Praying… and sometimes ceasing

I have never really been able to establish a good routine when it comes to prayer.  Just like most other disciplines in my life (exercise, healthy eating), a practice like prayer has come in fits and starts.  One step forward, two steps back.

14179_9500Usually a week of exuberance and zeal is interrupted by a trip out of town or an early morning meeting or, lets be honest, sheer laziness.

The excitement fades, the old habits settle in, and I’m stuck in a rut once again.

But lately, without putting too much pressure on myself, I have been fairly regularly following a routine.

I keep on my breakfast table a copy of  the Feasting on the Word daily devotional.  More often than not, when I sit down for breakfast, I open it up, use my phone to look up the scriptures, and spend five to ten minutes doing the devotional.

But I have also added on my phone a note that keeps a list of my daily prayers.  Prayers for my husband, for my family, for the work I do, for my friends.  And so as I finish my coffee and move into the rest of the day, I work my way through that prayer list.

That regular practice… although far from consistent… is starting to sink in.  I have started noticing some of those prayers being answered.  And so my petitions are also now filled with thank-yous.

Thanks be to God for simple words, for a good cup of coffee, for patience, and for each new day.

Light Still Shines…

In the last two weeks, I have been talking with a lot of folks across Iowa.  I spent some time with clergy in Des Moines and then in Hampton at Laity Day.  I preached in DeWitt and organized folks in Mount Pleasant.  I worked with folks in Tama.  And I’ve made phone calls to at least four different area codes.

Three times, I’ve heard stories of students who came to Iowa from Tanzania to study while in high school.  A heart-breaking story of a student who returned only to contract malaria and die.  The passed-along word to be in prayer for a current student who’s father had just died of malaria.  And the joyful exclamation of a student who rushed to a clergywoman at a Chrysalis retreat when she heard that she was a United Methodist pastor: “Thank you for saving our lives!”

I’ve heard the stories of two veterans who served overseas and contracted malaria.  They battled “Annie” the anophales mosquito and came out on the other side to tell their story.  Both are helping to spread the word among their churches.

I’ve heard from moms who have sent children away on mission trips and pray for their safety.  I’ve heard stories of hospital visits here in the U.S. where no one could tell them what was wrong because malaria is so rare here.  I’ve listened to accounts of baptisms of children who we hope are still living.

I have not been to Africa.  I have never had malaria.  I have not experienced the terror of watching a loved one grow feverish and get sick with an illness you knew you could stop if only you had enough money or resources.

But I know people who have.  And their stories are heart-breaking and beautiful and it is an honor to be able to hear them and to work with them and on their behalf to help save lives.

1,440 children died from malaria today. That is 1,440 too many.

But today, hundreds, if not thousands of people, were also seeking for a way to be light in the darkness after tragedies like the explosions in Boston and the earthquake in Iran.

We posted quotes from Mr. Rogers and prophets and preachers on twitter.  We changed our profile pictures to something quintessentially Bostonian.  We lifted up prayers that we would remember and that things would be different and told ourselves that we wouldn’t be afraid, that we weren’t going to let the darkness win. But then the next day comes… and life takes back over… and we let the thoughts fade and the pictures get changed and we start complaining about the scores on Dancing with the Stars.

Today, 1,440 children died from malaria.

Josefina Cassava stands with her son Jomacio in the doorway of their home in the Cacilhas village near Huambo, Angola, after they were provided a long lasting insecticide-treated mosquito net by the MENTOR Initiative. Photo by Mike DuBose, United Methodist News Service.
Josefina Cassava stands with her son Jomacio in the doorway of their home in the Cacilhas village near Huambo, Angola, after they were provided a long lasting insecticide-treated mosquito net by the MENTOR Initiative. Photo by Mike DuBose, United Methodist News Service.

