With Norm Parker and now O’Keefe… is it a coaching rebuild year for Iowa? It will be interesting to see how the dynamic of the entire team changes with out their offensive and defensive coordinators. I’m hoping for less “safe” plays and more pizazz.
Posts Tagged with self-care
self-haters no more
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I am now in the habit of stalking my youth group members on facebook… not to see what kinds of mischeif they are into… but to remind them that they are amazing children of God.
I have often commented on the lack of respect among some of the youth in our community these days… but I have realized that it extends to (or maybe is rooted in) self-respect. Kids in this town just don’t believe in themselves. Or rather, they believe the hurtful and negative things that come out of their classmates’ and family members’ and “friends” mouths more than they will believe what is inside themselves.
These young men and women are smart. They are creative. They are quick to defend someone who is down. They are excellent athletes. And they don’t believe that they are worth anything. They spend too many hours a day getting yelled at or picked on or teased or putting other people down and puffing themselves up so that they WON’T have those things happen to them.
They really just need someone to remind them that they are loved.
That THEY matter.
That they are beautiful – inside and out.
That they have a whole lifetime of possibility in front of them.
That this particular guy or situation or game or mistake will not haunt them forever.
My top goal in youth ministry this next year is to respond to every self put-down I hear/see/read. I’m not going to let them get away with it. The world tears us down too much to tear our own selves down.
And even if they won’t believe that they have anything to offer… I can remind them over and over again that that is okay, too. That God takes us how we are and makes us amazing. That even nobodies can be vessels for God’s glory and power. In fact… being a nobody, being a misfit, being an outcast makes you perfectly suited for the work of the Holy Spirit. And that our Lord and Savior can take all of our pain and shame and anger and frustration and can hold it for us… can set us free and can help us really live.
Life is too short to belittle the love and the grace and the power of God that rests inside of me. too beautiful to ignore all of my special gifts and quirks and talents. I am a unique and wonderful creation, precious in his eyes. And each one of my youth are, too. I’m going to remind them of that…
size 8
I think one of the hardest things for a pastor of a United Methodist Church to do is to lose weight.
There is food everywhere.
And not just food… good food.
Baked goods after church.
“Snacks” which amount to a three course meal during bible studies.
Church suppers.
Youth group (and the leftovers which get sent home with me).
Food everywhere.
And I like food.
About 6 weeks ago, I started working out more on a regular basis. I’m doing this combo of weight training and cardio and I’m following the plan outlined with the dvd’s and I’m trying (trying!) to eat better.
Sometimes the scale doesn’t always show results, but the tape measure has… an inch here, two inches there.
I can actually see definition in my arms – I have biceps!!!!!
And yesterday, when a gift card from my favorite store arrived in the mail, I went shopping.
And fit perfectly into a pair of size 8 brown trouser pants.
I’m realizing that the more I talk about my goals, the easier it is to accomplish them. So thinking long range, a size 6 might be nice… I’m not sure I ever wore a size 6 – to be perfectly honest. But that size 8 pair of pants makes me SO happy. It is so encouraging to already see a difference and to celebrate that milestone. So I’m shouting it from the rooftops!
Format Aside
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Yesterday’s post was hard!!! It includes a lot of stuff that I have been wanting to say/express for a while, or at the very least a beginning…
I wrote that post and then I drank a cup of coffee and headed outside. It was 70 degrees by 9:00am – which is awesome for October 4th. I had spent most of the previous day weeding, cleaning out my garden, preping a flower bedand taking stuff to the community waste pile. Today’s task was to plant.
And plant I did! I first cultivated and then broke up the dirt in a 4×12′ bed and planted 100 tulip bulbs (yellows, whites and purples), 100 crocus bulbs, 50 wolf’s bane and 50 white squill. The last three are all early spring flowers and I’m just dreaming about the little white, yellow and purple flowers dotting above the snow! I also carefully marked out space in that bed to add some other perennials in the spring. I need to split my sedum plants, and I want to add some delphinium and salvia. I’m hoping that this will be an easy to care for and maintain sort of area!
In the other large flower bed I have, I spent the afternoon planting 100 more tulip bulbs (oranges and purples here), 50 allium (metallic pink), and again, the spread of the early flowering bulbs. I also dug up and replanted my irises that are in this area to help them be more evenly spread over the whole area.
I think the best part of my day came when this wonderful woman across the street asked me how it was going. All the bulbs were in and she THANKED me… She gets to look out her window at them in the spring, too, and she THANKED me for all the hard work I did. I guess I hadn’t quite thought of it like that, but what I’m doing right there brings joy to other people, also.
