true self – Page 8 – Salvaged Faith

beginning again

Posted on May 4, 20092 Comments

Spring is here in full force and that makes me want to be outside… but it also reminds me that winter has been a time of sloth.

I got up this morning and worked out with wii fit. I did yoga and strength exercises and then finished with a little bit of cardio. I know it’s not much – but if I do a little everyday, that will add up to a whole lot more than I’m currently doing.

I’m also trying to get up at 7:30 every morning. I’m going to use my mornings off to garden, spend time reading on the porch, and getting chores around the house done. I’ve just realized that when I get home from church I don’t want to do ANY of those things and so they just don’t get done. If I stick with that schedule, I’ll have three mornings a week to myself.

distracted

Posted on April 25, 2009Leave a comment

This morning I have spent three and a half hours in front of my computer attempting to work on my sermon. So far I have nothing but a title, but I have accomplished such other things as:

found an excellent debt reduction calculator for excel as I think about whether or not I can manage a car payment right now (since I’m not sure if I will ever see my car again and I can’t drive my dad’s forever)

explored various contextual interpretations of the NT passages on “homosexuality” including Romans 1:18-32 and 1 Cor 6:9 in response to a discussion I had with a congregation member on Thursday night.

thought about a recent challenge to eat vegan until dinnertime but then thought about how much I like eggs or cereal and milk for breakfast… still thinking about soy milk and cereal and found some interesting recipies for french toast. Wondering if eating vegetarian before dinner might work too? Or trying just one meal a day to start with?

just to prove how rediculous I am..

Posted on March 4, 2009Leave a comment

I’ve been reading this symbolism thread on the ABC Grey’s Anatomy page, and ever since the end of S4, when this boy was encased in concrete and Bailey whipped out this whole Han Solo narrative to comfort him, there has been this discussion about symbolic links between grey’s storylines and star wars.

The latest:

Richard is totally Darth Vader IMO. This is why I love him. And remember thay Han Solo was FROZEN for a good portion of the story. Han Solo is Derek of course. Leia was the Jedi that never realized her powers. Mer is totally a Jedi.

The thing is, I am really expecting a point at which we see and feel Mer to be innundated with FAMILY. In the same way the little girl who had the army of family behind her we will see Mer to have assembled her own family. Its because she is GIVING. She brings something to the relationships she makes. She doesnt simply take. So if there is a long lost Luke Skywalker who turns out to be Mer’s twin brother, then wonderful! lol.

I’m a total nerd. and I love it!

FF: Fork in the Road

Posted on February 27, 20095 Comments

For today’s Friday Five, share with us five “fork-in-the-road” events, or persons, or choices. And how did life change after these forks in the road?

1. the first that comes to mind is a choice in high school. I agreed with the decision of a teacher instead of sticking up for one of my best friends in the whole wide world. It was a choice that caused lots of heartache and distance for a while, but I’m thankful that God and our other friends kept us together so that we came through on the other end.

2. The second is where I chose to go to college. I had a lot of places I could have gone – lots of places where I was accepted and who were offering scholarships. I didn’t feel called to go to the small liberal arts college only an hour away (where communication would have been my focus). I really wanted to go to the large private university four hours away (where science would have been my focus). I ended up applying after graduation to a small Methodist college where a bunch of youth ministry friends were headed, got in, and God told me that’s where I was supposed to be…. which led me through science to religion as a major and the rest is history.

3. The beginning of the war in Iraq. This was a major fork in the road for me, because I had strong feelings about it, both personally and spiritually. And I knew there were lots and lots of people who disagreed with me. I was in college at the time and in community with a group of people however who helped me to use my voice and my hands and my feet to make a statement about the war publicly. We created a memorial of crosses on the lawn in front of the chapel – in honor of those who had died, both soldiers and civilians since the conflict had begun in the week before. Overnight, the crosses were torn down and the broken pieces used to spell “God Bless the USA.” As a Christian, I was heartbroken and ashamed of my neighbors. As someone who always though that there was a way to find agreement, I lost a piece of that in myself.