So tonight, I changed my facebook cover picture to the beautiful faces of two members of our human family from Angola. Because I’m not going to just let those prayers and those thoughts of today fade into memory tomorrow.  I want to be different tomorrow.  I want to hang on to that light.  I want to be one of those helpers who runs into the fray.My new prayer is that we might join our broken hearts together to actually work for good in the world.  There are lots of fantastic places to start, but in my life that place is this battle against malaria.  And so I want to invite you to join me in being light, in making a difference, in helping to save lives.

I’m going to tell you stories… like all of those ones that I mentioned above.  I’m going to share pictures and help put a face to the work we are doing.  But above all, I want to invite you to imagine with me the possibilities.  This effort to stop deaths from malaria… it’s not just wishful thinking.  It is doable, it is real, it is happening all around us and you have got to be part of this.

One way to start… check out our website for this project in Iowa:  www.inmiowa.org

If you live here in the state, especially check out the “Statewide Pancake Breakfast” link and find a place near you where you can eat some pancakes and help raise funds to save lives.

Our goal here in Iowa is to help save 200,000 lives from malaria… by covering those children with a bednet as they sleep and helping to provide the funds for diagnosis and treatment.

The best part… it only costs ten bucks.

Ten dollars can save a life.  Ten dollars can prevent malaria.  Ten dollars can diagnose and treat a disease that kills.

Ten bucks.

Let’s be light. Let’s shine in the darkness.  Let’s never give up.

 

Praying on an airplane

Friday I took an early morning flight home.  I had been in Nashville for a few days to train some new field coordinators for Imagine No Malaria and get refreshed myself on the latest info.

But that flight came early. My cab arrived at 4. I was done with socializing around 1. So… yeah, not enough sleep.

I got on my flight and crashed. I slept the whole way to Dallas and then shuffled my way through the airport.  I got to my gate and they started loading and I sat down and closed my eyes.

But behind me, this lady started talking to her seatmate. What the book/movie Fight Club calls a “single-serving friend”. In between dozes I heard them talking about work, and then family, and then struggles. As we started our descent into CR, she suddenly asked if she could pray with him. And they did, loud enough for others to hear, powerful enough that I was touched… as if the prayer were for me, too… and I had to whisper,  “amen.”

She shared her own stresses and they commiserated over lack of sleep… which was when the impact of her ministry really hit home for me.

This woman was just as tired as I was. But instead of cocooning herself on the side of the plane with only one seat (yeah, just one), like I did,  she saw every day, every plane ride, every conversation,  every single interaction as a place where God might use her. It is what we talk about often… and yet sometimes find it so hard to practice.  I found myself wondering how many opportunities for ministry I had missed, because I wasn’t looking.

I was so struck, that I found a way to walk off the plane and to baggage claim with her. And I told her I thought she was doing a really amazing thing. She was challenging me to think about how I live my faith everyday. I told her that what she just did is how we should all be living as disciples of Jesus Christ.

She shared her faith on a plane. Not by preaching, or apologizing, or through shouts or platitudes or tracts. But by listening and sharing… being in relationship with a “stranger” and then opening up the possibility of prayer. It was beautiful.

Prayers from the kitchen sink

We must — at some point along our Lenten journey — be candid about death. Lent begins with the reminder of our mortality, with the ashes from which we are knit together, and the season reaches its climax in the crucifixion of Jesus… Even Jesus, praying at Gethsemane before his death, asked his friends to keep him company. “Then he said to them, ‘I am deeply grieved, even to death; remain here and stay awake with me.'” (Matthew 26:8, NRSV)

Lord, tonight as I stood at my kitchen window washing dishes I thought of my mom and dad.

I’m excited to be traveling with them soon and I can’t wait to see the joy as they hold their newest grandson in their arms.

But to say I don’t worry about them would be… well, untrue.

It surprises me that I feel old somedays.

I know things change and life moves and sometimes it just moves way too fast.

And a scary realization is that if I’m getting older… if I’m an “adult”… then my parents are getting older, too.  (sorry, mom.)

Between Brandon and me, we’ve had lots of conversations and what-ifs about our parents lately. 

Help me to slow down, God.

Help me to take a deep breath.

Help me to not take so much for granted.

