What am I recovering from?

Yesterday, I started renewal leave. Over the next 6 weeks, I have the opportunity to renew, replenish, rejuvenate, recover. I have some prompts that I was given in order to help me think about this time, and to do a little bit more writing. I have been neglecting this practice which has really sustained me in the past.

Today’s prompt: what are you recovering from that you haven’t named yet?

I have been tired lately.  Sometimes I say, “I’m feeling a little crispy.” It’s hard to tell if the exhaustion is a result of getting old, the stress of work, needing to establish new routines, lingering effects from my minor bout with breast cancer… or all of the above.

My watch has an app that tells me what percentage I am at for my daily body battery. I rarely fully recharge at night and there are days when I will wake up and be less than 30%. Is that because I’m not sleeping well? Is it because I’m dreaming about work? Is it because I was so depleted when I went to bed it’s going to take me a longer time to recover? Is my app broken?

What I do know is that on the second day of renewal leave, I woke up and my body battery was only at 28.

So what do I need to recover from that I haven’t named yet? Perhaps I need to recover from a deficit of energy that I have been operating under for some time. I get plenty of sleep. I recharge in the mornings with my cat on the back porch. I drink lots of coffee. But there is a deeper, spiritual need to recharge my batteries.

And while so far, I have found it difficult to disconnect my brain from the work that had been engaging me up to this point, I know I need to do it. I think that’s going to take getting outside of my house, hiking in new places, putting my mind and spirit in a different frame. I’m excited for what these next 6 weeks will hold.