4. Exploration in 200something – The speaker for the day was Hispanic and she recounted the story of Samuel’s calling in the temple. For the first time, I felt called into ministry and it was because Samuel kept thinking the voice of God was just his master. I thought before that time that the voice of God speaking to me was just the voice of my youth pastor, or pastor, or a friend, never did I think it was actually GOD speaking to me. Until she spoke those words, “Samuel, Samuel” with the hispanic pronunciation. It stays with me until this day.

5. My friend Nicole – in the airport in Nashville – convincing me to go to Vanderbilt. I was kind of torn at that point and I really wasn’t sure what I was going to do until I sat down in the airport at that silly little food stand with Nicole. By the time I got on the plane (and I was almost late!) I was convinced that I needed to go to seminary there. And I haven’t regretted it for a millisecond. It was where I needed to be to grow and thrive and find my place. It brought me into contact with tons of amazing people at my church there… I am so grateful for that conversation in the airport!

accountable.

Posted on February 26, 20092 Comments

So. I’m going back and forth over whether or not to post what my lenten discipline will be. I was all for it, and then I got to thinking about the whole “do it in secret” call of Matthew’s gospel… the appointed reading for Ash Wednesday.

At the same time however, discipline needs accountability. With no one else to check in on me, or watch over my shoulder and gently nudge… “hey katie…” will I keep with it?

Also… I’m only like 75% about what my actual lenten discipline will be. I like to abstain from one thing and take on one thing – and I can’t figure out what I’m going to take on. (which is kind of important, since, um, Lent started today)

So. I need the push to make a decision and having to post it and then follow through before heading to bed for the evening is important.

1) I will be abstaining from meat for Lent. This is something that I have done in the past, and now is a good time for my body to also be abstaining from the extra fats due to my upcoming surgery. Meat is a really tough thing for me because my families are such big meat eaters. Even in meals at home with Brandon, meat is always center stage. So having to think about other cooking options for myself, or eating less at a meal really is not a natural step for me. Everytime that I eat, I will be recalling this commitment to God I have made. And I love to eat. Meals now become this prayerful time of communion, rather than a hurry up and cook up some boring chicken and rice-a-roni. Not to mention the benefits on the planet (which God calls us to take care of) that a vegetarian diet entails.

2) My prayer life has been suffering lately. I’m just going to be honest. I have really struggled with what I need to boost that prayer life. Do I need to keep a prayer journal before bedtime? Maybe use art as an expression of prayer (like Jan Richardson) to try something new? I have a beautiful handmade paper journal that I haven’t used yet (thanks Jill!) and I’m going to bust it out this Lenten season. I’ll have it beside my bed with some colored pencils and chalk… and then maybe I can do both!

Falling Behind

Posted on February 5, 2009Leave a comment

I definately have not been blogging as frequently as I planned at the beginning of the year. If I’m completely honest with ya’ll it’s because I’ve been sucked into the vortex of trying to get “Loremaster” of Kalimdor and Eastern Kingdoms in the game World of Warcraft. Basically, you have to do 700 quests on each continent in order to get the title. Last night, I completed 700 on Kalimdor and have only 100 left on Eastern Kingdoms. I’m a nerd. A complete nerd. And I don’t really care.

That has basically what I’ve been doing in my free time. Which means no time left to blog.

Church work has been very fruitful in the past few weeks. I was in a bit of a preaching rut, but I dug myself out of it on Sunday. We had a baptism, communion and an ad board meeting all in the span of the morning – and so I knew that my sermon needed to be much shorter than normal. And having to focus on being concise really helped the message. Our speaker system also was malfunctioning, so I preached without amplification, which also made me consciously enunciate more and put more emphasis and passion behind what I was saying. Not that I wouldn’t have meant it the same way before… but I really felt strongly about this sermon on forgiveness, felt like God was calling me to say some things, and not only did I say them, but the Holy Spirit helped them to make contact with a number of people. I actually felt energized by worship, instead of that feeling of just being absolutely spent when I got home.