In Your last nights, You asked your friends to stay by your side.

The ones who had traveled with you.

The ones who knew you so well.

All you wanted was time. company. love. relationship.

Why is it so hard for us to make time for those things in our daily lives? 

We know we want them.  We know how important they truly are to us.

But the phone call isn’t made.

We fill our schedules instead of our hearts.

How on earth has it been this long since I talked with my dad?

We hurry and work and sweat and stress… and for what?

What if we lived as if we were dying?

That’s a silly cliche, I know.

And to be honest, God, if we moved beyond the trite statement and really took your words seriously…

well, I fear that if I truly died to my self and lived for you that everything would be different… and that’s scary.

You ask us to die… and you ask us to love… but what if we love so much that we don’t want to die?

What if we love people and don’t want them to go?

What if we don’t want things to change…. or if we want them to change in ways that might require less time for the work of ministry so that we can spend more time with family and the very companions you have brought into our beautiful messed up lives?

Help me to understand how to love… and live… and what it might really mean to die.

Prayers from the silence

Psalm 62:1 & 5 (NRSV): “For God alone my soul waits in silence; from him comes my salvation. For God alone my soul waits in silence, for my hope is from him.”

After waiting on God, write a prayer that arises from the silence.

God, I’m trying to wait for you.
I’m trying to focus on you.
But I am so easily distracted.

The cats are playing in the bathtub. (yes, the bathtub)
My husband has fallen asleep watching an e-sports match and is snoring.
The screen is too bright and I should have shut it off.

For God alone my soul waits…
Heck, I can’t even get the silent part right.

I have a feeling, Lord, that you wait for me more than I wait for you.
I know you are my hope and salvation.
But I take it for granted.

Clear the chaos and the clutter
Clear my eyes so I might see
All the things that really matter
Help me be at peace and simply be.

Prayers from the wreckage

I’ve been following the Lenten prayer prompts from Faith and Water for these forty days.  I’m a bit late and doing some catch-up, but the spirit is there.

Isaiah 10:21 (NRSV): “A remnant will return, the remnant of Jacob, to the mighty God.”

Life breaks us into pieces. To those seasons of our lives, Isaiah brings amazing good news: God only needs pieces to rebuild the whole.

Holy God. Whole-ly God.
There is a shattered place.
A land at war.
A house divided.

Brother turns against brother.
Neighbors who are anything but.
Broken remnants of relationship are all that remain.

God, I know my part.
I know my silence.
I know my anger.
I know my action and my inaction.
I have watched it fall apart and have felt helpless to stop it.

Maybe what I’m feeling is what the sons and daughters of Jacob felt so long ago.
Broken.
Confused.
Angry.
Scared.
Looking at all the land… crumbling around them.

A remnant will return.
Pieces are enough.
Whole-ly God, you take our broken pieces and make us whole.
You take this broken world and create life.
You speak good news into our midst.

Help me, O God, to hear a word of hope.
Help us to see light in the darkness.
Help us to pick up broken pieces.

Show us where to begin.

Prayers from the dust

On my knees
Laid low
I am nothing
I am but dust and ashes
I am the stuff of the earth

And yet somewhere in me there is a spark.
A spark that dares
A spark that yearns

When Abraham dared to seek You, Oh Lord God Almighty
was he really humble
Or did he feel that spark, too?

We are but dust.
But You breathed life into us.
You are present in us.
Stirring… calling… pushing.

Is the fast You choose for us to bow low?
Or are You waiting for us to stand…
Stand and speak out.
Stand and act.
Be hands and feet in this world of hurt and pain and death.
Cry out for justice.
Do something.

I know I am dust, Lord.
But help me to understand what it means to be yours.

