writing – Salvaged Faith

Salvaging Faith in 2020

Posted on January 22, 2020Leave a comment

It’s been a while.

A long time since I just sat down to write without a deadline looming.

Without it being someone else’s project.

Without the pressure to say just the right thing for a specific audience.

It’s been a long time since I wrote just for me.

I started this blog in the summer of 2007 as a place to reflect and muse and capture all of the parts of myself, my story, my tradition that were important to keep carrying with me into the future. In many ways, the idea of salvaging all of these pieces of faith were intended to be a way of curating ideas that had value and meaning and importance in my life.

It never really mattered if anyone else read these pages, although it has been really nice to have company along the way 🙂

But somewhere in the midst of the busyness of church and other people’s projects and my marriage I just stopped writing. I stopped reflecting. I stopped looking around and processing what was happening in my life in this particular way.

But I have some time now.

Monday began a four week renewal leave from my church and one of my primary goals was to spend some of my time right here at the keyboard. Not because there is anything important I have to say, but because the very act of thinking and writing and processing itself is a spiritual practice that has been missing from my journey.

The fact that it took me a day or two to actually sit down with the laptop says a little bit of something about the hesitation that I’m feeling about doing so. I think, in part, that is because so much of my life lately has revolved around the church. I’m afraid that if I sit down to write, I’ll just get sucked back in to it all. That I’ll lose my ability to truly disconnect for a few weeks and re-center myself in who I am.

So for now, here’s a list of things I’d like to write about:

How the Rooney Rule (and its mixed results) might provide guidance for the draft Book of Doctrines and Disciplines proposed by the WCA
Does wanting to preserve the parts of our connectional nature and structure that are working make me an institutionalist? And if so, can I live with / accept that label? What does it mean to salvage the best parts of who we are and take them with us into the future, instead of starting over?
Why I think the Protocol is our best option for the mission of the church to make disciples and transform the world
What I’ve learned about what it means to equip the saints… the hard way… from failing to do so and overfunctioning in a mid-sized church.

There.

Now those things are set to the side and off my mind. I might pick them back up in the next few weeks. Or maybe not.

After all, this leave is not about the UMC or my local church or my ministry there. It is about looking out at everything else in my life. My marriage, my family, my relationship with God, the things that make me laugh and feed my soul, my friendships. It is about taking some time to dig through everything else that makes me me and working to salvage the things I might have discarded or ignored or let lie fallow for a bit.

To pick up those pieces and put them back together in a way that feels whole and good and right.

And to relearn how to preserve and protect them so that when I head back to work, they don’t take a back burner.

Blogging as a form of Public Theology

Posted on February 4, 2016Leave a comment

I just spent the last couple of days in Washington, D.C. exploring what it means to be a public theologian.

Over the last year, I have been part of the Lewis Center’s Community Leadership Fellows Program. We have gathered for three day sessions together at Wesley’s downtown campus in order to reflect upon the role of the church, and in particular the role of the pastor, in the life of the community.

As Rick Elgendy help us define the phrase, we engage in public theology whenever we are reflecting upon the actions of the church in the public (our common life together). Public theology helps us to refine and renew our commitments. It pushes us onward towards perfection. It challenges us to do and say and be more. Above all, it reminds us that the Kingdom of God is intimately tied up with the life of the world around us.

In the scope of our readings and preparation this week, one article really pushed me to think about what it means to be a pastor and a public theologian and how I am called to embody that role.

As Robinson writes in “The Church in the Public Square”:

In the mainline church the pastoral care tradition has so taken over that the one strong traditions of the teaching pastor and the teaching minister have been eclipsed. We no longer seem to have “preachers,” only “pastors.” We have often neglected a serious teaching ministry in favor of construing the ordained mainly as members of the so-called helping professions…

The message has too often seemed more like “let us take care of you” than asking that people “grow and grow up in Christ.” It is largely up to the clergy to communicate a different understanding of their calling, and thus of the purpose of the church itself: our purpose is not to be caring or to be “like my family” ; rather, it is to grow Christians, followers of Jesus Christ, and to engage the culture as people who are accountable to the gospel…

if people in congregations are to be equipped for a vital role in the public world, such a shift in emphasis and priority is essential.

When I first felt the call to ministry, it was a yearning to help the people of the church better live out their faith in the world. It was a call to take seriously what was happening all around us: from war and violence, to care for the earth and our hungry neighbors. I probably didn’t fully understand at the time that the church does not always function according to the purpose articulated by Robinson above.

And I have to be completely honest. I have been honored and blessed to sit at the bedsides of folks and pray with them as they took their final breath. I never imagined the holy weight and privilege of placing a hand on the casket as it is lowered into the earth. Holding on to the hand of someone who is sick or struggling and praying with them is part of my calling I am so proud to live out.

There are so many different functions of a minister that it is not surprising that one or another sneaks up and takes over the rest at various times. Whether administrative functions, pastoral care, connectional responsibilities…

But the paragraphs from Robinson reminded me that my first calling was not to be a helper or care-giver, but to be a pastor that discipled people. My call was to help get the church out of the building so they can live their faith. And a large part of that discipling happens when through teaching and theological reflection about what we are or are not doing out in the world.