I finished up the evening by taking some of the green tomatoes I pulled off the plants yesterday and making fried green tomatoes. YUM. I ate them with maple chipotle glazed chicken tenders and some pasta salad. So delicious.
My shoulders ache… my left hand has two majorly huge blisters that are severly hampering my ability hold things… and the fruit of my labor is still five to six months away… but it was the perfect way to spend two gorgeous autumn days.
What tires you?
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I recently had my annual interview with my conference superintendent. We talked about what was going on in the church, the joys and the struggles of ministry in a small town like Marengo, and I had a chance to talk about what I feel is a calling to revitalize small to medium sized churches like the one I am currently serving.
But about three fourths of the way through our conversation, he stopped me and said: A few times now you have used phrases like “in a rut,” “tired,” and “wears me out.” What is going on with that?
I had not even realized that I had been doing it. And as I sat there and thought, my work had very little to do with why I was feeling that way.
My ministry was feeling some of the side effects of what was going on in other parts of my life.
So I’ve been thinking really hard this week about what exactly it is that is wearing me out. Stress, conflict, exhaustion in some areas of our lives bleed through to the ones that are going well. So you can’t ignore it. You have to figure it out and work on dealing with it.
What is wearing me out?
To have a baby or not
It seems like everyone around me is pregnant or just had a baby. I’m twenty-nine years old and I was convinced that I would have babies (yes, plural) by this point. But my husband doesn’t want children. He can’t imagine how they would fit into our crazy, busy lives. And he’s right. Our lives as they are right now don’t work for children. They would have to change. I am okay with that, he’s not.
So, for months now, we have been avoiding the conversation. And not having a conversation is as hard as having it. I mean, how do you compromise on something like that? Either we have kids or we don’t… One of us is going to not get our way. And that reality in itself is hard for someone like me, who wants it to be fair for everyone, to deal with.
But, we finally did it. We had the conversation. A big, long conversation. As I thought about all of the things that I am asking my husband to compromise on in this life as a pastor’s spouse (where we live, when we move, what kind of community we live in, potentially asking his own work to take a back seat at some point), I want to try to let him have this one. And in the end, I promised that I would live into the reality and sit with the idea that we aren’t going to have kids. As I have done this these past few weeks, it has been easier. The craziness that is teenage life expressed among my youth group kids helps (yikes! I pity you parents!). Having adorable nephews and a niece to pour out all of my love on makes a huge difference (I can spoil them and wind them up and then leave!). And considering the fact that I have not had a weekend free since the middle of August, our lives really are just too crazy to stick a baby into the middle of it right now.
That doesn’t mean that every time I see a baby I don’t get a twinge in my heart. It doesn’t mean that I’m 100% okay with not having kids. But I love my husband. And to be honest, I love my crazy and busy life, too. And so we are going to try to make this decision work. But, please, for now, stop asking when we are going to have kids!
Family stress
There is a lot going on in my extended family right now that also adds stress and conflict and emotional burdens to my life right now. So much so that as I sat in a funeral for a friend’s grandparents this past weekend, the tears just would not stop. I’m mourning the loss of what was and it feels like we can never go back… the relationships are so damaged that I really cannot see a way forward. Carrying that pain is exhausting, but letting it go means that I have given up.
That conflict seems to also affect other relationships that are experiencing conflict… ones that would not have been so burdensome otherwise. When I see firsthand what happens when problems are not addressed, and then watch other people in my life make similar choices to sweep things under the rug, I cringe, imagining the worst of what might happen.
I am so grateful for my brothers who are right there beside me walking this hard road and I can already see the ways that my family has been brought closer together as we protect and love and support one another… and as we commit ourselves to talking about what is going on in our lives, instead of pretending.
Exercise? What’s that?
The hard part about really loving your work is that it takes over your life if you let it. And I have. It has been so flexible lately that I don’t have a routine for my home life. And so I’m doing good things and come home tired and instead of taking care of myself (especially my body), I sit in front of the television and let my brain turn into a pile of goo. Exercise gives endorphins and makes you feel good and I just have not been keeping up with it lately. But my mom and I are going to start holding one another accountable and that should help. =)
Our lives need balance and they need support. When one area of our relationships or work or health is not functioning fully, the whole system can fall apart. So take a good hard look… what is tiring you out? And what can you do to take that seriously?
stitch and bitch #reverb10
I first learned how to knit sitting next to my college president’s wife – Patty LaGree. We were hanging out in the lounge of the chapel and she taught a small group of us how to cast on and knit and purl. I was hooked (haha, no pun intended.)
I made a few things here and there, mostly really simple scarves.
But a year ago, I learned how to crochet at a young clergy retreat. I haven’t looked back.
There is something about holding that yarn and hook in your fingertips that is empowering. You can make mistakes. You can tear it all back out. You can leave the imperfections in. You can create beautiful, beautiful things with a few flicks of your wrist.
December 6 – Make. What was the last thing you made? What materials did you use? Is there something you want to make, but you need to clear some time for it? (Author: Gretchen Rubin)
So I got this bug to actually make something significant this year and have very nearly succeeded in crocheting three blankets – one for my neice and my two nephews.
I began all the way back in June at annual conference and have since carried these balls of yarn and hooks with me everywhere I go. They have been amazing ways to pass time at conferences and really do help me focus on what is going on.The youngest one’s blanket… which I started first… is ALMOST finished. It was still in pieces at Christmas time when the other two recieved theirs. But I made significant progress on it today and it will hopefully be completed this evening… I’m really that close!!!
To see more pictures of each blanket look here
walking on sunshine #reverb10
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This prompt is HARD!!! First of all, I took a lot of pictures this year, so that was problem number one not a lot with me in them! Second, there are so many different “mes” I have tried to be this year. But In answer to the prompt:
December 25 – Photo – Sift through all the photos of you from the past year. Choose one that best captures you; either who you are, or who you strive to be. Find the shot of you that is worth a thousand words. Share the image, who shot it, where, and what it best reveals about you. (Author: Tracey Clark)
It is not a flattering picture of myself… but it is me and my husband out on the water, enjoying the sun. I’m sure it is one that we took ourselves by holding out the camera. The sunglasses are on, the tongues are out – a sure sign of a good time and silliness, the air is warm, and we are with family enjoying ourselves.
What I see in this picture is life, energy, and fun.
This is the source of the passion I can bring to my ministry. It is what allows me to recharge my batteries. Whether it is Hawaii with my mom’s family or out on the river or the lake with my husband’s family, disc golfing in the summer… just being outside, enjoying the creation, letting other people take care of you and taking care of others is important.
What I want is for 2011 to have just as many of these kinds of moments, if not more. Times to truly relax and to be myself. Moments to let go and be silly. Days when I am not on call and don’t have to be anywhere… because they make those days when I do have to be there for others so much easier.
My first choice would have to be:
Because they didn’t let me give up…
While I was on vacation with my family these past few weeks, we had quite a few trials and tribulations to undertake.
First of all, there was the struggles with health that might have prevented some of us from even going. But with a lot of prayer and new ideas from doctors and a perseverence to keep going, almost all of the Pickens clan made it to Hawaii. Continued prayers are needed for my cousin Steven and his family as now they return back to reality and try to find a solution that will help him to get back to a new normal with his platelet levels.
A more humorous adventure was when my husband and brother decided to tackle the biggest omelet I have ever seen: the Moose Omelete at Moose McGillicudy’s. This thing has 12 eggs, bacon, sausage, onions, red peppers, potatoes, mushrooms and, I swear, a whole block of cheese. I was there to document the whole thing and to act as a cheerleader. If they ate the whole thing, they would get their names on the wall and a free t-shirt. If they didn’t – they had breakfast to take home for the next three days! The boys each got about half way through their respective omelets. All of my encouragement couldn’t have got them through it. They’ll just have to train their stomach’s for next time!
A day later, we had a completely different kind of endurance test. We decided to hike Koko Head Crater.
Now, we had hiked Diamond Head Crater before this. That hike is about 30 minutes to the top and is a pretty long path that winds around on the inside of the crater. The hard part is a series of 99 steps into a bunker and then a spiral staircase that takes you up two stories. But that, pshaw, that was a piece of cake compared to Koko Head. On Koko Head, you climb the outside of the crater. We followed an old railroad line that was probably used to haul carts of supplies to the top where a bunker was and back down again. But now – now it is a long, steep, straight climb.
I kind of thought I was in shape… or at least not out of shape. But I got to the first of maybe 15 electric poles running up the side of the trail and I was winded. I set my pace and shot for two more poles, and I was beat.
I literally gave up twice on the hike up. I thought I was going to puke or faint or some combination of the two and I just couldn’t go any farther. But my brother and husband kept me going. They didn’t let me give up and instead put me in front so that they could keep encouraging me from behind. And I made it – all the way to the top – which was one of the most amazing things I have done in my life.