsletter yesterday that I have not had a day off this week.

What on earth happened?

I think part of the slip in my boundaries has to do with a number of important things going on in the life of the church that I have chosen to prioritize and give extra time to.  I also ran into a week with four funerals and was gone for a week and therefore had catch-up work.

But there was another shift in my household that I didn’t quite take note of.  My husband started working 8-5, Monday through Friday.

Before this, B had worked with his dad and the time was flexible.  The only time I knew he would be working away from home was on Tuesdays… other than that, he would go in on-call and work a lot from home.  They fix computers and I am always amazed at the ability to take over a client’s computer and do updates and take care of issues from the comfort of our home.
All of that changed when my father-in-law had a seizure just after the new year.
We don’t know what caused it, but it happened.
And now, he is not allowed to drive, and the two of them have become an inseperable team… heading off to see clients together and working from his dad’s office.
Before this, if I had to work in the evening, I got an afternoon to spend with my husband.  Fridays almost always were free for both of us.  And even when I got home from meetings, we would stay up late watching movies because we both had the freedom to sleep a bit later.

Now, my husband gets up before me and is out the door before I have a chance to really wake up.  My evenings are just about as busy, which is why three nights out of five this week I wasn’t home before 8 or 9 or later… when he was getting ready to settle down and turn in.

It’s easier to say yes to a hospital visit or a meeting on a Friday, because I don’t have anyone at home waiting for me.
There is definately something to be said for having a stay-at-home spouse when you are in ministry.  I wonder if others of you who have spouses who work have similiar frustrations.  How do you balance out the time with your husband or wife or family when one of the traditional “weekend” days is taken up with work and ministry?  How do you find time to spend with one another when weeknight meetings are a regular part of the job?

I have always cherished the flexibility of my schedule. But I’m starting to resent it… a little bit.  I miss my husband.  I miss my days off.  And this chaos has got to get some order put to it.

one word: lonely #reverb10

The only way for your life to be different is if you take a good hard look at it and figure out what exactly needs to change.  And my life needs a good hard look right now.

In some ways, I am feeling a little snarky as I write this.  I am kind of in an off mood.  So this might not be the chipper Katie that you sometimes hear from.

Charged with this task:

December 1 – One Word. Encapsulate the year 2010 in one word. Explain why you’re choosing that word. Now, imagine it’s one year from today, what would you like the word to be that captures 2011 for you? (Author: Gwen Bell)

I have to admit that this has been a really strange year.  If I look back on it all and try to capture it in one word – that word would have to be lonely.

I pick that word, because it captures both the way I have felt and the way I didn’t feel.

In the midst of community and people, in the midst of a marriage and a family, in the midst of lots of people and relationships – there have been so many days where I have felt incredibly alone.

Alone because who I am makes me different from other people.  As a pastor, I am apart from my congregation.  As a woman, I am apart from my male colleauges in ministry.  As a young person, I am apart in the midst of gatherings of older folks at meetings.  As a person of faith, I am apart when we gather with friends who are not. As someone who is not a mother among family members who have kids and grandkids. And sometimes as the conversation gets rolling, I feel very lonely… even in the midst of community.  I long for people like me to talk with.  I realize just how alone I am.
At the same time, I have tried in many ways to combat that loneliness.  Our young clergy lunches have been a beacon of community and fellowship.  My online connections through facebook and twitter and my writing have provided an outlet and a place to find familiar voices. I am learning to find those common places with older folks and men and parishoners and friends that I can hold on to when I start to feel lonely again.
I also have learned in some ways to be okay with the loneliness.  Running was an outlet for a while – although the weather is colder and I got lazy and that stopped.  Crocheting has become a powerful way to be with myself… something to keep my hands and therefore my mind busy.
I have all of this talk about being lonely and I wonder if anyone out there reading would think that I am single.  I am not.  I’m married to a wonderful guy – but even in marriage there is loneliness.  That is not something I expected.  I didn’t expect the days when our schedules didn’t match up and the house was empty.  I didn’t expect the days when we were both so busy doing our own thing that we barely talked.  We each have our own little corners of the house:  his office and for me, well I move around between my office and the couch and whatever other warm little nook seems appealing that day.  I didn’t expect that our working lives would be so compartmentalized from one another.  And I didn’t expect that we would have no children.
That last one is probably my number one source of loneliness.  Just the two of us doesn’t quite seem to be enough for me.  I want little laughter rippling through the house.  I want teasing and tickling and the grumbles of a child who doesn’t want to eat their peas.  I want family gathered around our dining room table.  I want stuffed animals lying around that children forgot to put away.  I want to be woken up in the morning by kisses and tears.  I want to tuck someone into bed at night.
This year I realized that our cats – as much as I love and adore them – cannot replace children in my life.  And while Tiki and Turbo provide immense happiness and companionship, they are not mine in the same way.

Not having a family makes me very lonely.

All of that being said – what word would I want to represent the next year of my life?
I cannot make children come into my life.  It may not be a reality for next year.  But I do want family to take absolute priority.  I want to find new ways to be family with congregation members.  I want to take my own family more seriously and less for granted.  I want to talk with my brothers and sisters more often.  I want to spend more afternoons with my mom and dad and in-laws.  I want to go on more dates with my husband. I want those relationships to be more important than anything else.  I want next year to be about family.

being hit on

**note: this post feels really disjointed.  I’ve been thinking about writing this for days now and it is just as scattered as my thoughts on this are. So bear with me.**

Three times in the past week I have been “hit on” in our little town. Never mind the rings on my finger indicating my married status.  Never mind the fact that I’m a minister and did 18 funerals last year in this little town. Never mind the fact that I’m pretty sure I’m half the age of some of these dudes. 