One of our guides this week was Rev. Dr. Joe Daniels. He lifted up how important it is to form people in the word in the process of sending them out. We have to teach people what the Kingdom of God looks like. We have to constantly reflect together about what is going on in our common life and invite the Spirit to guide us into action. I try to do that in my preaching, but I have been neglecting this very blog as a place where that kind of wrestling and reflection can occur.

I’ve been neglecting this blog a lot in general.

And perhaps it is because I had lost a focus for what I was trying to accomplish here.

Perhaps it is because I’ve become so busy with the other functions of ministry that it felt selfish to spend time writing and reflecting.

What I realized this week is that the sentence above is perfectly rediculous.

My calling is to be a public theologian.

My calling is to help the church think and reflect about how we are engaging with the world and what our faith has to say about our life in the world.

My calling is to model what it means to act in the world and be held accountable to the gospel through precisely this sort of writing.

If this blog can help do me live out that calling… well, you’ll be seeing me here a bit more often.

Apps and Folders

Posted on July 28, 2015Leave a comment

How you categorize something matters.

It speaks to the importance you place on it and the function it serves.

My smart phone has the ability to create folders for my home pages and various apps go in them.

I have one for tools (flashlight, calculator, etc.).

There is one labeled fun (Netflix, Pandora, and whatever game I have loaded – currently 2048).

A folder called work contains my Bible app, pages manager, and the link to our CMS software.

Social media apps like Facebook, twitter and Snapchat are included in social.

And then there is my self care folder. It contains fitness and running apps, a link to our insurance app, and WordPress.

For a long time, I couldn’t figure out where to put my blogging app. For a while, it was with the social apps. Relationships, community, conversation are all part of the reason I blog. It could fit with work, because I usually blog about things related to ministry.

But I realized that primarily, I blog for me. I blog to think. I blog to let go of things. I blog to discern. It is a spiritual practice, as every bit as important to my self care as what I eat, or how much sleep I get.

Why do you blog or write? How would you label your practice?

Accidental author #NaBloPoMo

Posted on November 30, 2014Leave a comment

As one writing discipline ends, another begins.

It has been good to return to regular blogging through the National Blog Post Month prompts. I have not been entirely consistent, but at least I never gave up.

Today, I had invites to share in two advent disciplines: one writing prayers and the other reflecting on a word each day. They both speak to me, so I might switch back and forth between the two.

Today’s advent word is “write”.

Much of our focus in scripture this time of year is on the prophecies of the Hebrew Scriptures. As we wait for Jesus to be born in our midst, we look back to those who were also watching and waiting.

What must it have been like to write those prophecies? Did they have any sense of the import of their words? Were they speaking with eyes focused only on their present reality… yet by the Spirit transformed into promises for every person in every time?

Today, when we write of our longing and hope for God to come down and tear open the heavens in places like Ferguson and Sierra Leone and Syria and under the bridges of Des Moines, are we merely echoing voices of the past? Are we speaking God’s word for this moment? Will our words carry meaning centuries from today?

I am merely an accidental author. I didn’t set out to write. But I find fulfilment in it. I speak from my life. I don’t really need anyone to read the work. Yet, sometimes a piece speaks to someone. The holy spirit moves. Something bigger than a girl with a blog is taking place.

And I wonder if folks like Isaiah and Nahum were really that much different. Were they just ordinary people, doing an ordinary thing, that by the power of God was transformed into something completely different?

I guess what I’m trying to say is this… If any sermon or blog or book of mine speaks to you, it probably has very little to do with me and everything to do with the how the Holy Spirit goes to work in our lives… translating, interpreting, transforming. I’m just an accidental author.

Thank-You #NaBloPoMo

Posted on November 25, 2014Leave a comment

I am terrible about sitting down and writing thank-you notes.

But when my husband and I were married, we knew that it was something we needed to make a priority. We created special cards using our wedding photos and sat down one weekend to get them all done. I felt so proud of myself for following through on this important part of our wedding.

At the time we lived in Nashville and were coming home for Thanksgiving, so we wanted to hand deliver a few of those cards. We set them in a special place so we wouldn’t forget them.

A couple of years ago, Brandon’s grandma mentioned something about how she had never received a thank-you from our wedding gift. I knew we had made one for her. I was positive that she had simply forgotten or had somehow misplaced the card. Maybe she was thinking of someone else.

But two moves later, I found those thank-you cards. One for my husband’s grandparents and one for our brother and sister-in-law. They were right there, in their envelopes, but had fallen behind the shelf in our writing desk.

Six years after the gift-giving, these loved ones finally got their thank-yous.

Did they know we were grateful?

Of course.

But there is something about handing someone that card, that note, and actually articulating our gratitude that makes all the difference in the world. David Lose writes at Working Preacher that when we not only recognize our blessing but we articulate it we are doubly blessed.

So say thank-you.

Write that note.

