true self – Page 2 – Salvaged Faith

Prayers from the ego

Posted on February 18, 2013Leave a comment

Jesus and the devil have a contest of wills in the desert (Luke 4:1-13). At one point, “the devil led him up and showed him in an instant all the kingdoms of the world. And the devil said to him, ‘To you I will give their glory and all this authority.'” (4:5-6, NRSV)

… the devil said to Jesus, “All of this can be all about you.”

In your prayer-writing today, wrestle with God against the temptation to see life as “all about you.”

Breathe in God.
Breathe out my tendency to waste time.

Breathe in God.
Breathe out my doubts and regrets.

Breathe in God.
Breathe out fretting over my figure.

Breathe in God.
Breathe out the dirty dishes on the counter.

Breathe in God.
Breathe out the successes I had this week.

Breathe in God.
Breathe out my ambitions.

Breathe in God.
Breathe out tunnel-vision of a busy day.

Breathe in God.
Breathe out a selfish definition of “busy”

Breathe in God.
Breathe out time spent talking when I should have been listening.

Breathe in God.
Breathe out the stuff that fills my cupboards.

Breathe in God.
Breathe out goals and dreams.

Breathe in God.
Breathe out tomorrow’s to-do list.

Breathe in God.
Breathe out what I want people to think of me.

Breathe in God.
Breathe out me.

Gradually, may I be filled with what you desire. May I decrease as you increase.
Breathe in God.
Breathe out me.

Prayers from the silence

Posted on February 15, 20131 Comment

Psalm 62:1 & 5 (NRSV): “For God alone my soul waits in silence; from him comes my salvation. For God alone my soul waits in silence, for my hope is from him.”

After waiting on God, write a prayer that arises from the silence.

God, I’m trying to wait for you.
I’m trying to focus on you.
But I am so easily distracted.

The cats are playing in the bathtub. (yes, the bathtub)
My husband has fallen asleep watching an e-sports match and is snoring.
The screen is too bright and I should have shut it off.

For God alone my soul waits…
Heck, I can’t even get the silent part right.

I have a feeling, Lord, that you wait for me more than I wait for you.
I know you are my hope and salvation.
But I take it for granted.

Clear the chaos and the clutter
Clear my eyes so I might see
All the things that really matter
Help me be at peace and simply be.

salvaging a forgotten purpose

Posted on January 10, 2013Leave a comment

Six years ago, I purchased a FranklinCovey planner.

And then technology changed and I started keeping track of my calendar through gmail and with a smart phone it is so convenient to have that electronic copy everywhere. The planner had long since been hiding in a closet.

But as I have been traveling and having meetings, I realized it is helpful to have a paper calendar with the ability to take notes and remember who I talked to when and what about. So I dug out that old planner, purchased a new weekly calendar to put in it.

In the process, I found the section of the planner that is really the “franklincovey” benefit – clarification of mission, values, roles and purpose… along with questions and activities to help you discover them. Talk about finding something from the past and wanting to salvage it!

It is fascinating to look back and to see what those values, roles and purposes were and how they have or have not changed:

Values… most of which have not changed one bit!

authenticity
simplicity
hospitality
physical well-being
communication
embodiment
rhythm/balance
relationships

Roles

Fiancee/Partner (Now wife!)
Ministry Intern (Now minister, fundraiser, organizer)
Graduate Student (So glad I’m not worrying about classes now!)
Daughter/Granddaughter/Sister
Friend

What is one thing you could accomplish in your professional life that would have the most positive impact?

Creating a change of paradign within the United Methodist Church that would allow us to value embodiment, ritual, authenticity and would be inclusive of all people. This would creat opportunities for individuals and communities to have real and life-changing experiences of God.

What is the one thing you could accomplish in your personal life that would have the most positive impact?

Practice the spiritual life with my family in such a way that we are aware of our connection/dependence upon God and this creation; truly live according to a discipline that values simplicity and the rhythm of life.