It always happens at the strangest times and in the strangest places.  Paying for my breakfast at the cafe.  In the soup aisle at the grocery store. Someone walks up and makes a little comment and I feel embarrased and frustrated and I try to be polite and brush it off but what I really want to do is scream, “INAPPROPRIATE!”

Maybe it’s because I’m showing off more leg with my knee length skirts now that it is summer.  Maybe it’s because my husband isn’t attached to my hip 24/7 and we kind of do our own thing when we aren’t home. Maybe it’s because I… why am I assuming it has something to do with me?

I guess I thought that the ring would protect me from advances.  I admit that I’m grateful to have married my high school sweetheart – because I really haven’t had to mess with the dating scene. But the truth is… are women EVER able to stay away from guys hitting on them?

Being a pastor also adds an additional layer of complication.  In seminary and in conversations with mentors I have always been taught that pastors should be friendly, but not friends with people in their congregation. And for the most part that has worked. It also helps that I have a network of friends outside of the community and I don’t feel the need to be best friends with people in the church. We have a work relationship, we have a pastor/parishoner relationship… and that’s good.

But what does that maxim mean for people outside the congregation? If I’m friendly to the guy in the coffee shop, he thinks I’m flirting with him. Or is he just being friendly back and I’m misinterpreting it? No, definately not.  His response was definately not appropriate.

In the back of my head, I’m aware that at any moment, someone in this town could pass away and anyone in this community could become my parishoner.  Someone might be getting married this summer and they will be at the wedding and they will in that sense be my parishoner.  I’m not a community chaplain, but I’m also not going to turn people from the community away when they come knocking. In everything that I do in the community, I try to wear my professional hat and be the pastor.

But then I run to the grocery store in a tank top and jogging shorts to get hamburger buns for dinner and someone hits on me.

I refuse to dress like a grandma just so people won’t notice me. I desperately want to feel like a normal person some days.  But c’mon people – it’s not okay to hit on a pastor in the soup aisle.

The trials of being a female pastor

Memo to other young women clergy out there:  don’t wear a skirt to a graveside service.
I have this amazing, comfortable, beautiful a-line skirt that I wear for many many many important and solemn events.  It works perfectly with a black sweater or jacket and has a wonderful touch of femininity and reverence.  But it has gotten me into trouble on more than one occasion as I stand at the graveside to say the committal.

Last fall, it was bean harvesting season in Iowa, and I wore the skirt to a cemetary on top of a hill.  Now, I didn’t quite understand what bean harvesting season meant at the time, but I do now.  All of the commotion in the fields had stirred up the millions of japanese beetles that had been hiding there feasting all summer.  There were beetles everywhere.  Around town, you noticed them, but it wasn’t quite the same as being in this country cemetary surrounded by fields. 

I got out of the caravan vehicle and made my way to the graveside.  And instantly the bugs started attacking.  They landed on my legs, crawled up my legs, bit everywhere, and it was all I could do to keep from screaming!  While I was not alone in my trials, I seemed to be getting the worst of the attention because of my bare legs.  During the prayers (when I hoped people’s eyes were closed) I would brush and wiggle and squirm and try to get some of those bugs out from the folds of my beautiful and wonderful and now dreaded skirt. We all laughed about it afterwards, but it wasn’t a pretty sight!

Then yesterday, I had another inopportune wearing of said skirt.  It was a warm and sunshiny day out, so I donned the skirt for a graveside service at our local cemetary.  Not once in the morning did I notice the wind.  But when we stepped outside of the vehicle, the gusts immediately fell upon us and before I had a chance to think, my skirt flew up into the air like Marilyn Monroe’s.  Luckily, we were meeting the family there and not many had arrived.  Which meant that there were still a few there.  I pray no one caught a glimpse of my latest Victoria’s Secret find… but I cannot be too sure. Throughout the service, I carefully tried to hold my legs together with a fold of the skirt between them in order to prevent another one of said Monroe-like incidents during the middle of the service.

I think I may have to retire the skirt for outdoor services… or at least check the weather first!

*cough, cough*

So, I have a cold. Which means quite a few different things:

1) the seasons are changing in Iowa. It has been cold enough at night that some maples are already brilliant red. It is going to be a gorgeous fall.

2) it has been a wet end of summer. some corn is blighted. lots of mold running around. boo.

3) It’s the end of a busy time and my body is run down. I need time to rest and recuperate. I went to bed at 9:30 last night and slept until 8:30 this morning and I still feel foggy.

4) I’m not running a fever, so it’s probably not swine flu =P

There are some things I always wonder when I start to feel this way (which is probably twice a year). Is it just allergies or is it really an infection/cold? Should I be self-medicating with Day-Quil or something else? When do I say enough is enough and just go see the doctor already? Does my body really need all of that medication?

The first four days of this cold I just took some tylenol and had a few cough drops handy. But now I’m not any better, and so said Day-Quil/Ny-Quil regimine has started. I’ll give it another day or two, and then, off to my favorite doctor’s office.

In the meantime, I’m at the church office doing basic tasks. Changing the website/calendar to reflect our changed church schedule (which should have been done two weeks ago). Calling the newspaper office to do the same. Picking out hymns – preferrably ones I can still sing if I’m still under the weather next Sunday. Oh, and I changed the message on our answering machine. I now sound about 10 years older with my raspy voice. Colds for the win!