Spirit of Healing

When I was in Tampa for General Conference, I saw a few folks on the street who were looking for handouts.  And every time, I diverted my eyes, or I politely said “I’m sorry” and kept going.  Except for one instance.  A man on a bench asked me for some money for food.  I went through my usual explanation – I don’t have cash, I’m in a hurry, I’m sorry… and kept moving.  But I got about 25 feet from him and I stopped.  I knew that I could help him.  I knew there was something I could do.  The Holy Spirit filled me up and turned me around and before I knew it, I was introducing myself to Fred and taking him across the street to Quiznos.  I really was in a hurry, but I stood in line there with him and he ordered a nice hot sandwich and we talked about his life.  He had lost his job and had moved here looking for work.  He hadn’t found any.  He was waiting for his unemployment check to catch up with him and until it arrived he had nothing, so he was staying in a shelter.  He was hoping to be back on his feet in a week or two… but I had the feeling that this was only the beginning of a tough road for him.

I knew I couldn’t fix all of his problems… but I could get him a nice hot dinner.  As we parted ways outside the door, he gave me a huge smile and said, God bless you.

As we heard from Acts chapter 3 – a lame man was carried to the temple every single day to beg for the resources that would sustain his meager life. He was begging for bread and water and shelter.  And when Peter and John encounter him – his life is turned upside down and will never be the same again.  It wasn’t a sandwich that stirred his blood – it was the power of the Holy Spirit and the name of Jesus Christ that strengthened his weak legs… and this broken man stood up leaping and laughing.  He ran in through the temple gates and made a joyful exuberant scene – praising God for the chance at new life.

I want to invite us to look at this story from a couple of different angles this morning.

First, from the perspective of Peter and John.  If you remember from last week, they had found themselves leaders of a small movement – three to four thousand people were now following their guidance and were committing themselves to the way and the teachings of Christ.  Each person – and especially Peter and John as leaders – had given up everything they knew before in order to help support and care for and nurture this precious new community.

One of the primary things they did together was to worship and pray.  And so it is not surprising that these two are on their way to the temple for the 3:00 prayer.  It is a custom in the Jewish faith to pray three times a day – morning, afternoon, and evening – as a way of keeping your whole life focused on the Lord.

So they walk to the temple, passing through the same gate they might have entered hundreds of times before…. and probably past dozens of beggars along the way.  In fact, maybe we can’t fully understand the story unless we appreciate the culture of begging that would have surrounded them.

Bob Deffinbaugh describes his experience with beggars in India this way:

There were so many beggars there was no way one could respond to all of them. The solution was often not to “see” any of them. But the beggars made this difficult. Those who were mobile would press themselves on you. They would approach your taxi at an intersection, tugging at your sleeve and pleading for help. Those not mobile would call our for charity. The beggar would be aggressive, something like the salesmen as you try to walk through the appliance section at Sears. You would concentrate on not seeing them as they converged on you, and you hurried to get through the section before you were trapped.

Living in the midst of this culture, you train yourself to ignore them, because you simply cannot respond to the needs of all.  Maybe you occasionally stop and help one person to make yourself feel better.  But you don’t make eye contact.  You keep moving.

Imagine Peter and John walking a path they have every day and seeing countless beggars along the road.  As I thought about my experience in Tampa, I have to ask.. What is different about today?  Why do they stop?  Why do they reach out to this particular man?

Peter and John stop that day intentionally.  They, too, were filled with the Spirit and knew that there was something they could do for this man.  They had not a dime in their pockets, no food to offer, nothing that could satisfy this man’s earthly needs… except for their faith in Jesus Christ.

We each have times in our lives when we feel that small tug on our heartstrings.  And as the people of God – even though we might not have confidence, or money, or resources, we do have faith.

Our two disciples were familiar with this concept because they had once been sent out to preach and heal and teaching with nothing but the clothes on their back.  They had learned through practice that God truly can be depended on, that he is our very present help in times of trouble.  They knew that faith could move mountains… and if it can move mountains than it can certainly help this lame man to walk.

They looked him in the eye, they reached out their hands in faith, and the lame man leaped for joy.