The kind of person I want to be:

joyful
simple
compassionate
authentic
relaxed
open
hospitable
accepting
loving
relational
empathetic
holy
merciful

All the things I would like to do:

visit the Czech Republic
get married (done!)
have children
plant a garden (done!)
connect with a monastary
work with the dying (I have LOVED funeral ministry)
preside over the sacraments (yes!)
join a CSA
host weekly dinners (well, we don’t host, but we have them!)

All the things I would like to have:

a home with a garden (yes… although our current house will have a container garden)
a large kitchen for entertaining
a plan for retirement

I actually never completed the section that has you draft and then finalize your purpose statement, but I think in many ways what I had written gives voice to that purpose. As I think back upon these last five or six years, many of those values and desires have been lived out. I truly tried to minister in my congregation and in this conference with that “vision” of what I wanted to accomplish professionally in mind – although not with great intent. It is part of who I am, however, and so even without specifically trying, it has been a part of what I do. Even in my work with Imagine No Malaria, I can help us to do work with our hands and feet, truly engage our communities, and share what we know and have experienced with one another. I want to involve everyone in this amazing effort to do something great for (and with) God.

What I have missed out on and am trying to reclaim in my life right now is that sense of rhythm. A schedule, a discipline, for every day life. In the past few weeks, I have been working on precisely that so it was amazing to rediscover that in the pages of this planner. I have been establishing a pattern for myself that includes dishwashing before bed, laundry on Saturdays, coffee and devotions in the morning, and a plan for meals that allows us to eat simply and healthily. I’m not stressed about those things… they are finding their place, although gradually. And I’m grateful to reclaim that rhythm as a core value in my life.

My Book of Resolutions

Posted on January 2, 20134 Comments

Resolution 2013.1

WHEREAS, my change in job has caused some stress in my family life

WHEREAS, stability is sometimes more important than flexibility

WHEREAS, I need to remember this job is a marathon, not a sprint

THEREFORE BE IT RESOLVED, that I will prayerfully (and with consulatation from my husband) discern my schedule in the future – especially planned time away

LET IT FUTHER BE RESOLVED, that I will ask for help when I need it, delegate where I can, and remember that giving 100% to this work is often about empowering other people to serve as well.

Resolution 2013.2

WHEREAS, being on the road has meant less time for self care

WHEREAS, I need to serve God with mind, soul and BODY

WHEREAS, health requires sleep and exercise and good food.

THEREFORE BE IT RESOLVED, that I am giving up fast food.

LET IT BE FURTHER RESOLVED, that I will exercise 4x/week.

Resolution 2013.3

WHEREAS, in extension ministry I am without a church home

WHEREAS, I took opportunities this fall to travel on weekends and rest from the Sunday routine in one particular church

WHEREAS, the discipline kind of requires that I find a church

WHEREAS, it is good for my soul to worship with others on a regular basis and not just sporadically with different folks

THEREFORE BE IT RESOLVED, that I will find a church home by the end of January.

Resolution 2013.4

WHEREAS, I have lost my weekly bible study group in Marengo.

WHEREAS, I am not preaching every Sunday and therefore not doing regular textual study, either.

WHEREAS, regular time with the scriptures is good for my mind and my spiritual life.

THEREFORE BE IT RESOLVED, that I will have coffee every week with a good friend of mine and the Bible

Life on the Road

Posted on November 27, 2012Leave a comment

When I accepted the position as a coordinator of Imagine No Malaria, someone asked what it was like to no longer be serving a church. My response back was that I’m not serving one church… I’m serving nearly 800 of them!

It is exciting to be working with so many new people and communities of faith. I am learning a lot about how different churches operate and what they expect of the conference… both as far as what they can give and what they receive. I am finding creative new possibilities, folks who are eager to serve and who have profoud stories to share. I hear those familiar, tired, overworked and burnt out voices, too… the ones who are hungry for a new injection of life and/or for fresh blood to come in and lend a hand. I’m witnessing the church with all of its glory and warts. It is beautiful.