And don’t forget to deliver it 😉

Everything but… #NaBloPoMo

Posted on November 12, 2014Leave a comment

Yesterday I posted about this article I read on the ENFP personality and one characteristic absolutely jumped out at me:

9. Being a HUGE, UNSTOPPABLE FORCE of creativity and productivity… an hour before the deadline.

I am such a last minute person. I always have been. I can set aside all the time in the world to work on a project, but somehow in the moment of carefully carved time, my mind wanders. It flits about. I get stuck.

In the past year I have probably done more professional writing than I ever have before. I worked on two manuscripts and have re-engaged with preaching on a weekly basis.

That first manuscript experience was another one of those crazy, down to the wire, I’ve got it all in my head somewhere but haven’t actually put it into the computer yet, situation. Once I did get it roughed out, I had a couple of all nighters finalizing and editing and moving the pieces around. It is just the way I work. And it gave everyone, including myself, a big old fat headache.

So when the second opportunity to write came along, I was determined to do it differently. For my own sanity, for my relationship with my husband, for the quality of the work. I went away for a whole week to a cabin in the middle of nowhere. I made a plan to study and write a chapter a day, every day during my time. And you know what, I actually did. I got all of that hard work done on that trip. But I think for the most part it was because I treated every section of work (each chapter was in four parts) as if I only had three hours to complete it. In order to stick to the schedule, that’s how it had to be. I would have breakfast and study for three hours. I’d take a walk and bang out the introduction. I’d have lunch and then work on the next section. I’d take a walk and then write some more. I made dinner and then before I could go to sleep, the final words had to be done and I did a preliminary read-through. I was able to merge that procrastination and last-minute productive energy with an intentional plan to get work done.

In my return to preaching, I’m working towards doing so as well. Thursdays are carved out as sermon writing days and I’m trying so very hard to instill that same deadline for 5pm that afternoon. I like to believe that if my sermon isn’t finished, I’m not going home.

When I actually sit down to write on Thursdays, I tend to get the worst writer’s block ever. I rearrange books. I listen to quiet music. I get another cup of coffee. I read the texts again. I check out facebook. I stare at the computer screen. I check in with my staff. I do everything BUT actually type out the words.

And truth be told, it’s because I’m struggling with creating the same sense of urgency that my creativity demands. I’m allowing myself to make excuses. I keep thinking I’ll find time on some morning before my husband gets up (you know, on my days off). I tell myself that if all else fails I always have 6am on Sunday morning (a time some of my best sermons have emerged).

I think for my personality, for my style of working, what I need is to hold myself deeply accountable to that 5pm deadline. I need to create consequences for not getting there. I need to remind my administrative assistant that I can’t go home until it’s done (she’s good about things like that). I need to ramp up the pressure for a firm Thursday deadline. And if I’m able to do that, I think writer’s block will be a thing of the past. At least in my life.

Written for today’s prompt from BlogHer: Have you ever had extended writer’s block? How long did it last? What did you do to break out of it, and do you have tips for other bloggers?

The Blue Couch #NaBloPoMo

Posted on November 6, 2014Leave a comment

Today’s prompt is: Do you have a book in you? Fact or fiction? Related to your blog or totally different?

Well, the first part of the answer is that I have already worked on two books!

The first is an Advent study that is available here. It weaves between the story of the magi and the book of Hebrews in order to show how the gifts brought to Jesus foreshadow the roles he plays in our lives.

The second is a lectionary based study that is available for Lent 2015 and can now be preordered! It takes a broad view of salvation and discusses a variety of atonement theories along the way.

There is a book that someday I would like to write, however, that is more autobiographical in nature. As the post title suggests, it revolves around a blue couch, but more than that, it would be the story of my call and my relationship with my husband. While in large part it is a book I would love to write, particularly for anyone who also is in a relationship with someone who doesn’t share their faith story, it is also a book that a) isn’t a complete story yet and b) might be too personal at the moment to share.

The blue couch is currently sitting in my office at home. Together, we rescued it from being thrown away from an office building in Wisconsin. We hadn’t been dating too long at that point, but were pretty attached to each other. Since then, it traveled with us to college, moved with me to seminary, got destroyed by our kittens when we moved back home, but I just can’t seem to throw it away. It is a super high quality couch with real down feathers and although we have beat up on that couch, it is stick kicking! (which might be a metaphor in and of itself for our relationship!) I’m trying to figure out how/when I might reupholster it… in blue of course!

Writing… just not here

Posted on October 26, 20131 Comment

I sat down with the Bishop a few weeks ago and he asked me if I was still writing.

It was a hard question for me to answer, because I full well knew this blog has been neglected in the past few weeks and months.

But that doesn’t mean I haven’t been writing.

To start with, I finished my manuscript for this book as part of the Abingdon Press “Converge Series.” I even got my Cokesbury catalog in the mail yesterday and saw the cover inside! I’m not ashamed to admit I was a little giddy to be published. Although it isn’t in the Advent section, it makes a great Advent group study (hint, hint).

I also was busy preparing materials for Advent and Christmas for Imagine No Malaria.

So, words have been going down on pages.

But I haven’t done a lot of the personal reflecting that is a part of my blog writing, so in that sense, no, I wasn’t doing the kind of writing that really feeds my soul.

That needs to change.