Everyday, you and I pass countless people who are broken and hurting.  They may not be sitting on the street corners and their pain might not be visible to the naked eye, but if we look closely – we can see the strain of tension by the eyes, we can hear the waver in the voice, we feel the frustration and despair in the way they move and live in this world.  And because it is so common, we keep walking.  We don’t have the heart to pay attention because it might overwhelm us.

Listen to your heart.  Listen to those promptings of the Holy Spirit that stop you in your tracks.  Stop, listen, and share with that person the hope and faith and love you have experienced through Jesus Christ.

Sometimes we have the opportunity to be Peters and Johns – going through our daily lives and coming across the opportunity to heal someone.

But we are also the lame beggars who sit by the gate.

Each of us has a whole host of problems – aching backs, sore knees, family disagreements, conflicts in our marriage, struggles with our children, sinful pasts and temptations in the present, stress around deadlines and finances, cancer, disease, death.

You name it, this community has experienced it or will experience it.

But unlike the lame beggar, we tend to hide our struggles.  We don’t sit with them out in the open for all to see, but hold them close to our hearts and silently wait for an answer.

This lame man knew he couldn’t remain at home and do nothing.  So every day he convinced someone to carry him from where he slept to the Beatiful Gate.  For nearly forty years he had done this daily.  He went to the temple, to the place of God, and begged.

I wonder if sometime during the last year or two, he heard rumors of Jesus passing by.  I wonder if he had heard about the miracles that had happened.  Maybe Jesus had walked through that very gate, but he was too weak, or too quiet, to catch his attention and to ask for a miracle for himself.  Maybe he didn’t feel worthy, like a lost cause, a hopeless mess.
It doesn’t matter how sick you are, how broken or how sinful… the grace of God has time for you.  The Holy Spirit has time for you.  And so even though our beggar could not even look into their eyes, Peter and John stopped in front of him and shared their faith – they healed him.

He could do nothing but leap for joy.

Some of us have experienced miracles, healing, and forgiveness… and we know that when we do, we cannot go back to life as it was…. nothing will ever be the same.

I must admit, I always have a deeply engrained, “BUT” in my soul whenever I talk about the power of healing and the miracle of faith.

I know too many people who have prayed for miracles that have never come.

I watched with agony as my friend, Doug, prayed for healing for his wife that never came.

In my time as a hospital chaplain, I watched one young woman healed of lukemia, and watched another die within a week from the disease – both clutching their faith.

I believe that sometimes, we hide our problems and our sins; we refuse to tell others about our disease, because we are afraid that we will be found wanting.  We are afraid that if we tell the truth, everyone will know that we “didn’t have enough faith” and that the answer we want will not really come anyways.

Friends, prayer is not magic.  It is not an incantation that we can repeat over and over in order to get what we want out of this world.

Prayer is a relationship with God.  A two-way relationship.  And sometimes the answers that we recieve are not the ones we initially begin praying for.  Sometimes we recieve the gifts of peace and comfort instead of cures.  Sometimes we hear a calling to be strong and to share our faith with others in spite of the pain we are experiencing.  Sometimes the answer to our prayers is that we ourselves have to change – that we need to forgive or give up a lifestyle that was harming us or move away from a difficult relationship.

In the miracles of healing – the answer is never, “if you just had more faith, you would be healed.”

No, the words the Holy Spirit speaks to our hearts are these familiar words of scripture, “be still and know that I am God… trust in me and my goodness… I am with you… Do not be afraid… repent and believe the good news”

Sometimes, as is the case with our lame beggar, the healing comes in the present moment.  Sometimes, we know that the wholeness will only come after our time on this earth is complete.

But still we pray, and still we have faith, and still we trust, because we know that there is some good that God can make out of the brokenness of our lives.

Today, we have the opportunity to be both disciples and beggars.  We have the opportunity to come forward and to offer prayers of healing and to ask for healing in our lives as well.

I know that one of the primary gifts of this church is the gift of healing and prayer… so many of you believe in this power of miracles and that God truly does work for good in our lives.  I want to invite you to claim that gift, and as we come forward for healing, to take time to talk with someone, to listen to their prayers, and to pray with and for them.
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