Ironically, it was a message that really came true in my life later that day. God has a way of hitting us upside the head sometimes and more often than not, I find out that the message I’m preparing is as much for myself as for the congregation. We really are all on this human journey together.

Yesterday I got a great surprise when I recieved an email from someone who is in the local hospital. They were in need of some conversation and faith wrestling and found my email and our church through our website. It was the first time I’ve heard about our website having an impact on others, being a vehicle for invitation, and all of the time I spent on the site really has paid off, just in the one conversation I got to have with her today. If the site was shut down tomorrow, I know that it has served it’s purpose. Hopefully, it will continue to be a place for connection.

ka-clunk

Posted on January 25, 2009Leave a comment

My ghetto cruiser decided to fall apart on Saturday morning. I was stopped at an intersection about three blocks from my house (after driving to Des Moines and back on Friday and to my parents and back right before this incident) when I began to turn the corner. And heard a big clunk and felt the front right side of my car drop to the ground.

My stupid ball joint broke on the tire, which caused the suspension to fall to the ground and the tire to tilt periously within the wheel well. And then I got to sit there, in the frigid cold waiting for my husband to bring the phone book and then wait with him in his car while we waited for the tow truck and guarded my car – which was in the middle of the intersection.

I was secretly praying that it would be a major repair. if it was $1500 or more – I was going to say screw it and just get rid of the car. But alas, the ball joint costs only $50 and my dad is coming over Saturday to fix it with my little brother. I so desperately want a newer, more fuel efficient, potentially hybrid, vehicle. I’m the type of person who should be driving around in a cute little VW beetle or a Prius. Maybe that’s a bit yuppy of me, but it just suits my personality so much more than this big black Lincoln Towncar with the chrome side panels. *sigh*

In other news, church went pretty well this morning. I had a pretty long teaching sermon on the Lord’s Prayer that I think got kind of wordy and long. I would definately do it differently next time. We are doing a six week study on the Lord’s Prayer based on “Becoming Jesus’ Prayer” and this week was all about what the prayer teaches us about what it means to be faithful. Perhaps I could have broken the sermon into two sections, but then it wouldn’t fit nicely into my Epiphany Season series. Oh well.

I did find a great children’s sermon where we made a prayer sandwich – putting five themes of the prayer: praise, hope,depend, forgive, goodness – between two slices of bread. The kids really liked the silliness of it all.

Lazy.

Posted on January 18, 20093 Comments

Today has been a lazy day. I’ve spent much of it on the couch playing games and watching movies. It’s been a lazy week, really, and I’m not to proud to admit it.

I feel like I’m kind of in a funk right now – like I have been working too hard and I just don’t want to anymore. And mostly, I know that’s not true – I really haven’t been working all that hard, and compared to some people, who labor very hard all day long, I’m hardly working at all. There is a guy in my church who works two jobs and is a lay preacher for another congregation. And there is my dad who works a bazillion hours a week and farms. I don’t know how they do it. And in some ways, they really shouldn’t be doing it – they are driving their bodies crazy with all that really hard work. (See Thursday’s post)

But I’m in a funk, and I need to get out of it. I need to get off my bum and hop to it.

One of my brilliant ideas this evening (late, late this evening) is to go back and post my sermons from the past year. I’ve started a new blogsite to do so and you can find the link at the top of this blog’s page.

As far as what I’m currently preaching on, I’m working on a sermon series that is largely and heavily borrowed from a wonderful little devotional book “Becoming Jesus’ Prayer” – so i’m not sure how comfortable I feel posting the texts… I’ve put my own spin on it of course, but I’m also using large quoted sections in the preached word. Anyone have ideas of how I can gracefully navigate around that one? Do I post it anyways and give the appropriate citation? Do I include only the sections that I have put in my own words, or the pieces where I have taken the chapter in new directions? Do I ask for permission to include their text?