But I am also spending a lot of time on Interstates 80 and 35 and Hwy 20. My butt is carving out a dent in the driver’s seat of my car. My trunk is full of flyers and training materials and my backseat is littered with McDonald’s bags. (I really need to work on finding more out of the way, hometown, local places to eat). In three days, I’ll be in five different cities doing the work of Imagine No Malaria. It is exciting, but as I type up this post, I’m sitting in a hotel room far from home. I found myself last week fully expecting to see my cat sitting on the edge of the bed, only to remember I was all by myself.

The trainings I have been leading have been good. I’m learning a lot even as we are building some connections and support in each district. The more we do, the more I realize how far we have to go. There is a lot of road left in front of us!

cans of beans

Posted on November 23, 2012Leave a comment

Tomorrow, we are hosting both my husband’s mom’s side of the family and my family for a big Thanksgiving meal. There is a 22 pound bird in the fridge and all of the fixings are ready to go.

But as much as I cook during the week and as much as I watch those fancy chef shows on television and pour over recipes on Pinterest, pretty much all I am doing for this meal has been done. I opened four cans of beans and two cans of cream of mushroom soup, mixed them up in a dish and popped them in the fridge for tomorrow.

My husband likes to cook big meals. He likes to fuss around with the turkey. And he doesn’t want new recipes and fancy stuff… he wants traditional, as we remember it from growing up, Thanksgiving dinner. He planned the menu and put together the ingredient list and decided where to shop. And I’m trying my hardest to stay out of his way.

You see, we are both strong personalities and stubborn and we like to be in charge in the kitchen. I would absolutely do things differently. And it’s not that there is a right or wrong way between the two of us… the huge and awesome meal we will have tomorrow will be delicious and perfect… and… well, to be honest, I might have some successes and failures with my wild experimentations (as the hallway smoke detector can attest). And so rather than fuss or suggest other things, I’m going to pull out all of those other recipes here and there during a normal, everyday meal, and I’m going to not butt in. I’m going to enjoy the time with family without having to worry about whether the marshmellows on top of the candied yams are burning. That’s his problem 😉

I hope you had a great Thanksgiving and are full of delicious food and just full to the brim with stories and memories and time with family.

pre-vacation lame duck session

Posted on July 11, 2011Leave a comment

It is absolutely impossible to work when you know you are going on vacation in four short days.

All I can think about are the last minute things I need to purchase and the laundry I need to do and the things that need packed.

image by: getupgirl

Add to the top of that, the fact that the day I get back from vacation we leave for our youth mission trip, and suddenly I have two weeks of fun, sun, work, play, excitement to occupy my mind.

I guess part of that is working, then. The youth forms need to be three-hole punched and stuck in binders.

I still need to track down flamingos from somewhere for our final fundraiser before the trip.

I need to coordinate folks who are filling in at various times and places for me.

I need to do the computer prep for bulletins for the next two weeks.

But… while I’m doing all of those things, I’m still going to be thinking about curling up on the beach with my kindle. =)

A summer of confession and struggle and hope

Posted on July 2, 2011Leave a comment

I have decided to journey through the book of Romans with my church folks this summer.

a) it’s the lectionary
b) I haven’t spent that much time with Romans before
c) it is fitting in nicely with our visioning process
d) it has absolutely positively hit me right in the gut and there is A LOT to preach about

I started off with confession… about one of the worst days of my life recently. Not that bad things happened, but that I was a terrible, awful person that day. Those verses in Romans spoke directly to my life and so I used my life as a lens for the good news to shine through.

This might be a very difficult summer of preaching if every Sunday asks so much of us… but I think in the long run, it’s going to do amazing things in this church!

I’m going to link here the weekly installments, just to keep them in one place:

P+3 – June 26: STOP… in the name of Love.
P+4 – July 3:
P+5 – July 10: LIFE in the Spirit
(vacation and youth mission trip took up a few weeks)
P+8 – Aug 7:
P+9 – Aug 14:
P+10 – Aug 21: